27 May 2005

Mustache Rage

The packing and the moving and the cleaning arent even the worst things about moving. It is the transferring of services that stinks. All the phone calls and hold music. It makes me batty!

Two Minutes Hate
It is clear from past posts that I have no idea what I am talking about. Today's is no exception. Sure, I could try and write something really profound about this guy. I could try and attack his policies, his morals, his values etc.
Or, in true raging bird fashion i could attack his face. More specifically, his mustache. What the fuck is that?! How can it be white and the rest of his "hair" be brown? If he was coloring his hair...why wouldnt he dye his mustache? Hasnt he been bombarded with those annoying Just For Men facial hair ads? Shouldnt someone tell him about it? It bothers me to no end. I watch him speak in defense of himself and all i can see is his mustache.

It haunts me at night. It is my white whale.

Cap'n Ahab

19 May 2005

Preggo Rage

You know what isnt fun? Getting into heated arguments with someone you care about. Even if I am right and he is totally wrong...it still isnt fun. Yukyuk. It is a good thing that you can get into these discussions and not hate the person. That has to count for something right? Oh what do you know!

Two Minutes Hate
"Hypocrisy...never good" a wise man once told me. How right he was! I read this and felt a little happiness and a little vomit in my mouth. Good for this woman to go and walk with her class. That's some balls if you ask me (that's the happiness in case you were wondering). I am not so upset that they didnt want her to walk. As the same wise man said, "it is a private school....can do what they please, I mean, even if it's jackassy...." Another good point, someone was on a roll. However, what stinks is that the father of the child was allowed to participate in the ceremony. I dont know why I would really expect anything different. I guess i just havent warmed to the fact that it is just the woman's fault if she gets pregnant. We did eat that fucking apple and all. Honestly, with all the $$ and pleasure that has come from our little "oops" shouldnt we be getting some kind of cut of the action?

Check the expiration date on those condoms ladies!!


14 May 2005

Furry Friends Rage

My birthday is this month (reminder for all those living near me who havent yet purchased a lovely gift-like item for me: I enjoy beer!)...what was that you said? Happy birthday? Well thank you!
Anyway....so i received a gift in the mail from J and promptly opened it (all you folks out there who think you should wait til the actual day of the event to open gifts are just plain nuts). What was inside....wait for it. Voltron!! Ahh...how sweet life is. I love Voltron for those of you who didnt know that, and i would imagine that is the majority of you. I know people who have had the Voltron robot and i was always very jealous of them. Now I will be envied by all! Maybe if you are nice I will let you touch my robot hmm?

Two Minutes Hate

Some people think I am dead inside. Mostly because I dont like babies and chick flicks and because i say 'jesus fucking christ' a lot. But, i do have a softish side (no, not my ass you dillweed).
One thing that really upsets me is the abuse of animals. Honestly, i cannot think of a more gutless act then to hurt an animal. What sick ass fucking whack job do you have to be to hurt a dog or a cat? How many times would someone have to drop you on your fat-ass charlie brown skull for you to think that is at all entertaining? What dickless wonders' get pleasure from this shit? I am a pretty peaceful person for all of my blathering but if i ever caught someone hurting an animal i would beat the living fuck out of them. Smash their muddled brains into the sidewalk over and over again and probably love every moment of it.
Really, I cant even talk about it without getting choked up and turning red. So, since me raging about it wont do a goddamn thing i thought that if you have a perro, gato or any other pet, or if you just feel strongly about this that the best thing would be a link where you can donate $$ and items, get information tools, and volunteer. This website is dedicated to "breaking the cycle of violence through action, education, and information". This is certainly not for kids (no pictures or anything twisted like that...just heartwrenching stories). There are links (support, shop, adopt etc.) at the top that can get you to where you need to go.


13 May 2005


I dig Kiss My Face Cranberry Orange spf 15 lip balm.

I dig ipods and free music.

I dig nice funny late night conversations.

I dig soy candles made by Curios (only the best for Bird baby!).

I dig all things zamboni.

I dig the name silverfish.

I dig haiku.

I dig the biographical encyclopedia on the back of my toilet.

I dig pals that i will now give secret nicknames to so as to avoid exposing their indentites (like superheroes)...Bat girl, Razor, Pumkinhead, Dictionary, Scoot, Peewee, Curly, Monk, Gumbo, The boy wonder, etc.

I dig roadtrips.

I dig stolen lamps and records.

I dig beer.

I dig books and...

I dig you.

No time for hate tonight folks...filled with too much love (enjoy it while it lasts!).


08 May 2005

Monkey Rage

Moving sucks ass. Honestly, nothing good about it at all. Even knowing that you dont have to move again for a while doesnt help. Lets say you are moving from your 500sq ft basement apartment to a house with your new wife-a place with four bathrooms and a huge yard-there is still a moment where you think...you know, maybe I should stay in my old place. You start contemplating hiring homeless guys to haul your shit around for you. You begin to question whether or not you need all this shit (that is always a good thing). The only way to move right is to set all your shit on fire and move to another town.

The Two Minutes Hate will be extended since I will be raging on one of my favorite topics!

6+ Minutes Hate (Evolution Edition)
I almost dont know where to start with this one. This is what has been going on in Kansas for the last couple of days. How can a state that is forward thinking about their alcohol sales also believe in the idea of ID. "The theory of intelligent design (ID) holds that certain features of the universe and of living things are best explained by an intelligent cause rather than an undirected process such as natural selection."

As a shovel bum this is a subject close to my heart (and also my wallet, if you know what I am sayin'). I know so many scientists...real scientists that even wear lab coats and have chemicals bubbling in their labs....that believe in god or some sort of higher power. For the most part, they believe that there is a god and that he set all these events into motion-the big bang-evolution etc. That god, at the same time, gave humans brains and trusted us enough to figure it all out for ourselves. He supposedly gave us the choice to believe in him or not so why be so fucking uptight about how we were created? While I myself dont believe in god, I respect my friends who do. For them, it really is a personal relationship with god and they leave me be about it. Dig.

Having studied all kinds of creation myths, I can tell you, the story in the bible is just another creation myth. It is very similar to native myths here in the new world. It was a way for people to explain the world before they had science. Does the fact that it is a creation myth take anything away from the religion or the people who worship god? No, not at all. But to believe in a literal interpretation of the bible in relation to the creation of the universe? That is just stupid. STUPID!

First, to do this, you have to ignore all fucking kinds of science. Fossil evidence, transitional forms, homologies, anatomy and comparative anatomy, developmental biology, cellular and molecular evidence, stratigraphy, chronology and dating, geography, artifical selection, ecology etc. Second, you have to over look all the other bits of the bible that you choose not to believe in-Slavery being a huge one of those. Third, how can you justify discounting evolution because it doesnt talk about it in the bible but have no problem overlooking Cains wife appearing out of thin air? I am not fucking joking... Genesis Chapter 4 verse 16 Cain left and went to the land of Nod which is east of eden. Chapter 4 verse 17, And Cain knew his wife. I swear to the god I dont believe in, that is how it goes. Adam and Eve begat Cain and Abel. Cain slew Abel because god was being a dick (if you ask me) and then Cain left to Nod. Suddenly, shit loads of people begat everyone else with not a mention from god. And dont give me this bullshit about how, well god must have just created them and didnt mention it. Really? that is what you fucking think happend. And you would be wiling to denounce a science because god forgot to mention it? Maybe he forgot to mention evolution or that you are a fucking douche bag too eh?

The most common argument against evolution is that it is just a theory. Yes, it is a theory. First, here is a definition of theory: "a plausible or scientifically acceptable general principle or body of principles offered to explain phenomena". Now, lets look at some other theories. There is Einstein's Theory Of Relativity, Newton's Theory Of Gravity, and The Wave Theory Of Light. My point in all of this is not to suggest that we shouldnt continue to study the theory of evolution. Not at all. I am a fucking scientist (soft science that is...) and I say bring it on. What really fucking sets me off are those that suggest that we shouldnt teach it in schools. You believe that there is more evidence for ID? You want to teach the bible's version of creation since we have some kind of concrete (fuck, I would even take Play-Doh-y) evidence for the whole garden of eden thing right? If we are going to get into the sticky situation of including religion in science you better fucking include every religions' creation myth.

I know that no one who reads this will either a) change their mind or b) care since they are probably my pals (shout out to JK, JK the elder, JT, JR and A.H). So, why do you get so angry hmm? Who knows. Wait...I do.
Because people are too scared of what is coming in the next life to try and do good in this life. Because people are not willing to judge not lest ye be judged. Because people cant let me fry in hell if I want to. Because they are willing to look at people of science and tell them they have no faith. There has to fucking be room for science and religion. Has to be. Otherwise, you keep faith and I will keep medical technologies that can save my life. You take communion and I will take my new hybrid car for a spin. You go to church and I will go to the next launching of the space shuttle. (aside: can you fucking believe that we can fly to space, float around, come back down? I mean really think about that. It will blow your fucking mind!!)

If you choose to reject all science because it conflicts with your religion (and I know that you can believe in a higher power and still be intelligent about it all) then that is fine. But for christs sake, let the children learn. Fuck, wouldnt jesus have wanted them to decide for themselves??


The B

05 May 2005

Jittery Rage

Coffee.....much too much Coffee too late in the day. Such Much!

Cinco de Mayo!!!
Today, is thursday. The big Cinco de Mayo celebration is this saturday, the 7th of May. That is so fucking lame! For god sakes cant you see that??!! It is one thing to have the St. Patricks Day Parade the closest saturday to the actual 17th of March but...the fucking NAME of the holiday is CINCO de Mayo. Cinco, for you gringos means 5. Not "7". It sure as fuck doesnt mean "the saturday immediately following the 5th ". This annoys me and it does so every Cinco de Mayo. Sure you say, it isnt even a holiday you celebrate, what the fuck do you care? Hmm...excellent point. Still though, cinco.......CINCO!!

02 May 2005

Music Rage

On any given day, at any given time there are numerable news items, political deals, commuters etc. to really get someone like me going. However, the key to it all is to focus my hate on just one or two things a day. Otherwise, i think my brain would just swell inside my skull and eventually squish out through the eyes and nose.
I had forgotten about this blog until today. I hate calling it that, shouldnt it be called a diary that has a greater chance of fucking up your life then the moleskine you keep in your nightstand? This is my DTHAGCFUYLTTMYKIYN......hmm.
Blog it is.

Time for the Two Minutes Hate!

I hate people who are so fucking aggressive about music. Why can't people own up to the fact that all music wasn't created for them...with them in mind. Why can't people say, hmm...not my speed, not my style. Why can't they recognize the talent and move on? This is what i do with Neil Young right? Yes! With My Morning Jacket? Yes. No one needs be to a dick about it when you say you like Elvis Costello Yes, I am talking to you M----. Perfect example...my friends band, eight-o-two.
This is not my style of music. Do they, in fact, rock? Very much so. They are very talented but I dont dig on it too much. See how easy it is? And when someone says to me, you don't love Eight-o-Two??!! I can say, No! But man...those guys have mad skills!!
So...all you music snobs...fucking lighten up already eh? Ooops...times up...

The Bird