26 September 2005


Places Where I Have Dirt:

ears, nose, hair, armpits, elbow cracks, between my fingers, under my fingernails, my eyes, my mouth, my ass crack, my hoohoo, behind my knees, between my toes, under my toe nails.

It is windy and cold and there is a lot of dirt.

Help me...

18 September 2005

Football Commercials

So, i should be packing but I'm not. Big surprise to anyone who knows me. I am queen of the procrastinators. I wrote my undergrad honors thesis in a weekend. I totally suck...

Anyway, i had to watch football....for my fantasy team right? Right...

As we speak, I am up by two points..mother-fucker. I drafted so poorly.

Also, I have things to do like, blog about commercials I liked while watching football this afternoon. Yes....priorities people!

First-- The King Scores! Honestly, I nearly wet my pants everytime i see this one.


Second-- Southwest Airlines...that guy chucking a pineapple at the little checker boy? Goddamn if I didnt pee a little.

Ahh good times. If I have to sit through a thousand commercials during a game (is it just me or do they seem to cram even more in than usual?) I am glad these two exist.

For those not in the know, I am off for a month. I plan on dispatching from Ely Nevada when I can. The site is near the BHP Copper Co's Robinson Project. The works are claimed to be the world's largest re-mining operation. They say those machines can run over a truck and not even notice...as a safety precaution they are making us wear steel toe boots....i feel much better.


14 September 2005

I Almost Died Yesterday

Once, i was traveling from Stinktown to Denver with a good friend of mine, Cracker. She was driving. I had been debating telling her a big secret about a mutual friend of ours and decided to spill the beans. So, i turn to her...."Cracker, I have something to tell you. I slept with the reverend last week, on accident." This was shocking news...so shocking that she swerved off the road almost killing us both. We had to stop the car, get out and take a few deep breaths. Scary stuff; sex with the reverend and the near fatality. (as an aside...the reverend is an actual reverend now. He was a huge slut in college...)

Yesterday I am in rush hour traffic with my friend Thunderpussy. We are discussing sex stuff and she says, about messing around while on your period, "we call that fingerpainting." Needless to say, i was so surprised that i nearly slammed into the car in front of us. I laughed so hard and the near accident made me laugh even harder. Fingerpainting...it isnt nearly as gross as felching or snowballing but good lord it makes for vivid imagery.

Happy Hump Day to you all...
tweet tweet

12 September 2005

Links of Rage

Today while coming home from work i realized...deaf people probably cant talk and drive at the same time.

Two Minutes Hate
I am feeling better this week. Better about stuff in my life but not really any better about the mess that is the gulf coast. I have some things I want to pass along.

The first is a link to a story written by two EMS workers who were attending a conference when the hurricane hit. It is astounding.

The second is something written by J. Grant Swank Jr. for the MichNews (Most In-depth Conservative Honest News and Commentary [Should be MICHNC if ya ask me but I guess it doesnt sound as good]). This man, a complete douche as you will see, wrote a piece called "New Orleans' Sin Brought Devastation: Repent America" In it he says "Now New Orleans is under water, bathing in sewage and devastation rather than providing downtown fountains for homosexual capers aplenty." Mmmmmmmmm homosexual capers. I have half a jar of capers in my fridge but it doesnt say if they are homosexual or not? You think my lemon chicken would have been better with the homosexual kind...i would think so. What really gets me about people who think like this is...explain Biloxi. I dont know much about Mississippi and even less about Biloxi but i dont really recall it being a haven for sex and drugs. If god destroyed new orleans for the decadence then why did he take all the poor god-fearing christians in Mississippi as well? Why didnt he hit Las Vegas with some kind of thunderbolt because really, Las Vegas is pretty nasty sometimes right? Oh, wait...i know why...because J. Grant Swank is a worthless bag of skin.

The third is a moving piece written by John Scalzi. I would imagine that most of us can relate to it on some kind of level. If you cant, if it all seems foregin, it will help you begin to understand the 37 million people who were living in poverty in 2004 (of those 37 million, 27% were African-American and 24% were Hispanics. Like Colin Powell said, what happened in the new orleans isnt about race--its about economics but "poverty disproportionately affects African-Americans in this country. And it happened because they were poor."). Crazy dick-hole U.N. speech aside, I like that Powell.

Now I must watch some MNF...cheer on Alge Crumpler will ya? I need 40+ to win this week.

The Bird

07 September 2005

Things That Make Me Happy

I am in the middle of a week that is hectic and could become kind of yucky. Instead of talking about hurricane destruction, life choices, politics, my shitty fantasy football team and the possibility of missing the Burgundy and White Game I thought I would make myself a nice little list of things that make me happy. Then, I decided I would force it on you! Feel the Cheese everyone!!

The Onion- It is never too early for jokes....good jokes that is.

The Uni Watch- Get your fix of minutia you didnt even realize you cared about.

The iPod- Portable music, 2785 songs at my fingertips. Any mood, anytime...amazing.

Queen of the Surface Streets by DeVotchKa- Honest, stiring, epic. This song makes me shine; right now especially with everything going on.

Websites- Sparky The Dog a place to buy great music, art, zines. Smart, funny, entertaining, kooky people doing wonderfulthings. Post Secret a collection of secrets sent in on handmade postcards. They are at once haunting, touching, silly, scary, and shocking. Glossary of Geologic Terms I never said I wasnt an uber-geek did I? The Handbook of Texas Online If you must learn about Texas, this is the place to do it. Sports Forums like Avalanchetalk.com and Nuggetstalk.com. Great places where you can talk about shit you are really interested in with people you like...and sometimes hate. My Traffic News If you dont live in the metro area you are missing out on this great resource. The traffic guys are funny, light and get you home as soon as possible. All Music They arent even joking when they say all music, even local bands! Search for bands by mood, feeling Hedonistic?

PBS- Yes, I know. How cheesy while at the same time trying to be so hip. Really though...PBS programing hits the spot sometimes. That feeling of an amateur production is perfect after the canned laughs and forced drama of regular programming. PBS is my childhood. Shows like Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, Nova, The Joy of Painting, and Jack Horkimer.

Discovering "New" Old Books- Fahrenheit 451, I know...how did i not read this book sooner? That is the best thing about new old books. Count of Monte Cristo is another. I didnt read that til college. It should be read to children still in the womb.

Fed up journalists- Guys like Anderson Cooper and Tim Russert. Also, the Mayor of New Orleans for his candor. And these blogs, Wordicus, The Reasonable Rant, Dr. Suspicio, and The Uncensored Rant Zone.

As an aside I just want to mention that everyone keeps talking
about the "American Spirit" because of the outpouring of money
and donations and help after the devastation in the south.
It isnt American Spirit...it is Human Spirit. Everyone from
around the world is giving money, even Castro who has no love of
the US but does understand tragedy. Stop patting ourselves on the
back and acknowledge that as humans, we arent always so nasty.

My NRAO coffee mug

The Nalgene bottle with Sucka on the bottom (thanks again boston). My Big Blue Bookshelves. The "I Love You" Turtle Pillow my mom made me as a kid. My Hockey Stick My Rocket Lamp (thanks bone).

When I make someone laugh

My Mathias Shirt- Still ratty and old and filled with holes but I love it.

The Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque- I lived in Albuquerque for a year. There were always hotair balloons in the sky. I loved it. Once a year there are hundreds upon hundreds. The Balloon Fiesta is great if only for this photo taken last year...

Hope you all are having a happy day!
The Bird

06 September 2005

CD Baby

CD Baby is the place for independent music. Tons of local bands, small groups and neato shit. Not only that, buying a CD from them is the best comsumer experience you will ever have. Think I am lying? Try it for yourself...

My friend got this email from them (thanks Stretch) and i later got the same from the founder of CD Baby.

"Over 5000 amazing musicians have chosen to donate ALL money from the sale of their CD *directly* to the Red Cross disaster relief fund. You can hear and buy their CDs, here: http://cdbaby.com/group/redcross

>If you've been seeing the images of New Orleans after Hurricane
Katrina and have thought about donating to help those in need, please consider buying some albums from that page. You're free to listen to up to half of every album in instant-streaming MP3, so I hope you use this as an excuse to discover some great new music while knowing your money is going to a good cause.

>Thank you.

>--Derek Sivers, CD Baby

Wow...a wonderful reason to buy new music...


Rocky Mountain Relief

Another great site that is just starting...



Approx. 1000 refrugees from New Orleans are in Colorado today. 1000 people with no homes, no jobs...

I gave money but thought that I could do more. Volunteers are needed like crazy to help serve food, organize donations, answer phones etc. etc.

This weekend I am working a couple 4 hour shifts serving food for the salvation army. I called the Salvation Army at 303-866-9280 and also the Metro Volunteers at 303-282-1234. You have to attend an orientation meeting before you can volunteer with the Salvation Army. I am going this Friday, September 9th. There are multiple classes between 4-6pm that day.

Call if you are interested and living in Colorado. Invite your friends and family and make a little event of it.

If you are somewhere else, call your local red cross/charity of your choice and see what you can do to help out. Not everyone can afford to give money, so do what you can...but do something


04 September 2005


Does the government think we are that stupid?


02 September 2005

Single Rage

Just like after 9-11, i am at a loss as to what is the appropriate ammount of anger, sadness, fear. Should I talk about it more or less? Should I read about it more or less? More CNN coverage? Less article reading? Can i afford to give more money to the red cross? Is my money even getting there? Would I be better off giving blood, food, clothes, diapers? Where is Andy?

I have decided that I can do whatever works for me and trust that people will understand that. Understand that even though I rage about small things, that I havent given up on the BIG ones.

One thing I think is very important...keep your government honest. Sure this is a tragedy but I dont think it means you cant talk about what was/wasnt done to help/prevent this. I know, natural disaster and all but really, New Orleans has a drink called the hurricane...this wasnt a surprise. NO is a poor city, mandatory evacuations, obviously, didnt help the people who couldnt afford to travel. Who had no car, no money for gas, no place to go. These are the people suffering now and these are the people that someone let down. Keep your govenment honest, whether they are democrats, republicans, reform...whatever. You pay their salary. Dont feel bad about asking for answers. We deserve them.

Two Minutes Hate
Anyone who has worked in an office setting, tell me; how many wedding showers, baby showers have you been to? How much money have you forked over for girlscout cookies and book drives? Have you ever had to work late or on a weekend because one of your co-workers had family commitments? Sometimes it seems like we single, childless people get the shit end of the stick (my least favorite).

Now please, dont get me wrong. I am not anti-family. I like families. I came from one! I have many friends with children and I love them and their little rugrats! I like and support the laws that allow for a man to take time off of work so that he can bond with his newborn child. I love that more companies are supplying childcare centers so that working mothers (a name i dont like...show me a mother that isnt already working even before she leaves the house!) can get back to their 8-5 jobs.

However, it cant be denied that single people are often discriminated against. I saw an episode of sex and the city about it once so it must be true!!

A perfect example of this discrimination just happend to a friend of mine. The Australian works with computers and every five weeks he has to spend one week on call. All night, waiting for pages from the computer.."I broke myself" and he must fix it. Stupid computers. There are 5 people on his "team." Recently, the powers that be decided that they needed to impliment night shifts. One person said they wanted to work the night shift. The other two pulled out the....well, I have kids so. Take a guess as to who has to work the dreaded 4pm-1am shift? Of course...the Australian...the single guy with no family.

I think decisions like this need to be based on a thousand other issues and none of them are whether or not the workers have children. Maybe the Australian has a sick mother to take care of...maybe he has a little brother he watches. Maybe he just doesnt want to give up his life. It isnt fair to punish people because they havent yet, or have chosen not to procreate.

Raises and promotions based on how big your family is. Someone has to work on Christmas day, make the single person do it. My kids soccer game is this weekend, I suppose the single person can come in then. God knows that without a husband/wife and a gaggle of kids they have nothing better to do!

So, good luck to you Aussie. You are much less angry about it then I would be...although, i suppose they could have you deported if you put up too much of a fight (wink wink).

The Bird

I Love This Man

New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin's radio interview:

The only guy who seems to understand the situation.

01 September 2005

What the F*#%

Someone explain this...

Children's Hospital under siege

Can I Take Back What I Said?

I know i can be heartless but still, even i am astounded by the destruction of hurricane katrina. I am also a little disappointed in us as people. I cant even imagine what it is like in Louisiana...but what is the deal with people tipping over ambulances? Who are the people looting electronics during a situation like this? There is no power, no gas, no water, no toilets, no pick up of dead bodies and you are picking out your next television set? People are setting fires and roaming the streets with guns...honestly, arent we all supposed to be better then this? Isnt this when we are all supposed to come together and work hard and rah rah rah? When the police have to stop search and rescue operations to make sure that violent looters dont take over the town, isnt that a sign that something is wrong?

Would this happen everywhere? Is it human nature? Is it just American? What would the canadians do (as an aside, i am going to make myself a WWCD t-shirt...)?

What would you do if the government, local or otherwise, told you to leave your house. Go to Invesco Field, the Pepsi Center. Wait there until the storm is over. Would you go? Would you try to wait it out at home? What if there was no electricity....dead bodies floating in the water. Your food is gone. Your water is gone. You have no way to get in touch with your family or friends. You're sick, you need oxygen. You're hurt. You saw a friend/neighbor/stranger die. Would you push someone out of your way to get the last bottled water? Would you steal food from a store so your family could eat. At what point do you make the jump to taking a gun, for protection. Taking a generator, taking a life.

For donations:
American Red Cross

Looking for family or friends:
The Next of Kin Registry

I am hoping to hear from a highschool friend who, last time I spoke with him, was attending Tulane. I have a picture of us by Lake Pontchartrain..he once said to me, "If New Orleans ever gets hit by a big hurricane or the Mississippi really floods we are totally screwed. Surrounded on three sides by water. We sit below sea level. And there is only one little bridge to get us all out."
Good thoughts to you Andy...