Oh. My. God.

I have been sitting on four stories that I wanted to talk about and i think today is the day I finally get to them, Lucky You.

#1 Critics say 'Oh no' to Halo
It seems that the Mount Prospect Public Library in IL hosted a Halo tournament for kids and some parents/patrons were upset because of Halo's mature rating. What i thought was interesting was that the library hosted it at all. Having worked in a public library within the last year, I am well aware of how many people come to the library to do everything BUT pick up some books. Having sex in the stacks (near the TCP/IP books actually), getting high in the bathroom, printing out photos of half naked women, all fine and good but reading? You are out of your mind! 95% of the kids are checking their myspace accounts, emailing their friends sitting right next to them or trying to download Halo and play. Librarians think, if we get the kids in the building then maybe they will read which is why DPL has the newest DVD's and tons of trashy magazines. I assume this is why the Mount Prospect library hosted the tournament in the first place...but I hate to break it to them, it doesnt work.

#2 Pope Benedict admits evidence for evolution
So, I totally support the Pope on this. Can you believe that me of all foul is saying that. But this is what I am talkin about people! Why cant we have it both ways? Why do people think that science is trying to kill god? Why cant the two go hand in hand. I disagree with the articles' author when he says, "His comments appear to be an endorsement of the doctrine of intelligent design." ID is a crock of shit and is just a clever way to say evolution doesnt exist. Dont be fooled by it folks. I feel like the pope was saying, maybe god put all this science into motion, the big bang, evolution etc. I have very intelligent, hard science pals who think this is what happened. I have no issues with people who feel that way...but to just ignore the obvious kills me.

#3 Cairo toe earliest fake body bit
Neato, a fake toe! It comes with a photo too!



The toe dates from between 1069 and 664BC. That is one old toe, eh? They are going to test the functionality of it by testing it on people now who have lost their right toe. Solid...

#4 In Pictures: The Strangest Sights in Google Earth
This article has been floating around a bit but I pulled it off of Fark.com How cool those google guys are right? If you havent played around with google earth you should. Q has a neato story about it...and perhaps he will share it with you. Anyway, just a neato set of photos that just goes to show ya, you never know who's watching.

Hope your monday is just peachy.

~B

Quote of the Day

"I'm Surrounded By Fucking Idiots"
~~~~As seen on a bumpersticker I use for a book mark
because I cant decide where to put it yet.

The Pit

Each year I volunteer at the Colorado Aids Walk as some sort of route monitor or crowd control. You know how rowdy those do-gooders can be.

This year, Q and I thought it would be fun to organize a team, and we did just that. We are hoping to get 25 plus people to join and walk and raise $1000 bucks.

I wanted to invite all you blog readers to join The Pit!



Here is the link to the team page where you can donate or sign up.

It would be wonderful to raise a boatload of money for a good cause. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have and pass this on to whomever would be interested.

Thanks so Much!!

~B

Ink

Solid

Moon Walk

So sad...not a post about Michael Jackson at all...




Rather...this moon walk




This is the 38th aniversary of Apollo 11's moon walk

Check out the story and video here

Slighted

Um, Are you serious? I was left off the "Geniuses Who Will Change Your Life" list on cnn.com

What the hell?

Still though, this is a great article that will make you feel dumb and mostly useless...

~B

IAT Tests

I am currently reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I highly recommend it and am only 96 pages in.



In it, he talks about IAT, or Implicit Association Tests. Here is a link to Harvard IAT tests. I took the race, weight, and presidential tests. Turns out my subconscious doesnt hate the prez as much as it may appear. Also, i dont like fat people* or black people*.

Wow, your mind gets blown every day eh?

Astounding...
B

*This is completely untrue but you need to take the test and/or read Gladwell's book to find out why. Honestly, know that I have no ill will in writing that...

Reasons That I Hate

Some people wonder why I am so filled with hate. Sometimes i have a hard time coming up with a reason myself...

...And then I read that "the parents of a 16-year-old girl who recently married a 40-year-old former high school coach have filed a lawsuit against the Brunswick County Board of Education, saying school officials failed to protect their daughter."

I read this story when it first broke on CNN. Mostly thinking, "gross-I could never have married any of my high school teachers." At the time it was reported that the school district investigated and couldnt find any proof of a romantic relationship even though the girl and the teacher were calling each other etc. Now, I agree with the parents that maybe the school district didnt do quite enough (as for suing? I dont know...i think we sue enough if in this country) However...the interesting bit comes at the end of the article...

"The Hagers have said they reluctantly signed a consent form allowing their daughter to marry her coach."

Um....what? You are mad because the school district didnt do enough but you are okay with your daughter most likely marrying a child molester? You think that it is wrong for a girl to mess around with her coach-unless they are married? You think your 16 year old daughter is honestly mature enough to decide that she is in love with her fat balding middle aged track coach? (I dont know that he is fat and balding but most of my high school coaches were so I am just assuming...)

Fuck, I got married at 23 and wasnt mature enough...

Do you think they want the $20,000 they are seeking for their daughter or for really great NASCAR tickets?

Hey Dennis and Betty Hager of Oak Island, NC....you make me sick.

~Tweet tweet~
B


PS i updated my other stink blog fyi

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

Remember that game on Sesame Street where they would have 4 squares with objects or people and all but one would be related somehow? Good, lets play a round why dont we...














One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

***
If you guessed that guy dressed like a pirate you would be correct. The Colorado Ren Fest website states that it is like a "rollicking 16th Century festival day" so what the hell is a 18th century pirate from that goddamn movie doing here? Seriously you leather mugs; just because you like to dress up and now pirates are "cool" you think, I can wear this get-up anywhere! Well, you cant so knock it off because it is driving me crazy.



On another note~ here is a wonderful little item from McSweeneys

Feelings.
When women ask you to share your feelings, I found out that they really just want to hear about love. They don't give a damn if you're feeling "patriotic and hungry."
By Dan Liebert


Happy Monday
~B

'O America

Today is America's 231st birthday. You're over the hill America. Time to invest in some adult diapers perhaps.

Some people, joking and not, have suggested that I dont really like America but that is not true. Just to prove it here's a little blog about all the wonderful things America is and has to offer.

The Declaration of Independence

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

Have you ever read this thing? Simply amazing that people can think and write like that.

Grand Canyon and the like

America is huge and because of that we have 1.2 crap loads of beautiful places to visit.

Fireworks

Sure, no one in america invented them but seriously, do you know a country that feels it has the right to shoot off these things in the middle of a super dry summer, in violation of all kinds of laws? As if the second amendment has a fireworks provision as well. "Sir you can have this Roman Candle when you pry it from my cold dead hands!"




Voting

It is easy to Vote in this country. So easy i get annoyed at people who choose not to. It is one chance every couple of years to tell those in charge what you think. Even if you vote for a loser or a law that doesnt pass, you stood up for something and that is to be commended.


Etc Etc Etc

So here's to you America....thanks for the ability to go to school, the idea that we can grow up and be whomever we choose to be, and for this...



...yikes




~B

P.S. spangled

'O Canada

Happy Canada Day to our brethren up north.

To celebrate I thought it would be nice to discuss all things Canadian; excited? I thought you would be.

Lets start with the national anthem.

O Canada is one of the best national anthems ever. The link above will take you to an mp3 as well as the lyrics where you will find that the line is not, "We stand on god for thee" but in fact, the more sensible "We stand on guard for thee." Sensible Canadians. This could be unpatriotic but I like their theme song better then our theme song. It isnt that I hate America but we have too much going on in the Star Spangled Banner...and seriously, who uses the word spangled anymore? I promise to fit it in as many times as I can for the America Appreciation this coming Wednesday...

Now...because i am lazy, lets move right along to hockey, Canada's national pastime.

Free Agency opened yesterday and already there have been some big moves. Most notable, the Rangers are going to be good next year. They managed to lure Drury away from Buffalo and Gomez (who I find particularly vexing) from the Devils. The Red Wings lost Mathieu Schneider to the defending champ Ducks. It surprises me that Detroit didnt try and lock up a guy like that. He is getting older (17 or so years in the league) but his numbers still look good. Kariya proved that he doesnt really care about winning a cup by signing a deal with the St. Louis Blues. However, most importantly for Av fans is the signing of Ryan Smyth from the Islanders and Scott Hannan of the Sharks. Smyth is a gritty left winger who plays with some toughness in front of the net. He's a leader and since we signed him to a five year deal I would imagine that he will play that role when Joe Sakic retires after this coming season. Next June you will remember this blog... Hannan is a stay at home defensemen who doesnt score alot but plays tough. At 28, he is a young Adam Foote, someone we have sorely missed.

To follow the rest of the off-season moves check the ESPN Free Agent Tracker.

And now...because of the sandy vag here is a photo...





I'm Out

WTF?!

This morning I got up at the crack of dawnish to come to work. While in the bathroom I looked up and saw an earwig.



OH god...blech...hhhaannnnbbbeeethhhh yuck! I hate these little suckers so much. Once, i was sitting on the floor watching tv and the ex came up and said, "i dont want to freak you out but you have an earwig..." before the final words were out of his mouth i was leaping and freaking out, tearing off my shirt to get away from the vile thing. Blech indeed.

So of course i get out some tp to squish the hell out of it and guess what...its blood was tropical blue. Like the water in an outhouse blue...Like a fruity drink blue.



Isnt alien blood blue? good lord....

Music

No matter how crappy I am feeling I can always put on some music and force myself into feeling happy.

My current favorite happy song is Fight Test by The Flaming Lips.

You can read the lyrics here and listen to it (if this is your first time) here.

Sigh....arent you feeling better already?

Mine is Better Then Your's

After working 12 hours the other day, I return home to find warm homemade lasagna waiting for me. Yummers...



******

Not only was he enthusiastic about wandering out into the night to watch the space shuttle and ISS zip by, he suggested a great place to watch it and spotted it just in time...



******

He's actually excited about visiting all the goofy places I want to visit...




Lucky...

Things You Cant Afford

Apple's new iPhone

I really like these little buggers but experienced some serious sticker shock at the price. $400 for a 4 gig and $600 for an 8 gig. Seriously, at that price the damn thing better vibrate and come with a "I'm Making You Breakfast" button.



~~~
Tickets to the Yankees Games at Coors Field.

Please note here that the cheapest ticket is 25 dollars. Just one week later, if you wanna see the Mets, the tickets seem much more affordable.

The Sports Guys have been talking about this issue quite a bit. Charlie Monfort and the rockies administration have set up a tiered pricing system where "Premium" games cost more. How can the team know which games are important before the season starts, you may ask. Oh silly, the games listed as premium arent "must see's" because the team could get into the playoffs...no, they are games that will sell out so why not jack up the price and make a lot of money?

I hate shit like this. Shouldnt you keep the prices the same to reward the city for dealing with crappy baseball since the 1995 Wild Card Season? Does anybody think that the increased revenue will actually go back into the team? Yeah, I didnt think so.

That's What She Said...

I had a rather lazy weekend, which is needed every once and a while. Today I woke up and things seemed to be fine until i got to work. My whole day was shot to hell right away. Ah, well, what can you do eh? Monday's are mondays....

******
Just recently i was talking to some people about those bruises you get under your nails when you smash em. I have never had any on my fingers or toes, though i always kind of wanted one...just to look cool ya know? Anyway, today i got my wish. I think I should have wished for a pony instead. Or, no wait...damn! I should have wished for more wishes!

******
Sometime on Saturday Q and i were chatting and he made a remark to which I replied, "I don't think in 3D" What kind of insane shit is that? I mean, fuck--even dogs think in 3d. I am sure it made sense in my head at the time, but that isnt saying much for me now is it?

******
Here is an interesting, if not geeky, story about Scientists grinding spheres that will serve as the new global standard kilogram. It seems the current standard is a bar of platinum that is slowly deteriorating. I am interested in the idea that, weights and measurments have to be preserved so that what weighs 20 pounds now will still weigh that much in 50 years. That measurments 100 years ago are the same as today. Who thinks about preserving this stuff? I would imagine that most of us just take that kind of foresight for granted.

Also, the global standard kilogram has a great name...the International Prototype..I wanna take a photo of it.

******
Happy Fathers day to you fathers and fathers to be (I'm lookin at you "Chuck Norris Doesnt Sleep, He Waits")

Actually, speaking of pregnancy, has the whole world gone gay! No wait, wrong line...has the whole world gone preggo?! Big congrats to my pal Hofer who's wife is expecting a little Dieter in July.

******
Hope your monday gets better, or continues to be grand-

~B

In Recent News....

...things are not always what they appear to be.

Tada!

Let's Get Serious For a Minute

I know you are all very busy talking about Die Hard, naked men, Mocha Frappuccinos (i dont know what that is really), and maneuvers but we have a serious issue that needs to be discussed...

Mr. Wizard is Dead!!



I know, many of you may be thinking,"I didnt even know he was still alive" and I felt the same way but then I started to remember all the wonderful hours I would spend thinking, "Why cant i be a Mr. Wizard kid?" "How come my fake volcano looks like shit?" "I wish Mr. Wizard was my dad so my science fair projects would actually work."

He made learning fun and other cliches...

First 3-2-1 Contact and now this...what is happening to my childhood memories.

Nine Minutes to Space

I stayed late at work on friday so that I could watch Atlantis launch.



Did you get to see it?

Right now there are seven men orbiting the earth, latched on to the international space station. Two are currently preparing to leave the shuttle and hang out in space for a bit. Can you imagine that?

With all the months of prep and the worries about the foam and external tank the launch went smoothly. Nine minutes after take off the crew was in space racing to catch up with the space station.

Video of the launch and other interesting bits can be seen here.

Happy Monday all

Please, Sir, can I have some more?**

** To be said in your best bad British accent so as to annoy your English pals...

Has anyone else noticed that Oatmeal is a little depressing? Dont get me wrong, I enjoy it, much more then I did when it was forced upon me as a child. But there is just something very gruel-esque about the whole thing.



Geez Wilford, relax, I am eating it already...