07 June 2005

Poke Check Rage

The best thing about moving is that feeling when you dont need to hunt through a box for something. The only things left to unpack are useless items that make you think to yourself...why did I even have this? What do I do with the IKEA magazine rack now that I have no room for it in my bathroom? Rest my pretties...i will find room for you somewhere.

As a prelude to my 2mh I want to direct all you folks to the newest Buccigross article about the beloved Sea Bass. Yes, that's right...Cam Neely was indeed Sea Bass in Dumb and Dumber. He has also appeared in There's Something About Mary and Me, Myself and Irene. The Farrelly Brothers have asked lots and lots of sports people to make appearances in their movies. But I digress...

Two Minutes Hate
Poke Check is what I would name my hockey themed bar. I like it because it kind of sounds dirty. For all of you who are not familiar with the sport a poke check is a technique in ice hockey in which a defender uses the blade of the stick to push the puck off the stick of an opponent. A hockey-themed bar is really just something I would use to write off massive purchases of memorabilbia and bubble hockey tables.

My rage today is near and dear to my heart...assholes who are not fans of the sport but feel knowledgeable enough to tell me what is wrong with it. Yes, I know I live in Colorado where professional hockey is young. However, we have a history of hockey here. Good high school and college teams. A new and excellent CHL team. A good professional team as well as lots of beer leagues. All are well-supported. I am new to the sport-5 years give or take-and I dont believe that you have to have grown up with it to enjoy and understand it. Is it a part of my childhood and my roots? No but I dont think that matters. It doesnt take away from my enjoyment or my passion for it. Additionally, all you cocks who constantly remind me that it is not very popular...wow...who fucking cares? The fact that you dont appreciate it doesnt mean that I shouldnt either. It is okay for you not to like it. I myself dont care for baseball. That doesnt mean you are some kind of loser for being a fan; all it means is that I dont like it. Again with the digression...

What gets me are people like bubblebutt (name changed to protect identity). BB doesnt like hockey. She thinks it is violent and goonish. She once told me that she doesnt watch hockey because of the fighting. BB wouldnt watch hockey if there was fighting, if it was banned, or even if the players were skating around in their jockstraps a la Slapshot. She wouldnt watch it and that is okay, but leave it at that man. Yes, they have missing teeth-not so much because they are fist swinging goons but more so because they are whacking frozen vulcanized rubber around at 90+ miles an hour. Gone are the days of the Broad Street Bullies. Are there still goons around? Sure. However, no more goons exist in hockey then in football (B. Romanowski, R. Lewis), basketball (J. Williams, A. Iverson) or baseball (J. Rocker et al).

I know very little about baseball and dont even begin to comment about what should be done to make it better. How would I know? I dont watch it. Yet, when Bertuzzi hit Steve Moore I had to endure hundreds of "lemme tell ya how it is Bird". When the lockout began i listened to a thousand "you know what's wrong with your sport there..." Oh my god people-you dont know which is the blue or red line! You scream shoot everytime someone gets the puck! You ask me, why do they keep leaving the ice after only half a minute? You need me to explain icing and you are going to "tell me how it is"?

Dont get me wrong. I like introducing people to my adopted sport. I do believe that once you see a live hockey game, you will never be the same again. However, i could do without the armchair quarterbacking from people who dont even like the game. Lay off will ya?!!


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