29 December 2005

Sleepy Time

Sadness...two days in a row.

Oh CHRIS DINGMAN!!! How i love thee.

My favorite player is on waivers!! Oh please hockey gods dont let him be sent to the minors.

If there are any hockey gm's reading this...i am tellin ya. This guy is a scrapper and he plays hard everynight even if he cant skate that well and doesnt really score goals. He loves the game and is a super great guy. Please someone pick him up! For god sakes he has TWO Stanley Cup Rings. If only for good luck just snatch him up!


Wednesday at 3:45am i woke up laughing. Laughing and laughing. The kind of laugh that you usually get in a church service or at a wedding. The kind you cant muffle or stop and it just gets funnier and funnier.

I was laughing at a dream that I had. At the time I thought it was brilliant. Really just so amazing that I wanted to write it down to share. And so, now the time has come to tell you what i wrote. First just read then I can explain...

"Whisper your dreams to me-& float them down" When I have the H20 bottle used to spray my ears when I am angry-I keep it in a drawer in the bathroom. If i was asked to spray down on angry world leaders (i was thinking Arab) ears during a heated exchange-oh-I dont have it...

Okay....so i sound like a crazy person huh? But really, most of the dream stems from a conversation i had with Munpe Q about how his ears get hot when he is angry. I guess I thought it would be funny if during some kind of heated meeting between world leaders i had to spray their ears with a water bottle to cool them down. (The US and some Middle Eastern Country seems like they hate each other the most what with Iran just banning all western music...which is why i thought Arab)
As for the, "Whisper your dreams to me and float them down" I remember thinking...in a boat. I will float them down in a boat.

god only knows where this came from...

So...screw that whole idea that you come up with your best ideas in the middle of the night eh?

Sweet dreams

28 December 2005

Office Depot Rage

I hope all of you xmas celebraters had a wonderful xmas. I hope all of you Hanukkah celebraters are enjoying the Festival of Lights. Did you xmas-ers know that Hanukkah means dedication in Hebrew? See, who says you cant learn something at a bar?!!

It is with a sad sad heart that I must report the passing of the "Time To Make the Doughnuts" actor, Michael Vale. I love this guy...he was a sleepy head just like me. I must have known somehow, that his time was coming, because i have been talking about this guy for a couple of weeks now. So sad...eat a doughnut in remembrance.

Two Minutes Hate
Thunderpussy and I went to the Office Depot yesterday to purchase office supplies with the corporate OD credit card. TP needed some binders so after encountering possibly the highest employee to patron ratio i have ever seen (We saw 10 between the door and the aisle) we perused the selection of binders. Oh, so many options! Sizes and colors! I love binders because it reminds me of being in school. I loved being in school. My nostalgia left quickly when i spied the prices. A 1" binder with a front clear pocket for a report page was running for 7.39. SEVEN DOLLARS AND THIRTY NINE CENTS. HOLY FUCK IS RIGHT! As Thunderpussy and I looked around we noticed all the prices ranged between $6-7.50. God forbid you need a 3-4 inch binder, those would run about 15 bucks.

I remember last year heading to the Depot or the Max to buy a planner for the coming year. I have to have a planner. Oh, stop with the "who's so fancy" talk. I just work two jobs and try to have a social life. As Bone and i were shopping i came upon the planner i wanted. Simple, clear, small, plain.....35 dollars. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!" Bone had to make me leave the store.

I understand that these large office supply stores cater to businesses like the one I work for. We have a coporate account. We dont care if the binders are 2 or 10 bucks. We pass that cost along to the agency. These office supply stores can charge as much or as little as they would like. Never has my boss said, "Find the cheapest price." He just wants the stuff purchased...doesnt care how much it cost or where we bought it. Still, it just seems wrong to charge so much for a piece of plastic that was made in china by some child and cost all of 15 cents. And even at $7.39 you know that the little fucking rings will get all wanky and not close and end up ripping your papers and then you have to go searching for those stupid round hole repair things. Fucking Office Depot....

23 December 2005

Unrealistic Things

Asking people to pay off your student loans as xmas gifts
Waiting for the boss to call you back when he said he would
Not eating the fudge that is in the fridge
Remembering to take the two month old milk out of the fridge
Expecting to get work done on the friday before a 3-day weekend
Bush getting impeached

22 December 2005

Holiday Rage

So here I am at 7:08am blogging. The person my co-workers call sleepy head no less..i arrived at work at 6:45. Yes, that is right I am a sick fuck. But really, what an amazing sun rise here in Boulder. The sky is filled with wispy clouds and is just on fire. Look I took a photo...

I wish I could actually get up this early, watch the amazing sunrise and not feel like i need a nap in the afternoon. Just for funsies here is a photo of my co-worker Thunderpussy....

Two Minutes Hate
It is that time of year. A season when people feel a bit nicer, help others a bit more, and-in my own humble opinion-walk a hundred times slower.

Honestly, what the fuck is up with that?! It is xmas man! I dont have time to meander around the goddamn target watching you ooohhh and awwwwwww at some stupid singing santa doll. I know you havent decided what you are going to get your uncle murray but really, can you at least get the fuck out of the way for those of us who know exactly what we are getting and where it is located??

Sure, you may be fat or old or have a debilitating mental disorder...i can understand that you may not be able to walk as fast as others. I have no problems with that. I am not asking you to walk faster, just to recognize that the world does not move at your snail like pace. Be aware and most importantly, get the fuck out of my way! I would hate to ram this cherry red cart right up your ass!

Happy Holidays!

16 December 2005

Just For Pumpkin Head

The other day my pal Pumpkin Head told me that he doesnt read. Not in the afterschool special way but in the I-am-too-lazy-to-read-your-blog way. So...just for him...PHOTO BLOG.

Hey pumpkin...if the captions next to the photos get too much for you, let me know and I will just delete them as well!

A Bird Is Born

Last xmas in the mountains

Oooohhhh...archaeology. Rock art in Albuquerque

Look it's Lake Pontchartrain!

The Grand Mesa looking south

Two twirling pals

Valley of Fires Recreation Area, New Mexico

Tiny man on a beach in Oregon

meow meow

Babies love the broncos and beer

Where i spent fourth grade

Cows eating pumpkins

chickens at the oregon coast



Is your butt pictured?

Inside the Biosphere

I always had a hard time with the trees...a card i made for my parents

So...there you go PH! Hope your happy.

Best to you all!


12 December 2005

Poppin' Bird's Cherry

Yikes, i grossed myself out with that one.

I am coming off a weekend filled with things I have never done before. I thought it would be interesting to share two bits of it with you.

I began by eating a burger as big as my face. No shit...i held it up to my face to check it out. The buns on this thing were freakin HUGE. I mean, are those special order buns or what? And what it gods name would the point of a burger as big as your face be? Aren't americans fat enough?

By the by...i finished it and it was yummy.

After the burger i thought to myself..."What's a good compliment to eating a face-sized burger?" Shooting a weapon of course!

So i headed over to the shooting range to unleash my rage on a tiny silhouette man. I was firing this weapon.

I must say, i was nervous. Even though my father and brothers had gone hunting, I never went. I never tagged along when they went to the boonies to shoot cans and the whatnot.

The range was an interesting mix of men who were obviously crazy with the power that guns give you and nice gentlemen who had been hunters and military men when they were younger. While standing at the assigned stall I realized that if one of the people at the range wanted to kill me dead that I was easy pickens. Really, any yahoo can rent a gun for 10 bucks!

While loading my clip (ohhh...i sound so gun-tastic I know) the man three stalls down began firing what sounded like a cannon. Seriously...it was so god damn loud it made me jump every time he fired. My pal went first...nice grouping but a bit of a pull to the left...and then it was my turn. I was so nervous, thinking about what my mother used to say when i would horseplay in the house "You could kill someone!" But this time...i really could have turned and killed my friend and the cannon man and even that one chick who was really too excited about it all.

Ohh...deep breaths. Trying to relax and stop my shaking hands. I went through all the things my friend had told me before we left for the range. slide clip in hard, always pointing down range, finger off trigger, right thumb under slide release/lock, right thumb comes up and releases saftey, deep breath, left thumb cocks gun when ready. whoooo......breathe breathe, when ready-finger on trigger...deep breath....POP. There goes your cherry.

How'd I do? Not too bad. Of the nine that hit the poor silhouette man, 1 hit dead center (take that you dirty bastard!), 3 in the 9 ring, 4 in the 8 ring and 1 in the 7 ring.

Even if I never go again, I can say this...it was a very interesting and eye opening experience. Something I think you have to try before you can poopoo the idea....im lookin right in the mirror when i say that!

All in all an interesting weekend that will stay with me for a long time (did I mention the burger was as big as my FACE??)

08 December 2005

The Game Or The Play By Agatha Christie?

I havent read or seen a production of The Mousetrap but i have played the game which, i believe, was based on the play...right? Totally...

Today is like that plastic mousetrap. Everything is hinging on the ball dropping. Nothing else is happening. Nothing can happen unless that freakin ball falls. all the little chutes and ladders are just waiting there...

So here i sit. Dangling like that stupid cage...waiting to fall on the plastic mouse. Waiting for phone calls and clarification and the national archives and the printers and the photos. In bank lines and at the post office i stand...waiting to spring into action. Spring isnt right....plop is more appropriate i suppose.

"plop plop fizz fizz" says the bird

05 December 2005

6 Ways to Kill a Bird

My pal Large Marge brought me in a pie today.  Cherry, my favorite!  Yum...it was most delicious.  I enjoyed a piece with a nice cup of coffee and a computer filled with crappy word docs.  It took the edge off of what was an anger filled monday morning. But really, would it be a monday morning if i didnt stroke my little ball of hate?  I think not...
Two Minutes Hate
The wind up here in Boulder is blowin like a mother with gusts up to 90mph. Goddamn if i didnt almost die 6 times.  What, you think I am exaggerating? 
1. Vision obscured because tumbleweeds covered windshield
2. Trashcan blew into on coming traffic
3. Vision obscured by blowing dirt/snow, asshats in front of me slam on breaks
4. Swinging traffic light fell near my car
5. Wind gusts made high profile truck in the next lane swerve into mine
6. Wind almost picked up my car and flipped me over
Okay, maybe the 6th was a bit of an exaggeration but still, 5 near-deaths before coffee...wouldnt you be angry too?
eyes on the road--hands at 10 and 2 people!

02 December 2005

iPod game...

Fighting work and sleep and boredom...
Step 1
pull out your ipod
Step 2
browse by song
Step 3
scroll down while counting one mississippi, two mississippi, three mississippi
Step 4
note song and artist
Step 5
1. Bartender~ Slim Cessna's Auto Club
2. Casey Joes~ The Grateful Dead
3. Devil In Me~ 22-20's
4. Finger Lickin Good~ Beastie Boys
5. Just Like Honey~ Jesus and Mary Chain
6. Please Don't Talk About Me When I'm Gone~ Sammy Davis Jr.
7. Tea For Two~ Mambo All-Stars
8. Watch Your Step~ Elvis Costello and the Attractions
9. Zoo Station~ U2
Birdy's pod says:
"Tweet tweet"