Just got back from the wedding of a good pal...Lammy-cakes and Ham. Honestly, it was one of the most amazing things I have seen in a long time. Oh yes, the flowers and the beer and the pies were all great but the actual ceremony was just so unique and really very touching. Anyone who knows me should be really impressed because they know I am dead inside...and if this touched me then regular folks would have died! Lammy-cakes and Ham, you two are very special people (not just in the short bus way either) and I love you both. Please...let me know what you want me to call you...I can see Lammy-cakes turning red every time I type her name!
Two Minutes Hate
So, just when I thought Denver maybe wasnt the complete middle of red-state/redneck Colorado (our mayor is very progressive...and there are so many nice smart people who live here) I see this article on the local news station webpage. Yes, horse meat. Really, is this something we need to be discussing? Most importantly, have I been eating horse meat and not knowing it? Should we discuss why we dont eat baby meat too or is that just being ridiculous?
I was sitting here...freshly washed and no longer smelling like sheep shit (it was a crazy wedding!)...laughing at the insanity that is modern politics when my stomach leapt into my throat. There, just below the horse meat story was Bird's worst nightmare. No silly, not pumpkin head's wedding anouncement...even worse!
"Colorado evolution curriculum could be evolving."
Yes, Intelligent Design in Colorado Schools. I forgot all about horse meat and weddings and a lingering hangover and angry bosses and the 90 Shilling I just opened.
Rep. Debbie Stafford of Aurora, an ordained minister says that "there is nothing 'about God,' nothing 'about religion' described in the theory of intelligent design." Oh yes well, you are right there Deb. There is nothing specifically mentioned about god. However, i think that when you say "Intelligent Design is simply the science of design detection -- how to recognize patterns arranged by an intelligent cause for a purpose" even dunderheaded high school students are going to ask two questions. One-who designed it? Two- for what purpose? If you ID folks can answer those questions without mentioning religion or god...be my guest.
This whole thing scares the bejesus out of me. At what point is this religion shit going to end? When are we going to stop with the "this country was built on on christianity" and remember that we left England so that we could have freedom of religion. That the founding fathers set up the separation of church and state to prevent these kinds of things. To prevent prayer in schools. To prevent the teaching of genesis in the classroom. If you feel strongly about evolution, be a parent and talk to your kids at home about what you believe in. No one, not even me, is trying to prevent you from believing in your god, whomever that may be.
I am at a loss now as to what to do. Obviously I need to get involved...how is something I havent figured out yet...it is coming though...
B
15 August 2005
07 August 2005
Reel Rage
I have decided, and K has agreed, that there will be no more ULP for me! First, a punch to the head, then an all day metal music fest and finally...Reel Big Fish. (If you like RBF I apologize for what I am about to say. Well, i guess I am not sorry for saying it but sorry that you have such bad taste in music.)
What follows is a list of:
15 Things I Hate About Reel Big Fish,
1 Thing K Hates About RBF and
3 Things That I Like About RBF
in that order.
--Radio Disney-esque Lyrics: could they possibly come up with something more vapid?
--"Snoop Doggie Dog": Has anyone heard this song? Could it possibly be the worst song that has ever been written? I think it could be...
--Pun signs: puns are never cool
--"Throw your hands in the A-er and wave em like you just dont K-er": It should be illegal to say this
--"Right now we are gonna play a reggae song": No, no you arent
--It made Buddy dance
--The guy breaks a guitar string and doesnt have back up just in case: Are you serious? And you call yourself a professional musician you fucking hack
--2nd Trumpet/Backup Vocals Guy: You are the most annoying person I have ever been forced to listen to..and remember that I just worked a super-Jesus event
--I could be drinking but no...
--Every song they sing sounds the same, even though they have a song where they say they are trying something new
--Stop saying "Awesome" and "Cool": The more you say it, the less it is
--Stop singing songs about how no one "gets" you: They get you just fine, they just dont fucking care
--Stop saying words like "lesbians" and "balls" for the supposed shock value
--Cottonball band: It sounds like middle school garage rock, it is empty like a bag of cotton balls, it sounds like someone trying to throw water
--Extended wait time for the encore: Who the hell do you think you are you arrogant bastards?
--K says "Every song is about a song": excellent point K.
Now for the three things i really really like about Reel Big Fish
--They are easy to make fun of: see above
--They allow for hundreds of skank jokes: Excuse me, your skank is out of control, That's a nice skank you have there, I need you to keep your skank in the GA area, Hey, dont skank yourself out...
--Crazy leggs: Man, this guy was great. He had the fanciest skank I have ever seen. Not only that, he was rolling his hat up his back onto his head and then from his head down to his arm. It was beyond funny.
I dont consider myself a music snob. What do i care if you like shitty music?
But...what really bothers me is that these guys put on this whole image of "we are alternative, we are rebels (thanks newbie), we are different, we are punk." To not be honest with yourselves about who you are...to lie to the people (usually people too young to know any better) about what you represent is worse then making shitty music. Everyone lies about how much they weigh or how old they are...but to lie about who you are inside makes me sick to my stomach...
Tweet tweet went the Bird
What follows is a list of:
15 Things I Hate About Reel Big Fish,
1 Thing K Hates About RBF and
3 Things That I Like About RBF
in that order.
--Radio Disney-esque Lyrics: could they possibly come up with something more vapid?
--"Snoop Doggie Dog": Has anyone heard this song? Could it possibly be the worst song that has ever been written? I think it could be...
--Pun signs: puns are never cool
--"Throw your hands in the A-er and wave em like you just dont K-er": It should be illegal to say this
--"Right now we are gonna play a reggae song": No, no you arent
--It made Buddy dance
--The guy breaks a guitar string and doesnt have back up just in case: Are you serious? And you call yourself a professional musician you fucking hack
--2nd Trumpet/Backup Vocals Guy: You are the most annoying person I have ever been forced to listen to..and remember that I just worked a super-Jesus event
--I could be drinking but no...
--Every song they sing sounds the same, even though they have a song where they say they are trying something new
--Stop saying "Awesome" and "Cool": The more you say it, the less it is
--Stop singing songs about how no one "gets" you: They get you just fine, they just dont fucking care
--Stop saying words like "lesbians" and "balls" for the supposed shock value
--Cottonball band: It sounds like middle school garage rock, it is empty like a bag of cotton balls, it sounds like someone trying to throw water
--Extended wait time for the encore: Who the hell do you think you are you arrogant bastards?
--K says "Every song is about a song": excellent point K.
Now for the three things i really really like about Reel Big Fish
--They are easy to make fun of: see above
--They allow for hundreds of skank jokes: Excuse me, your skank is out of control, That's a nice skank you have there, I need you to keep your skank in the GA area, Hey, dont skank yourself out...
--Crazy leggs: Man, this guy was great. He had the fanciest skank I have ever seen. Not only that, he was rolling his hat up his back onto his head and then from his head down to his arm. It was beyond funny.
I dont consider myself a music snob. What do i care if you like shitty music?
But...what really bothers me is that these guys put on this whole image of "we are alternative, we are rebels (thanks newbie), we are different, we are punk." To not be honest with yourselves about who you are...to lie to the people (usually people too young to know any better) about what you represent is worse then making shitty music. Everyone lies about how much they weigh or how old they are...but to lie about who you are inside makes me sick to my stomach...
Tweet tweet went the Bird
05 August 2005
October Waiting
After a couple of days letting things sink in I am feeling better about all things hockey. As a fan, your initial reaction is to say "No, not Peter! We love Peter!! Foote? Hey, he is great--come on...there has to be someone else you can loose right?!"
However, like any good fan who hasnt beaten their loved one to death with a claw hammer, I have calmed down. Gotten over the initial sadness and am feeling much better, thanks for asking.
The Avalanche still have a competitive team. They still have a core of guys that play well together. Many other teams would love to have a Hejduk (sign those papers boy!), Tanguay, Sakic and Blake. With Forsberg gone, both of the wingers will get more time and that will help them develop as players. Also, perhaps Quenneville can coax something out of Pierre Turgeon. He has to pick a new jersey number so maybe that will help.
It is a new team, a new NHL, and a new season. I can hardly wait.
******
Oh yes, almost forgot
However, like any good fan who hasnt beaten their loved one to death with a claw hammer, I have calmed down. Gotten over the initial sadness and am feeling much better, thanks for asking.
The Avalanche still have a competitive team. They still have a core of guys that play well together. Many other teams would love to have a Hejduk (sign those papers boy!), Tanguay, Sakic and Blake. With Forsberg gone, both of the wingers will get more time and that will help them develop as players. Also, perhaps Quenneville can coax something out of Pierre Turgeon. He has to pick a new jersey number so maybe that will help.
It is a new team, a new NHL, and a new season. I can hardly wait.
******
Oh yes, almost forgot
03 August 2005
02 August 2005
Oh Sweet Baby Jesus
This is a good read.
Could this be why Philly was once the fattest city in America? Me thinks yes....
"Coooookiessssss", Bird said in her best Cookie Monster impression.
Could this be why Philly was once the fattest city in America? Me thinks yes....
"Coooookiessssss", Bird said in her best Cookie Monster impression.
01 August 2005
Bolton Rage
All day metal music fests, no matter how hi-larious GWAR is, are not the way god intended us to spend a lovely sunday. But since I am not a believer...it is the way I spent my sunday. Not as a fan mind you, but as a worker. I avoided getting punched in the head and being soaked with a dyed liquid shot from a cock shaped cannon. All in all, a successful day.
Two Minutes Hate
Although the story is getting buried by Palmeiro's suspension, (honestly, is this even news? We all know they have been juiced for years) Bush appointed John Bolton as U.N. Ambassador over the weekend.
The prez says that it was too important to leave vacant any longer. Yes, so maybe instead of sidesteping almost half of the senate and waiting until they are on recess to appoint your ambassador (the political equivalent of cutting the cats hair while your mommy is out and then, when she returns saying, oh i thought it was okay!) you should have sent up a person with decent credentials.
The president acts as if the criticism against Bolton was unwarranted. Honestly, this is a guy who is supposed to represent the United States at the UN and no one understands why some senators are worried that in 1994 Bolton said "there is no such thing as the United Nations." It does bother people that our new ambassador said "If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldnt make a bit of difference." This is a guy who has gained a repuataion in law school and throughout his legal and political career, as being abrasive, astute, humorless, and relentless in the pursuit of his political agenda.
Here is a snippet of an article in the New Republic (via my pal newbie) that isnt just a scary "What'd Bush just do" kind of moment but a "Oh god it is a wonder all of us arent dead" kind of moment:
"Indeed, even the administration's one rogue-state proliferation success shows how its fixation on regime change impedes our foreign policy. On December 19, 2003, the Libyan government announced that it would give up its unconventional weapons programs and submit to international inspections. In return, the United States and Britain lifted sanctions that had been in place since Libyan operatives assisted in the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland.
The success was the product of years of talks, whose turning point was the German and Italian seizure of a ship, the BBC China, carrying nuclear centrifuges to Libya from the network run by Pakistani nuclear scientist A.Q. Khan. (Although Bush officials long credited PSI for the seizure, State Department and foreign officials now admit the operation had nothing to do with the initiative.)
The deal almost fell through, however, because John Bolton, then Bush's top arms control official, reportedly insisted in talks that Washington's ultimate goal was regime change in Libya. Fortunately, according to Newsweek, high-level British officials intervened, asking the State Department to pull Bolton from the U.S. delegation and reassuring Muammar Qaddafi that policy change, not regime change, was the goal. Left unchecked, the administration's ideological impulses would have scuttled the negotiations. Libya is, in other words, the exception that proves the rule: Conservatism is constitutionally incapable of effectively fighting nuclear terrorism."
So, congrats Bolton...i am sure you meant it when you said you were "profoundly honored, indeed humbled..."
At least it cant last forever right?
~tweet tweet
Two Minutes Hate
Although the story is getting buried by Palmeiro's suspension, (honestly, is this even news? We all know they have been juiced for years) Bush appointed John Bolton as U.N. Ambassador over the weekend.
The prez says that it was too important to leave vacant any longer. Yes, so maybe instead of sidesteping almost half of the senate and waiting until they are on recess to appoint your ambassador (the political equivalent of cutting the cats hair while your mommy is out and then, when she returns saying, oh i thought it was okay!) you should have sent up a person with decent credentials.
The president acts as if the criticism against Bolton was unwarranted. Honestly, this is a guy who is supposed to represent the United States at the UN and no one understands why some senators are worried that in 1994 Bolton said "there is no such thing as the United Nations." It does bother people that our new ambassador said "If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldnt make a bit of difference." This is a guy who has gained a repuataion in law school and throughout his legal and political career, as being abrasive, astute, humorless, and relentless in the pursuit of his political agenda.
Here is a snippet of an article in the New Republic (via my pal newbie) that isnt just a scary "What'd Bush just do" kind of moment but a "Oh god it is a wonder all of us arent dead" kind of moment:
"Indeed, even the administration's one rogue-state proliferation success shows how its fixation on regime change impedes our foreign policy. On December 19, 2003, the Libyan government announced that it would give up its unconventional weapons programs and submit to international inspections. In return, the United States and Britain lifted sanctions that had been in place since Libyan operatives assisted in the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland.
The success was the product of years of talks, whose turning point was the German and Italian seizure of a ship, the BBC China, carrying nuclear centrifuges to Libya from the network run by Pakistani nuclear scientist A.Q. Khan. (Although Bush officials long credited PSI for the seizure, State Department and foreign officials now admit the operation had nothing to do with the initiative.)
The deal almost fell through, however, because John Bolton, then Bush's top arms control official, reportedly insisted in talks that Washington's ultimate goal was regime change in Libya. Fortunately, according to Newsweek, high-level British officials intervened, asking the State Department to pull Bolton from the U.S. delegation and reassuring Muammar Qaddafi that policy change, not regime change, was the goal. Left unchecked, the administration's ideological impulses would have scuttled the negotiations. Libya is, in other words, the exception that proves the rule: Conservatism is constitutionally incapable of effectively fighting nuclear terrorism."
So, congrats Bolton...i am sure you meant it when you said you were "profoundly honored, indeed humbled..."
At least it cant last forever right?
~tweet tweet
29 July 2005
Scout Rage
Ahh...the wonders of being able to blog from home. Now there will be non-stop blogging. Sounds kind of dirty eh? Trust me...there will be no sex.
Two Minutes Hate
Yes, I know what you are thinking. Isnt it kinda mean to rage about the boy scouts when they are going through such a hard time? Perhaps if I had a soul or cared for children it would seem inappropriate. However, the Bird is not burdened by these things and that is one reason you love me...my little ball of hate.
In case you haven't been checking out the news (Bone I am looking right at you), the scouts have been getting into some real pickles! First there was the Norovirus-like illness at Camp Yawgoog (did somebody step on a duck?). Then four scout leaders were killed when the poles to a dining tent they were seting up touched electrical lines above. Then, while waiting for President Bush to arrive to open the big Jamboree, hundreds fell ill of heat strokes. (Nevermind the fact that Bush didnt even make it...talk about a cold hearted bastard). Finally, just today in California a group of scouts were hit by lightning while taking shelter from a storm. The scout leader was killed and another child was in critical condition.
These events, which span less then two weeks, leads me to wonder. What the fuck have the boy scouts done to piss off god? And perhaps more importantly...what happened to the cardinal rule of the boy scouts...say it with me..
Be Prepared
Yes, this is the Boy Scout Fucking Motto
The ironing is delicious.
Come on kidos....buck up and screw that head on tight! There are a lot of Boy Scout Adventures coming up and we have already lost half a dozen people!
B
Two Minutes Hate
Yes, I know what you are thinking. Isnt it kinda mean to rage about the boy scouts when they are going through such a hard time? Perhaps if I had a soul or cared for children it would seem inappropriate. However, the Bird is not burdened by these things and that is one reason you love me...my little ball of hate.
In case you haven't been checking out the news (Bone I am looking right at you), the scouts have been getting into some real pickles! First there was the Norovirus-like illness at Camp Yawgoog (did somebody step on a duck?). Then four scout leaders were killed when the poles to a dining tent they were seting up touched electrical lines above. Then, while waiting for President Bush to arrive to open the big Jamboree, hundreds fell ill of heat strokes. (Nevermind the fact that Bush didnt even make it...talk about a cold hearted bastard). Finally, just today in California a group of scouts were hit by lightning while taking shelter from a storm. The scout leader was killed and another child was in critical condition.
These events, which span less then two weeks, leads me to wonder. What the fuck have the boy scouts done to piss off god? And perhaps more importantly...what happened to the cardinal rule of the boy scouts...say it with me..
Be Prepared
Yes, this is the Boy Scout Fucking Motto
The ironing is delicious.
Come on kidos....buck up and screw that head on tight! There are a lot of Boy Scout Adventures coming up and we have already lost half a dozen people!
B
28 July 2005
Wasting Away
Here is a nice little link that sklimps sent me. A good way to waste some time.
Did I mention I want to sleep with this man?
tweet tweet~
B
Did I mention I want to sleep with this man?
tweet tweet~
B
27 July 2005
The One That Got Away Rage
Later today I will be eating cheese curds. Ahh, the wonders of squeaky cheese! If you have never had these little wonders I do suggest you find some as soon as possible. They are things of beauty.
Two Minute Hate
An open letter to the asshole I took a punch for last night...
Hey Asshole! Where the fuck did you go? One minute I saw you picking up your baseball cap and the next minute you were gone. Didnt you hear me yelling at you to stay right fucking there? I know that Nas was really loud and all so maybe you just didnt hear. Remember before that how i was holding on to you and talking about how things were cool and yes, sure that guy hit you first? I am sorry i wasnt able to hold on to you after i took that punch for you. My ears were ringing like a motherfucker and...no, sorry. I hate to complain. It is not like that guy tried to hit me right? Sure...so after you dropped him and he fell and everyone thought he was dead, I was hoping you would stick around. Just to talk. We were all so busy trying to pull the unconscious guy's sister off of him and making sure he wasnt dead so I suppose it is our own fault. Man, i guess you cant expect much from people huh? If i see you in a bar buddy, you owe me a fucking beer.
~Bird
Two Minute Hate
An open letter to the asshole I took a punch for last night...
Hey Asshole! Where the fuck did you go? One minute I saw you picking up your baseball cap and the next minute you were gone. Didnt you hear me yelling at you to stay right fucking there? I know that Nas was really loud and all so maybe you just didnt hear. Remember before that how i was holding on to you and talking about how things were cool and yes, sure that guy hit you first? I am sorry i wasnt able to hold on to you after i took that punch for you. My ears were ringing like a motherfucker and...no, sorry. I hate to complain. It is not like that guy tried to hit me right? Sure...so after you dropped him and he fell and everyone thought he was dead, I was hoping you would stick around. Just to talk. We were all so busy trying to pull the unconscious guy's sister off of him and making sure he wasnt dead so I suppose it is our own fault. Man, i guess you cant expect much from people huh? If i see you in a bar buddy, you owe me a fucking beer.
~Bird
26 July 2005
Verbal(Kint) Comity
The Electric Emphysema White Bread Cheese and Keystone tour has moved up north. Look for dates in your area!
Things are moving swiftly in the NHL now that the lockout is over. So far the most interesting item is that Darren McCarty was put on waivers. McCarty is a huge fan favorite, mostly for doing things like this, this, and this. He is a real glue guy that you know Detroit will hate to loose but I expect events like this will get more and more common with the new cap structure.
Two Minutes Fancy
Any reader of this little blog can tell that the Bird likes to curse. Any of you lovely folks who know the Bird in person knows just how much! I am pretty liberal with my mouth but am trying to clean it up a bit. If only so I dont say motherfucker in front of my mom again.
Today at work while I was calling someone a douchebag I thought to myself, "Wow...that really is a nasty insult."
Then it struck me how interesting it is that douchebag is allowed on television but shit isnt? You can't even say goddamn but you can say jesus was a douchebag. Well, maybe not.
I think the Daily Show was the first to really test the douchebag waters when they called Robert Novak a "Douchebag of Liberty". Now though, everyone is getting into the act. Just last week I saw the beloved Conan O'Brien calling someone a douche...i think it was himself.
While bitch and damn have entered the television lexicon, I think it will be quite a while before you hear clusterfuck on the tube.
Off to wash my mouth out...
Bird
Things are moving swiftly in the NHL now that the lockout is over. So far the most interesting item is that Darren McCarty was put on waivers. McCarty is a huge fan favorite, mostly for doing things like this, this, and this. He is a real glue guy that you know Detroit will hate to loose but I expect events like this will get more and more common with the new cap structure.
Two Minutes Fancy
Any reader of this little blog can tell that the Bird likes to curse. Any of you lovely folks who know the Bird in person knows just how much! I am pretty liberal with my mouth but am trying to clean it up a bit. If only so I dont say motherfucker in front of my mom again.
Today at work while I was calling someone a douchebag I thought to myself, "Wow...that really is a nasty insult."
Then it struck me how interesting it is that douchebag is allowed on television but shit isnt? You can't even say goddamn but you can say jesus was a douchebag. Well, maybe not.
I think the Daily Show was the first to really test the douchebag waters when they called Robert Novak a "Douchebag of Liberty". Now though, everyone is getting into the act. Just last week I saw the beloved Conan O'Brien calling someone a douche...i think it was himself.
While bitch and damn have entered the television lexicon, I think it will be quite a while before you hear clusterfuck on the tube.
Off to wash my mouth out...
Bird
25 July 2005
22 July 2005
21 July 2005
Old Man Rage
The NHLPA voted to approve the new CBA today in Toronto. The owners will approve it tomorrow and then the lockout will be officially over. Some numnuts of a sports writer yesterday said that he thought it would be a close vote with perhaps 400 of the 700 players voting against the deal. Honestly, who are these people and how can I get their jobs? No way in hell the players are going to vote against the CBA. They already got hosed holding out until now. Do any of them really think that if they put off another season that a better deal would come around? I will say it again, hockey players are not a bunch of punch drunk goons. They know when to fold. They sorely underestimated the solidarity of the owners and they paid for it. To not sign this CBA would be beyond moronic.
Also in the news....This Guy! John Roberts is so clean he squeaks. This guy is an eagle scout for christs sake. The SC people are total crapshoots as to how they will really perform when on the bench. It will be interesting to see how this all pans out. The abortion issue is, of course, going to be a talking point during the confirmation hearings but really I can find very little other information about the guy. What does worry me to no end is that there is a Western Peanut and Panhandle Peanut Growers Association. Good lord...if there is ever some kind of Peanut Supreme Court case, Roberts will be walkin tall!
Two Minutes Hate
Oh yes folks, the first leg of the Electric Emphysema White Bread Cheese and Keystone tour is rolling into town this Saturday at 3pm. Wow I am so excited. Except that the old man wants to sleep at my place. I am going to a show that night. A show I have been looking forward to for a while. If my wackadoo (23 skidoo) father thinks that I am going to miss Slim Cessna and West Memphis Three Awareness Day he is out of his mind. I dont have television, I dont have crappy country music, and I am not cooking his sorry old ass breakfast.
The Bird
Also in the news....This Guy! John Roberts is so clean he squeaks. This guy is an eagle scout for christs sake. The SC people are total crapshoots as to how they will really perform when on the bench. It will be interesting to see how this all pans out. The abortion issue is, of course, going to be a talking point during the confirmation hearings but really I can find very little other information about the guy. What does worry me to no end is that there is a Western Peanut and Panhandle Peanut Growers Association. Good lord...if there is ever some kind of Peanut Supreme Court case, Roberts will be walkin tall!
Two Minutes Hate
Oh yes folks, the first leg of the Electric Emphysema White Bread Cheese and Keystone tour is rolling into town this Saturday at 3pm. Wow I am so excited. Except that the old man wants to sleep at my place. I am going to a show that night. A show I have been looking forward to for a while. If my wackadoo (23 skidoo) father thinks that I am going to miss Slim Cessna and West Memphis Three Awareness Day he is out of his mind. I dont have television, I dont have crappy country music, and I am not cooking his sorry old ass breakfast.
The Bird
18 July 2005
Tank Rage
I am in a sour mood today. I worked this horrible show last night, so that didnt help. I suppose I am just feeling down....ohhh...pity party for Bird! I had strange dreams about the washington post, my father, and newbie.
Oh, how about a pops update before we get to the Two Minutes Hate. My sister was in the edge this weekend, going through his old shit to make sure that he didnt throw away all the sentimental items. I heard he was chucking out a pair of bronzed baby shoes when his soon to be ex stopped him. Man, he can be such a douche sometimes. So, sometime this week he is headed over the hills to visit me and my brother kilroy. I can tell you what...as much as I (often reluctantly) love the old fart, there is no way in hell he is parking his trailer near my house. He is going to stay for a day I think and then head to my sisters place in Potato, I mean idaho. Christ only knows what I am going to do with him. Say good bye in case he dies before I see him again i suppose.
Two Minutes Hate
So...here is a story from the NBC news station here in the good ol Mile High City. Tom Tancredo, the nutbag Colorado Republican Representative said that if "terrorists" attacked us with nuclear weapons that maybe in response we could knock out their holy sites. Honestly Tank, what are you doing even answering a question like this? And when are we going to stop calling them terrorists. As co-worker Smidge pointed out, "How can we call people terrorists when we are in their country attacking them." Yes, good point. Shouldnt we call them enemies at this point? Sure, some are from Pakistan or other countries but really, when we are in Iraq killing hundreds of people a day, arent some of them just fighting for what they believe in (even if we dont agree with them)? Are they really terrorists when they travel to this country and attack us back? But I digress...
Tom Tancredo is running for president. Are you excited? I know I am. He isnt running because he thinks he has a snowballs chance in hell of winning...he is running because then he can peddle his message to more people. Make some kind of name for himself. This is a guy who, during an interview with John Hawkins of the Right Wing News, said
"People ask me, "Well of the Islamic Community, how many would you say are really terrorists?" I say, "There are relatively few, less than 10% of the Muslim population that you could categorize as (supporters of) terrorists." Now how many people in their heart of hearts in that community want to see the demise of this country? How many would cheer, not out loud maybe, but in their heart when things like 9/11 occur and I'll tell you; it's a majority among them."
Tank, really...you have outdone yourself this time. I am sure the whitebread-redneck-bigots of District 6 (which sadly I am now part of since I moved) will really appreciate how you are "Working for Colorado."
peace and tweets~
The Bird
Oh, how about a pops update before we get to the Two Minutes Hate. My sister was in the edge this weekend, going through his old shit to make sure that he didnt throw away all the sentimental items. I heard he was chucking out a pair of bronzed baby shoes when his soon to be ex stopped him. Man, he can be such a douche sometimes. So, sometime this week he is headed over the hills to visit me and my brother kilroy. I can tell you what...as much as I (often reluctantly) love the old fart, there is no way in hell he is parking his trailer near my house. He is going to stay for a day I think and then head to my sisters place in Potato, I mean idaho. Christ only knows what I am going to do with him. Say good bye in case he dies before I see him again i suppose.
Two Minutes Hate
So...here is a story from the NBC news station here in the good ol Mile High City. Tom Tancredo, the nutbag Colorado Republican Representative said that if "terrorists" attacked us with nuclear weapons that maybe in response we could knock out their holy sites. Honestly Tank, what are you doing even answering a question like this? And when are we going to stop calling them terrorists. As co-worker Smidge pointed out, "How can we call people terrorists when we are in their country attacking them." Yes, good point. Shouldnt we call them enemies at this point? Sure, some are from Pakistan or other countries but really, when we are in Iraq killing hundreds of people a day, arent some of them just fighting for what they believe in (even if we dont agree with them)? Are they really terrorists when they travel to this country and attack us back? But I digress...
Tom Tancredo is running for president. Are you excited? I know I am. He isnt running because he thinks he has a snowballs chance in hell of winning...he is running because then he can peddle his message to more people. Make some kind of name for himself. This is a guy who, during an interview with John Hawkins of the Right Wing News, said
"People ask me, "Well of the Islamic Community, how many would you say are really terrorists?" I say, "There are relatively few, less than 10% of the Muslim population that you could categorize as (supporters of) terrorists." Now how many people in their heart of hearts in that community want to see the demise of this country? How many would cheer, not out loud maybe, but in their heart when things like 9/11 occur and I'll tell you; it's a majority among them."
Tank, really...you have outdone yourself this time. I am sure the whitebread-redneck-bigots of District 6 (which sadly I am now part of since I moved) will really appreciate how you are "Working for Colorado."
peace and tweets~
The Bird
15 July 2005
Love For the Bone
Oh...you perverts.
I need to do a little thanking of a specific person. A good pal of mine has saved my ass not just once...but TWICE this week.
First...he helps me at the grocery store. Then, last night...I call him at 1am just before he goes to bed. Yes, boys and girls, birdy locked herself out of the car. So, Bone got up, put on clothes and drove his ass to the Tom's Dinner to give me an extra set of keys.
Oh Bone, how I love you....let me count the ways: 1, you saved my ass the the Queen Sooper 2. you saved me $150 in slim jim work. Guess that is it...but still 2 ways isnt bad at all!
Solid
Bird The Bone Lover (in more ways then one!)
I need to do a little thanking of a specific person. A good pal of mine has saved my ass not just once...but TWICE this week.
First...he helps me at the grocery store. Then, last night...I call him at 1am just before he goes to bed. Yes, boys and girls, birdy locked herself out of the car. So, Bone got up, put on clothes and drove his ass to the Tom's Dinner to give me an extra set of keys.
Oh Bone, how I love you....let me count the ways: 1, you saved my ass the the Queen Sooper 2. you saved me $150 in slim jim work. Guess that is it...but still 2 ways isnt bad at all!
Solid
Bird The Bone Lover (in more ways then one!)
14 July 2005
Road Rage
Two Minutes Hate
Dont you hate it when you have to call someone a ginormous prick before your first cup of coffee?
Some grey-haired, pipe smoking dickless wonder driving a zippy "Gee doesnt this make me look young and alive" car almost ran me off the road this morning. Usually I keep one eye on the road and the other on rejects who try to merge at the last possible second. If I see them creeping up on my right i just slowly, not aggressively, cut them off. Just to let them know that this kind of behavior isnt accepted. Today, I am bouncing around to the Beatles, 'Baby You're A Rich Man' to be specific, and didnt notice the geezer creeping. He cuts me off as I wail on my horn. Usually, that is the end of my confrontation with people. I dont ride their ass or cut them off, I just honk and am done with it. But man, today...I pulled up along side of him and rolled down my window...good thing traffic was moving slowly...and i yelled, "You're a ginormous prick you know that?!" He looked at me, kind of taken aback.
Birdy learned a little lesson about yelling at people in rush hour traffic...you cant really speed away after you insult them or their mother. Nope. You end up just sitting there, glancing over at them, trying not to talk out loud and look totally crazy. Meanwhile, 'It's All Too Much' pops up on the ipod and you think things begin to look up.
Dont you hate it when you have to call someone a ginormous prick before your first cup of coffee?
Some grey-haired, pipe smoking dickless wonder driving a zippy "Gee doesnt this make me look young and alive" car almost ran me off the road this morning. Usually I keep one eye on the road and the other on rejects who try to merge at the last possible second. If I see them creeping up on my right i just slowly, not aggressively, cut them off. Just to let them know that this kind of behavior isnt accepted. Today, I am bouncing around to the Beatles, 'Baby You're A Rich Man' to be specific, and didnt notice the geezer creeping. He cuts me off as I wail on my horn. Usually, that is the end of my confrontation with people. I dont ride their ass or cut them off, I just honk and am done with it. But man, today...I pulled up along side of him and rolled down my window...good thing traffic was moving slowly...and i yelled, "You're a ginormous prick you know that?!" He looked at me, kind of taken aback.
Birdy learned a little lesson about yelling at people in rush hour traffic...you cant really speed away after you insult them or their mother. Nope. You end up just sitting there, glancing over at them, trying not to talk out loud and look totally crazy. Meanwhile, 'It's All Too Much' pops up on the ipod and you think things begin to look up.
12 July 2005
McClellan Rage
Two posts in one week. Anger must be bubbling inside of me...just beneath the surface like magma.
Two Minutes Hate
I have posted about Karl Rove in the past. Maybe you think he is a brilliant strategist, I would probably agree. Hitler was too but that doesnt mean they both wernt righteous pricks (nah...just jerkin yer chain Rove...Hitler was a much bigger prick then you). Whether you love or hate the Bush Administration, you have to realize and respect the role that Rove plays. Anyone who can make a dunderhead like Bush seem like presidential material has to have a brain in there somewhere. The problem as I see it is that Karl's brain is used for evil! You know what our big-blue friend would say..."Villains, I say to you now, Knock off all that Evil!"
And really, joking aside...leaking the name of a CIA operative is in such bad form that the President himself said that if someone from the White House was involved that they would be fired. Alas, what do you do when the leak turns out to be your right hand man Mr. Rove? Well, like any good leader you send out your press sec. McClellan to look like a jackass. You can read the transcript of the press briefing here. If you really want to have a good time check out the C-SPAN video of the briefing here.
Talk about embarrassing. I would almost feel bad for McClellan if he wasnt so weaselly looking.
People...really think about this Rove thing. He is Bush's right hand man (or vice versa, perhaps) on everything the administration does. He was never elected, never subjected to any questioning by Congress like other members of the Bush Administration. He is completely outside the check and balance system...who is this guy? Do you really know?
Happy Tuesdays to you all
Bird
Two Minutes Hate
I have posted about Karl Rove in the past. Maybe you think he is a brilliant strategist, I would probably agree. Hitler was too but that doesnt mean they both wernt righteous pricks (nah...just jerkin yer chain Rove...Hitler was a much bigger prick then you). Whether you love or hate the Bush Administration, you have to realize and respect the role that Rove plays. Anyone who can make a dunderhead like Bush seem like presidential material has to have a brain in there somewhere. The problem as I see it is that Karl's brain is used for evil! You know what our big-blue friend would say..."Villains, I say to you now, Knock off all that Evil!"
And really, joking aside...leaking the name of a CIA operative is in such bad form that the President himself said that if someone from the White House was involved that they would be fired. Alas, what do you do when the leak turns out to be your right hand man Mr. Rove? Well, like any good leader you send out your press sec. McClellan to look like a jackass. You can read the transcript of the press briefing here. If you really want to have a good time check out the C-SPAN video of the briefing here.
Talk about embarrassing. I would almost feel bad for McClellan if he wasnt so weaselly looking.
People...really think about this Rove thing. He is Bush's right hand man (or vice versa, perhaps) on everything the administration does. He was never elected, never subjected to any questioning by Congress like other members of the Bush Administration. He is completely outside the check and balance system...who is this guy? Do you really know?
Happy Tuesdays to you all
Bird
11 July 2005
List Rage
In place of the Two Minutes Hate I will list the things that are pissing me off on this Monday Afternoon.
--Tons-of-Fun is still here.
--I have a headache.
--The IT guy doesn't know my name, which doesnt bother me, but the fact that he tries to guess at it does.
--I have some happy corn stuck in my teeth
--My foot has been asleep for the better part of an hour. What the Fuck Foot?! Wake Up!
--I had to dress nice for the man from the Defense Department and the only nice shirt I have requires that I also wear nice shoes which means I have to wear socks.
--Nugget and I are not speaking....much to my chagrin
--I have conflicting emotions about two people in general (pumpkin head..you know who you are. And newbie....)
--I need an oil change
--The price of gas is so crazy-high it makes me cry
--I am a poet and i didnt even know it
--My father sets out for his trip next monday and now I have to find a place to stay when I am in the edge for a wedding this August...
Speaking of my father...I need help coming up with a name for his trip. You know...like Trip of the Damned--only funny. Let me give you some info about it all so you can help out.
My Father is:
Old, Dying, Selfish, Racist(I just found out), Red haired, Redneck, Poor, Uneducated and he almost married a Swiss Barmaid.
His Trip is:
Crazy, Exciting, Death-enducing, Scary, Sketchy, I assume it will also be a little Illegal
Get to work minions!
The Bird
--Tons-of-Fun is still here.
--I have a headache.
--The IT guy doesn't know my name, which doesnt bother me, but the fact that he tries to guess at it does.
--I have some happy corn stuck in my teeth
--My foot has been asleep for the better part of an hour. What the Fuck Foot?! Wake Up!
--I had to dress nice for the man from the Defense Department and the only nice shirt I have requires that I also wear nice shoes which means I have to wear socks.
--Nugget and I are not speaking....much to my chagrin
--I have conflicting emotions about two people in general (pumpkin head..you know who you are. And newbie....)
--I need an oil change
--The price of gas is so crazy-high it makes me cry
--I am a poet and i didnt even know it
--My father sets out for his trip next monday and now I have to find a place to stay when I am in the edge for a wedding this August...
Speaking of my father...I need help coming up with a name for his trip. You know...like Trip of the Damned--only funny. Let me give you some info about it all so you can help out.
My Father is:
Old, Dying, Selfish, Racist(I just found out), Red haired, Redneck, Poor, Uneducated and he almost married a Swiss Barmaid.
His Trip is:
Crazy, Exciting, Death-enducing, Scary, Sketchy, I assume it will also be a little Illegal
Get to work minions!
The Bird
07 July 2005
Rat Bastard Rage
Good wishes to folks in London after blasts there early this morning. If you have friends or family in the area and cant get a hold of them, check out the British Red Cross web page for information on how to track them down. My friend at work jokes about getting a gun "...you know, for the revolution." Maybe she knows something I dont. These kind of terrorist acts are going to get more and more common in areas that have forever been "safe", part of living in a modern world I suppose.
What really gets me is that you know Bush and Blair are going to use this as an "I told you so!" You know that Bush is going to pull the pig-dog American routine and say that this is why we are in Iraq and cant leave. You know this will be a way for them to push the Downing St. Memos under the rug. You know that he will insult every Londoner by making that smug little fucking face and lecturing to them about how America understands and how we are in Iraq to protect them. "See, UK? We are so helpful! Please dont pull out your troops like Poland...our second bigest ally!!"
2MH
Pops is out of his everloving gourd. He is taking 900 bucks a month, a dog, a beat up old truck and trailer and leaving the town he was born in to drive around the county til he dies. He is sick, not should-be-in-the-hospital-but-broke-out-to-spend-his-remaining-days-living kind of sick, just old man sick. He is supposed to be on oxygen but I am sure he isnt using it. God only knows what pills he should be taking. If he stayed where he was he would have maybe 5 years left but with this new plan I think it will be more like 2-3.
Sure...the idea is romantic. I can understand his motives. I would much rather live out my few remaining years traveling, albeit living in a dumpy trailer on forest service land. It is probably better for him to do this then to remain at home, never leaving his garage, smoking butt after butt and insulting minorities (you racist shit). Good for him...let him die feeling free and unhindered.
This is where I was going to begin my hate...talk about how my father can be the most self absorbed jerkoff. Discuss how my whole life was shaped by his surpreme acts of laziness. Just cant bring myself to bitch about it anymore. He tires you out...must be what my mother felt after a while. Just tired.
Well Fuck...that sounds depressing. How bout this to cheer us all up eh?
B
What really gets me is that you know Bush and Blair are going to use this as an "I told you so!" You know that Bush is going to pull the pig-dog American routine and say that this is why we are in Iraq and cant leave. You know this will be a way for them to push the Downing St. Memos under the rug. You know that he will insult every Londoner by making that smug little fucking face and lecturing to them about how America understands and how we are in Iraq to protect them. "See, UK? We are so helpful! Please dont pull out your troops like Poland...our second bigest ally!!"
2MH
Pops is out of his everloving gourd. He is taking 900 bucks a month, a dog, a beat up old truck and trailer and leaving the town he was born in to drive around the county til he dies. He is sick, not should-be-in-the-hospital-but-broke-out-to-spend-his-remaining-days-living kind of sick, just old man sick. He is supposed to be on oxygen but I am sure he isnt using it. God only knows what pills he should be taking. If he stayed where he was he would have maybe 5 years left but with this new plan I think it will be more like 2-3.
Sure...the idea is romantic. I can understand his motives. I would much rather live out my few remaining years traveling, albeit living in a dumpy trailer on forest service land. It is probably better for him to do this then to remain at home, never leaving his garage, smoking butt after butt and insulting minorities (you racist shit). Good for him...let him die feeling free and unhindered.
This is where I was going to begin my hate...talk about how my father can be the most self absorbed jerkoff. Discuss how my whole life was shaped by his surpreme acts of laziness. Just cant bring myself to bitch about it anymore. He tires you out...must be what my mother felt after a while. Just tired.
Well Fuck...that sounds depressing. How bout this to cheer us all up eh?
B
30 June 2005
Tons-of-Fun Rage
I am jumping straight into this one....
2MH
Why do I hate her? Oh, many reasons, but one jumps into my head right away.
When she reads something funny she laughs loud and waits for you to ask what is so funny. If you dont ask she laughs even louder and sometimes says "That is so funny." She waits again for you to ask. If, like me you have chosen to make this as fucking difficult as possible, she will say something like "I hope I am not bothering you...this just made me laugh. Wow...what a good laugh. Man, fuuuunnnnny" and so forth. I refuse to respond to this shit. Grow a sack and fucking tell me what is funny. Or dont, I dont really give a shit.
Tons-of-Fun does the same thing when she doesnt like a cd that my co-worker has picked.
Tons-of-Fun: What is this we are listening too??
Co-Worker: Tom Waits
ToF: Is this song playing at half speed or something?
Co-Worker: It's Tom Waits...it sounds fine
ToF: Are those words coming from his mouth? I mean like actual words?
Bird From Next Room: Are you trying to say you dont like it and would like to put in something else? Cuz if that is what you want to do then you should say that instead of making these vague comments.
ToF: No, it is fine I dont want to be a pain in the ass
Co-Worker: Too late
Why do people do that? Why do they want you to ask, "what is funny?" "what did johnny do?" "What happened at the old quarry?" Why cant people just say...oh once at the quarry... Is it insecurity or just a really fucking annoying conversation style? I refuse to play along with this shit anylonger! Refuse! You hear that? I got something else for you tons-of-fun.....Swingin' (points at crotch)
Tons-of-Fun: It feels kinda hot in here
Bird and Co-Worker: .........................
ToF: Are you guys hot?
Bird: .......
Co-Worker: No
ToF: Really, I am really hot. Man, it is kinda stuffy too. I am stuffy.
Bird and Co-Worker: ...........
ToF: Do you guys think it is stuffy?
Bird: Are you asking if you can turn on the air conditioning because you should just ask that.
ToF: Um.......
Fuck you Tons-of-Fun. You are going on my shit list. The list of people that I will shit on when given the opportunity. If I was a chimp I would throw my shit at you ToF. Then I would laugh and do that bouncy point crazy laugh thing that they do. You've seen that before right?
I am past the point of being polite. You werent supposed to stay long and yet...you have returned. We were so happy, I drank to your last day and now...here you are Tons-of-Fun. Here you are.
Fuck you.
2MH
Why do I hate her? Oh, many reasons, but one jumps into my head right away.
When she reads something funny she laughs loud and waits for you to ask what is so funny. If you dont ask she laughs even louder and sometimes says "That is so funny." She waits again for you to ask. If, like me you have chosen to make this as fucking difficult as possible, she will say something like "I hope I am not bothering you...this just made me laugh. Wow...what a good laugh. Man, fuuuunnnnny" and so forth. I refuse to respond to this shit. Grow a sack and fucking tell me what is funny. Or dont, I dont really give a shit.
Tons-of-Fun does the same thing when she doesnt like a cd that my co-worker has picked.
Tons-of-Fun: What is this we are listening too??
Co-Worker: Tom Waits
ToF: Is this song playing at half speed or something?
Co-Worker: It's Tom Waits...it sounds fine
ToF: Are those words coming from his mouth? I mean like actual words?
Bird From Next Room: Are you trying to say you dont like it and would like to put in something else? Cuz if that is what you want to do then you should say that instead of making these vague comments.
ToF: No, it is fine I dont want to be a pain in the ass
Co-Worker: Too late
Why do people do that? Why do they want you to ask, "what is funny?" "what did johnny do?" "What happened at the old quarry?" Why cant people just say...oh once at the quarry... Is it insecurity or just a really fucking annoying conversation style? I refuse to play along with this shit anylonger! Refuse! You hear that? I got something else for you tons-of-fun.....Swingin' (points at crotch)
Tons-of-Fun: It feels kinda hot in here
Bird and Co-Worker: .........................
ToF: Are you guys hot?
Bird: .......
Co-Worker: No
ToF: Really, I am really hot. Man, it is kinda stuffy too. I am stuffy.
Bird and Co-Worker: ...........
ToF: Do you guys think it is stuffy?
Bird: Are you asking if you can turn on the air conditioning because you should just ask that.
ToF: Um.......
Fuck you Tons-of-Fun. You are going on my shit list. The list of people that I will shit on when given the opportunity. If I was a chimp I would throw my shit at you ToF. Then I would laugh and do that bouncy point crazy laugh thing that they do. You've seen that before right?
I am past the point of being polite. You werent supposed to stay long and yet...you have returned. We were so happy, I drank to your last day and now...here you are Tons-of-Fun. Here you are.
Fuck you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
