"Sha na na na, sha na na na na,
Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip
Mum mum mum mum mum mum
Get a job..."
****************************
I must say my pretties..i am rather down and out. I just lost my brand new spiffy ID. The one I took a day off of work to stand in a three hour line at the DMV for. The picture looked okay and sakes alive if I am not going to have to go get another. Serious bummer. I have never lost a wallet or id in my entire life. Blech. It just seems to cap off the perfect monday of nothing going right.
THIS PORTION OF THE BLOG WAS REMOVED BECAUSE IT WAS POINTED OUT TO BIRD THAT IT WAS PERHAPS AN UNWISE THING TO BLOG ABOUT AND BIRD WENT, "OH YES, OF COURSE..." AND PROMPTLY DELETED IT. WELL, ACTUALLY BIRD DIDNT BUT Q DID AND FOR THAT, SHE THANKS HIM.
TO MAKE UP FOR THE LOSS OF THE BLOG WHICH, I THOUGHT WAS PRETTY GOOD FOR ONCE, HERE IS A FILTHY STORY FROM MY PAST.
My parents are divorced, like so many of you out there I imagine. One day, I was supposed to call my mom to plan a weekend with her. I had been spending time with my pals which meant that I had been cursing like a mo-fo. My mom never really knew I had a mouth. She would have been so upset, I mean, this is a woman who thinks fart is a dirty word. I remember my brother sklimps and i taunting her by saying "fart fart fart" over and over again. Anyway, I headed on over to the nearest pay phone, dropped in my two dimes and got her machine. Obviously still in friend mode I busted out the following message, "Hey mom, just calling to tell you what the fuck was going on...oh shit! Jesus Christ!" and i hung up.
Ohh...man I knew i was in trouble. The next day she called me back and didnt say a word, just "I got your message." I could tell she was making the "Im so disappointed in you" face over the phone. How isnt parents know that is the best form of punishment. I felt like an ass. Today, even as a adult (no snickering) i still try and temper the mouth around her. Sometimes I slip and blurt out "shit" and she will look at me and say "watch your language!" Ahh, moms.
So, there you go...a new blog to go along with my new paper temporary ID. I shall enthrall you all with DMV stories later. Something to look forward to.
Peace
~Bird
13 March 2006
08 March 2006
Brush With Crazy
Everyday in my life is a brush with crazy...
but today, today was different.
Mario and I were walking back from the Chipotle after lunch, headed back to the big ol' pie wedge. As we were staggering back, I noticed a nice looking older woman in front of us. She was still ~200 feet away when she kind of stopped and moved to the edge of the sidewalk. She was wearing a coat/poncho a hat, gloves, and a scarf. She looked pleasent, clean, and sober.
As mario and i draw closer she leans into our path and looks at me. "Have fun spying on Americans," she says, "I was watching you do it earlier." And with that, she passes us and continues walking.
Sure, there are crazy people everywhere but this lady looked normal. She looked like my history advisor in college. Sweet and nice. I spent 15min trying to figure out what i had done wrong.
I guess crazy comes in all kinds of skin.
peace~
B
but today, today was different.
Mario and I were walking back from the Chipotle after lunch, headed back to the big ol' pie wedge. As we were staggering back, I noticed a nice looking older woman in front of us. She was still ~200 feet away when she kind of stopped and moved to the edge of the sidewalk. She was wearing a coat/poncho a hat, gloves, and a scarf. She looked pleasent, clean, and sober.
As mario and i draw closer she leans into our path and looks at me. "Have fun spying on Americans," she says, "I was watching you do it earlier." And with that, she passes us and continues walking.
Sure, there are crazy people everywhere but this lady looked normal. She looked like my history advisor in college. Sweet and nice. I spent 15min trying to figure out what i had done wrong.
I guess crazy comes in all kinds of skin.
peace~
B
06 March 2006
Back in Black
I have returned from Farmington and boy are my arms tired....ba dum dum-p-ching!
***chirp chirp***
See what New Mexico has done to me?
In addition to being very excited that I am at home, I filed my taxes and finally, after three years of taking it up the arse, i am getting something back.
Whew...
Hope your monday is treating you well too...
B
***chirp chirp***
See what New Mexico has done to me?
In addition to being very excited that I am at home, I filed my taxes and finally, after three years of taking it up the arse, i am getting something back.
Whew...
Hope your monday is treating you well too...
B
01 March 2006
She'll Be Comin 'Round the Mountain When She Comes...
There is porn in my hotel room. Not just one channel, three channels. It wasnt there the night before last; three channels of porn isnt something you forget about.
I didnt watch much (really being alone and watching tons of porn in farmington is just sad) but i did see just enough to again wonder why all men in porns are ugly. Mullets and bad teeth. If they arent ugly they are all the same kind of "attractive." Men with no body hair, greased up, big chests and a short cropped hair cut. They make faces like WWF wrestlers while having sex. They are frat guys without their stripey button up shirts and they are the complete opposite of attractive to me. Where are the nerdy, somewhat geeky pornstars? Where is the Ed Norton of skin flicks?
The other exciting news is that Birdy is coming home to roost. Not really understanding the complete meaning of the phrase, I cant tell you if it is a good thing or a vaguely threatening thing. Either way it is happening...this friday and I must say, I can hardly wait.
tweet tweet
I didnt watch much (really being alone and watching tons of porn in farmington is just sad) but i did see just enough to again wonder why all men in porns are ugly. Mullets and bad teeth. If they arent ugly they are all the same kind of "attractive." Men with no body hair, greased up, big chests and a short cropped hair cut. They make faces like WWF wrestlers while having sex. They are frat guys without their stripey button up shirts and they are the complete opposite of attractive to me. Where are the nerdy, somewhat geeky pornstars? Where is the Ed Norton of skin flicks?
The other exciting news is that Birdy is coming home to roost. Not really understanding the complete meaning of the phrase, I cant tell you if it is a good thing or a vaguely threatening thing. Either way it is happening...this friday and I must say, I can hardly wait.
tweet tweet
27 February 2006
The Sights...
Just a quick look at life in Farmington:
Note-all these photos were taken with my phone...
After running out of oil and gas wells, they stuck me on tracing feature maps.
After eight hours of that i was ready for a rest. I headed to Shiprock.
Why you ask? To see the rock that looks like a ship of course.
From there I headed to the Four Corners. I had been before but it was still as thrilling as i remember. Can you feel the sarcasam? Seriously, this place was so dead.
Also, i like these mirrors in case you are thinking about buying me something.
Sunday, Thunderpussy and I headed over to Chaco Canyon for a hike. Chaco, as you may or may not know, is a true mystery of the archaeological world. I really cant do it justice here but check out the Chaco Culture National Historic Park website for more information.
TP, and Seamus (her lovely pup) and i had a great hike on the 5.4 mile Pueblo Alto loop (highly recomended as there was hardly anyone around).
The trail takes you on top of the mesa above the sites, like Pueblo Bonito and Chetro Ketl, pictured here.
On top of the mesa you get to see Chacoan roads, ladders, pecked basins etc. You also get to see Pueblo Alto and New Alto. New Alto was, as the name suggests, newer.
Chaco has a lot of pottery and lithics lying around still. Before you hike on any trail you have to fill out a permit that provides the NPS with all your personal information. This is to prevent collecting of these artifacts. It seems to work. I was very pleased to see how many people had found neato pottery sherds and had just placed them on the roomblocks for others to see rather then placing them in their pockets. Very nice...
I took a couple of photos of myself but this is how they turned out...
yikes...anyone else seen The Omen?
Whelp...there you go kiddos. My weekend in Farmington.
Back to work today where my hopes of going into the field were dashed and instead i resigned myself to filling out excel spreadsheets. I leave this friday.
Peace-
B
Note-all these photos were taken with my phone...
After running out of oil and gas wells, they stuck me on tracing feature maps.
After eight hours of that i was ready for a rest. I headed to Shiprock.
Why you ask? To see the rock that looks like a ship of course.
From there I headed to the Four Corners. I had been before but it was still as thrilling as i remember. Can you feel the sarcasam? Seriously, this place was so dead.
Also, i like these mirrors in case you are thinking about buying me something.
Sunday, Thunderpussy and I headed over to Chaco Canyon for a hike. Chaco, as you may or may not know, is a true mystery of the archaeological world. I really cant do it justice here but check out the Chaco Culture National Historic Park website for more information.
TP, and Seamus (her lovely pup) and i had a great hike on the 5.4 mile Pueblo Alto loop (highly recomended as there was hardly anyone around).
The trail takes you on top of the mesa above the sites, like Pueblo Bonito and Chetro Ketl, pictured here.
On top of the mesa you get to see Chacoan roads, ladders, pecked basins etc. You also get to see Pueblo Alto and New Alto. New Alto was, as the name suggests, newer.
Chaco has a lot of pottery and lithics lying around still. Before you hike on any trail you have to fill out a permit that provides the NPS with all your personal information. This is to prevent collecting of these artifacts. It seems to work. I was very pleased to see how many people had found neato pottery sherds and had just placed them on the roomblocks for others to see rather then placing them in their pockets. Very nice...
I took a couple of photos of myself but this is how they turned out...
yikes...anyone else seen The Omen?
Whelp...there you go kiddos. My weekend in Farmington.
Back to work today where my hopes of going into the field were dashed and instead i resigned myself to filling out excel spreadsheets. I leave this friday.
Peace-
B
23 February 2006
Land of Enchantment
If your idea of "Enchantment" is meth busts and dui's then Farmington is for you.
This town is a hole. No doubt about it. Archaeology takes you to a lot of crappy places (dont be fooled by those slick National Geographic pieces...) but so far, for me...farmington is the worst. I cant tell if it is really that bad or just my bad attitude.
I can tell you that the Motel 6 in Farmington is horrible. Some drunk guy at my door at 2am. Thunderpussy waking up (at 4ish) to a police bust in the room above. Yesterday we were both treated to some loud sex (my neighbors) and a drunken late night fight (TP's neighboors). Ahh...Farmington. Where hope goes to die.
Today we have settled into the managers apartment at the La Quinta Inn. I like La Quinta. They saved my butt in Tucson once. This is an honest to god apartment with a kitchen (TP can cook!! Lucky me...), a bedroom, cable and wireless. I am watching curling as i write this and am very excited about it.
The work, while helpful to my co-workers, is less then inspiring. My eyes are fried from staring into the lighting table all day. Who let those people map hundreds of burned rock middens??
This weekend i plan on checking out Chaco, the four corners, and Shiprock. Oh yes, soon i shall upload lovely phone photos of my feet in four states. Feel the enchantment.
For now...enjoy this photo of something i drew to make me happy.
And this photo of one of the only things in Farmington that has entertained me.
Pancake Alley...can Pankcake Services be far behind?
This town is a hole. No doubt about it. Archaeology takes you to a lot of crappy places (dont be fooled by those slick National Geographic pieces...) but so far, for me...farmington is the worst. I cant tell if it is really that bad or just my bad attitude.
I can tell you that the Motel 6 in Farmington is horrible. Some drunk guy at my door at 2am. Thunderpussy waking up (at 4ish) to a police bust in the room above. Yesterday we were both treated to some loud sex (my neighbors) and a drunken late night fight (TP's neighboors). Ahh...Farmington. Where hope goes to die.
Today we have settled into the managers apartment at the La Quinta Inn. I like La Quinta. They saved my butt in Tucson once. This is an honest to god apartment with a kitchen (TP can cook!! Lucky me...), a bedroom, cable and wireless. I am watching curling as i write this and am very excited about it.
The work, while helpful to my co-workers, is less then inspiring. My eyes are fried from staring into the lighting table all day. Who let those people map hundreds of burned rock middens??
This weekend i plan on checking out Chaco, the four corners, and Shiprock. Oh yes, soon i shall upload lovely phone photos of my feet in four states. Feel the enchantment.
For now...enjoy this photo of something i drew to make me happy.
And this photo of one of the only things in Farmington that has entertained me.
Pancake Alley...can Pankcake Services be far behind?
20 February 2006
If wishes were dreams...
Beggars would ride horses. Isnt there some stupid saying that goes like that?
submitted from success has failed
submitted from success has failed
15 February 2006
Work Haiku
Three haikus about archaeology...
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck
archaeology
fuck you, fuck you job
Farmington eeww gross,
Thirteen DUI's for real.
This place is unsafe.
What? No per diem?
How can i live without you?
Oh, I shall miss you.
And now...
Sleep
Fuck you, fuck you, fuck
archaeology
fuck you, fuck you job
Farmington eeww gross,
Thirteen DUI's for real.
This place is unsafe.
What? No per diem?
How can i live without you?
Oh, I shall miss you.
And now...
Sleep
14 February 2006
What other dungeon is so dark as one's own heart. What jailer so inexorable as one's self? -Nathaniel Hawthorne
Valentines Day. Bird's least favorite holiday. Most people who know the bird, know that I dislike this day. In fact, hate it. I have been single and coupled on many many valentines days but have always refused to celebrate it. There is just something that feels slimy about it all. Maybe it is the cheap stuffed animals and silk flowers, the crumbly chocolate and cheesy cards.
My argument against this holiday is that it is so commercialized. It isnt even about love, but about how you can get laid that night. About what you can buy so that you wont end up on the couch (does this turn into a couch??). It is about running to the store at 5:15 on your way home from work and picking up the last set of sorry looking flowers and picking out the first card that says, "To My Love." It is guys spending hundreds of dollars on a special night that, no matter how great, will never live up to his woman's expectations. It is about feeling like trash if you are single. Throwing parties with the "i am proud to be single" theme but really, deep down hoping against all hope that something special and magical happens.
Munpe Q asked me, how is this different then xmas. I reply that xmas has a back story to it. "So, Valentines Day doesnt?" No...of course not. So he tells me....google you jackass. No, he doesnt say that. But he should have.
The History of Valentines Day a nice little article written by the folks at the History Channel (and not one mention of world war I or II if you can believe it!). I wont go into it all here, read the story it is good, but suffice it to say, there is a back story. Several really...and some of them are very quaint.
Perhaps you are right Q. Maybe V-day doesnt have to be about giving roses and candy to your sweetheart. Maybe it can be a day to celebrate loved ones in your life. Whether they be sisters, or brothers, or good friends. The idea of reaching out and telling someone in your life that you appreciate them. That you are happy they are part of your world. That is something I can get behind.
And so, in a bold and daring move...i am going to semi-celebrate the dreaded v-day. There is still a strict ban on all things red and pink. On all heart shaped crap. On fancy dinners and goofy carriage rides. It will be a day celebrated with words only. Just a small tiny gesture that lets people in my life know that I care about them.
A tip to boys interested in courting that special lady. Dont do as the Romans do " the boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips."
Just gross...
My argument against this holiday is that it is so commercialized. It isnt even about love, but about how you can get laid that night. About what you can buy so that you wont end up on the couch (does this turn into a couch??). It is about running to the store at 5:15 on your way home from work and picking up the last set of sorry looking flowers and picking out the first card that says, "To My Love." It is guys spending hundreds of dollars on a special night that, no matter how great, will never live up to his woman's expectations. It is about feeling like trash if you are single. Throwing parties with the "i am proud to be single" theme but really, deep down hoping against all hope that something special and magical happens.
Munpe Q asked me, how is this different then xmas. I reply that xmas has a back story to it. "So, Valentines Day doesnt?" No...of course not. So he tells me....google you jackass. No, he doesnt say that. But he should have.
The History of Valentines Day a nice little article written by the folks at the History Channel (and not one mention of world war I or II if you can believe it!). I wont go into it all here, read the story it is good, but suffice it to say, there is a back story. Several really...and some of them are very quaint.
Perhaps you are right Q. Maybe V-day doesnt have to be about giving roses and candy to your sweetheart. Maybe it can be a day to celebrate loved ones in your life. Whether they be sisters, or brothers, or good friends. The idea of reaching out and telling someone in your life that you appreciate them. That you are happy they are part of your world. That is something I can get behind.
And so, in a bold and daring move...i am going to semi-celebrate the dreaded v-day. There is still a strict ban on all things red and pink. On all heart shaped crap. On fancy dinners and goofy carriage rides. It will be a day celebrated with words only. Just a small tiny gesture that lets people in my life know that I care about them.
A tip to boys interested in courting that special lady. Dont do as the Romans do " the boys then sliced the goat's hide into strips, dipped them in the sacrificial blood and took to the streets, gently slapping both women and fields of crops with the goathide strips."
Just gross...
12 February 2006
Heat
How desperate for sleep must you be to jerk off a cat with a Q-tip....
turns out I wasnt that desperate. give it time though...
turns out I wasnt that desperate. give it time though...
10 February 2006
Bits and Pieces
We just got back from field work in Colorado Springs (one whole day early due to snow and our general ass-kickingness...) and i thought i would talk about some things that popped into my head while I was gone.
How come no one waves anymore? There was a time when, if you slowed down to let someone get in your lane or squooshed someone across the crosswalk in front of your car that you would get a little wave. I still wave but it seems like I am the only one anymore. Sure, sometimes it is a sarcastic wave but mostly it is genuine. When I do get a little wave of thanks, it makes me smile and stress less about the stupid truck i am driving and the fact that boulder hasnt plowed their freakin roads.
Mario, TP and i were eating in the springs on Tuesday. Mario gets up to use the restroom and comes back laughing. "You know those toliet seat covers they have in the stalls? On one in the men's room someone has written 'Free Cowboy Hats'" Ahh...TP and i immediatley look for a sharpie to do the same in the womens restroom. See, I dont mind graffiti if it's entertaining. Like Pictures Of Walls. That is a nice waste of time.
Most of the area we were surveying was private land. We came upon one house, an abandoned salt box that maybe dates to the late 1800's. Trash scattered everywhere. Abandoned vehicles, couches, bed springs, stove parts, boats, trailers, junk...everywhere. Later we find out the house was a meth lab. The police busted it last spring and we arent supposed to go anywhere near it. Or touch anything near it. Oh yes, thanks for the warning everyone.
Why is this winter so goddamned windy? Really, if I wanted to live in Cheyenne I would move on up there. For god sakes...what happened to the snow?** Jeez man!!
My ankle is wanky. Not the ankle but the achilles tendon. It is squeaky sounding. I cant really describe it but if you see me, ask and I will let you feel it. It ached a bit over the course of the survey but really, i think what made it worse was the goddamn grass covered animal holes that i nearly stepped into.
If i had a cheesy "Dances With Wolves" name it would be "Scares the Rabbits." I scared at least three bunnies and four jack rabbits while tromping through the prairie.
Sadly, there are reports and tables calling my name.
Tweet tweet
~B
** SNOW UPDATE**
Oh, there it is.
PS This last post was so bad that I came in here to tell you all that I know...i know it is bad but I am sleepy so let it go eh?
How come no one waves anymore? There was a time when, if you slowed down to let someone get in your lane or squooshed someone across the crosswalk in front of your car that you would get a little wave. I still wave but it seems like I am the only one anymore. Sure, sometimes it is a sarcastic wave but mostly it is genuine. When I do get a little wave of thanks, it makes me smile and stress less about the stupid truck i am driving and the fact that boulder hasnt plowed their freakin roads.
Mario, TP and i were eating in the springs on Tuesday. Mario gets up to use the restroom and comes back laughing. "You know those toliet seat covers they have in the stalls? On one in the men's room someone has written 'Free Cowboy Hats'" Ahh...TP and i immediatley look for a sharpie to do the same in the womens restroom. See, I dont mind graffiti if it's entertaining. Like Pictures Of Walls. That is a nice waste of time.
Most of the area we were surveying was private land. We came upon one house, an abandoned salt box that maybe dates to the late 1800's. Trash scattered everywhere. Abandoned vehicles, couches, bed springs, stove parts, boats, trailers, junk...everywhere. Later we find out the house was a meth lab. The police busted it last spring and we arent supposed to go anywhere near it. Or touch anything near it. Oh yes, thanks for the warning everyone.
Why is this winter so goddamned windy? Really, if I wanted to live in Cheyenne I would move on up there. For god sakes...what happened to the snow?** Jeez man!!
My ankle is wanky. Not the ankle but the achilles tendon. It is squeaky sounding. I cant really describe it but if you see me, ask and I will let you feel it. It ached a bit over the course of the survey but really, i think what made it worse was the goddamn grass covered animal holes that i nearly stepped into.
If i had a cheesy "Dances With Wolves" name it would be "Scares the Rabbits." I scared at least three bunnies and four jack rabbits while tromping through the prairie.
Sadly, there are reports and tables calling my name.
Tweet tweet
~B
** SNOW UPDATE**
Oh, there it is.
PS This last post was so bad that I came in here to tell you all that I know...i know it is bad but I am sleepy so let it go eh?
03 February 2006
Ahem....
It feels strange to interupt my serious blog with something like this but I cant resist.
I never really knew how much i liked donkeys until a co-worker,Mario, expressed his love of them. Donkeys really are cute!
Thunderpussy just printed out an application for adopting wild horses and burros from the BLM and gave it to him. This gave us all a good laugh (what you ask? Why yes, my boss is in India...how did you know?). Did you know that the once you've adopted your burro you cant brand it? And, if your burro dies within 6 months of adoption you get a new one, FREE! Wow...
So that led me to ask Mario about donkeys and how much space you need for one. As i was googling the answer (yes, i did install it on my computer-all by myself) I came across this website.
Miniature Donkeys!! Oh god I want one! Check out the For Sale and if you think your brain can handle the cuteness then look at the nursery link.
Holy Mother of God they are so fuckin cute!! God be buggered that's a big ass fajita plate!
******
Also, just so you know. I will miss you Freddie but i understand.
I never really knew how much i liked donkeys until a co-worker,Mario, expressed his love of them. Donkeys really are cute!
Thunderpussy just printed out an application for adopting wild horses and burros from the BLM and gave it to him. This gave us all a good laugh (what you ask? Why yes, my boss is in India...how did you know?). Did you know that the once you've adopted your burro you cant brand it? And, if your burro dies within 6 months of adoption you get a new one, FREE! Wow...
So that led me to ask Mario about donkeys and how much space you need for one. As i was googling the answer (yes, i did install it on my computer-all by myself) I came across this website.
Miniature Donkeys!! Oh god I want one! Check out the For Sale and if you think your brain can handle the cuteness then look at the nursery link.
Holy Mother of God they are so fuckin cute!! God be buggered that's a big ass fajita plate!
******
Also, just so you know. I will miss you Freddie but i understand.
Secret Rage
Space is neat. Some uber geeky space stuff is going on and really, i couldnt be more happy about it. Read here about SuitSat-1, a disembodied spacesuit circling the earth. I, for one, shall be either staying up very late tonight or getting up very early tomorrow morning to check it out. Find yourself a ham radio or police scanner and tune in.
Two Minutes Hate
My rage is no secret, the title actually refers to an article about Colorado inmates who's locations are being kept secret for their own saftey. One such inmate, the shitbag of a human, Brent Brents. (as a quick aside...all you parents out there with John Johnsons and Peter Petersons, see what happens when you curse your child with the same first and last name??)
For those not in the know or not living in Colorado (hey there squirt!) Brents terrorized Denver Neighborhoods this time last year with sexual assults on 14 women and children. He was recently sentenced to 1500 years in prision, but I think they shoulda killed the mother fucker. Whooo...that sounded harsh but I dont take it back.
As part of Brents guilty plea, he asked to serve his time out of state. "In a brief telephone interview Thursday, Brents said he does not want anyone to know where he is because he is afraid for his life."
Oh well.....kiss my pooper you low-life sack of skin. 'Oh, i am Brent Brents and i am brave enough to brutally beat and rape an 85 year old grandmother and her two 11 year old granddaughters but I am scared of being killed in prision."
So, if you are reading the article you see that a white supremacy prison gang that Brents was associated with has "threatened to kill him when he returned to prison because of the nature of his crimes." Yeah, so now I find myself in a place where i am cheering on a white supremacy prision gang. I mean, how fucking sick do you have to be for a prision gang to say, "Whoa man, that's outta line."
All of this led me to thinking about treatment for prisioners. I think that, often times treatment works. However, with sex offenders, i dont buy it. I dont know why i think others can be rehabilitated and sex offenders can't but for some reason it just doesnt seem possible to me. The statistics arent there for it to me, but maybe that is because we just havent spent money on actually trying to help these people. Maybe the idea is so rage inducing that I would rather they be locked up forever...
Check out these links and tell me what you think.
Sex Offender Treatment Works
Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers
Why Files
Two Minutes Hate
My rage is no secret, the title actually refers to an article about Colorado inmates who's locations are being kept secret for their own saftey. One such inmate, the shitbag of a human, Brent Brents. (as a quick aside...all you parents out there with John Johnsons and Peter Petersons, see what happens when you curse your child with the same first and last name??)
For those not in the know or not living in Colorado (hey there squirt!) Brents terrorized Denver Neighborhoods this time last year with sexual assults on 14 women and children. He was recently sentenced to 1500 years in prision, but I think they shoulda killed the mother fucker. Whooo...that sounded harsh but I dont take it back.
As part of Brents guilty plea, he asked to serve his time out of state. "In a brief telephone interview Thursday, Brents said he does not want anyone to know where he is because he is afraid for his life."
Oh well.....kiss my pooper you low-life sack of skin. 'Oh, i am Brent Brents and i am brave enough to brutally beat and rape an 85 year old grandmother and her two 11 year old granddaughters but I am scared of being killed in prision."
So, if you are reading the article you see that a white supremacy prison gang that Brents was associated with has "threatened to kill him when he returned to prison because of the nature of his crimes." Yeah, so now I find myself in a place where i am cheering on a white supremacy prision gang. I mean, how fucking sick do you have to be for a prision gang to say, "Whoa man, that's outta line."
All of this led me to thinking about treatment for prisioners. I think that, often times treatment works. However, with sex offenders, i dont buy it. I dont know why i think others can be rehabilitated and sex offenders can't but for some reason it just doesnt seem possible to me. The statistics arent there for it to me, but maybe that is because we just havent spent money on actually trying to help these people. Maybe the idea is so rage inducing that I would rather they be locked up forever...
Check out these links and tell me what you think.
Sex Offender Treatment Works
Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers
Why Files
01 February 2006
Misspeak
Do you ever just feel like a big ol' socially inept dork?
For someone who feels like they can communicate pretty well, this just drives me batty.
I suppose we all have days-going on what feels like a week-of this. Rest assured my little friends that it will get better. And if you happen to come into contact with me and think, "Dang that bird isnt very friendly..." understand that I am just off my kilter. More so then ususal.
As an aside; why the hell does it seem like my sesame chicken glued to the bottom of my bowl. Seriously, screw epoxy, just use the sesame goop that comes from the CH Asian Cafe.
For someone who feels like they can communicate pretty well, this just drives me batty.
I suppose we all have days-going on what feels like a week-of this. Rest assured my little friends that it will get better. And if you happen to come into contact with me and think, "Dang that bird isnt very friendly..." understand that I am just off my kilter. More so then ususal.
As an aside; why the hell does it seem like my sesame chicken glued to the bottom of my bowl. Seriously, screw epoxy, just use the sesame goop that comes from the CH Asian Cafe.
31 January 2006
I'm A Functioning Head Have-er
I can function with a head...unlike some of you who shall remain nameless.
Another thing I enjoy:
Ambidextrous bed sleeping time. But really, who doesnt?
Another thing I enjoy:
Ambidextrous bed sleeping time. But really, who doesnt?
26 January 2006
Rainbow Rage
Just like that, the rage returns...
Two Minutes Hate
I read this article about a simple phrase that could be added to the Colorado State Constitution in our November 06 elections. The phrase "only a union of one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as marriage in this state" would ban gay marriages in colorado.
According to the NBC 9news article, "A purpose statement that makes a case for the amendment says marriage between one man and one woman is rooted in centuries of tradition, is best for children, and protects Coloradans from 'activist judges.'"
Women not being allowed to own land or vote or hell-even wear pants- was rooted in "centuries of tradition." I learned something while working at the historical society...just because it is old doesnt mean it is important. As a country we have dropped all kinds of arcane and insulting practices that were rooted in tradition-slavery being an obvious one. Tell me again how that is a bad thing?
Another thing that really gets me is this idea that a same sex couple having a child is unsafe for our children. In a quicky search on CNN.com i found, just today, the following stories:
*Mother passes out while drunk, leaves 6month old child in playpen. Father returns home to see that baby is choking on formula being fed to him by a feeding tube.
*A video captured by the dashboard camera of a police car on June 4 showed Lucas opening her car trunk after being stopped by police. Three children -- two of hers and one friend -- crawled out and got into the back seat of her car.
*A 18-month-old child was hospitalized Tuesday after he overdosed on cocaine.
Yesterday I read a story about a married couple who put their children in the bathroom, turned on the hot water for a bath and fell into a drug induced stupor. Their two children died of burns and overheating.
Oh yes...the children right now are safe. Everyone says that a same sex couple isnt right for children but do they have anything to back up their claims? Statistics of children being abused, growing up into social rejects, anything that shows they are being harmed?
I would listen to anyone who has a non-bible based reason against gay marriage. Come on...lay it on me. If you can give me a valid reason and not some wishy washy "it is bad for society and the children..." load of crap then I will really try and understand why it is such a bad thing for two people who love each other to commit themselves. Just one good reason...
Two Minutes Hate
I read this article about a simple phrase that could be added to the Colorado State Constitution in our November 06 elections. The phrase "only a union of one man and one woman shall be valid or recognized as marriage in this state" would ban gay marriages in colorado.
According to the NBC 9news article, "A purpose statement that makes a case for the amendment says marriage between one man and one woman is rooted in centuries of tradition, is best for children, and protects Coloradans from 'activist judges.'"
Women not being allowed to own land or vote or hell-even wear pants- was rooted in "centuries of tradition." I learned something while working at the historical society...just because it is old doesnt mean it is important. As a country we have dropped all kinds of arcane and insulting practices that were rooted in tradition-slavery being an obvious one. Tell me again how that is a bad thing?
Another thing that really gets me is this idea that a same sex couple having a child is unsafe for our children. In a quicky search on CNN.com i found, just today, the following stories:
*Mother passes out while drunk, leaves 6month old child in playpen. Father returns home to see that baby is choking on formula being fed to him by a feeding tube.
*A video captured by the dashboard camera of a police car on June 4 showed Lucas opening her car trunk after being stopped by police. Three children -- two of hers and one friend -- crawled out and got into the back seat of her car.
*A 18-month-old child was hospitalized Tuesday after he overdosed on cocaine.
Yesterday I read a story about a married couple who put their children in the bathroom, turned on the hot water for a bath and fell into a drug induced stupor. Their two children died of burns and overheating.
Oh yes...the children right now are safe. Everyone says that a same sex couple isnt right for children but do they have anything to back up their claims? Statistics of children being abused, growing up into social rejects, anything that shows they are being harmed?
I would listen to anyone who has a non-bible based reason against gay marriage. Come on...lay it on me. If you can give me a valid reason and not some wishy washy "it is bad for society and the children..." load of crap then I will really try and understand why it is such a bad thing for two people who love each other to commit themselves. Just one good reason...
24 January 2006
What's the Deal With Bird
Looking over my last couple months of posts I realize...where has all the hate gone? It pops up every once and a while but for the most part I havent been filled with rage like before. Why is that.
I have a couple of theories. Nothing I plan on sharing though...but let me say that, while it may be bad for my blogging, the lack of hate is good for my head and heart. While I still have my good days and bad ones, I am happy and that is a good thing.
There are plenty of things that make me angry though. Never fear. And thus...a list!
Things That Piss Bird Off Even Though She Is Very Happy
~ The Stupid Mini-Van Lady who was riding my ass this morning
~ Being smart and funny and making crap pay while driving to boulder each morning
~ My Xcel bill...$110 last month. Holy fuck, my apartment is less than 450 sq ft!
~ The lack of donations to "Kathryns-trip-to-Germany-to-see-her-pal-get-married" fund
~ My neighbor who never shovels the snow and waits for me to do it
~ Dang Broncos
~ Dumb IT guy who still flubs my name and yet once threatened me
~ SOQ's
~ Not getting any hand written letters
~ Laundry
~ My hair (today at least)
~ Bank of America for twice last night booting me while trying to talk to someone
See, I still hate things.
In fact, if it will make you happy, I hate you!
peace~
Birdy
I have a couple of theories. Nothing I plan on sharing though...but let me say that, while it may be bad for my blogging, the lack of hate is good for my head and heart. While I still have my good days and bad ones, I am happy and that is a good thing.
There are plenty of things that make me angry though. Never fear. And thus...a list!
Things That Piss Bird Off Even Though She Is Very Happy
~ The Stupid Mini-Van Lady who was riding my ass this morning
~ Being smart and funny and making crap pay while driving to boulder each morning
~ My Xcel bill...$110 last month. Holy fuck, my apartment is less than 450 sq ft!
~ The lack of donations to "Kathryns-trip-to-Germany-to-see-her-pal-get-married" fund
~ My neighbor who never shovels the snow and waits for me to do it
~ Dang Broncos
~ Dumb IT guy who still flubs my name and yet once threatened me
~ SOQ's
~ Not getting any hand written letters
~ Laundry
~ My hair (today at least)
~ Bank of America for twice last night booting me while trying to talk to someone
See, I still hate things.
In fact, if it will make you happy, I hate you!
peace~
Birdy
18 January 2006
Chinook Rage
I am excited about football. Not just because the broncos are hosting the AFC title game, i just get happy during the playoffs. Sklimps is going to the game...so is K (you big jerk) but i am going to cozy up to a nice warm television. Order some pizza, have a beer (or perhaps a caffeine free soda---solidarity and all) and enjoy the game and-most importantly-the replays. For a brief moment at the Toronto game last night I panicked and thought i had scheduled PC work on the superbowl. Luckily, i am not that stupid.
Two Minutes Hate
What is the deal with all this wind? It is out of control. I dont remember a winter where it was so dry and windy. My hair (which I am sure you all know i take great pride in...snicker snicker) is all kinds of messed up. If I was wearing a skirt it would constantly be blowing up and over my head. Every drive into Boulder for work is fraught with peril.
As windy as it is now...it is nothing compared to the windstorm of 1967. According to my favorite weatherman Mike Nelson, the "...major windstorm hit the area with gusts up to 84 m.p.h. downtown and 125 m.p.h. at NCAR in Boulder. It was described as the worst single windstorm in Boulder's history in terms of damage, which topped a half million dollars." I suppose that would be worse then my hair getting mussed.
I do believe that these winds would qualify as Chinook winds, " a warm dry wind that descends the eastern slopes of the Rocky Mountains."
Other interesting wind names from around the world:
* The Mistral in France – a cold, north-westerly wind that blows down the Rhone valley.
* The Harmattan in West Africa, which blows south from the Sahara and brings dust storms and very dry air.
* The Levante wind in the Mediterranean – an easterly wind bringing mild, moist air to Gibraltar and the mainland of Spain and Africa.
* The Pampero in Argentina – a very cold south westerly wind formed, like many cold winds, in the middle of a continent - in this case South America. It blows across the Pampas grasslands in Argentina.
Learning is Fun but this wind has got to stop. Where is my snow man?
Two Minutes Hate
What is the deal with all this wind? It is out of control. I dont remember a winter where it was so dry and windy. My hair (which I am sure you all know i take great pride in...snicker snicker) is all kinds of messed up. If I was wearing a skirt it would constantly be blowing up and over my head. Every drive into Boulder for work is fraught with peril.
As windy as it is now...it is nothing compared to the windstorm of 1967. According to my favorite weatherman Mike Nelson, the "...major windstorm hit the area with gusts up to 84 m.p.h. downtown and 125 m.p.h. at NCAR in Boulder. It was described as the worst single windstorm in Boulder's history in terms of damage, which topped a half million dollars." I suppose that would be worse then my hair getting mussed.
I do believe that these winds would qualify as Chinook winds, " a warm dry wind that descends the eastern slopes of the Rocky Mountains."
Other interesting wind names from around the world:
* The Mistral in France – a cold, north-westerly wind that blows down the Rhone valley.
* The Harmattan in West Africa, which blows south from the Sahara and brings dust storms and very dry air.
* The Levante wind in the Mediterranean – an easterly wind bringing mild, moist air to Gibraltar and the mainland of Spain and Africa.
* The Pampero in Argentina – a very cold south westerly wind formed, like many cold winds, in the middle of a continent - in this case South America. It blows across the Pampas grasslands in Argentina.
Learning is Fun but this wind has got to stop. Where is my snow man?
17 January 2006
You Know Who You Are
Hey there...
It is good to hear from you. What is that? Oh, yes I am having a hard time of it all. Isnt that the way. You could tell from my voice? Really, hmm...well, that is very nice of you to call and check up on me. Really, it means a lot. You are? Haha....wow that is good news. I look forward to seeing you tonight then. I know, since 1997...it should be very good indeed. I like them too. If i was going to buy a new one, to go with my Ramage and Dingman one, I would buy theirs. It is very neato. Yes, almost retro without having changed in so so long. Hmm? 350 I think.
Really...you do? Well, I feel the same way. It means a lot that you called to share it though. Thanks.
No no...you are the best.
See you later....
B
***************
Isnt it amazing that after a phone call I can feel like things arent spiralling out of control? Like I am cared for and loved and going to be okay? The power of kind words.
It is good to hear from you. What is that? Oh, yes I am having a hard time of it all. Isnt that the way. You could tell from my voice? Really, hmm...well, that is very nice of you to call and check up on me. Really, it means a lot. You are? Haha....wow that is good news. I look forward to seeing you tonight then. I know, since 1997...it should be very good indeed. I like them too. If i was going to buy a new one, to go with my Ramage and Dingman one, I would buy theirs. It is very neato. Yes, almost retro without having changed in so so long. Hmm? 350 I think.
Really...you do? Well, I feel the same way. It means a lot that you called to share it though. Thanks.
No no...you are the best.
See you later....
B
***************
Isnt it amazing that after a phone call I can feel like things arent spiralling out of control? Like I am cared for and loved and going to be okay? The power of kind words.
13 January 2006
Springtime
It isnt spring? Are you sure? Lemme check?
Umm...i think it is. That spring feeling is in the air. I am flirting with strangers and just had an ice cream cone. Soft serve baby!
I really just wanted to post something about the magical power of an ice cream cone. Honestly, it makes you feel like a kid. Driving around this afternoon with the windows down and spring-y music in my car was just wonderful. I had just gotten the car washed and was feeling great. I saw a man in the car next to me eating a cone and thought, well goddamn if that isnt a brilliant idea.
Yum....
I suggest that tomorrow, all you blog readers go and get a cone...sit in the sun and feel the spring time breeze on your face. Unless you live in the Northwest, in which case you should hunker down with some soup.
Tweet tweet went the bird...
Umm...i think it is. That spring feeling is in the air. I am flirting with strangers and just had an ice cream cone. Soft serve baby!
I really just wanted to post something about the magical power of an ice cream cone. Honestly, it makes you feel like a kid. Driving around this afternoon with the windows down and spring-y music in my car was just wonderful. I had just gotten the car washed and was feeling great. I saw a man in the car next to me eating a cone and thought, well goddamn if that isnt a brilliant idea.
Yum....
I suggest that tomorrow, all you blog readers go and get a cone...sit in the sun and feel the spring time breeze on your face. Unless you live in the Northwest, in which case you should hunker down with some soup.
Tweet tweet went the bird...
12 January 2006
10 January 2006
Blogging with Tongs
10 Things I Did With My Big Ol' Tongs
1. Grabbed the cat's ass
2. Took off my hat
3. Put my hat back on...mostly
4. typed this...solid
5. Spread my cheeks really wide
6. Spread my cheeks really wide
7. Sorted my mail
8. Removed gum from pesky wrapper
9. Pulled someone's hair...twice
10. Washed them
1. Grabbed the cat's ass
2. Took off my hat
3. Put my hat back on...mostly
4. typed this...solid
5. Spread my cheeks really wide
6. Spread my cheeks really wide
7. Sorted my mail
8. Removed gum from pesky wrapper
9. Pulled someone's hair...twice
10. Washed them
04 January 2006
Roll ID
Every time we start a new roll of film at work we have to take an initial roll id photo where we fill out the project, the date, the camera type etc. I do believe my boss was in the field on this date (the rest of us were in Nevada) and took this photo.
We usually take a photo while the clipboard is on the ground, or the hood of the truck but this one is much much better and I, for one, plan to take every roll id photo this way.
We usually take a photo while the clipboard is on the ground, or the hood of the truck but this one is much much better and I, for one, plan to take every roll id photo this way.
03 January 2006
Voting Rage
So, happy new year to all you readers out there. I know that since my last post you have all been on the edge of your seats waiting for more news about my favorite hockey player. Sadly, the hockey gods did not hear my call and Chris Dingman was indeed sent down to the AHL Springfield Falcons. Oh, good luck to you Dingman! I shall wear your jersey with pride!
Two Minutes Hate
Munpe Q and I were sitting around talking when we stumbled upon the topic of voting rights and felons.
I, myself, think it is the most ridiculous idea in the world to politically silence people based on their past mistakes. Can someone give me a clear headed reason for this?
I am lazy blogger today so just some links with more information and a request for someone to give me an idea of why this is a good idea.
More Info:
The Sentencing Project
Wikipedia~Felony
Washington Post
The National Constitution Center
Two Minutes Hate
Munpe Q and I were sitting around talking when we stumbled upon the topic of voting rights and felons.
I, myself, think it is the most ridiculous idea in the world to politically silence people based on their past mistakes. Can someone give me a clear headed reason for this?
I am lazy blogger today so just some links with more information and a request for someone to give me an idea of why this is a good idea.
More Info:
The Sentencing Project
Wikipedia~Felony
Washington Post
The National Constitution Center
29 December 2005
Sleepy Time
Sadness...two days in a row.
Oh CHRIS DINGMAN!!! How i love thee.
My favorite player is on waivers!! Oh please hockey gods dont let him be sent to the minors.
If there are any hockey gm's reading this...i am tellin ya. This guy is a scrapper and he plays hard everynight even if he cant skate that well and doesnt really score goals. He loves the game and is a super great guy. Please someone pick him up! For god sakes he has TWO Stanley Cup Rings. If only for good luck just snatch him up!
********
Wednesday at 3:45am i woke up laughing. Laughing and laughing. The kind of laugh that you usually get in a church service or at a wedding. The kind you cant muffle or stop and it just gets funnier and funnier.
I was laughing at a dream that I had. At the time I thought it was brilliant. Really just so amazing that I wanted to write it down to share. And so, now the time has come to tell you what i wrote. First just read then I can explain...
"Whisper your dreams to me-& float them down" When I have the H20 bottle used to spray my ears when I am angry-I keep it in a drawer in the bathroom. If i was asked to spray down on angry world leaders (i was thinking Arab) ears during a heated exchange-oh-I dont have it...
Okay....so i sound like a crazy person huh? But really, most of the dream stems from a conversation i had with Munpe Q about how his ears get hot when he is angry. I guess I thought it would be funny if during some kind of heated meeting between world leaders i had to spray their ears with a water bottle to cool them down. (The US and some Middle Eastern Country seems like they hate each other the most what with Iran just banning all western music...which is why i thought Arab)
As for the, "Whisper your dreams to me and float them down" I remember thinking...in a boat. I will float them down in a boat.
god only knows where this came from...
So...screw that whole idea that you come up with your best ideas in the middle of the night eh?
Sweet dreams
Oh CHRIS DINGMAN!!! How i love thee.
My favorite player is on waivers!! Oh please hockey gods dont let him be sent to the minors.
If there are any hockey gm's reading this...i am tellin ya. This guy is a scrapper and he plays hard everynight even if he cant skate that well and doesnt really score goals. He loves the game and is a super great guy. Please someone pick him up! For god sakes he has TWO Stanley Cup Rings. If only for good luck just snatch him up!
********
Wednesday at 3:45am i woke up laughing. Laughing and laughing. The kind of laugh that you usually get in a church service or at a wedding. The kind you cant muffle or stop and it just gets funnier and funnier.
I was laughing at a dream that I had. At the time I thought it was brilliant. Really just so amazing that I wanted to write it down to share. And so, now the time has come to tell you what i wrote. First just read then I can explain...
"Whisper your dreams to me-& float them down" When I have the H20 bottle used to spray my ears when I am angry-I keep it in a drawer in the bathroom. If i was asked to spray down on angry world leaders (i was thinking Arab) ears during a heated exchange-oh-I dont have it...
Okay....so i sound like a crazy person huh? But really, most of the dream stems from a conversation i had with Munpe Q about how his ears get hot when he is angry. I guess I thought it would be funny if during some kind of heated meeting between world leaders i had to spray their ears with a water bottle to cool them down. (The US and some Middle Eastern Country seems like they hate each other the most what with Iran just banning all western music...which is why i thought Arab)
As for the, "Whisper your dreams to me and float them down" I remember thinking...in a boat. I will float them down in a boat.
god only knows where this came from...
So...screw that whole idea that you come up with your best ideas in the middle of the night eh?
Sweet dreams
28 December 2005
Office Depot Rage
I hope all of you xmas celebraters had a wonderful xmas. I hope all of you Hanukkah celebraters are enjoying the Festival of Lights. Did you xmas-ers know that Hanukkah means dedication in Hebrew? See, who says you cant learn something at a bar?!!
It is with a sad sad heart that I must report the passing of the "Time To Make the Doughnuts" actor, Michael Vale. I love this guy...he was a sleepy head just like me. I must have known somehow, that his time was coming, because i have been talking about this guy for a couple of weeks now. So sad...eat a doughnut in remembrance.
Two Minutes Hate
Thunderpussy and I went to the Office Depot yesterday to purchase office supplies with the corporate OD credit card. TP needed some binders so after encountering possibly the highest employee to patron ratio i have ever seen (We saw 10 between the door and the aisle) we perused the selection of binders. Oh, so many options! Sizes and colors! I love binders because it reminds me of being in school. I loved being in school. My nostalgia left quickly when i spied the prices. A 1" binder with a front clear pocket for a report page was running for 7.39. SEVEN DOLLARS AND THIRTY NINE CENTS. HOLY FUCK IS RIGHT! As Thunderpussy and I looked around we noticed all the prices ranged between $6-7.50. God forbid you need a 3-4 inch binder, those would run about 15 bucks.
I remember last year heading to the Depot or the Max to buy a planner for the coming year. I have to have a planner. Oh, stop with the "who's so fancy" talk. I just work two jobs and try to have a social life. As Bone and i were shopping i came upon the planner i wanted. Simple, clear, small, plain.....35 dollars. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!" Bone had to make me leave the store.
I understand that these large office supply stores cater to businesses like the one I work for. We have a coporate account. We dont care if the binders are 2 or 10 bucks. We pass that cost along to the agency. These office supply stores can charge as much or as little as they would like. Never has my boss said, "Find the cheapest price." He just wants the stuff purchased...doesnt care how much it cost or where we bought it. Still, it just seems wrong to charge so much for a piece of plastic that was made in china by some child and cost all of 15 cents. And even at $7.39 you know that the little fucking rings will get all wanky and not close and end up ripping your papers and then you have to go searching for those stupid round hole repair things. Fucking Office Depot....
It is with a sad sad heart that I must report the passing of the "Time To Make the Doughnuts" actor, Michael Vale. I love this guy...he was a sleepy head just like me. I must have known somehow, that his time was coming, because i have been talking about this guy for a couple of weeks now. So sad...eat a doughnut in remembrance.
Two Minutes Hate
Thunderpussy and I went to the Office Depot yesterday to purchase office supplies with the corporate OD credit card. TP needed some binders so after encountering possibly the highest employee to patron ratio i have ever seen (We saw 10 between the door and the aisle) we perused the selection of binders. Oh, so many options! Sizes and colors! I love binders because it reminds me of being in school. I loved being in school. My nostalgia left quickly when i spied the prices. A 1" binder with a front clear pocket for a report page was running for 7.39. SEVEN DOLLARS AND THIRTY NINE CENTS. HOLY FUCK IS RIGHT! As Thunderpussy and I looked around we noticed all the prices ranged between $6-7.50. God forbid you need a 3-4 inch binder, those would run about 15 bucks.
I remember last year heading to the Depot or the Max to buy a planner for the coming year. I have to have a planner. Oh, stop with the "who's so fancy" talk. I just work two jobs and try to have a social life. As Bone and i were shopping i came upon the planner i wanted. Simple, clear, small, plain.....35 dollars. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!" Bone had to make me leave the store.
I understand that these large office supply stores cater to businesses like the one I work for. We have a coporate account. We dont care if the binders are 2 or 10 bucks. We pass that cost along to the agency. These office supply stores can charge as much or as little as they would like. Never has my boss said, "Find the cheapest price." He just wants the stuff purchased...doesnt care how much it cost or where we bought it. Still, it just seems wrong to charge so much for a piece of plastic that was made in china by some child and cost all of 15 cents. And even at $7.39 you know that the little fucking rings will get all wanky and not close and end up ripping your papers and then you have to go searching for those stupid round hole repair things. Fucking Office Depot....
23 December 2005
Unrealistic Things
Asking people to pay off your student loans as xmas gifts
Waiting for the boss to call you back when he said he would
Not eating the fudge that is in the fridge
Remembering to take the two month old milk out of the fridge
Expecting to get work done on the friday before a 3-day weekend
Bush getting impeached
22 December 2005
Holiday Rage
So here I am at 7:08am blogging. The person my co-workers call sleepy head no less..i arrived at work at 6:45. Yes, that is right I am a sick fuck. But really, what an amazing sun rise here in Boulder. The sky is filled with wispy clouds and is just on fire. Look I took a photo...
I wish I could actually get up this early, watch the amazing sunrise and not feel like i need a nap in the afternoon. Just for funsies here is a photo of my co-worker Thunderpussy....
Two Minutes Hate
It is that time of year. A season when people feel a bit nicer, help others a bit more, and-in my own humble opinion-walk a hundred times slower.
Honestly, what the fuck is up with that?! It is xmas man! I dont have time to meander around the goddamn target watching you ooohhh and awwwwwww at some stupid singing santa doll. I know you havent decided what you are going to get your uncle murray but really, can you at least get the fuck out of the way for those of us who know exactly what we are getting and where it is located??
Sure, you may be fat or old or have a debilitating mental disorder...i can understand that you may not be able to walk as fast as others. I have no problems with that. I am not asking you to walk faster, just to recognize that the world does not move at your snail like pace. Be aware and most importantly, get the fuck out of my way! I would hate to ram this cherry red cart right up your ass!
Happy Holidays!
I wish I could actually get up this early, watch the amazing sunrise and not feel like i need a nap in the afternoon. Just for funsies here is a photo of my co-worker Thunderpussy....
Two Minutes Hate
It is that time of year. A season when people feel a bit nicer, help others a bit more, and-in my own humble opinion-walk a hundred times slower.
Honestly, what the fuck is up with that?! It is xmas man! I dont have time to meander around the goddamn target watching you ooohhh and awwwwwww at some stupid singing santa doll. I know you havent decided what you are going to get your uncle murray but really, can you at least get the fuck out of the way for those of us who know exactly what we are getting and where it is located??
Sure, you may be fat or old or have a debilitating mental disorder...i can understand that you may not be able to walk as fast as others. I have no problems with that. I am not asking you to walk faster, just to recognize that the world does not move at your snail like pace. Be aware and most importantly, get the fuck out of my way! I would hate to ram this cherry red cart right up your ass!
Happy Holidays!
16 December 2005
Just For Pumpkin Head
The other day my pal Pumpkin Head told me that he doesnt read. Not in the afterschool special way but in the I-am-too-lazy-to-read-your-blog way. So...just for him...PHOTO BLOG.
Hey pumpkin...if the captions next to the photos get too much for you, let me know and I will just delete them as well!
A Bird Is Born
Last xmas in the mountains
Oooohhhh...archaeology. Rock art in Albuquerque
Look it's Lake Pontchartrain!
The Grand Mesa looking south
Two twirling pals
Valley of Fires Recreation Area, New Mexico
Tiny man on a beach in Oregon
meow meow
Babies love the broncos and beer
Where i spent fourth grade
Cows eating pumpkins
chickens at the oregon coast
Hockey!
Canada
Is your butt pictured?
Inside the Biosphere
I always had a hard time with the trees...a card i made for my parents
So...there you go PH! Hope your happy.
Best to you all!
Birdy-bird
Hey pumpkin...if the captions next to the photos get too much for you, let me know and I will just delete them as well!
A Bird Is Born
Last xmas in the mountains
Oooohhhh...archaeology. Rock art in Albuquerque
Look it's Lake Pontchartrain!
The Grand Mesa looking south
Two twirling pals
Valley of Fires Recreation Area, New Mexico
Tiny man on a beach in Oregon
meow meow
Babies love the broncos and beer
Where i spent fourth grade
Cows eating pumpkins
chickens at the oregon coast
Hockey!
Canada
Is your butt pictured?
Inside the Biosphere
I always had a hard time with the trees...a card i made for my parents
So...there you go PH! Hope your happy.
Best to you all!
Birdy-bird
12 December 2005
Poppin' Bird's Cherry
Yikes, i grossed myself out with that one.
I am coming off a weekend filled with things I have never done before. I thought it would be interesting to share two bits of it with you.
I began by eating a burger as big as my face. No shit...i held it up to my face to check it out. The buns on this thing were freakin HUGE. I mean, are those special order buns or what? And what it gods name would the point of a burger as big as your face be? Aren't americans fat enough?
By the by...i finished it and it was yummy.
After the burger i thought to myself..."What's a good compliment to eating a face-sized burger?" Shooting a weapon of course!
So i headed over to the shooting range to unleash my rage on a tiny silhouette man. I was firing this weapon.
I must say, i was nervous. Even though my father and brothers had gone hunting, I never went. I never tagged along when they went to the boonies to shoot cans and the whatnot.
The range was an interesting mix of men who were obviously crazy with the power that guns give you and nice gentlemen who had been hunters and military men when they were younger. While standing at the assigned stall I realized that if one of the people at the range wanted to kill me dead that I was easy pickens. Really, any yahoo can rent a gun for 10 bucks!
While loading my clip (ohhh...i sound so gun-tastic I know) the man three stalls down began firing what sounded like a cannon. Seriously...it was so god damn loud it made me jump every time he fired. My pal went first...nice grouping but a bit of a pull to the left...and then it was my turn. I was so nervous, thinking about what my mother used to say when i would horseplay in the house "You could kill someone!" But this time...i really could have turned and killed my friend and the cannon man and even that one chick who was really too excited about it all.
Ohh...deep breaths. Trying to relax and stop my shaking hands. I went through all the things my friend had told me before we left for the range. slide clip in hard, always pointing down range, finger off trigger, right thumb under slide release/lock, right thumb comes up and releases saftey, deep breath, left thumb cocks gun when ready. whoooo......breathe breathe, when ready-finger on trigger...deep breath....POP. There goes your cherry.
How'd I do? Not too bad. Of the nine that hit the poor silhouette man, 1 hit dead center (take that you dirty bastard!), 3 in the 9 ring, 4 in the 8 ring and 1 in the 7 ring.
Even if I never go again, I can say this...it was a very interesting and eye opening experience. Something I think you have to try before you can poopoo the idea....im lookin right in the mirror when i say that!
****
All in all an interesting weekend that will stay with me for a long time (did I mention the burger was as big as my FACE??)
I am coming off a weekend filled with things I have never done before. I thought it would be interesting to share two bits of it with you.
I began by eating a burger as big as my face. No shit...i held it up to my face to check it out. The buns on this thing were freakin HUGE. I mean, are those special order buns or what? And what it gods name would the point of a burger as big as your face be? Aren't americans fat enough?
By the by...i finished it and it was yummy.
After the burger i thought to myself..."What's a good compliment to eating a face-sized burger?" Shooting a weapon of course!
So i headed over to the shooting range to unleash my rage on a tiny silhouette man. I was firing this weapon.
I must say, i was nervous. Even though my father and brothers had gone hunting, I never went. I never tagged along when they went to the boonies to shoot cans and the whatnot.
The range was an interesting mix of men who were obviously crazy with the power that guns give you and nice gentlemen who had been hunters and military men when they were younger. While standing at the assigned stall I realized that if one of the people at the range wanted to kill me dead that I was easy pickens. Really, any yahoo can rent a gun for 10 bucks!
While loading my clip (ohhh...i sound so gun-tastic I know) the man three stalls down began firing what sounded like a cannon. Seriously...it was so god damn loud it made me jump every time he fired. My pal went first...nice grouping but a bit of a pull to the left...and then it was my turn. I was so nervous, thinking about what my mother used to say when i would horseplay in the house "You could kill someone!" But this time...i really could have turned and killed my friend and the cannon man and even that one chick who was really too excited about it all.
Ohh...deep breaths. Trying to relax and stop my shaking hands. I went through all the things my friend had told me before we left for the range. slide clip in hard, always pointing down range, finger off trigger, right thumb under slide release/lock, right thumb comes up and releases saftey, deep breath, left thumb cocks gun when ready. whoooo......breathe breathe, when ready-finger on trigger...deep breath....POP. There goes your cherry.
How'd I do? Not too bad. Of the nine that hit the poor silhouette man, 1 hit dead center (take that you dirty bastard!), 3 in the 9 ring, 4 in the 8 ring and 1 in the 7 ring.
Even if I never go again, I can say this...it was a very interesting and eye opening experience. Something I think you have to try before you can poopoo the idea....im lookin right in the mirror when i say that!
****
All in all an interesting weekend that will stay with me for a long time (did I mention the burger was as big as my FACE??)
08 December 2005
The Game Or The Play By Agatha Christie?
I havent read or seen a production of The Mousetrap but i have played the game which, i believe, was based on the play...right? Totally...
Today is like that plastic mousetrap. Everything is hinging on the ball dropping. Nothing else is happening. Nothing can happen unless that freakin ball falls. all the little chutes and ladders are just waiting there...
So here i sit. Dangling like that stupid cage...waiting to fall on the plastic mouse. Waiting for phone calls and clarification and the national archives and the printers and the photos. In bank lines and at the post office i stand...waiting to spring into action. Spring isnt right....plop is more appropriate i suppose.
"plop plop fizz fizz" says the bird
Today is like that plastic mousetrap. Everything is hinging on the ball dropping. Nothing else is happening. Nothing can happen unless that freakin ball falls. all the little chutes and ladders are just waiting there...
So here i sit. Dangling like that stupid cage...waiting to fall on the plastic mouse. Waiting for phone calls and clarification and the national archives and the printers and the photos. In bank lines and at the post office i stand...waiting to spring into action. Spring isnt right....plop is more appropriate i suppose.
"plop plop fizz fizz" says the bird
05 December 2005
6 Ways to Kill a Bird
My pal Large Marge brought me in a pie today. Cherry, my favorite! Yum...it was most delicious. I enjoyed a piece with a nice cup of coffee and a computer filled with crappy word docs. It took the edge off of what was an anger filled monday morning. But really, would it be a monday morning if i didnt stroke my little ball of hate? I think not...
Two Minutes Hate
The wind up here in Boulder is blowin like a mother with gusts up to 90mph. Goddamn if i didnt almost die 6 times. What, you think I am exaggerating?
1. Vision obscured because tumbleweeds covered windshield
2. Trashcan blew into on coming traffic
3. Vision obscured by blowing dirt/snow, asshats in front of me slam on breaks
4. Swinging traffic light fell near my car
5. Wind gusts made high profile truck in the next lane swerve into mine
6. Wind almost picked up my car and flipped me over
Okay, maybe the 6th was a bit of an exaggeration but still, 5 near-deaths before coffee...wouldnt you be angry too?
eyes on the road--hands at 10 and 2 people!
~Bird
02 December 2005
iPod game...
Fighting work and sleep and boredom...
Step 1
pull out your ipod
Step 2
browse by song
Step 3
scroll down while counting one mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi
Step 4
note song and artist
Step 5
repeat
1. Bartender~ Slim Cessna's Auto Club
2. Casey Joes~ The Grateful Dead
3. Devil In Me~ 22-20's
4. Finger Lickin Good~ Beastie Boys
5. Just Like Honey~ Jesus and Mary Chain
6. Please Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone~ Sammy Davis Jr.
7. Tea For Two~ Mambo All-Stars
8. Watch Your Step~ Elvis Costello and the Attractions
9. Zoo Station~ U2
Birdy's pod says:
"Tweet tweet"
30 November 2005
28 November 2005
Bird-Zilla
I killed an entire civilization this evening.
From the moment they settled in the valley of Leftover Chili they had worried about what seemed to be their impending destruction. Surely they had no more then one-perhaps two-generations before the Great Sponge would come for them. Still, they made homes, built schools, and formed community theater troupes.
Many many centuries past. So many, in fact, that they had almost forgotten what their ancestors told them..."One day, the Great Sponge will come with Lemon-Scented death." Silly, they thought.
They developed space flight and stretched to the furthest reaches of their world.
They felt invincible.
Today, the ground began to shake. The whole world began to spin. Suddenly, the ceiling was ripped off of their world. Every pioneer who traveled to the moon colony was suddenly gone. Before anyone had a chance to sound an alarm, scalding rain poured down upon them. Entire cities were swept away.
Then, without warning. Liquid Lemon gushed from above....
There were no survivors.
From the moment they settled in the valley of Leftover Chili they had worried about what seemed to be their impending destruction. Surely they had no more then one-perhaps two-generations before the Great Sponge would come for them. Still, they made homes, built schools, and formed community theater troupes.
Many many centuries past. So many, in fact, that they had almost forgotten what their ancestors told them..."One day, the Great Sponge will come with Lemon-Scented death." Silly, they thought.
They developed space flight and stretched to the furthest reaches of their world.
They felt invincible.
Today, the ground began to shake. The whole world began to spin. Suddenly, the ceiling was ripped off of their world. Every pioneer who traveled to the moon colony was suddenly gone. Before anyone had a chance to sound an alarm, scalding rain poured down upon them. Entire cities were swept away.
Then, without warning. Liquid Lemon gushed from above....
There were no survivors.
My Fallen Brethren
Just a little love for my dead brothers and sisters...
I was sans family this year and I must say, it was wonderful! I think it was wise for the angry bird to not be with family lest this quote appear in the local paper about me "Man beat family to death on Thanksgiving"
~tweet
22 November 2005
That One Person...
There are all kinds of people in my life.
Each of them serves a purpose. Each of them gives me something that I need. That is what your friends do, they each give you something you need and in turn, you give to them.
There are the people I talk to when I am feeling blue because they make me laugh and make me see that I am really an okay person. There are the people you go to see chick movies with. There are the people that I go shopping with. People that I talk to when I need a slap in the face and a kick in the ass. All kinds....
Each serves a purpose and each means a lot to me, even if I dont share it enough.
Last night, at 3am, while I was laying awake and having trouble sleeping I talked to the person who helps me relax. The person who puts me at ease. Thanks for that.
~Tweet Tweet~
19 November 2005
Whew!!!
Well, I am feeling much better. Yesterday was just miserable all around.
Today looks to be better.
The first sign of a better day is that I seem to have missed the Jehovah's Witnesses. I came home from the house/dog sitting to pick up some clothes and make sure the gato was still alive and noticed a JW pamphlet stuck in my door. Still warm. Nah, just jerkin yer chain.
What would I do if they showed up when I was here? The way my house is set up I cant really hide from someone at the door. So, I would have been forced to not answer knowing that they would see me ignoring them, or answer the door. I am sure I would have done the latter. When they started talking I would have taken all their matierals, let them blather on about Jesus while i sat zoning out and thinking about my new hockey jersey, and stopped just short of inviting them in. I most likely would have made up an excuse about how I have some meeting or appointment. They would have asked if they could come back and I would have said sure and set up a time and then made sure not to be home when they came back. I would have spent the next month or so living in constant fear of them returning and being forced to talk about religion.
Birdy is a sucker for people at her door. I cant tell you how much money i have given to charities, how many cookies or magazines I have bought from some school, how many lawn service or chimney sweepers I have listened to. I just cant say no at the door.
The BEST news from all of this is that "The suffering is near its end." Ya see, it seems that life and everything was just a big joke by god. He just wanted to prove to us that we arent better off living without his rule. That why there's been so much suffering. Wow...you really got me god. Nice one....
Today looks to be better.
The first sign of a better day is that I seem to have missed the Jehovah's Witnesses. I came home from the house/dog sitting to pick up some clothes and make sure the gato was still alive and noticed a JW pamphlet stuck in my door. Still warm. Nah, just jerkin yer chain.
What would I do if they showed up when I was here? The way my house is set up I cant really hide from someone at the door. So, I would have been forced to not answer knowing that they would see me ignoring them, or answer the door. I am sure I would have done the latter. When they started talking I would have taken all their matierals, let them blather on about Jesus while i sat zoning out and thinking about my new hockey jersey, and stopped just short of inviting them in. I most likely would have made up an excuse about how I have some meeting or appointment. They would have asked if they could come back and I would have said sure and set up a time and then made sure not to be home when they came back. I would have spent the next month or so living in constant fear of them returning and being forced to talk about religion.
Birdy is a sucker for people at her door. I cant tell you how much money i have given to charities, how many cookies or magazines I have bought from some school, how many lawn service or chimney sweepers I have listened to. I just cant say no at the door.
The BEST news from all of this is that "The suffering is near its end." Ya see, it seems that life and everything was just a big joke by god. He just wanted to prove to us that we arent better off living without his rule. That why there's been so much suffering. Wow...you really got me god. Nice one....
18 November 2005
Friday Rage
Two Minutes Hate
I hate fridays that act like mondays. That should be illegal.
If you are at work on a friday and it starts feeling like a monday, just go home. If you find, perhaps, that your duties have changed and instead of doing the mindless task you were doing the day before you will now be doing an equally mindless task that you cant f*&ing stand....GO HOME.
If you find that your plans for a nice evening with friends have been ruined because of some stupid physical ailment...GET DRUNK AT HOME AND PASS OUT.
If you realize that you wont get to go to the airport and you were really looking forward to it...MAKE PLANE NOISES AND TWIRL.
maybe not the last one.
I am annoyed!!! Stupid friday!
B
14 November 2005
Snow Rage
Today, as I was driving towards laundry and the hockey game, i had one of those great colorado moments. It smelled like rain and snow all day long. Then, just as I was leaving the wind picked up. The snow started to fly, coming sideways mixed with dry yellow leaves and a stray newspaper insert.
I was so happy in that moment. I love the snow. I love winter and everything it suggests. I especially love the moment that a season changes...it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As I was driving my bliss turned to rage. Funny how that happens...
You people all live in colorado. You all have CO plates and suv's and ski racks. What is the deal with your crappy winter driving? Do you have long term memory issues and you just forget each spring summer and fall what to do when the streets get slick?
Ah jeez......
I was so happy in that moment. I love the snow. I love winter and everything it suggests. I especially love the moment that a season changes...it is like waiting for the other shoe to drop.
As I was driving my bliss turned to rage. Funny how that happens...
You people all live in colorado. You all have CO plates and suv's and ski racks. What is the deal with your crappy winter driving? Do you have long term memory issues and you just forget each spring summer and fall what to do when the streets get slick?
Ah jeez......
Say What?
Birdy said possibly the strangest thing today...and that is saying a lot.
"Fuck that, I dont want alligators getting into my castle. That ain't right."
Even if i explained the context in which that phrase was uttered it still wouldnt make a lick a sense (as my dear mum would say).
13 November 2005
10 November 2005
Dangerous Vapor
I am sitting at home listening to music and pondering a spin of the old DVD player now that I know it isnt broken (thanks again Aussie).
"Bird bird bird...i know you are a lazy fuck," you may be thinking to yourself, "but surely you arent ditching work and blogging about it are you?"
OH heavens no, and dont call me shirley (just for you K).
Today we got two reverse 911 calls. The first, from the Lafayette Police Department said something about capturing the fugative and that we were all clear. Umm...okay. The second, from the Boulder Police Department, told us that we had to evacuate because we were in the 2sq mile evac area. Reno started singing "Highway to the Danger Zone." It was good times. Seems there was some sort of hazmat issue up the road at the IBM plant.
Needless to say, free day off baby!
I went to lunch, bought two CD's (I highly recommend them both, Wolf Parade (which I remember hearing about somewhere) and The Magic Numbers ~thanks for the turn on to them both Slim!~), and am now happily sucking down an ice cold 90 shilling. Ahhh....solid.
There is hockey on tonight and things are looking great...
"Bird bird bird...i know you are a lazy fuck," you may be thinking to yourself, "but surely you arent ditching work and blogging about it are you?"
OH heavens no, and dont call me shirley (just for you K).
Today we got two reverse 911 calls. The first, from the Lafayette Police Department said something about capturing the fugative and that we were all clear. Umm...okay. The second, from the Boulder Police Department, told us that we had to evacuate because we were in the 2sq mile evac area. Reno started singing "Highway to the Danger Zone." It was good times. Seems there was some sort of hazmat issue up the road at the IBM plant.
Needless to say, free day off baby!
I went to lunch, bought two CD's (I highly recommend them both, Wolf Parade (which I remember hearing about somewhere) and The Magic Numbers ~thanks for the turn on to them both Slim!~), and am now happily sucking down an ice cold 90 shilling. Ahhh....solid.
There is hockey on tonight and things are looking great...
One Comes In and One Goes Out...
Good news from Pennsylvania and the GOP. Maybe today wont be so bad after all...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday early morning a friend of mine died.
Three hours later, somewhere else, a new baby girl was born to good friends of my pal Munpe Q.
Life is funny like that sometimes...
B
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yesterday early morning a friend of mine died.
Three hours later, somewhere else, a new baby girl was born to good friends of my pal Munpe Q.
Life is funny like that sometimes...
B
08 November 2005
Sunflower State Rage
Until just a moment ago I was filled with this kind of crazy insane happy energy.
Two Minutes Hate
Again, with the Kansas State School Board.
The Kansas State School Board Ok'ed new science standards that say "high school students must understand major evolutionary concepts. But they also declare that the basic Darwinian theory that all life had a common origin and that natural chemical processes created the building blocks of life have been challenged in recent years by fossil evidence and molecular biology. In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena."
Rewrote the definition of science? Are you serious?
The most frustrating bit of the story is this quote from board member John Bacon, "It gets rid of a lot of dogma that's being taught in the classroom today." In the same paragraph it says that the new language will promote "academic freedom."
Well, someone has been reading Lakoff.
I am so annoyed right now at the turns this country has been taking. Backstepping into the middle ages. Becoming more and more conservative (not always a bad thing) while at the same time throwing science and reason under the bus.
Too frustrated to write a good response.
Two Minutes Hate
Again, with the Kansas State School Board.
The Kansas State School Board Ok'ed new science standards that say "high school students must understand major evolutionary concepts. But they also declare that the basic Darwinian theory that all life had a common origin and that natural chemical processes created the building blocks of life have been challenged in recent years by fossil evidence and molecular biology. In addition, the board rewrote the definition of science, so that it is no longer limited to the search for natural explanations of phenomena."
Rewrote the definition of science? Are you serious?
The most frustrating bit of the story is this quote from board member John Bacon, "It gets rid of a lot of dogma that's being taught in the classroom today." In the same paragraph it says that the new language will promote "academic freedom."
Well, someone has been reading Lakoff.
I am so annoyed right now at the turns this country has been taking. Backstepping into the middle ages. Becoming more and more conservative (not always a bad thing) while at the same time throwing science and reason under the bus.
Too frustrated to write a good response.
04 November 2005
Inside Bird's Plasma
What college student hasnt been strapped for cash? Thinking, how can i buy books, eat and pay for beer with just my crappy work study job? Good question!
When i was in college, after a month of cheese and mustard sandwiches and then just mustard and bread when the cheese ran out, i thought...using my body as an organic ATM isnt such a bad idea. Ahhh...yes.....selling plasma!!
The first time you sell your plasma, you have to go through a physical as well as a "rigorous" questioning. They feel you up, take some blood and make sure you havent had unprotected sex with a man from Africa since 1978. Yeah, i am serious. They asked me, have you had a tattoo in the last year. I answer yes....and they say, umm...okay dont tell anyone that. This is where a doctor, while listening to my heart asked:
Doc: "Has anyone ever told you that you have a heart murmur?"
Bird: "Um...no"
Doc: "OK"
Bird: "Well, do i?"
Doc: "Nah, I was just wondering."
Grrrreeeeaaattt......
So after the questions they spin your blood and make sure you dont have diseases. This is the fun time where you hope to god they dont call you into the small room to break the bad news.
If you pass the muster they send you to the back room. A bunch of chairs with machines and people sitting there getting the very life sucked out of them. They show you to a chair and let you pick a magazine and there you wait for someone to hook you up.
The first time I went I was nervous. It was thundering outside...greenish skies that suggested tornados. Anyone who knows the Bird knows that I hate tornados. In fact, i am down right terrified of them. So, here i sit...waiting for needles and blood and there are tornados. Suddenly, the skies part and the sun breaks out. I look up and my attendent is walking toward me. He is a small nice looking man. Brown hair that reaches his shoulders. A full brown beard and a nice smile. I look at the name on his lab coat and it says CHRIST. No shit. I just kinda look up at Christ and point. He looks down and says, "Oh yeah...its Christopher but they tried to fit as many letters on there as they could."
They hook you up and suck out your blood...spin it like crazy to separate the clear yellowish fluid portion of the blood that transports water and nutrients to all the cells in the body. The plasma is used for transfusions for people who have suffered shock, burns or trauma. See, so selling yourself is a good thing.
Once you are done you get some saline and 25 bucks! Wow...what a deal. They advise you to go straight home and eat something. Take it easy for a while. I also recommend this. Once, I couldnt go straight home. See, I needed that 25 bucks for food...most importantly food for the gatos. So there I stand in the grocery line...holding my bag of cat food and trying not to let the bloody cotton ball slip off my arm. I start to feel woozy. Ugh....the clerk asks if i am okay...i look pale. I get the food and drive home. When i get there i have nothing left, literally sucked dry. So i lay on the floor and open the cat food. "Kitties...you just have to eat here." My roommate finds me on the ground-cat food scattered around my body.
I stopped giving plasma after that...
When i was in college, after a month of cheese and mustard sandwiches and then just mustard and bread when the cheese ran out, i thought...using my body as an organic ATM isnt such a bad idea. Ahhh...yes.....selling plasma!!
The first time you sell your plasma, you have to go through a physical as well as a "rigorous" questioning. They feel you up, take some blood and make sure you havent had unprotected sex with a man from Africa since 1978. Yeah, i am serious. They asked me, have you had a tattoo in the last year. I answer yes....and they say, umm...okay dont tell anyone that. This is where a doctor, while listening to my heart asked:
Doc: "Has anyone ever told you that you have a heart murmur?"
Bird: "Um...no"
Doc: "OK"
Bird: "Well, do i?"
Doc: "Nah, I was just wondering."
Grrrreeeeaaattt......
So after the questions they spin your blood and make sure you dont have diseases. This is the fun time where you hope to god they dont call you into the small room to break the bad news.
If you pass the muster they send you to the back room. A bunch of chairs with machines and people sitting there getting the very life sucked out of them. They show you to a chair and let you pick a magazine and there you wait for someone to hook you up.
The first time I went I was nervous. It was thundering outside...greenish skies that suggested tornados. Anyone who knows the Bird knows that I hate tornados. In fact, i am down right terrified of them. So, here i sit...waiting for needles and blood and there are tornados. Suddenly, the skies part and the sun breaks out. I look up and my attendent is walking toward me. He is a small nice looking man. Brown hair that reaches his shoulders. A full brown beard and a nice smile. I look at the name on his lab coat and it says CHRIST. No shit. I just kinda look up at Christ and point. He looks down and says, "Oh yeah...its Christopher but they tried to fit as many letters on there as they could."
They hook you up and suck out your blood...spin it like crazy to separate the clear yellowish fluid portion of the blood that transports water and nutrients to all the cells in the body. The plasma is used for transfusions for people who have suffered shock, burns or trauma. See, so selling yourself is a good thing.
Once you are done you get some saline and 25 bucks! Wow...what a deal. They advise you to go straight home and eat something. Take it easy for a while. I also recommend this. Once, I couldnt go straight home. See, I needed that 25 bucks for food...most importantly food for the gatos. So there I stand in the grocery line...holding my bag of cat food and trying not to let the bloody cotton ball slip off my arm. I start to feel woozy. Ugh....the clerk asks if i am okay...i look pale. I get the food and drive home. When i get there i have nothing left, literally sucked dry. So i lay on the floor and open the cat food. "Kitties...you just have to eat here." My roommate finds me on the ground-cat food scattered around my body.
I stopped giving plasma after that...
03 November 2005
The Sickness Rage
Here i am....in pain but making some noodles because birdy has to eat and take meds. The best way to ignore the pain? Blog! Yes, soon you will all see that blogging actually adds years to your life. Dont believe me? Ummm....i have no catchy come back to that.
Two Minutes Hate
Okay...so i have been catching a lot of flack for this so called "bird flu" Let me just say right now that I am not the bird responsible for all the sickness in Asia. In fact, I've never even been there! But now, i start to hear things out of our own country. Things that kinda scare me. This came in just today, "Dealing with bird flu: no kissing birds"
WHAT? That's just mean! I wont hurt you, I promise! (Unless you're into that kinda thing and then we can talk)
Really though...i am harmless...mostly....come on....pucker up!!! What are ya Chicken?
HAHAHA went the Bird
Two Minutes Hate
Okay...so i have been catching a lot of flack for this so called "bird flu" Let me just say right now that I am not the bird responsible for all the sickness in Asia. In fact, I've never even been there! But now, i start to hear things out of our own country. Things that kinda scare me. This came in just today, "Dealing with bird flu: no kissing birds"
WHAT? That's just mean! I wont hurt you, I promise! (Unless you're into that kinda thing and then we can talk)
Really though...i am harmless...mostly....come on....pucker up!!! What are ya Chicken?
HAHAHA went the Bird
02 November 2005
Directions...
Methocarbamol 500mg
Take one tablet by mouth two or three times daily for spasm.
MAY CAUSE DIZZINESS
MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS
DO NOT take alcohol or non persecription drugs without consulting your doctor.
Diclofenac 50mg
Take one tablet by mouth twice daily with food.
This medication should be taken with PLENTY of WATER.
SWALLOW WHOLE. Do not crush or chew
Medicine may cause drowsiness or dizziness
If medication upsets your stomach, take with a modest meal, crackers, or bread.
I wish someone was here to entertain me....and make me a modest meal.
When will these damn pills kick in??!!!
tweet tweet went the sore bird...
Take one tablet by mouth two or three times daily for spasm.
MAY CAUSE DIZZINESS
MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS
DO NOT take alcohol or non persecription drugs without consulting your doctor.
Diclofenac 50mg
Take one tablet by mouth twice daily with food.
This medication should be taken with PLENTY of WATER.
SWALLOW WHOLE. Do not crush or chew
Medicine may cause drowsiness or dizziness
If medication upsets your stomach, take with a modest meal, crackers, or bread.
I wish someone was here to entertain me....and make me a modest meal.
When will these damn pills kick in??!!!
tweet tweet went the sore bird...
31 October 2005
Untitled Rage
One of my favorite websites is Catholic.org I like to check out the Saints and Angels section. You can find all kinds of neato information. For example, i have begun praying to the two Patron Saints of Shovelbums St. Helena and St. Damasus. I figure...maybe these guys can help me figure out what to do.
I have been looking for the Patron Saint of backpain and it turns out it is St. Percocet and St. Patron.
Two Minutes Hate
Why are people afraid to be happy?
(repeat 10 more times)
I have been looking for the Patron Saint of backpain and it turns out it is St. Percocet and St. Patron.
Two Minutes Hate
Why are people afraid to be happy?
(repeat 10 more times)
29 October 2005
Halloween Rage
I love Halloween. I dont know why. I dont think i had a memorable halloween as a kid but as an adult it is my favorite holiday. I think because it is strange and fun. Something about people dressing up perhaps. Even though this bird isnt child friendly, i really enjoy checking out kids costumes. Some of them are down right hilarious. You can tell that these kids are going to be something special. Today, while on my way to the tire store i saw a kid dressed as a mail man. He had the mailman hat, the bag, the blue shirt and dark pants and a pair of loafers. I nearly ran him over i was laughing so hard. (see what i mean about not kid friendly?)
This may lead you to ask the bird..."Bird, how did you see a kid dressed up, in the middle of the day, on the 29th no less." To you, dear questioner i would say this...
Two Minutes Hate
There were kids trick-or-treating at noon at some shops near my house. Now, this bothers me a bit but I can understand why shop owners do this. However, all you little bastards who are going out trick-or-treating tonight...tell your parents they are assholes. Go on...i'll wait.
You cant make a kid trick-or-treat on saturday because it is easier for you! damn man dont you know anything? I'm looking at you Sam!!
ASIDE
I just want to thank the UNC Bears (my stinky alma mater) for whooping up on the Fat Loser...i mean Fort Lewis Skyhawks (as opposed to the lesser known groundhawk). Sklimps went to Fort Lewis (How do you get a Fort Lewis Graduate off your porch? Pay for the Pizza!) and we had a little bet going as to who would win. Of course Sklimps knows that the SH's were gonna get blown away but like a good booster he still made the bet. Final score? 45-14! Thanks man---i like my beer ice cold!
This may lead you to ask the bird..."Bird, how did you see a kid dressed up, in the middle of the day, on the 29th no less." To you, dear questioner i would say this...
Two Minutes Hate
There were kids trick-or-treating at noon at some shops near my house. Now, this bothers me a bit but I can understand why shop owners do this. However, all you little bastards who are going out trick-or-treating tonight...tell your parents they are assholes. Go on...i'll wait.
You cant make a kid trick-or-treat on saturday because it is easier for you! damn man dont you know anything? I'm looking at you Sam!!
ASIDE
I just want to thank the UNC Bears (my stinky alma mater) for whooping up on the Fat Loser...i mean Fort Lewis Skyhawks (as opposed to the lesser known groundhawk). Sklimps went to Fort Lewis (How do you get a Fort Lewis Graduate off your porch? Pay for the Pizza!) and we had a little bet going as to who would win. Of course Sklimps knows that the SH's were gonna get blown away but like a good booster he still made the bet. Final score? 45-14! Thanks man---i like my beer ice cold!
28 October 2005
ZZZZzzzzzzz Rage
You know how you get so tired that your eyes feel scratchy and heavy? And even though you thought you would never fall asleep in the car you find your head bobbing? Well, i had that all day today. Really bad...even coffee didnt help. Fuck, music didnt even help!
And then...the cruellest of all fates...insomnia.
Here it is...2am. Not even droopy.
I cant slow my brain down sometimes. Thousands of things are running through my head. I jump from one to the next, not even completing a thought. Round and round and round.
I want to take my brain out and wring out all the thoughts and ideas and questions. Stuff it back in dry as a bone.
And then...the cruellest of all fates...insomnia.
Here it is...2am. Not even droopy.
I cant slow my brain down sometimes. Thousands of things are running through my head. I jump from one to the next, not even completing a thought. Round and round and round.
I want to take my brain out and wring out all the thoughts and ideas and questions. Stuff it back in dry as a bone.
25 October 2005
Hell Is For The Lustful
I took this test two years ago and found myself in the Second Level of Hell. I took it today and surprise surprise (as gomer would say) I am still there. Ahh...lust!
Take it yourself and prepare for your future...plus, since it is based on the description of Hell found in Dante's Divine Comedy, it is really just an educational tool.
Dante's Inferno Test
Take it yourself and prepare for your future...plus, since it is based on the description of Hell found in Dante's Divine Comedy, it is really just an educational tool.
Dante's Inferno Test
Names
So...i have been drinking...excuse this post.
Slim, Laser and I were sitting around drinking, as we sometimes do...
Scoot was asking about her name. Upset that she had to be called scoot even though we all agreed that scoot was a cute name and Scoot is, easily, the cutest person I know. Really, i cant even explain this to people. Not cute like oh, hello kitty...but cute like...holy fucking shit that is so goddamn cute....god be buggered that's a big ass fajita plate cute!
So...Scoot decided that she wanted to be called:
Yo! I'm a badass mo fo kick your sweet behind from here to
Tinglewood bitch I fucking own your shit, aka Scoot.
Wow....that is a long name but what ever YIBMFKYSBFHTBIFOYS aka Scoot wants, she gets.
Scoot also did this...several times.
There were a number of great phrases that were passed around but my drunken mind has forgotten them all. Slim...laser...help me out eh???
sleepy bird say
gnight!
Slim, Laser and I were sitting around drinking, as we sometimes do...
Scoot was asking about her name. Upset that she had to be called scoot even though we all agreed that scoot was a cute name and Scoot is, easily, the cutest person I know. Really, i cant even explain this to people. Not cute like oh, hello kitty...but cute like...holy fucking shit that is so goddamn cute....god be buggered that's a big ass fajita plate cute!
So...Scoot decided that she wanted to be called:
Yo! I'm a badass mo fo kick your sweet behind from here to
Tinglewood bitch I fucking own your shit, aka Scoot.
Wow....that is a long name but what ever YIBMFKYSBFHTBIFOYS aka Scoot wants, she gets.
Scoot also did this...several times.
There were a number of great phrases that were passed around but my drunken mind has forgotten them all. Slim...laser...help me out eh???
sleepy bird say
gnight!
22 October 2005
Notes From The PK
Promise Keepers....
It rolls around the PC once a year and for some reason i end up signing up for it. Glutton for punishment? Perhaps. Maybe I am just looking for blog fodder...
I was at a stationary position all night which is nice because it lets you experience the freakshow that is PK-2005 or as it was often called, "The Awakening". People often ask us KSE employees....what is the worst event you work? Mine was the Nas show where I got punched in the face (see previous blog) or maybe the Reel Big Fish Show. PK is nowhere near the worst event. It is easy and the guys mostly stay away from you. However, it is hands down the biggest white trash event. Most people are surprised by that. Thinking that monster trucks or some country music show would be the worst. Honestly, there were more toothless men (i counted 15 from my post) then minorities.
There was a group of men, just down from me, who would stop random people-chat with them and then force them into some kind of group hug/prayer circle. The men would leave looking teary and moved but I think it is a kind of religious sexual harassment. My coworker and i were scared to walk near them lest we be dragged inside.
Some crazy man wearing a beanie (with propeller) and flashing lights and a goofy outfit (his attempt to be "wacky" and connect with the kids), asked us how many PC employees were "serving the Promise Keepers" tonight. He looked upset when I laughed and said, "oh no...we are getting paid for this...are you kidding??" Me and my stupid mouth...always talking before i think.
I saw a highschool classmates father at the event. Melanie Keuglers dad....wow. I cant believe i recognized him after all these years. The small town where I graduated high school had less then 1000 people but 10 churches. Everyone went to church and if you werent a church family (like myself) you were not to be trusted. The irony of the whole situation, one that has been repeated over and over again throughout the nation, is that most of the "good church kids" ended up pregnant, dropping out of school, on drugs, arrested etc. Melanie was one of these kids. She ended up pregnant had an abortion and got pregnant again. She decided to keep it, moved to Chicago and then gave it up for adoption. I wanted to ask Mr. Keugler how his daughter was doing but i couldnt stop laughing.
The best quote of the night came from a man who walked up to us, eyes glazed over.
Man: "No beer sales?"
Me: "No, sorry sir"
Man: "Damn, I never would have let them talk me into coming if I knew there wasnt going to be any beer..."
Indeed...
So, during some events I pick something to count. Depending on the show it can be mullets, leather pants, how many times someone says "howdy" or "sweetheart", whatever seems appropriate for the show. Tonight I chose Toothless Men and how many times someone said "God Bless". As I mentioned before...15 toothless men. Wow! I figured that the God Bless would be off the charts however, I only got 4 God Blesses. What the fuck churchies? I was helping you all over the place...the least you could do was try and help my cause with the big guy upstairs.
I am sure it will be okay though because someone told me as I was going on break that they would pray for me.
B
It rolls around the PC once a year and for some reason i end up signing up for it. Glutton for punishment? Perhaps. Maybe I am just looking for blog fodder...
I was at a stationary position all night which is nice because it lets you experience the freakshow that is PK-2005 or as it was often called, "The Awakening". People often ask us KSE employees....what is the worst event you work? Mine was the Nas show where I got punched in the face (see previous blog) or maybe the Reel Big Fish Show. PK is nowhere near the worst event. It is easy and the guys mostly stay away from you. However, it is hands down the biggest white trash event. Most people are surprised by that. Thinking that monster trucks or some country music show would be the worst. Honestly, there were more toothless men (i counted 15 from my post) then minorities.
There was a group of men, just down from me, who would stop random people-chat with them and then force them into some kind of group hug/prayer circle. The men would leave looking teary and moved but I think it is a kind of religious sexual harassment. My coworker and i were scared to walk near them lest we be dragged inside.
Some crazy man wearing a beanie (with propeller) and flashing lights and a goofy outfit (his attempt to be "wacky" and connect with the kids), asked us how many PC employees were "serving the Promise Keepers" tonight. He looked upset when I laughed and said, "oh no...we are getting paid for this...are you kidding??" Me and my stupid mouth...always talking before i think.
I saw a highschool classmates father at the event. Melanie Keuglers dad....wow. I cant believe i recognized him after all these years. The small town where I graduated high school had less then 1000 people but 10 churches. Everyone went to church and if you werent a church family (like myself) you were not to be trusted. The irony of the whole situation, one that has been repeated over and over again throughout the nation, is that most of the "good church kids" ended up pregnant, dropping out of school, on drugs, arrested etc. Melanie was one of these kids. She ended up pregnant had an abortion and got pregnant again. She decided to keep it, moved to Chicago and then gave it up for adoption. I wanted to ask Mr. Keugler how his daughter was doing but i couldnt stop laughing.
The best quote of the night came from a man who walked up to us, eyes glazed over.
Man: "No beer sales?"
Me: "No, sorry sir"
Man: "Damn, I never would have let them talk me into coming if I knew there wasnt going to be any beer..."
Indeed...
So, during some events I pick something to count. Depending on the show it can be mullets, leather pants, how many times someone says "howdy" or "sweetheart", whatever seems appropriate for the show. Tonight I chose Toothless Men and how many times someone said "God Bless". As I mentioned before...15 toothless men. Wow! I figured that the God Bless would be off the charts however, I only got 4 God Blesses. What the fuck churchies? I was helping you all over the place...the least you could do was try and help my cause with the big guy upstairs.
I am sure it will be okay though because someone told me as I was going on break that they would pray for me.
B
19 October 2005
Job Skillz
I need a new job...badly. Because, you see, once again and for the 4th time this month I am sitting at home, not working because there is nothing for me to do. (squirt, do the comma mistakes in this sentence make your head hurt?) I am a full time salaried employee...but not really. They can work me to death and I dont get overtime however, if i miss work they take it out of my check. I am getting screwed with my pants on.
Thus, I need a new job. You can help! Let me tell you my various skills and then you can hire me. Or, you can tell me about job openings you see as you commute to work.
~I am hi-larious. But this you must already know.
~I have mad digging skillz. You need a squared off 1x1m hole dug at 10cm levels in your backyard? Man...that's my bag baby!
~I work well under pressure. In fact, so well that I love to put things off until the last possible second so that the pressure is intense!! This may come in handy if you need someone who can disarm a bomb with only 1 second remaining. (caveat- i would need to be taught how to disarm a bomb...but I learn quickly)
~I like to read. I read a lot and i enjoy it. That also makes me smart right?
~I am smart. (See above)
~I like repetitive tasks. I have worked at the library, a grocery store, and as an encoder. I enjoyed them for various reasons. I like to stamp things and swipe things. I like to type too.
~I am good with people. This may surprise some of you but....i like people. Not stupid people or arrogant people, or ignorant people but funny and smart people. I love them!
~I am a poor speller but am totally aware of that fact so i always double spell check big words.
~I like ice patches. I can explain them to you if you would like.
~I like to make lists. Just like this one.
~I rock in the sack. This skill really only applies to a few jobs...but it is good information i think.
Okay...i have a CV filled with bum jobs (i have even written some reports and what not) as well as a couple of recommendations. I have transcripts too so let me know.
Thanks for all your legwork. I am looking for full-time or a flexible part time job.
~Tweet Tweet
Thus, I need a new job. You can help! Let me tell you my various skills and then you can hire me. Or, you can tell me about job openings you see as you commute to work.
~I am hi-larious. But this you must already know.
~I have mad digging skillz. You need a squared off 1x1m hole dug at 10cm levels in your backyard? Man...that's my bag baby!
~I work well under pressure. In fact, so well that I love to put things off until the last possible second so that the pressure is intense!! This may come in handy if you need someone who can disarm a bomb with only 1 second remaining. (caveat- i would need to be taught how to disarm a bomb...but I learn quickly)
~I like to read. I read a lot and i enjoy it. That also makes me smart right?
~I am smart. (See above)
~I like repetitive tasks. I have worked at the library, a grocery store, and as an encoder. I enjoyed them for various reasons. I like to stamp things and swipe things. I like to type too.
~I am good with people. This may surprise some of you but....i like people. Not stupid people or arrogant people, or ignorant people but funny and smart people. I love them!
~I am a poor speller but am totally aware of that fact so i always double spell check big words.
~I like ice patches. I can explain them to you if you would like.
~I like to make lists. Just like this one.
~I rock in the sack. This skill really only applies to a few jobs...but it is good information i think.
Okay...i have a CV filled with bum jobs (i have even written some reports and what not) as well as a couple of recommendations. I have transcripts too so let me know.
Thanks for all your legwork. I am looking for full-time or a flexible part time job.
~Tweet Tweet
17 October 2005
14 October 2005
Fun On the Farm
I stink.
No, not stink like, "I am no good at this"...or "I killed a hobo in his sleep, what a stinker I am". I actually stink. I have spent the last four days recording various properties near Loveland. Today each property had farm animals. The first had a goat and pigs and cows and gatos (which I know arent farm animals but still) and a horse. The goat was just wandering around which the owner said was okay but let me tell ya, you havent lived until you've been bumped from behind by a goat while trying to take a photo of the pig slop. The second place had tons of pigs, roaming chickens and cows....more cows. They had a nice little gato that followed me around the house while I mapped it. I called him stinker because he stunk...just like me. The third place had more cows and some chickens and even more gatos. One I called orange because he was orange and he kept attacking me as I was recording the privy. This was also the place that made me decide not to eat cows and pigs anymore. It was disgusting. Jules Winnfield was right...pigs are filthy animals. Not only that...this one cow was drinking the other cows piss right from the steaming hole! Blech!!
But...yesterday was the kicker. We roll up on this house. A small home and a back forty filled with salvage items and some livestock. You know it is going to be strange when the first thing you say to your co-worker is, "are those peacocks on the roof?" So, yes, they had peacocks...most which were on the roof. They had a kennel filled with basset hounds and two pitbulls. They had a pen with 25+ goats, llamas, two ponies, geese, chickens and a single pig that was too fat to walk. They also had roaming llamas that would surprise the fuck out of you. They spit you know... Anyway...it was like the ark...but without the cool animals, and the water...and a guy named noah. Though i was with a guy named steve...was there a steve on the ark? But I digress...
So in addition to this pen and the kennel and the roof cocks the back forty contained a salvage yard. Fencing materials, bricks etc etc. Also, 7 sets of front stairs. Just the steps and the railing and the first landing. Strange. 15 tuff sheds, 9 abandoned trucks and cars, Three open pits with some kind of burned bones (yikes), 15 steel drums with "SALVAGE" on the side (for dissolving dead bodies I think), one "Hazardous Waste" sign, a pile of fire extinguishers, two bus stop shelters from Fort Collins, and a metal square-lined with plywood and plastic-filled with unopened bottles of bleach...and I mean filled.
Honestly, it was the strangest thing I have ever seen. I actually felt uncomfortable there, which doesnt happen often. Contrary to popular belief I hardly ever risk my life at work. Rarely do I come upon a group of nazis about to steal an ancient treasure and have to blow up their plane and fist fight with them...rarely.
B
No, not stink like, "I am no good at this"...or "I killed a hobo in his sleep, what a stinker I am". I actually stink. I have spent the last four days recording various properties near Loveland. Today each property had farm animals. The first had a goat and pigs and cows and gatos (which I know arent farm animals but still) and a horse. The goat was just wandering around which the owner said was okay but let me tell ya, you havent lived until you've been bumped from behind by a goat while trying to take a photo of the pig slop. The second place had tons of pigs, roaming chickens and cows....more cows. They had a nice little gato that followed me around the house while I mapped it. I called him stinker because he stunk...just like me. The third place had more cows and some chickens and even more gatos. One I called orange because he was orange and he kept attacking me as I was recording the privy. This was also the place that made me decide not to eat cows and pigs anymore. It was disgusting. Jules Winnfield was right...pigs are filthy animals. Not only that...this one cow was drinking the other cows piss right from the steaming hole! Blech!!
But...yesterday was the kicker. We roll up on this house. A small home and a back forty filled with salvage items and some livestock. You know it is going to be strange when the first thing you say to your co-worker is, "are those peacocks on the roof?" So, yes, they had peacocks...most which were on the roof. They had a kennel filled with basset hounds and two pitbulls. They had a pen with 25+ goats, llamas, two ponies, geese, chickens and a single pig that was too fat to walk. They also had roaming llamas that would surprise the fuck out of you. They spit you know... Anyway...it was like the ark...but without the cool animals, and the water...and a guy named noah. Though i was with a guy named steve...was there a steve on the ark? But I digress...
So in addition to this pen and the kennel and the roof cocks the back forty contained a salvage yard. Fencing materials, bricks etc etc. Also, 7 sets of front stairs. Just the steps and the railing and the first landing. Strange. 15 tuff sheds, 9 abandoned trucks and cars, Three open pits with some kind of burned bones (yikes), 15 steel drums with "SALVAGE" on the side (for dissolving dead bodies I think), one "Hazardous Waste" sign, a pile of fire extinguishers, two bus stop shelters from Fort Collins, and a metal square-lined with plywood and plastic-filled with unopened bottles of bleach...and I mean filled.
Honestly, it was the strangest thing I have ever seen. I actually felt uncomfortable there, which doesnt happen often. Contrary to popular belief I hardly ever risk my life at work. Rarely do I come upon a group of nazis about to steal an ancient treasure and have to blow up their plane and fist fight with them...rarely.
B
11 October 2005
A Perfect Moment
Do you ever have one of those moments that just shine?
Yesterday I am coming home from work. It had been snowing/raining all day. It was kind of gloomy which i love. I was headed toward my first NHL game in over a year. I was excited and giddy and totally feeling it. Erasure had just popped up on the ipod and I was loving it! I am headed up a hill, singing along. I look over and there, in the rain and freezing temperatures is an inflatable Sports Clip Mascot. The poor person in the blow-up suit is twirlling and hopping and most likely cursing outloud while doing it. Just as I look over, they fall...hitting the ground and rolling a bit. Trying to get up must be impossible in one of those things since your arms are trapped inside. I cant imagine how hard it is in the freezing rain on an incline.
Everything around me became clear for a moment. like the heavens opened and every car paused. I saw it all happening from above, like an out of body experience. It was amazing. Then, just as quickly it was gone. Another perfect moment...
Life can be so beautiful sometimes. I am just sad a poor inflatable mascot had to be hurt so that I could remember that...
peace~
Bird
Yesterday I am coming home from work. It had been snowing/raining all day. It was kind of gloomy which i love. I was headed toward my first NHL game in over a year. I was excited and giddy and totally feeling it. Erasure had just popped up on the ipod and I was loving it! I am headed up a hill, singing along. I look over and there, in the rain and freezing temperatures is an inflatable Sports Clip Mascot. The poor person in the blow-up suit is twirlling and hopping and most likely cursing outloud while doing it. Just as I look over, they fall...hitting the ground and rolling a bit. Trying to get up must be impossible in one of those things since your arms are trapped inside. I cant imagine how hard it is in the freezing rain on an incline.
Everything around me became clear for a moment. like the heavens opened and every car paused. I saw it all happening from above, like an out of body experience. It was amazing. Then, just as quickly it was gone. Another perfect moment...
Life can be so beautiful sometimes. I am just sad a poor inflatable mascot had to be hurt so that I could remember that...
peace~
Bird
10 October 2005
Quake Rage
Foot is feeling good but work is really stinking. Here I sit, again with nothing to do. Something has to change...Stupid Reno!
Additionally, the birdmobile isnt doing so well. Something is chunking and coughing so it has to be looked at. Sigh....it's always something eh?
The good news is....Hockey tonight. First NHL game in over a year. I am very excited. So excited in fact that i just peed in my pants a little. Good thing I am all alone eh? Also, snow! I love the snow. Here in Boulder it is just raining...which is strange. There was ~5 inches at my house today. Good times...
Two Minutes Hate
I was talking to my friend Newbie...who i just decided shall now and forever be called squirt (you dont like that one? zip it!)..and I said "Newbie (cause I hadnt changed his name yet), Newbie...how many people have to die (not including western europeans) before the US hosts some kind of live television fundraiser for them??" Obviously more the 30,000 eh? That is the vague number of dead in the quake that hit southeast asia.
30,000 people. Can you imagine? Think Katrina, and 9-11 and Rita, and throw in 25, 000 more people and you can start to get an idea. Is this tsunami big? no...not even close. But the ammount of destruction and loss of life exceeds anything we have faced as a nation. So why arent all the celebrities jumping on the Earthquake telethon bandwagon?
I can see that this most recent natural disaster comes on the heels of the last one. It may be too soon to hold another fundraiser but really...people dont seem to be interested. What makes this one different?
I have a guess....and it isnt a nice one. I wonder if people dont care because it hit Pakistan. Because "all those people killed are terrorists anyway." Really? Are we that stupid? It appears that we may indeed be.
I sent more money to the red cross, supposedly earmarking it for earthquake relief in the region. I am sure it will get there but I wonder how much help they will receive from others. Just to make sure we all understand who was effected by this earthquake you should know that:
"Officials in the North West Frontier Province about 60 miles north of Islamabad, said that it was one of the hardest-hit areas. Near the ruins of one collapsed school, at least a dozen bodies lay in the streets. More than 200 pupils were feared trapped inside the rubble of a four-story school.
Dozens of villagers pulled at the debris and carried away bodies. Faizan Farooq, a 19-year-old student, said he had heard children under the rubble crying for help immediately after Saturday's disaster."
I really hope that I am wrong. That people are just too strapped after the Tsunami and the Hurricanes. That people have been momentarily distracted by the Yankees pushing a game 5 and the play of phenom Sidney Crosby. That soon former President Bush and Clinton will come out with another television commercial requesting aid for the region and that people will respond.
~And the cynical bird goes tweet tweet..
Additionally, the birdmobile isnt doing so well. Something is chunking and coughing so it has to be looked at. Sigh....it's always something eh?
The good news is....Hockey tonight. First NHL game in over a year. I am very excited. So excited in fact that i just peed in my pants a little. Good thing I am all alone eh? Also, snow! I love the snow. Here in Boulder it is just raining...which is strange. There was ~5 inches at my house today. Good times...
Two Minutes Hate
I was talking to my friend Newbie...who i just decided shall now and forever be called squirt (you dont like that one? zip it!)..and I said "Newbie (cause I hadnt changed his name yet), Newbie...how many people have to die (not including western europeans) before the US hosts some kind of live television fundraiser for them??" Obviously more the 30,000 eh? That is the vague number of dead in the quake that hit southeast asia.
30,000 people. Can you imagine? Think Katrina, and 9-11 and Rita, and throw in 25, 000 more people and you can start to get an idea. Is this tsunami big? no...not even close. But the ammount of destruction and loss of life exceeds anything we have faced as a nation. So why arent all the celebrities jumping on the Earthquake telethon bandwagon?
I can see that this most recent natural disaster comes on the heels of the last one. It may be too soon to hold another fundraiser but really...people dont seem to be interested. What makes this one different?
I have a guess....and it isnt a nice one. I wonder if people dont care because it hit Pakistan. Because "all those people killed are terrorists anyway." Really? Are we that stupid? It appears that we may indeed be.
I sent more money to the red cross, supposedly earmarking it for earthquake relief in the region. I am sure it will get there but I wonder how much help they will receive from others. Just to make sure we all understand who was effected by this earthquake you should know that:
"Officials in the North West Frontier Province about 60 miles north of Islamabad, said that it was one of the hardest-hit areas. Near the ruins of one collapsed school, at least a dozen bodies lay in the streets. More than 200 pupils were feared trapped inside the rubble of a four-story school.
Dozens of villagers pulled at the debris and carried away bodies. Faizan Farooq, a 19-year-old student, said he had heard children under the rubble crying for help immediately after Saturday's disaster."
I really hope that I am wrong. That people are just too strapped after the Tsunami and the Hurricanes. That people have been momentarily distracted by the Yankees pushing a game 5 and the play of phenom Sidney Crosby. That soon former President Bush and Clinton will come out with another television commercial requesting aid for the region and that people will respond.
~And the cynical bird goes tweet tweet..
07 October 2005
Colorado State Patrol Rage
My doctors visit went well. I had fun x-rays and even got to take them home! Ahh, an art project. Maybe, if you know me, you can come over and check them out when i get em hung up! I love bones....i wish I could get some of all different parts of my body. Speaking of that...while lying on the table waiting for the machine to zap my foot, I was again struck with the idea of quickly sliding down and effectivly zzzzaaaapppping my pelvis!! No babies for me! Oh yes, no fracture of my fibula. The radiologist is going to look at them as well and you know, double check. I am wearing the air splint and it feels pretty good.
Two Minutes Hate
After my appointment I had to head up north to record a farm. Ahh...cows! So there I am, trucking along the 25...cruising at about 80mph. I pass a slow moving CSP car and as I am passing him I realize that he is getting caught behind a large tractor trailer. "Ahh...it sucks when that happens" I was thinking when, out of nowhere he turns on his lights and cuts me off. Okay, so i understand that cops do stuff like this...use their lights to go through a red light or make an illegal turn or something. It doesnt really bother me when they do it because I would do the same thing (so would you by the by....dont kid yourself!). However, this motherfucker cut me off. Not just, got in front of me but really cut me off. I had to hit the brakes pretty hard. This fucking pig is so goddamn special that he can go ahead and endanger some random person. So I honked at him. Cuz, what the fuck right?
So, then....because he is a complete douchebag, he gets on his cell phone (most likely calling information about the location of the nearest doughnut shop) and drives past 7 (i counted) Keep Right Except To Pass signs while cruising in the left lane at 60mph. I am so angry at this point. There are morons behind the guy going 55mph because they are worried about passing him. People...if a cop pulls you over for passing him when he is 15 under the speed limit you have nothing to worry about. Do you really need me to tell you this? So I called the non-emergency number and reported him. I know, what an asshole thing to do but he made me mad. I lied and said he wasnt wearing a seat belt either. Just for funsies. Really, it isnt like anything is going to happen but the women i was talking too seemed amused. So..take that CSP-274 you worthless bag-o-shit.
Dont you think we should have ramming devices on our cars for moments just like this?
safe driving everyone~
B
Two Minutes Hate
After my appointment I had to head up north to record a farm. Ahh...cows! So there I am, trucking along the 25...cruising at about 80mph. I pass a slow moving CSP car and as I am passing him I realize that he is getting caught behind a large tractor trailer. "Ahh...it sucks when that happens" I was thinking when, out of nowhere he turns on his lights and cuts me off. Okay, so i understand that cops do stuff like this...use their lights to go through a red light or make an illegal turn or something. It doesnt really bother me when they do it because I would do the same thing (so would you by the by....dont kid yourself!). However, this motherfucker cut me off. Not just, got in front of me but really cut me off. I had to hit the brakes pretty hard. This fucking pig is so goddamn special that he can go ahead and endanger some random person. So I honked at him. Cuz, what the fuck right?
So, then....because he is a complete douchebag, he gets on his cell phone (most likely calling information about the location of the nearest doughnut shop) and drives past 7 (i counted) Keep Right Except To Pass signs while cruising in the left lane at 60mph. I am so angry at this point. There are morons behind the guy going 55mph because they are worried about passing him. People...if a cop pulls you over for passing him when he is 15 under the speed limit you have nothing to worry about. Do you really need me to tell you this? So I called the non-emergency number and reported him. I know, what an asshole thing to do but he made me mad. I lied and said he wasnt wearing a seat belt either. Just for funsies. Really, it isnt like anything is going to happen but the women i was talking too seemed amused. So..take that CSP-274 you worthless bag-o-shit.
Dont you think we should have ramming devices on our cars for moments just like this?
safe driving everyone~
B
06 October 2005
Perfect Example
Here is a perfect example of why I want to leave archaeology all together and move away...
My boss tells me this afternoon that if the doctor says I am fine and that I can work that he is going to send me BACK out to Nevada.
WTF??!!
My boss tells me this afternoon that if the doctor says I am fine and that I can work that he is going to send me BACK out to Nevada.
WTF??!!
A Rage in Two Parts
I am going to the doctor tomorrow to have my foot looked at. It is fine and it feels good but people wont leave me alone about it (oh Bird...we care about you and dont want you to hurt your foot...bunch a punks). Also, i have health insurance so why not take care of it eh? I dont like doctors much. "But Bird" you say, "isnt your brother a doctor?" Ahh yes, the Lieutenant Commander...but see, he doesnt poke me with needles, something about it being unethical...but that doesnt stop me from asking for free medical advice and getting pain meds, if ya get my meaning. Anyway...xrays will ensue and i will have updates since i know you are all on the edge of your seats. Soon photos of my foot. For now...this photo that Scoot took in Amsterdam will have to do.
Solid!
Two Minutes Hate
Part 1
I am sitting here in Boulder with nothing to do! No work. Nothing!!!! I came home from Nevada and i am sitting here waiting for 7pm when K has graciously agreed to drop me off at home. only six more hours of watching the time slowly tick off the clock. How can there be nothing for me to do? Before there was too much to do and now, 15 days later there is nothing? NOTHING??? I am going crazy! CRAZY!!!
I am moving to San Francisco, working in a bookstore. I will tell you which one and you can come visit. People always say I'll visit but they never do. Someone come visit me??!!!! Right now!
Part 2
HOCKEY!!!!
This isnt so much a rage. I thought that I would share some notes I took while drinking heavily and watching the game last night. Here's the first ever...
Birds' Drunken Analysis
Written on a cocktail napkin...
Guys I like tonight
~Ian Lapirrerre Lapaireair...a pair of air...pears eat hair.
~Ryan Smyth of edmonton
I miss yubyub(Greg de Vris looks like an ewok)
Conklin is playing well...better then i expected him too.
Plop plop...fizz fizz Antti Laaksonen
Where's Tanguay? Oh there he is 7:08 remaining in the 3rd.
Where is the D on that pass man!!(this I yelled loudly...)
Aebi should have been there for the Horcoff goals
Forsberg doesnt look right in a flyers jersey
Bonk....did I start Bonk?(I didnt by the way)
Even though we lost I am still as giddy as a school girl
************
Wow....riveting thought provoking analysis from the best mind in hockey...
Aside
All my fantasy team names need to be changed from the Solid Muldoons to the Fluffernutters.
Aside 2
I totally scored free tickets to the home opener on the tenth. Great seats too...who wants ta come??!!
I have nothing left to say...
B
Solid!
Two Minutes Hate
Part 1
I am sitting here in Boulder with nothing to do! No work. Nothing!!!! I came home from Nevada and i am sitting here waiting for 7pm when K has graciously agreed to drop me off at home. only six more hours of watching the time slowly tick off the clock. How can there be nothing for me to do? Before there was too much to do and now, 15 days later there is nothing? NOTHING??? I am going crazy! CRAZY!!!
I am moving to San Francisco, working in a bookstore. I will tell you which one and you can come visit. People always say I'll visit but they never do. Someone come visit me??!!!! Right now!
Part 2
HOCKEY!!!!
This isnt so much a rage. I thought that I would share some notes I took while drinking heavily and watching the game last night. Here's the first ever...
Birds' Drunken Analysis
Written on a cocktail napkin...
Guys I like tonight
~Ian Lapirrerre Lapaireair...a pair of air...pears eat hair.
~Ryan Smyth of edmonton
I miss yubyub(Greg de Vris looks like an ewok)
Conklin is playing well...better then i expected him too.
Plop plop...fizz fizz Antti Laaksonen
Where's Tanguay? Oh there he is 7:08 remaining in the 3rd.
Where is the D on that pass man!!(this I yelled loudly...)
Aebi should have been there for the Horcoff goals
Forsberg doesnt look right in a flyers jersey
Bonk....did I start Bonk?(I didnt by the way)
Even though we lost I am still as giddy as a school girl
************
Wow....riveting thought provoking analysis from the best mind in hockey...
Aside
All my fantasy team names need to be changed from the Solid Muldoons to the Fluffernutters.
Aside 2
I totally scored free tickets to the home opener on the tenth. Great seats too...who wants ta come??!!
I have nothing left to say...
B
04 October 2005
Ankle Rage
My foot is getting better. I can walk on it without too much discomfort. It is painful to bend it up and down and side to side but as long as I keep it straight I am fine...thus, still doing the frankenstien shuffle. Sadly, and this is the real kicker, it is still a bit swollen so I couldnt put on my boot this morning for work. That means the PI had to be told of the situation and that lead to everyone deciding that I have to return to Colorado tomorrow morning. Stupid Reno...I blame you for this.
So, with some regret I will be leaving Ely tomorrow bright and early to head back in the work truck. I wont miss the town but I will miss finishing what I started as well as working with these people a bit more. Not only is the trip 13 hours by my little 'ol broken self but I left my music in San Francisco....also my heart. No, but really. Have any of you ever been on Highway 50 "The Lonliest Road in America" without any music? I think I am going to die...
What has all this taught me? Reno, while kind of cute, isnt to be trusted. When Zump, Sugar Lips and Chipmunk suggest an adventure, stay in the car. Nevada is more dangerous then you think. Never call the PI.
the good news is, hockey starts tomorrow...I can watch the game from a local bar...warm and dirt free (we woke up to snow this morning). I can most likely pick up some tickets, like the home opener....it could be worse i suppose.
be safe out there~
The Bird
So, with some regret I will be leaving Ely tomorrow bright and early to head back in the work truck. I wont miss the town but I will miss finishing what I started as well as working with these people a bit more. Not only is the trip 13 hours by my little 'ol broken self but I left my music in San Francisco....also my heart. No, but really. Have any of you ever been on Highway 50 "The Lonliest Road in America" without any music? I think I am going to die...
What has all this taught me? Reno, while kind of cute, isnt to be trusted. When Zump, Sugar Lips and Chipmunk suggest an adventure, stay in the car. Nevada is more dangerous then you think. Never call the PI.
the good news is, hockey starts tomorrow...I can watch the game from a local bar...warm and dirt free (we woke up to snow this morning). I can most likely pick up some tickets, like the home opener....it could be worse i suppose.
be safe out there~
The Bird
01 October 2005
If You're Going to San Francisco...
I am sitting here at midnight thirty with a flower in my hair. Waiting for the free love.....
waiting....
waiting.....
Ahhh hell....
So, I have escaped Ely! This is the first of my four days off. I was planning on hitting Vegas with Thunderpussy but found out that another co-worker was going to SF and changed my plans. I have family in SF and love the city....so much in fact that I am pondering a move.
I was very excited to spend sometime in one of the best walking cities around. I had a cold (partially brought on by Chipmunk, who's been sick and partially brought on by breathing mine dust while screening at the site) but it was getting much better. I spent the night in Reno with a couple of co-workers and someones roommate. In a succesful attempt to steal a gay japanese man's bike (he gave us the key and told us to take it) I stepped in a large hole and twisted the ever-loving-fuck out of my ankle. It goes without saying that I was drunk when this happened right?
Hobbled....gimp....limp-a-fied. I am now using my mothers cane to get around. What the fuck...how bad does that suck?! I was so excited to cruise around town and now...i am limping to the bus stop. Needless to say I was a bummed. What can you do but suck it up and keep on limpin right? The good news is, soon I will have a wonderful picture of my nasty ass bruise that I can post here...i can hardly wait.
peace...
Bird
waiting....
waiting.....
Ahhh hell....
So, I have escaped Ely! This is the first of my four days off. I was planning on hitting Vegas with Thunderpussy but found out that another co-worker was going to SF and changed my plans. I have family in SF and love the city....so much in fact that I am pondering a move.
I was very excited to spend sometime in one of the best walking cities around. I had a cold (partially brought on by Chipmunk, who's been sick and partially brought on by breathing mine dust while screening at the site) but it was getting much better. I spent the night in Reno with a couple of co-workers and someones roommate. In a succesful attempt to steal a gay japanese man's bike (he gave us the key and told us to take it) I stepped in a large hole and twisted the ever-loving-fuck out of my ankle. It goes without saying that I was drunk when this happened right?
Hobbled....gimp....limp-a-fied. I am now using my mothers cane to get around. What the fuck...how bad does that suck?! I was so excited to cruise around town and now...i am limping to the bus stop. Needless to say I was a bummed. What can you do but suck it up and keep on limpin right? The good news is, soon I will have a wonderful picture of my nasty ass bruise that I can post here...i can hardly wait.
peace...
Bird
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