19 October 2005

Job Skillz

I need a new job...badly. Because, you see, once again and for the 4th time this month I am sitting at home, not working because there is nothing for me to do. (squirt, do the comma mistakes in this sentence make your head hurt?) I am a full time salaried employee...but not really. They can work me to death and I dont get overtime however, if i miss work they take it out of my check. I am getting screwed with my pants on.

Thus, I need a new job. You can help! Let me tell you my various skills and then you can hire me. Or, you can tell me about job openings you see as you commute to work.

~I am hi-larious. But this you must already know.

~I have mad digging skillz. You need a squared off 1x1m hole dug at 10cm levels in your backyard? Man...that's my bag baby!

~I work well under pressure. In fact, so well that I love to put things off until the last possible second so that the pressure is intense!! This may come in handy if you need someone who can disarm a bomb with only 1 second remaining. (caveat- i would need to be taught how to disarm a bomb...but I learn quickly)

~I like to read. I read a lot and i enjoy it. That also makes me smart right?

~I am smart. (See above)

~I like repetitive tasks. I have worked at the library, a grocery store, and as an encoder. I enjoyed them for various reasons. I like to stamp things and swipe things. I like to type too.

~I am good with people. This may surprise some of you but....i like people. Not stupid people or arrogant people, or ignorant people but funny and smart people. I love them!

~I am a poor speller but am totally aware of that fact so i always double spell check big words.

~I like ice patches. I can explain them to you if you would like.

~I like to make lists. Just like this one.

~I rock in the sack. This skill really only applies to a few jobs...but it is good information i think.

Okay...i have a CV filled with bum jobs (i have even written some reports and what not) as well as a couple of recommendations. I have transcripts too so let me know.

Thanks for all your legwork. I am looking for full-time or a flexible part time job.

~Tweet Tweet

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

How about an poetic subterranean porn star?