31 May 2007

"Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them." --Paul Valery

Yesterday I had a breakdown. Right there on the couch in the middle of the Colbert Report. Now, dont get me wrong, I think that Stephen Colbert is exceedingly funny. In fact, I enjoy his show more then the Daily Show. However, while watching I got disgusted at all things political.

I am so tired of this rift between the country. Republicans on one side and Democrats on the other. Conservatives vs. Liberals. I hate that all we do, on every fucking channel and in every news article, is try and come up with a clever way to skewer the other side. Every presidential candidate, on both sides, spends so much time making fun of the other party. Ripping on the current administration, bitching about the media being propaganda for the other side.

I should put it out there, right up front, that I have been one of these people that I now so despise. Perhaps I havent spit republican curses as vehemently as others, but i have still participated. I would like to think I am a little wiser (no snickering from the peanut gallery) and a little more mature...maybe I have just spent a little time around people I thought I knew. Turns out, things are much more complex...

With that being said...how can we get anything accomplished with all this complaining and cursing. No one in congress is interested in getting anything done, they just want to prevent the "other side" from getting their items passed. All the presidental candidates spend hours each day telling the media jokes about john edwards' hair dresser and bush's lack of intelligence. I dont give a fuck how you voted for the war in iraq...what i care about is how you are going to deal with it in 18 months. I care about what the government is going to do about health care, abortion, social security, security abroad and at home, the environment. I want to hear about plans for the future.

"A politician thinks of the next election - a statesman of the next generation."
- James Freeman Clarke

I want a statesman.

I want to be able to discuss issues without having to defend my party. I want to be able to talk about current events with a friend without them having to justify their vote eight years ago. I am tired of the news focusing on how Sen. Clinton used her private jet and asking candidates how they would deal with a terrorist plot straight out of a horrible Steven Segal movie..."Okay Gov. Romney, lets say you're at a Penguins-Kings game and you get word there is a bomb in the rink..."

What is it going to take to get this country on track? I am not asking for our leaders to play nice and get along. I am not that dumb. I just want us to focus on issues that are important to us. I want us to try and do what is in the best interest of the country and not just our party.

Is it going to take some sort of plague to wipe out half of the country? I've read The Stand so I know how that will end. What about a natural disaster to kill off some people and maybe focus the rest of us? Oh wait...I know how that will turn out too.

Look, i am not trying to defend anyone or put anyone down. I just want to know that some politician somewhere is focused on making a difference. Hell, even if i dont agree with his stance, as long as he is doing it for the right reasons, it is a step...

"Elections are won by men and women chiefly because most people vote against somebody rather than for somebody."
- Franklin Pierce Adams

Wouldnt it be nice to vote for someone for once?

I hate to suggest that it is just politicians who are to fault. Everyone is so angry with the other party. The media folks, the guy sitting next to you at the bar, your mother. Everyone is just filled with this rage..anger can be a great thing but we have all seemed to focus it on people rather then on action for a better world.


29 May 2007

Holy Crap

So, I am still in the midst of Collapse, By Jared Diamond. I am on page 365 and honestly, it feels like it has taken a year to get this far. The book isnt bad but could use some serious editing. There are nuggets of information that blow me away still, which is why I am determined to finish it. This one made me blurt out, "Holy Crap!":

"For instance, between 1972 and 1997 there were flow stoppages on the lower Yellow River (China's second largest river) in 20 out of the 25 years, and the number of days without any flow increased from 10 days in 1988 to the astonishing total of 230 days in 1997."

230 days?? That is insane. Can you even imagine that?

I am beginning to think we are all screwed....

24 May 2007

Cherries Jubilee

I woke up in a bit of a grumpy mood. Not for any real reason but there it is nonetheless. I decided that I will not take off my hooded sweatshirt even if it is unprofessional. What a rebel eh?

Someone brought in cherries today. Every time I eat one i can hear my mother yelling, "You're gonna get the runs!" It sounds strange but there is a back story to it, i promise. When I was in kindergarten i was living in the Edge. We had a barn shaped house and six huge cherry trees in the front yard. I really liked the trees and ever summer someone would pick the fruit. Sometimes i would climb up and eat cherry after cherry, leading to my mother's warning about diarrhea-usually shouted at me across the yard.

I loved that house and that yard and those cherry trees. I did hate that when the fruit would drop it would rot on the ground making it just miserable to walk outside with no shoes on. Nothing it worse then walking barefoot and stepping in something squishy--unless what you stepped in wasnt a cherry but was, in fact, dog crap. I didnt have to worry about that because we didnt have a dog. Actually we did have a dog for a very short while...graham cracker. But he or she (i dont remember now) ran away--i think. Not that walking barefoot was safe you know? I mean...once i stepped on a bee. That sucked.


Quickly, i had a nice birthday and want to thank everyone for making it so. I am lucky to have such great friends, except for Mr. Squishy who was rude all night long but i still keep him around because he is a lesbian in a man's body.

An especially ginormous thanks to Q who has proved, again, to be the best boyfriend ever by listening to things that i say.


I briefly want to mention something that is beginning to drive me bonkers. "The Hills at Piney Creek" "The Shops at Southlands" etc etc. I am sure I am not the only person to have noticed this trend. I think it could possibly be the lamest bit of marketecture (thanks Q) that i have ever heard. The worst yet was a sign on a bath improvement store on Kalamath and 6th called "The Baths at Denver" or some other such nonsense. Blech....


Keep your chin up everyone, friday (and a long weekend) are just around the corner.

21 May 2007

How Are You Bird?

Why, I am cautiously optimistic.

And yourself?


I had a nice weekend but am very sleepy. The exciting tales about how I almost fell off the bridge at the royal gorge and how I got sand in my pants will have to wait til tomorrow.

Tweet tweet


18 May 2007

Get Bent

Here is what is driving me crazy today:

"Are working moms to blame for chubby kids?" Seriously? Are working dads to blame for chubby kids? Nope, just working moms because everyone knows that my vagina allows me to cook healthy meals! Wow, how powerful my vagina is! Who knew?!

"If you're a female singer, you'd better be sexy." Women have to be sexy to get a recording contract and last night Q and I saw Rufus Wainwright wearing lederhosen on Letterman. That just seems like a raw fucking deal right?

"Gorilla injures two in zoo escape." Fucking gorillas...


Last night i was crusing through the cable channels at warp speed when I caught the beginning of Jack Van Impe. This guy is truly insane. I saw him the first time in college and every week he tells you about how any moment jesus is coming back. He bolsters his proof of christs' immanent return with news articles that his wife digs up. Her name is Rexella. She sounds like a Japanese monster and she talks like a squeaky mouse. Just recently it seems that Rexella bought her self...um, i mean, earned herself a PhD. Nice eh? I hope someday to get my doctorate in prophetical studies or some other nonsense.


Tomorrow is the beginning of Q and my Mystery Weekend. I know where we are going, do you? Wanna guess? I'll give a special prize if you guess right!


The most important holiday of all is approaching. Yes, more important then easter or xmas or even your birthday...that's right, MY birthday. Have you already made your checks out to my favorite charity, Nelnet Student Loans? Come on people, it's for charity!


Okay, it is friday so enjoy the nice weather and the weekend!


15 May 2007

Why You Makin' That Funny Face Bird?

It tastes like something crawled up and died in my mouth. I believe the culprit is the Apex Mixed Berry Bar that i snagged from the cupboard while leaving the house this morning. Mixed Berry is a bit of a misnomer as the only "berry" is raspberry flavored fruit pieces. I suppose you can call it mixed berry if you mix raspberry juice and elderberry juice with cranberries. Berry is a word that starts to look insane if you read it over and over again.

Needless to say, i didnt finish the nutritious and not so delicious energy bar. I think the engery comes from sprinting to the trash can to spit the vile thing out.

10 May 2007

And Again...

Remember that scene in Star Wars, the second one, where they are leaving the planet Hoth and Leia had to go on the ship with Han and then the hyperspace thing wasnt working so after they were out of danger she was working on it. There was a part where she was welding something then she is monkeying around with it. Trying to get it to close and it wont and you are watching her thinking, "that thing wasnt meant to close obviously. Why is she having such a hard time with it? How in gods name did she hurt herself just trying to turn it?" That was me today with the stupid fucking stapler. I even hurt myself...though there was no Han to call me uptight and lay one on me.

As an aside...while double checking the spelling of Leia's name I came across this website. Seriously, that is someone who maybe has too much interest in Star Wars. Does it surprise you that this is the webmaster?

I didnt think so...

Which reminds me of the Conan thing where Triumph interviews the people waiting outside for the opening of the star wars movie. Holy Crap how I laughed and laughed. Here is a link to the video...

Hope you enjoy and have a great day my pretties...


For Q

08 May 2007

Poop McGee

I saw a story on the CNN website about a student who posted a photo of herself on myspace with the caption "Drunken Pirate." It seems that her professors saw it and decided not to issue her teachers license.

Now...first of all, I am all about being professional. I mean, here i am at work blogging so-obviously i am a kick ass worker right? I can support the idea of holding people to higher standards but this seems to be a bit over the top to me. Or maybe what bothers me is that we are so tough on teachers-to-be but not so tough on governmental officials or priests or someone who has some actual power.


After some tasty ice cream with the texas rangers (the whole team) last night Q and i went to see spiderman 3. Ready for some spoilers??!! Spider Man has a twin!! No wait, that isnt a spoiler...that's just a lie. Here is my quick review of the movie, in conversation form.

Bird: What?
Q: I dont know?
B: Seriously, what the hell is going on.
Q: Shhhh

Yes so, take what you will from that.

The best part of the whole night was that some guy behind us was taping the film and a guy on the end of the row looked like he wet his pants.


I chose Stormello in the Kentucky Derby, moments before it ran. I looked at the names and picked the one I liked. Stormello came in 19th. Lamello is more like it. I just came up with that joke....and it shows.


Mothers' Day is this weeked (your welcome) and the little tiny store near my house has the giant mothers day cards. Do you think that I could mail one of those?

Okay, play time is over folks. I must get back to it.


01 May 2007

Random Notes

I feel compelled to write today which I think will end badly for me. I am grouchy and crabby and annoyed which can only lead to poor writing and a general feeling of hatred for all man kind.

Today is May 1st.
See up at the top where it says May 1st? Yep. I can hardly believe that (SHAMELESS REQUEST FOR GIFTS) my birthday is only 21 days away, and counting! Time just shoots right on past us whether we want it to or not.

Happy May Day whether you be a communist or a pagan hippie.

Tons-of-Fun Count
I am avoiding TOF like the plague...or the plaque which is how i initially typed it. ("I am not an Indian Chief, Chief of Police, or a chef...I'm dumb")
I was going to have munpe q set me up with a counter so i could tally how many days have gone by with out speaking to her. Sadly, as i was typing this bit she asked me for something and I had to help her...although you will be happy to hear that I was unfriendly and curt. That says curt you pervs.

Jared Diamond
It seems to me that Mr. Diamond doesnt like archaeologists or anthropologists very much. I am currently reading Collapse and am enjoying it...however (beware of the ides of march and however's) he often says things like "I dont like archaeologists or anthropologists" No wait..that is just a lie. He says things like, "...many or most european and american anthropologists...are horrified at the thought of it (cannibalism) being practiced by peoples that they admire and study..." Seriously Jared, there are a lot of arch's out there with white mans guilt (as I call it) but lots of us understand that native americans are just people, like everyone else. In fact, i myself wrote a paper supporting cannibalism in 1998. Suprisingly enough, both Diamond and myself refer to the same site in Colorado, Cowboy Wash. Still, it is an interesting book and I would recommend it to others...just know that all archaeologists arnt such homers.

I am going to get back to work...because I just read an article where someone quoted David Halberstam, "Being a professional is doing your job on the days you don't feel like doing it."

Damn you Halberstam...