14 October 2005

Fun On the Farm

I stink.

No, not stink like, "I am no good at this"...or "I killed a hobo in his sleep, what a stinker I am". I actually stink. I have spent the last four days recording various properties near Loveland. Today each property had farm animals. The first had a goat and pigs and cows and gatos (which I know arent farm animals but still) and a horse. The goat was just wandering around which the owner said was okay but let me tell ya, you havent lived until you've been bumped from behind by a goat while trying to take a photo of the pig slop. The second place had tons of pigs, roaming chickens and cows....more cows. They had a nice little gato that followed me around the house while I mapped it. I called him stinker because he stunk...just like me. The third place had more cows and some chickens and even more gatos. One I called orange because he was orange and he kept attacking me as I was recording the privy. This was also the place that made me decide not to eat cows and pigs anymore. It was disgusting. Jules Winnfield was right...pigs are filthy animals. Not only that...this one cow was drinking the other cows piss right from the steaming hole! Blech!!

But...yesterday was the kicker. We roll up on this house. A small home and a back forty filled with salvage items and some livestock. You know it is going to be strange when the first thing you say to your co-worker is, "are those peacocks on the roof?" So, yes, they had peacocks...most which were on the roof. They had a kennel filled with basset hounds and two pitbulls. They had a pen with 25+ goats, llamas, two ponies, geese, chickens and a single pig that was too fat to walk. They also had roaming llamas that would surprise the fuck out of you. They spit you know... Anyway...it was like the ark...but without the cool animals, and the water...and a guy named noah. Though i was with a guy named steve...was there a steve on the ark? But I digress...

So in addition to this pen and the kennel and the roof cocks the back forty contained a salvage yard. Fencing materials, bricks etc etc. Also, 7 sets of front stairs. Just the steps and the railing and the first landing. Strange. 15 tuff sheds, 9 abandoned trucks and cars, Three open pits with some kind of burned bones (yikes), 15 steel drums with "SALVAGE" on the side (for dissolving dead bodies I think), one "Hazardous Waste" sign, a pile of fire extinguishers, two bus stop shelters from Fort Collins, and a metal square-lined with plywood and plastic-filled with unopened bottles of bleach...and I mean filled.

Honestly, it was the strangest thing I have ever seen. I actually felt uncomfortable there, which doesnt happen often. Contrary to popular belief I hardly ever risk my life at work. Rarely do I come upon a group of nazis about to steal an ancient treasure and have to blow up their plane and fist fight with them...rarely.


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