Aren't You Disgusted With the Youth of America?

Today, a new shelver at the library pointed out a copy of DNAngel.  What book is that?  Why, one of those Manga books of course.  You know...the ones where the cartoon girls take off their clothes to go bathe and then get in some kind of epic good vs evil battle.  The shelver had pointed out that many of the pages were cut out...so now I know that one of our customers is some perverted little anime jerk-offer who is too cheap to buy his own soft soft soft core smut.

 

Pass the hand sanitizer please...

Wow....

I love it when things that seem really hard end up being a little walk in the park.


Oh...more good news. I have a nifty little call sign from the FCC. It isnt as neat as I was hoping (in fact it can be made into a nasty little phrase that suggests I am stinky, as Q- my brother in HAM- has pointed out) but I love it none the less.


Seriously, these are the days that are so good that you know something is going to just come along and rock ya...(yes yes, like a hurricane--how apropos)

"Happy days to you and yours"
---tweeted the Bird

HAM it up

What is that? No, this isnt a blog about the wonderful magical animal called pig...this is a blog about my recent geekiness.

HAM radio!

See...since my job requires me to think less then i would like I thought it would be nice to strain my brain. "Hmm..." I thought to myself, "What kind of hobby requires studying and testing?" HAM radio of course!

So, i borrowed a book and set out to get a license. It really isnt that hard; all you need are a couple brain cells and 14 bucks. The test itself wasnt very difficult. The hardest part is waiting for my assigned call sign from the FCC.

My dream is to one day kick someone's ass and as I finish tell them, "That was licensed by the FCC." Does it seem like a bit too much to go through just for that? Perhaps...but like i said...my brain is dying here!

Step One

Breathe In.....


and out.



Breathe in.....


and out.



Now go to sleep.

Gato Update

So, my little meow always comes home. Once she was out for days...during a rainstorm, and she came home.

I dont think she is going to be coming back this time. I have checked all the animal shelters in the area; nothing. I have looked all around, nothing. She would never stay out this long...through all the rain and heat.

The gatito was the best. Did you know that she could sit and also lay down? Yes, that is right. She came to a whistle and had learned to wait until the sun came up before scratching on the window to let me know she wanted in.

She was alsmot ten years old and I will miss her.

My Gato

It has been 3.5 days since i last saw my little gatito.

 

Poor gatito why did you run away?

 

I hope someone picked you up, ignored your id tube and is petting you right now.

 

B

 

A Box for Jesus

Recently i attended a funeral. This one was a full catholic mass. As many of you know I am not a religious person, however, i have been to a mass or two. I think catholics get a bad rap sometimes. The whole Martin Luther thing...you know. Anyway, something I really dig about catholics is how they treat the Eucharist. For you lay people, that is the blood and body of christ.

See, catholics have a special little home for christ. In this particular church, Our Lady of Grace, it was a gold little building with the trademark red candle burning nearby letting you know that Christ is home and ready to party. I like the idea of christ having a nice little home. It may seem like too much glitz for some Lutherans but really, if communion is so important then why wouldnt you go all out for the bread and the wine?

I mean, as a kid I went to a baptist church, no-not southern baptist, and we treated the blood and body of christ like trash. I remember seeing the blood of christ in the fridge...just sitting there in the door all sticky and gross. There was extra bottles of christ's blood under the sink, right next to a stale-opened box of christ's body. Once, during a service i remember passing a little tin of jesus crackers to my friend who was sitting next to me. She went to grab it and hit the edge sending jesus flying. He was everywhere; although the experience did give me the opportunity to say, "Excuse me, you have a bit of jesus in your hair."

The point is, if you are going to call this stuff important, then at least treat it like that. Jeez christians...

hope you all are having a happy week

B

Blogaholics Anonymous

I think I need to open a Denver Chapter. As if I didnt slack off on this blog enough I now have a new one to rarely post to as well!

Solid...


Check it out at And this is the thing

Honestly, there isnt much there but just wait my pretties....just wait.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so my dream of opening a hockey bar is one step closer. I am now the proud owner of ThePokeCheck.com. Oh yes my friends. The dream is forming. If you are interested in investing in this million dollar idea drop me a line and I can tell you all about my plans. All i am going to say right now is....Bubble Hockey!

Q was making sure that the poke check hadnt been taken and he was given a mess of suggested domains just in case poke check wasnt available. They made me almost wet my pants so i thought i would list some here, for your amusement.

Enjoy...

THEJABCHECK.COM
THENUDGECHECK.COM
THEPOKEFRISK.COM
THEDIGCHECK.COM
THEPOKEEXAMINE.COM
ANUDGECHECK.COM
APOKEASCERTAIN.COM
AJABCHECK.COM

and my favorite
THENUDGEFRISK.COM


Tweet!
B

My Collection

Pt1
I am sure that if you are one of the tens of people who read this every month that you are a friend of mine. A shout out (why yes, I am a cracker!) to those people I dont know who are checking out the blog.

Anyway, if you are my friend then I am sure that I have either told you (or maybe you told me) about Found Magazine. Perhaps, if you are ultra-lucky I have dragged you to a found event. If you have missed out on my found lectures please check out the Found Website www.foundmagazine.com

Ah yes found. So, one of the best places to find stuff is at the library. What with kids everywhere and an abundnt supply of free golf pencils and scrap paper.




I was rewarded in the first couple of days at work. From the lost and found came a book that had been in there for months and was about to be chucked. A great scrap book with tons of drawings. There were some random phone numbers, an email address, and a post office box address. I am hoping to track down the owner.

Since then, i have found a number of notes, letters, and pictures. Soon they shall be sent in to found and perhaps you can check them out there. It has gotten to a point that one of my co-workers refers to it as my collection. "Oh, i saw this great note that would be perfect for your collection," she tells me.

Sadly, I havent found the best found item ever. Cold hard cash. oh yes my friends, you wouldnt believe the stuff people use as book marks.



Pt2
So as I am returning the delivery of books that appear at the library every morning (like magic!!) I notice a DVD. Praise Moves! Yes that's right. Yoga for Christians because, as my co-worker pointed out, "They will find a way to make anything fun a sin." See, Praise Moves isnt Christian Yoga it is the Christian Alternative to yoga. It seems that Praise Moves has decided that yoga is bad....bad! However, doing similar stretches while quoting scripture is okay! I wonder, if snorting coke off a hookers ass is bad, is snorting coke while reciting John 3:16 okay?

Pt3
I am going to Casa Bonita this weekend. I know I know...lucky.



I cant even begin to tell you how exciting it is to have a reason to go to the Bonita. My brother wanted to go a couple of years ago for his birthday and I said, bring it on baby! This sunday i shall be celebrating the independence of my bowels by eating myself some sugar beans. Mmmm mmm, i think i saw the cheese move!

So, hopefully someone in the party will get tanked and try to do the hi-dive. I shall have stories and until then...

happy humpday!

B

'Bout Time

What the fuck is wrong with me?? Not spending time with my blog? I am so sorry blog. You know I love you, it is just that I have been so busy. You know how much you mean to me blog. No, dont say that! You know I think you are beautiful. The other blog? Come on...that isnt fair. I am hardly ever posting over there. Plus, it is more of a community blog. No, it isnt that I like the group thing more then you...come on blog dont be like this. That's right blog...yes, of course. I love you too blog. Of course your mother can stay with us.......wait.


Okay~ So here is a photo of the library. Someone keeps putting peppermints in the bookdrop, as if to say, "Here librarians...enjoy this minty treat."



Of course, like my mom always said, dont take candy from strangers.
There are all kinds of crazy stories about what you may find in the book drop. I have heard about roaches, a birthday cake, and best of all, bombs! yay libraries!


There is this one kid who comes in, I have yet to see him, but he takes a mess of the Idiots' Guide to Blah books and stacks them randomly around the library. I took a photo of the second stack I found.



********


So, what else. Oh i quit the PC. That is a big thing. The chances of me getting punched in the face at a NAS show is much less likely now. Since i dont have a second job I am dreaming about opening the poke check, my very own hockey bar.

Speaking of opening things, my pals are about to open a shop...i cant tell details just yet, who knows if they me to blab about it all but I am very excited for them! I have always said I would work the register and i mean it! Ahh, I can hardly wait.

********

Quick shout out to my pals in Ely. I feel your pain. I wish you all the best and am very happy none of you have been run over by large trucks yet.

Alright, I have some wednesday afternoon slacking to do.

tweet tweet

Late Nite TV

Seriously...Benson? There is some kinda of Benson Marathon on tv. I loved Benson.

I did notice that the shot of the Gov. Mansion in Benson is the same as the house in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Shocked shocked I was! I guess I expect too much from my sitcoms.

Really Now...

Am i really such a flake/crappy friend/douchebag? I had no idea that people thought so little of me/and or what is important to me. I guess I am just not communicating myself very well.

Bummer...

At least it is friday

B

Such Much

For Christs Sake...it has been so long that I dont even know where to start.

First off, I have a new insurance agent and i am thinking that she is the best thing since sliced bread. I am almost hoping that I have to file a claim just so that I can get some genuine help from her. Well, maybe not but I must say, if you are in the market for a new insurance agent let me know and I can pass her information along.

Second off....that isnt right huh? Anyway, we are hiring at my library and I am sitting in on the interviews. This means that I get to read through all the applications and man, some of them are doozies. Check out the objective that one prospect included, "I am seeknig a position that fulfills my need to work hard towards tangible objectives" Wow...that is all i can say you know?


Third of all (that really isnt right) I am a poet and i didnt even know it. You dont believe me? Perhaps the folks at poetry.com can set you straight. Yes, go there my friends and type in my godgiven name and you shall see the beauty that is...

Deep Ellum

Indebongu must fire solo
Alas, the kalers will not
Reoh just pulled down
and the com will clot
Sar Casm removes the pain
and the clue is found
Papa is looking for seams
And bravo against the clamp
chew with your skull cave
while remaining silent

Wow...that is just breathtaking right? According to the papers i got from the folks over at poetry.com, my poem was selected on the basis of "my unique talent and artistic vision." They feel that I have "a special talent" and they look forward to the publication of my poem in Immortal Verses. Oh snap, a published poet! Yes friends, birdy is really stepping up in the world.

The best part about all this is that I get to submit an artists profile to be published along side my poem. My profile can include my "motivations, the meaning poetry has in my life, the story behind my poem, or my personal philosophical point of view." Wanna help me? Post a comment and I shall send it in. Did i mention i could buy the book? Yes, yes of course I forgot that little bit.

The best part of the poetry thing is that while looking through the aforementioned job applications I came upon one that was, honestly, one of the worst i have ever seen (this is coming from the fowl who saw a vita that mentioned how the writers' parents read him archaeology books in utero, thus, he was an excellent archaeologist). Not only was it cheezy (Skills: Literature) the applicant mentioned a couple of places that he had been published, one being Sacred Words or Timeless Memories or some craptastic publication from the folks at poetry.com Ahh, nothing like feeling shame for some poor schmuck.

And with that, i must go.

Peas to you all

B

Goodnight Sweetheart Well It's Time to Go...ba dum ba dum...

I dont really have anything to say except that I cant sleep. I was so tired right after i got home but i watched a movie, did some other stuff, and tried to sleep but alas....nothing.

Sadly, for you readers out there, i have nothing to say either. Work, work is good. There is this crazy guy there who comes in almost every day. I call him Mr. Three Bags. He is on the computer the entire time, except for when he goes to the pay phone. He never puts money in, just pushes the buttons and proceeds to "leave messages" to guys like Ken Salazar. Talks about how, "you better listen to me" and "stop tampering with the internet." Something is about to break wide open it seems and this guy knows all about it. So, watch out everyone and dont say i didnt warn you.

Let see....

My father is coming into town. Lucky for me my brother and his wife and their kids as well as Sklimps and Q will be there to pry the butter knife out of my hand as I leap for his neck. I only have to get through one dinner with him and i plan to just drink a lot. So much that i am at that i love everyone stage. You know, the one right before you call all your ex's and leave drunk messages?

Hmmm....

Why cant i sleep?! Blarg....

How bout some pictures i like? okay...

This is a photo of Mike the Headless Chicken




This is a photo of the book i am reading and the CD in my car right now...





Um, here is the shirt i am wearing as we speak



This is what i am hoping to be doing very very soon...



no wait...i meant this...





Okay...i am off now. Good night to you all!

B

It Puts The Lotion In the Basket

Is that a bulge in your twine or are you just happy to see me?
What is the deal with the Avs? The second highest scoring team in the west is shut out for 6 1/2 periods only to give up three goals on stupid turnovers deep in their own zone?

I dont know, I guess I should be happy since i predicted them to fall apart against Dallas. How much is too much to expect from a team? That's the real question. Can you be happy that the Nuggets won their division, even though there were no other winning teams in the NW and even though they got spanked again in the first round? Can you be happy that the Broncos got to the AFC Championship game and then looked lost? Can you start celebrating since the Rockies are still 7 games above 500? If they still dont make the playoffs but dont come in dead last is that a good thing or just them finally doing what they should have been doing all along, fielding a competitive team?

Good questions that I am not nearly smart enough or stupid enough to answer...

Mano a mano
I was driving home from work this afternoon thinking about my hands. Someone once said to me, "your hands are so soft." I started feeling them up as i was in the car and i didnt think they felt especially soft. it got me to thinking, where are all these rough, cracked and dry handed women at? If my hands are something special because they are soft what the hell is wrong with the rest of the chicas out there. Are they not aware of this thing called lotion? May i recommend Kiss My Face or Burts Bees Milk and Honey Lotion, good stuff.

Sloppy kisses from the bird...

Security Rage

I am feeling better...better then cat puke that is for sure. The avs moved into the second round of the post season, despite my prediction. I am happy, still a little stunned, but very happy. In addition, the Red Wings lost to the Oilers, ending their post season in the first round, again. Now, I am not like most avs fans that hate the red wings just for the sake of hating them. I like Detroit because they are a good team and games against them are always good. That being said, it is always nice when an 8 seed upsets the Presidents Trophy Winners. Check out the Avalanche Forum for more fun hockey talk.


Two Minutes Hate

Q and i were sitting down to a nice late dinner at La Cocinita, my favorite mexican place for the moment. This isnt some chic downtown joint, this is a dodgy building near my house. The seating is strange, the cleanliness is questionable, and the food is very good.

Sparkling conversation is happening (as is always the case when I am around yuk yuk) when we notice three guys wearing bad sport coats standing near the door to the patio. They look completely out of place. I was thinking that at first they were bad politicians trying to eat at an authentic mexican place because of the rally that just happened. Then, Q notices that they are wearing ear pieces and seem to be talking into their sleeves. Security?! Awesome! That must mean someone "special" is near by!

They checked out the place, the bathroom, the kitchen...then went outside. Q saw some people head out that way but didnt see anyone he could put a name to. We ate our meals when they came, and continued to notice 6 different guys coming in and getting food to take outside. Obviously carying guns, looking like dweebs. How strange...at least 6 different security guys? Whoo hoo must be someone very special.

With six guys walking around you would think they would have noticed the kid wearing a SNIPER tshirt. SNIPER...DONT TRY TO RUN, YOU WILL JUST DIE TIRED. Nice shirt kid.

Q and i eat, pay our bill and head outside. I glance over on the patio and recognize no one. Hmm...strange. And out in the parking lot, just standing around chatting were our 6 security guys, plus 3 others. Adding those 9 to the three eating on the patio and you get...12

12 fucking guys with guns and ear pieces, one drinking a yoohoo and one talking on his cell phone! I tried to get Q to run them over just to see what would happen but he wasnt biting.

Seriously, you unnamed diner. Get a grip on yourself. Does the Prez even walk around with 12 gun-toting yoohoo drinkers?



happy wednesday

How are you feeling?

More then that though, i dont want to sound flippant.

While i feel horrible in my head and in my gut, i also feel like things can change.


Things = Bird


Happy Thursday to you

That Special Time of Year

Playoffs....

God I love hockey playoffs. There is nothing quite like it.

Even if you arent the least bit interested in sports or hockey specifically you should check out a couple playoff games. You hardly ever get a boring game, unlike the superbowl. I mean really, people plan big shindigs for the game and they get a contest like we had this year. Snoozefest.

Hockey though, nothing is as exciting as hockey.

If you watch, cheer on the avs, even though they wont move past those pesky stars (check out this link that Mr. Ohio put together...i think it says it all). Also, cheer on the oil, the senators (even though stinky hasek is their keeper), and the sabers (you gotta love buffalo right?).

Happy watching...

Bird

Dreaming These Dreams of You

First...a list of things I like about not working in Boulder, in Photo Form!!

#1

Instead of looking at this for an hour each morning:



I get to ride the bus, take the car, or ride my bike the 20 something blocks to my new job.

#2

While walking downtown for training I saw this:



A huge crane was moving this lightpost out of the ground. It was very neat and I stopped to watch.

#3

I saw this sign on a light post as I was headed to my library:



I wanted to take it for found but thought, what if the guy finds jordan?

#4

I saw this tucked under a bench by a homeless guy:



How strange.


#5

This is the view from the staff lounge where i am doing some training:



Not too shabby.


All these things, all so different then driving my sorry ass up to Boulder. It makes me happy I took this new job, even if it does mean some weekends and some evenings at work.



Dreams
A truck with topper pulled up to the gas station pumps. An older gentleman wearing a twisted, roughed up straw cowboy hat got out of the passenger side. Moving slowly like old cowboys do. He ambles to the back of the truck, opened the gate and let out a mess of dogs. Two by two they jumped out until there were nearly 15 butts being sniffed. The last dog out was as big as a cow...bigger even. He had a misshapen head, long black mane like a horse. This dog wasnt just big, he was long. Long long long! I sat there, staring at the animal, trying to figure out what looked familiar about it. "Oh, that's it," I thought, "he looks like a wiener dog." I spoke with the old cowboy, asked him what the animal was. "That's my dog, he is half wiener dog half horse." I ran up to the animal and asked him, "Does your back hurt?" He looked at me and rolled his dog/horse eyes, "Are you fucking serious?" He ran off to sniff butts and I paid for my gas and left.

Ohh....mmmm......

New job...new job new job. New job today.


What to wear...what to wear?


Hmm....new job....




brrrrrrrrmeow!


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