07 August 2005

Reel Rage

I have decided, and K has agreed, that there will be no more ULP for me! First, a punch to the head, then an all day metal music fest and finally...Reel Big Fish. (If you like RBF I apologize for what I am about to say. Well, i guess I am not sorry for saying it but sorry that you have such bad taste in music.)

What follows is a list of:
15 Things I Hate About Reel Big Fish,
1 Thing K Hates About RBF and
3 Things That I Like About RBF

in that order.

--Radio Disney-esque Lyrics: could they possibly come up with something more vapid?
--"Snoop Doggie Dog": Has anyone heard this song? Could it possibly be the worst song that has ever been written? I think it could be...
--Pun signs: puns are never cool
--"Throw your hands in the A-er and wave em like you just dont K-er": It should be illegal to say this
--"Right now we are gonna play a reggae song": No, no you arent
--It made Buddy dance
--The guy breaks a guitar string and doesnt have back up just in case: Are you serious? And you call yourself a professional musician you fucking hack
--2nd Trumpet/Backup Vocals Guy: You are the most annoying person I have ever been forced to listen to..and remember that I just worked a super-Jesus event
--I could be drinking but no...
--Every song they sing sounds the same, even though they have a song where they say they are trying something new
--Stop saying "Awesome" and "Cool": The more you say it, the less it is
--Stop singing songs about how no one "gets" you: They get you just fine, they just dont fucking care
--Stop saying words like "lesbians" and "balls" for the supposed shock value
--Cottonball band: It sounds like middle school garage rock, it is empty like a bag of cotton balls, it sounds like someone trying to throw water
--Extended wait time for the encore: Who the hell do you think you are you arrogant bastards?

--K says "Every song is about a song": excellent point K.

Now for the three things i really really like about Reel Big Fish

--They are easy to make fun of: see above
--They allow for hundreds of skank jokes: Excuse me, your skank is out of control, That's a nice skank you have there, I need you to keep your skank in the GA area, Hey, dont skank yourself out...
--Crazy leggs: Man, this guy was great. He had the fanciest skank I have ever seen. Not only that, he was rolling his hat up his back onto his head and then from his head down to his arm. It was beyond funny.


I dont consider myself a music snob. What do i care if you like shitty music?

But...what really bothers me is that these guys put on this whole image of "we are alternative, we are rebels (thanks newbie), we are different, we are punk." To not be honest with yourselves about who you are...to lie to the people (usually people too young to know any better) about what you represent is worse then making shitty music. Everyone lies about how much they weigh or how old they are...but to lie about who you are inside makes me sick to my stomach...

Tweet tweet went the Bird

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I don't think I've ever even heard RBF (at least not that I'm aware of) but anything that makes Buddy dance must be eliminated.

Anonymous said...

I actually decided to go out and buy the "new" album today. I am going to listen to it every time that I start to think that the music that I actually like is getting boring. It will be like a cold shower, how refreshing! Best Bird quote of the show: "They make Britney Spears look talented." And you forgot the skank joke: That is a nice skank you have there, and your dance is pretty good too!

I was as excited to be listening to RBF as I would be to buy a bottle of Mad Dog 20/20. But hey, at least the 20/20 gets you drunk eventually.

-K

Bird said...

Another excellent point K...

Last time i drank 20/20 i woke up thinking i was covered in spiders. Yikes...and yet, still better then RBF.

Bone said...

Hey, have you ever tried to skank? Or been on stage avoiding the over-usage of the words "awesome" and "cool"? Not as easy as one would think.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go blow some skanks of my own.

Wildbird said...

spiders and BIG BIG BIRDS wow would that be something