I stink.
No, not stink like, "I am no good at this"...or "I killed a hobo in his sleep, what a stinker I am". I actually stink. I have spent the last four days recording various properties near Loveland. Today each property had farm animals. The first had a goat and pigs and cows and gatos (which I know arent farm animals but still) and a horse. The goat was just wandering around which the owner said was okay but let me tell ya, you havent lived until you've been bumped from behind by a goat while trying to take a photo of the pig slop. The second place had tons of pigs, roaming chickens and cows....more cows. They had a nice little gato that followed me around the house while I mapped it. I called him stinker because he stunk...just like me. The third place had more cows and some chickens and even more gatos. One I called orange because he was orange and he kept attacking me as I was recording the privy. This was also the place that made me decide not to eat cows and pigs anymore. It was disgusting. Jules Winnfield was right...pigs are filthy animals. Not only that...this one cow was drinking the other cows piss right from the steaming hole! Blech!!
But...yesterday was the kicker. We roll up on this house. A small home and a back forty filled with salvage items and some livestock. You know it is going to be strange when the first thing you say to your co-worker is, "are those peacocks on the roof?" So, yes, they had peacocks...most which were on the roof. They had a kennel filled with basset hounds and two pitbulls. They had a pen with 25+ goats, llamas, two ponies, geese, chickens and a single pig that was too fat to walk. They also had roaming llamas that would surprise the fuck out of you. They spit you know... Anyway...it was like the ark...but without the cool animals, and the water...and a guy named noah. Though i was with a guy named steve...was there a steve on the ark? But I digress...
So in addition to this pen and the kennel and the roof cocks the back forty contained a salvage yard. Fencing materials, bricks etc etc. Also, 7 sets of front stairs. Just the steps and the railing and the first landing. Strange. 15 tuff sheds, 9 abandoned trucks and cars, Three open pits with some kind of burned bones (yikes), 15 steel drums with "SALVAGE" on the side (for dissolving dead bodies I think), one "Hazardous Waste" sign, a pile of fire extinguishers, two bus stop shelters from Fort Collins, and a metal square-lined with plywood and plastic-filled with unopened bottles of bleach...and I mean filled.
Honestly, it was the strangest thing I have ever seen. I actually felt uncomfortable there, which doesnt happen often. Contrary to popular belief I hardly ever risk my life at work. Rarely do I come upon a group of nazis about to steal an ancient treasure and have to blow up their plane and fist fight with them...rarely.
B
14 October 2005
11 October 2005
A Perfect Moment
Do you ever have one of those moments that just shine?
Yesterday I am coming home from work. It had been snowing/raining all day. It was kind of gloomy which i love. I was headed toward my first NHL game in over a year. I was excited and giddy and totally feeling it. Erasure had just popped up on the ipod and I was loving it! I am headed up a hill, singing along. I look over and there, in the rain and freezing temperatures is an inflatable Sports Clip Mascot. The poor person in the blow-up suit is twirlling and hopping and most likely cursing outloud while doing it. Just as I look over, they fall...hitting the ground and rolling a bit. Trying to get up must be impossible in one of those things since your arms are trapped inside. I cant imagine how hard it is in the freezing rain on an incline.
Everything around me became clear for a moment. like the heavens opened and every car paused. I saw it all happening from above, like an out of body experience. It was amazing. Then, just as quickly it was gone. Another perfect moment...
Life can be so beautiful sometimes. I am just sad a poor inflatable mascot had to be hurt so that I could remember that...
peace~
Bird
Yesterday I am coming home from work. It had been snowing/raining all day. It was kind of gloomy which i love. I was headed toward my first NHL game in over a year. I was excited and giddy and totally feeling it. Erasure had just popped up on the ipod and I was loving it! I am headed up a hill, singing along. I look over and there, in the rain and freezing temperatures is an inflatable Sports Clip Mascot. The poor person in the blow-up suit is twirlling and hopping and most likely cursing outloud while doing it. Just as I look over, they fall...hitting the ground and rolling a bit. Trying to get up must be impossible in one of those things since your arms are trapped inside. I cant imagine how hard it is in the freezing rain on an incline.
Everything around me became clear for a moment. like the heavens opened and every car paused. I saw it all happening from above, like an out of body experience. It was amazing. Then, just as quickly it was gone. Another perfect moment...
Life can be so beautiful sometimes. I am just sad a poor inflatable mascot had to be hurt so that I could remember that...
peace~
Bird
10 October 2005
Quake Rage
Foot is feeling good but work is really stinking. Here I sit, again with nothing to do. Something has to change...Stupid Reno!
Additionally, the birdmobile isnt doing so well. Something is chunking and coughing so it has to be looked at. Sigh....it's always something eh?
The good news is....Hockey tonight. First NHL game in over a year. I am very excited. So excited in fact that i just peed in my pants a little. Good thing I am all alone eh? Also, snow! I love the snow. Here in Boulder it is just raining...which is strange. There was ~5 inches at my house today. Good times...
Two Minutes Hate
I was talking to my friend Newbie...who i just decided shall now and forever be called squirt (you dont like that one? zip it!)..and I said "Newbie (cause I hadnt changed his name yet), Newbie...how many people have to die (not including western europeans) before the US hosts some kind of live television fundraiser for them??" Obviously more the 30,000 eh? That is the vague number of dead in the quake that hit southeast asia.
30,000 people. Can you imagine? Think Katrina, and 9-11 and Rita, and throw in 25, 000 more people and you can start to get an idea. Is this tsunami big? no...not even close. But the ammount of destruction and loss of life exceeds anything we have faced as a nation. So why arent all the celebrities jumping on the Earthquake telethon bandwagon?
I can see that this most recent natural disaster comes on the heels of the last one. It may be too soon to hold another fundraiser but really...people dont seem to be interested. What makes this one different?
I have a guess....and it isnt a nice one. I wonder if people dont care because it hit Pakistan. Because "all those people killed are terrorists anyway." Really? Are we that stupid? It appears that we may indeed be.
I sent more money to the red cross, supposedly earmarking it for earthquake relief in the region. I am sure it will get there but I wonder how much help they will receive from others. Just to make sure we all understand who was effected by this earthquake you should know that:
"Officials in the North West Frontier Province about 60 miles north of Islamabad, said that it was one of the hardest-hit areas. Near the ruins of one collapsed school, at least a dozen bodies lay in the streets. More than 200 pupils were feared trapped inside the rubble of a four-story school.
Dozens of villagers pulled at the debris and carried away bodies. Faizan Farooq, a 19-year-old student, said he had heard children under the rubble crying for help immediately after Saturday's disaster."
I really hope that I am wrong. That people are just too strapped after the Tsunami and the Hurricanes. That people have been momentarily distracted by the Yankees pushing a game 5 and the play of phenom Sidney Crosby. That soon former President Bush and Clinton will come out with another television commercial requesting aid for the region and that people will respond.
~And the cynical bird goes tweet tweet..
Additionally, the birdmobile isnt doing so well. Something is chunking and coughing so it has to be looked at. Sigh....it's always something eh?
The good news is....Hockey tonight. First NHL game in over a year. I am very excited. So excited in fact that i just peed in my pants a little. Good thing I am all alone eh? Also, snow! I love the snow. Here in Boulder it is just raining...which is strange. There was ~5 inches at my house today. Good times...
Two Minutes Hate
I was talking to my friend Newbie...who i just decided shall now and forever be called squirt (you dont like that one? zip it!)..and I said "Newbie (cause I hadnt changed his name yet), Newbie...how many people have to die (not including western europeans) before the US hosts some kind of live television fundraiser for them??" Obviously more the 30,000 eh? That is the vague number of dead in the quake that hit southeast asia.
30,000 people. Can you imagine? Think Katrina, and 9-11 and Rita, and throw in 25, 000 more people and you can start to get an idea. Is this tsunami big? no...not even close. But the ammount of destruction and loss of life exceeds anything we have faced as a nation. So why arent all the celebrities jumping on the Earthquake telethon bandwagon?
I can see that this most recent natural disaster comes on the heels of the last one. It may be too soon to hold another fundraiser but really...people dont seem to be interested. What makes this one different?
I have a guess....and it isnt a nice one. I wonder if people dont care because it hit Pakistan. Because "all those people killed are terrorists anyway." Really? Are we that stupid? It appears that we may indeed be.
I sent more money to the red cross, supposedly earmarking it for earthquake relief in the region. I am sure it will get there but I wonder how much help they will receive from others. Just to make sure we all understand who was effected by this earthquake you should know that:
"Officials in the North West Frontier Province about 60 miles north of Islamabad, said that it was one of the hardest-hit areas. Near the ruins of one collapsed school, at least a dozen bodies lay in the streets. More than 200 pupils were feared trapped inside the rubble of a four-story school.
Dozens of villagers pulled at the debris and carried away bodies. Faizan Farooq, a 19-year-old student, said he had heard children under the rubble crying for help immediately after Saturday's disaster."
I really hope that I am wrong. That people are just too strapped after the Tsunami and the Hurricanes. That people have been momentarily distracted by the Yankees pushing a game 5 and the play of phenom Sidney Crosby. That soon former President Bush and Clinton will come out with another television commercial requesting aid for the region and that people will respond.
~And the cynical bird goes tweet tweet..
07 October 2005
Colorado State Patrol Rage
My doctors visit went well. I had fun x-rays and even got to take them home! Ahh, an art project. Maybe, if you know me, you can come over and check them out when i get em hung up! I love bones....i wish I could get some of all different parts of my body. Speaking of that...while lying on the table waiting for the machine to zap my foot, I was again struck with the idea of quickly sliding down and effectivly zzzzaaaapppping my pelvis!! No babies for me! Oh yes, no fracture of my fibula. The radiologist is going to look at them as well and you know, double check. I am wearing the air splint and it feels pretty good.
Two Minutes Hate
After my appointment I had to head up north to record a farm. Ahh...cows! So there I am, trucking along the 25...cruising at about 80mph. I pass a slow moving CSP car and as I am passing him I realize that he is getting caught behind a large tractor trailer. "Ahh...it sucks when that happens" I was thinking when, out of nowhere he turns on his lights and cuts me off. Okay, so i understand that cops do stuff like this...use their lights to go through a red light or make an illegal turn or something. It doesnt really bother me when they do it because I would do the same thing (so would you by the by....dont kid yourself!). However, this motherfucker cut me off. Not just, got in front of me but really cut me off. I had to hit the brakes pretty hard. This fucking pig is so goddamn special that he can go ahead and endanger some random person. So I honked at him. Cuz, what the fuck right?
So, then....because he is a complete douchebag, he gets on his cell phone (most likely calling information about the location of the nearest doughnut shop) and drives past 7 (i counted) Keep Right Except To Pass signs while cruising in the left lane at 60mph. I am so angry at this point. There are morons behind the guy going 55mph because they are worried about passing him. People...if a cop pulls you over for passing him when he is 15 under the speed limit you have nothing to worry about. Do you really need me to tell you this? So I called the non-emergency number and reported him. I know, what an asshole thing to do but he made me mad. I lied and said he wasnt wearing a seat belt either. Just for funsies. Really, it isnt like anything is going to happen but the women i was talking too seemed amused. So..take that CSP-274 you worthless bag-o-shit.
Dont you think we should have ramming devices on our cars for moments just like this?
safe driving everyone~
B
Two Minutes Hate
After my appointment I had to head up north to record a farm. Ahh...cows! So there I am, trucking along the 25...cruising at about 80mph. I pass a slow moving CSP car and as I am passing him I realize that he is getting caught behind a large tractor trailer. "Ahh...it sucks when that happens" I was thinking when, out of nowhere he turns on his lights and cuts me off. Okay, so i understand that cops do stuff like this...use their lights to go through a red light or make an illegal turn or something. It doesnt really bother me when they do it because I would do the same thing (so would you by the by....dont kid yourself!). However, this motherfucker cut me off. Not just, got in front of me but really cut me off. I had to hit the brakes pretty hard. This fucking pig is so goddamn special that he can go ahead and endanger some random person. So I honked at him. Cuz, what the fuck right?
So, then....because he is a complete douchebag, he gets on his cell phone (most likely calling information about the location of the nearest doughnut shop) and drives past 7 (i counted) Keep Right Except To Pass signs while cruising in the left lane at 60mph. I am so angry at this point. There are morons behind the guy going 55mph because they are worried about passing him. People...if a cop pulls you over for passing him when he is 15 under the speed limit you have nothing to worry about. Do you really need me to tell you this? So I called the non-emergency number and reported him. I know, what an asshole thing to do but he made me mad. I lied and said he wasnt wearing a seat belt either. Just for funsies. Really, it isnt like anything is going to happen but the women i was talking too seemed amused. So..take that CSP-274 you worthless bag-o-shit.
Dont you think we should have ramming devices on our cars for moments just like this?
safe driving everyone~
B
06 October 2005
Perfect Example
Here is a perfect example of why I want to leave archaeology all together and move away...
My boss tells me this afternoon that if the doctor says I am fine and that I can work that he is going to send me BACK out to Nevada.
WTF??!!
My boss tells me this afternoon that if the doctor says I am fine and that I can work that he is going to send me BACK out to Nevada.
WTF??!!
A Rage in Two Parts
I am going to the doctor tomorrow to have my foot looked at. It is fine and it feels good but people wont leave me alone about it (oh Bird...we care about you and dont want you to hurt your foot...bunch a punks). Also, i have health insurance so why not take care of it eh? I dont like doctors much. "But Bird" you say, "isnt your brother a doctor?" Ahh yes, the Lieutenant Commander...but see, he doesnt poke me with needles, something about it being unethical...but that doesnt stop me from asking for free medical advice and getting pain meds, if ya get my meaning. Anyway...xrays will ensue and i will have updates since i know you are all on the edge of your seats. Soon photos of my foot. For now...this photo that Scoot took in Amsterdam will have to do.
Solid!
Two Minutes Hate
Part 1
I am sitting here in Boulder with nothing to do! No work. Nothing!!!! I came home from Nevada and i am sitting here waiting for 7pm when K has graciously agreed to drop me off at home. only six more hours of watching the time slowly tick off the clock. How can there be nothing for me to do? Before there was too much to do and now, 15 days later there is nothing? NOTHING??? I am going crazy! CRAZY!!!
I am moving to San Francisco, working in a bookstore. I will tell you which one and you can come visit. People always say I'll visit but they never do. Someone come visit me??!!!! Right now!
Part 2
HOCKEY!!!!
This isnt so much a rage. I thought that I would share some notes I took while drinking heavily and watching the game last night. Here's the first ever...
Birds' Drunken Analysis
Written on a cocktail napkin...
Guys I like tonight
~Ian Lapirrerre Lapaireair...a pair of air...pears eat hair.
~Ryan Smyth of edmonton
I miss yubyub(Greg de Vris looks like an ewok)
Conklin is playing well...better then i expected him too.
Plop plop...fizz fizz Antti Laaksonen
Where's Tanguay? Oh there he is 7:08 remaining in the 3rd.
Where is the D on that pass man!!(this I yelled loudly...)
Aebi should have been there for the Horcoff goals
Forsberg doesnt look right in a flyers jersey
Bonk....did I start Bonk?(I didnt by the way)
Even though we lost I am still as giddy as a school girl
************
Wow....riveting thought provoking analysis from the best mind in hockey...
Aside
All my fantasy team names need to be changed from the Solid Muldoons to the Fluffernutters.
Aside 2
I totally scored free tickets to the home opener on the tenth. Great seats too...who wants ta come??!!
I have nothing left to say...
B
Solid!
Two Minutes Hate
Part 1
I am sitting here in Boulder with nothing to do! No work. Nothing!!!! I came home from Nevada and i am sitting here waiting for 7pm when K has graciously agreed to drop me off at home. only six more hours of watching the time slowly tick off the clock. How can there be nothing for me to do? Before there was too much to do and now, 15 days later there is nothing? NOTHING??? I am going crazy! CRAZY!!!
I am moving to San Francisco, working in a bookstore. I will tell you which one and you can come visit. People always say I'll visit but they never do. Someone come visit me??!!!! Right now!
Part 2
HOCKEY!!!!
This isnt so much a rage. I thought that I would share some notes I took while drinking heavily and watching the game last night. Here's the first ever...
Birds' Drunken Analysis
Written on a cocktail napkin...
Guys I like tonight
~Ian Lapirrerre Lapaireair...a pair of air...pears eat hair.
~Ryan Smyth of edmonton
I miss yubyub(Greg de Vris looks like an ewok)
Conklin is playing well...better then i expected him too.
Plop plop...fizz fizz Antti Laaksonen
Where's Tanguay? Oh there he is 7:08 remaining in the 3rd.
Where is the D on that pass man!!(this I yelled loudly...)
Aebi should have been there for the Horcoff goals
Forsberg doesnt look right in a flyers jersey
Bonk....did I start Bonk?(I didnt by the way)
Even though we lost I am still as giddy as a school girl
************
Wow....riveting thought provoking analysis from the best mind in hockey...
Aside
All my fantasy team names need to be changed from the Solid Muldoons to the Fluffernutters.
Aside 2
I totally scored free tickets to the home opener on the tenth. Great seats too...who wants ta come??!!
I have nothing left to say...
B
04 October 2005
Ankle Rage
My foot is getting better. I can walk on it without too much discomfort. It is painful to bend it up and down and side to side but as long as I keep it straight I am fine...thus, still doing the frankenstien shuffle. Sadly, and this is the real kicker, it is still a bit swollen so I couldnt put on my boot this morning for work. That means the PI had to be told of the situation and that lead to everyone deciding that I have to return to Colorado tomorrow morning. Stupid Reno...I blame you for this.
So, with some regret I will be leaving Ely tomorrow bright and early to head back in the work truck. I wont miss the town but I will miss finishing what I started as well as working with these people a bit more. Not only is the trip 13 hours by my little 'ol broken self but I left my music in San Francisco....also my heart. No, but really. Have any of you ever been on Highway 50 "The Lonliest Road in America" without any music? I think I am going to die...
What has all this taught me? Reno, while kind of cute, isnt to be trusted. When Zump, Sugar Lips and Chipmunk suggest an adventure, stay in the car. Nevada is more dangerous then you think. Never call the PI.
the good news is, hockey starts tomorrow...I can watch the game from a local bar...warm and dirt free (we woke up to snow this morning). I can most likely pick up some tickets, like the home opener....it could be worse i suppose.
be safe out there~
The Bird
So, with some regret I will be leaving Ely tomorrow bright and early to head back in the work truck. I wont miss the town but I will miss finishing what I started as well as working with these people a bit more. Not only is the trip 13 hours by my little 'ol broken self but I left my music in San Francisco....also my heart. No, but really. Have any of you ever been on Highway 50 "The Lonliest Road in America" without any music? I think I am going to die...
What has all this taught me? Reno, while kind of cute, isnt to be trusted. When Zump, Sugar Lips and Chipmunk suggest an adventure, stay in the car. Nevada is more dangerous then you think. Never call the PI.
the good news is, hockey starts tomorrow...I can watch the game from a local bar...warm and dirt free (we woke up to snow this morning). I can most likely pick up some tickets, like the home opener....it could be worse i suppose.
be safe out there~
The Bird
01 October 2005
If You're Going to San Francisco...
I am sitting here at midnight thirty with a flower in my hair. Waiting for the free love.....
waiting....
waiting.....
Ahhh hell....
So, I have escaped Ely! This is the first of my four days off. I was planning on hitting Vegas with Thunderpussy but found out that another co-worker was going to SF and changed my plans. I have family in SF and love the city....so much in fact that I am pondering a move.
I was very excited to spend sometime in one of the best walking cities around. I had a cold (partially brought on by Chipmunk, who's been sick and partially brought on by breathing mine dust while screening at the site) but it was getting much better. I spent the night in Reno with a couple of co-workers and someones roommate. In a succesful attempt to steal a gay japanese man's bike (he gave us the key and told us to take it) I stepped in a large hole and twisted the ever-loving-fuck out of my ankle. It goes without saying that I was drunk when this happened right?
Hobbled....gimp....limp-a-fied. I am now using my mothers cane to get around. What the fuck...how bad does that suck?! I was so excited to cruise around town and now...i am limping to the bus stop. Needless to say I was a bummed. What can you do but suck it up and keep on limpin right? The good news is, soon I will have a wonderful picture of my nasty ass bruise that I can post here...i can hardly wait.
peace...
Bird
waiting....
waiting.....
Ahhh hell....
So, I have escaped Ely! This is the first of my four days off. I was planning on hitting Vegas with Thunderpussy but found out that another co-worker was going to SF and changed my plans. I have family in SF and love the city....so much in fact that I am pondering a move.
I was very excited to spend sometime in one of the best walking cities around. I had a cold (partially brought on by Chipmunk, who's been sick and partially brought on by breathing mine dust while screening at the site) but it was getting much better. I spent the night in Reno with a couple of co-workers and someones roommate. In a succesful attempt to steal a gay japanese man's bike (he gave us the key and told us to take it) I stepped in a large hole and twisted the ever-loving-fuck out of my ankle. It goes without saying that I was drunk when this happened right?
Hobbled....gimp....limp-a-fied. I am now using my mothers cane to get around. What the fuck...how bad does that suck?! I was so excited to cruise around town and now...i am limping to the bus stop. Needless to say I was a bummed. What can you do but suck it up and keep on limpin right? The good news is, soon I will have a wonderful picture of my nasty ass bruise that I can post here...i can hardly wait.
peace...
Bird
26 September 2005
Dirt
Places Where I Have Dirt:
ears, nose, hair, armpits, elbow cracks, between my fingers, under my fingernails, my eyes, my mouth, my ass crack, my hoohoo, behind my knees, between my toes, under my toe nails.
It is windy and cold and there is a lot of dirt.
Help me...
ears, nose, hair, armpits, elbow cracks, between my fingers, under my fingernails, my eyes, my mouth, my ass crack, my hoohoo, behind my knees, between my toes, under my toe nails.
It is windy and cold and there is a lot of dirt.
Help me...
18 September 2005
Football Commercials
So, i should be packing but I'm not. Big surprise to anyone who knows me. I am queen of the procrastinators. I wrote my undergrad honors thesis in a weekend. I totally suck...
Anyway, i had to watch football....for my fantasy team right? Right...
As we speak, I am up by two points..mother-fucker. I drafted so poorly.
Also, I have things to do like, blog about commercials I liked while watching football this afternoon. Yes....priorities people!
First-- The King Scores! Honestly, I nearly wet my pants everytime i see this one.
and
Second-- Southwest Airlines...that guy chucking a pineapple at the little checker boy? Goddamn if I didnt pee a little.
Ahh good times. If I have to sit through a thousand commercials during a game (is it just me or do they seem to cram even more in than usual?) I am glad these two exist.
For those not in the know, I am off for a month. I plan on dispatching from Ely Nevada when I can. The site is near the BHP Copper Co's Robinson Project. The works are claimed to be the world's largest re-mining operation. They say those machines can run over a truck and not even notice...as a safety precaution they are making us wear steel toe boots....i feel much better.
Bird
Anyway, i had to watch football....for my fantasy team right? Right...
As we speak, I am up by two points..mother-fucker. I drafted so poorly.
Also, I have things to do like, blog about commercials I liked while watching football this afternoon. Yes....priorities people!
First-- The King Scores! Honestly, I nearly wet my pants everytime i see this one.
and
Second-- Southwest Airlines...that guy chucking a pineapple at the little checker boy? Goddamn if I didnt pee a little.
Ahh good times. If I have to sit through a thousand commercials during a game (is it just me or do they seem to cram even more in than usual?) I am glad these two exist.
For those not in the know, I am off for a month. I plan on dispatching from Ely Nevada when I can. The site is near the BHP Copper Co's Robinson Project. The works are claimed to be the world's largest re-mining operation. They say those machines can run over a truck and not even notice...as a safety precaution they are making us wear steel toe boots....i feel much better.
Bird
14 September 2005
I Almost Died Yesterday
Once, i was traveling from Stinktown to Denver with a good friend of mine, Cracker. She was driving. I had been debating telling her a big secret about a mutual friend of ours and decided to spill the beans. So, i turn to her...."Cracker, I have something to tell you. I slept with the reverend last week, on accident." This was shocking news...so shocking that she swerved off the road almost killing us both. We had to stop the car, get out and take a few deep breaths. Scary stuff; sex with the reverend and the near fatality. (as an aside...the reverend is an actual reverend now. He was a huge slut in college...)
Yesterday I am in rush hour traffic with my friend Thunderpussy. We are discussing sex stuff and she says, about messing around while on your period, "we call that fingerpainting." Needless to say, i was so surprised that i nearly slammed into the car in front of us. I laughed so hard and the near accident made me laugh even harder. Fingerpainting...it isnt nearly as gross as felching or snowballing but good lord it makes for vivid imagery.
Happy Hump Day to you all...
tweet tweet
Yesterday I am in rush hour traffic with my friend Thunderpussy. We are discussing sex stuff and she says, about messing around while on your period, "we call that fingerpainting." Needless to say, i was so surprised that i nearly slammed into the car in front of us. I laughed so hard and the near accident made me laugh even harder. Fingerpainting...it isnt nearly as gross as felching or snowballing but good lord it makes for vivid imagery.
Happy Hump Day to you all...
tweet tweet
12 September 2005
Links of Rage
Today while coming home from work i realized...deaf people probably cant talk and drive at the same time.
Two Minutes Hate
I am feeling better this week. Better about stuff in my life but not really any better about the mess that is the gulf coast. I have some things I want to pass along.
The first is a link to a story written by two EMS workers who were attending a conference when the hurricane hit. It is astounding.
The second is something written by J. Grant Swank Jr. for the MichNews (Most In-depth Conservative Honest News and Commentary [Should be MICHNC if ya ask me but I guess it doesnt sound as good]). This man, a complete douche as you will see, wrote a piece called "New Orleans' Sin Brought Devastation: Repent America" In it he says "Now New Orleans is under water, bathing in sewage and devastation rather than providing downtown fountains for homosexual capers aplenty." Mmmmmmmmm homosexual capers. I have half a jar of capers in my fridge but it doesnt say if they are homosexual or not? You think my lemon chicken would have been better with the homosexual kind...i would think so. What really gets me about people who think like this is...explain Biloxi. I dont know much about Mississippi and even less about Biloxi but i dont really recall it being a haven for sex and drugs. If god destroyed new orleans for the decadence then why did he take all the poor god-fearing christians in Mississippi as well? Why didnt he hit Las Vegas with some kind of thunderbolt because really, Las Vegas is pretty nasty sometimes right? Oh, wait...i know why...because J. Grant Swank is a worthless bag of skin.
The third is a moving piece written by John Scalzi. I would imagine that most of us can relate to it on some kind of level. If you cant, if it all seems foregin, it will help you begin to understand the 37 million people who were living in poverty in 2004 (of those 37 million, 27% were African-American and 24% were Hispanics. Like Colin Powell said, what happened in the new orleans isnt about race--its about economics but "poverty disproportionately affects African-Americans in this country. And it happened because they were poor."). Crazy dick-hole U.N. speech aside, I like that Powell.
Now I must watch some MNF...cheer on Alge Crumpler will ya? I need 40+ to win this week.
The Bird
Two Minutes Hate
I am feeling better this week. Better about stuff in my life but not really any better about the mess that is the gulf coast. I have some things I want to pass along.
The first is a link to a story written by two EMS workers who were attending a conference when the hurricane hit. It is astounding.
The second is something written by J. Grant Swank Jr. for the MichNews (Most In-depth Conservative Honest News and Commentary [Should be MICHNC if ya ask me but I guess it doesnt sound as good]). This man, a complete douche as you will see, wrote a piece called "New Orleans' Sin Brought Devastation: Repent America" In it he says "Now New Orleans is under water, bathing in sewage and devastation rather than providing downtown fountains for homosexual capers aplenty." Mmmmmmmmm homosexual capers. I have half a jar of capers in my fridge but it doesnt say if they are homosexual or not? You think my lemon chicken would have been better with the homosexual kind...i would think so. What really gets me about people who think like this is...explain Biloxi. I dont know much about Mississippi and even less about Biloxi but i dont really recall it being a haven for sex and drugs. If god destroyed new orleans for the decadence then why did he take all the poor god-fearing christians in Mississippi as well? Why didnt he hit Las Vegas with some kind of thunderbolt because really, Las Vegas is pretty nasty sometimes right? Oh, wait...i know why...because J. Grant Swank is a worthless bag of skin.
The third is a moving piece written by John Scalzi. I would imagine that most of us can relate to it on some kind of level. If you cant, if it all seems foregin, it will help you begin to understand the 37 million people who were living in poverty in 2004 (of those 37 million, 27% were African-American and 24% were Hispanics. Like Colin Powell said, what happened in the new orleans isnt about race--its about economics but "poverty disproportionately affects African-Americans in this country. And it happened because they were poor."). Crazy dick-hole U.N. speech aside, I like that Powell.
Now I must watch some MNF...cheer on Alge Crumpler will ya? I need 40+ to win this week.
The Bird
07 September 2005
Things That Make Me Happy
I am in the middle of a week that is hectic and could become kind of yucky. Instead of talking about hurricane destruction, life choices, politics, my shitty fantasy football team and the possibility of missing the Burgundy and White Game I thought I would make myself a nice little list of things that make me happy. Then, I decided I would force it on you! Feel the Cheese everyone!!
*******
The Onion- It is never too early for jokes....good jokes that is.
The Uni Watch- Get your fix of minutia you didnt even realize you cared about.
The iPod- Portable music, 2785 songs at my fingertips. Any mood, anytime...amazing.
Queen of the Surface Streets by DeVotchKa- Honest, stiring, epic. This song makes me shine; right now especially with everything going on.
Websites- Sparky The Dog a place to buy great music, art, zines. Smart, funny, entertaining, kooky people doing wonderfulthings. Post Secret a collection of secrets sent in on handmade postcards. They are at once haunting, touching, silly, scary, and shocking. Glossary of Geologic Terms I never said I wasnt an uber-geek did I? The Handbook of Texas Online If you must learn about Texas, this is the place to do it. Sports Forums like Avalanchetalk.com and Nuggetstalk.com. Great places where you can talk about shit you are really interested in with people you like...and sometimes hate. My Traffic News If you dont live in the metro area you are missing out on this great resource. The traffic guys are funny, light and get you home as soon as possible. All Music They arent even joking when they say all music, even local bands! Search for bands by mood, feeling Hedonistic?
PBS- Yes, I know. How cheesy while at the same time trying to be so hip. Really though...PBS programing hits the spot sometimes. That feeling of an amateur production is perfect after the canned laughs and forced drama of regular programming. PBS is my childhood. Shows like Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, Nova, The Joy of Painting, and Jack Horkimer.
Discovering "New" Old Books- Fahrenheit 451, I know...how did i not read this book sooner? That is the best thing about new old books. Count of Monte Cristo is another. I didnt read that til college. It should be read to children still in the womb.
Fed up journalists- Guys like Anderson Cooper and Tim Russert. Also, the Mayor of New Orleans for his candor. And these blogs, Wordicus, The Reasonable Rant, Dr. Suspicio, and The Uncensored Rant Zone.
As an aside I just want to mention that everyone keeps talking
about the "American Spirit" because of the outpouring of money
and donations and help after the devastation in the south.
It isnt American Spirit...it is Human Spirit. Everyone from
around the world is giving money, even Castro who has no love of
the US but does understand tragedy. Stop patting ourselves on the
back and acknowledge that as humans, we arent always so nasty.
My NRAO coffee mug
The Nalgene bottle with Sucka on the bottom (thanks again boston). My Big Blue Bookshelves. The "I Love You" Turtle Pillow my mom made me as a kid. My Hockey Stick My Rocket Lamp (thanks bone).
When I make someone laugh
My Mathias Shirt- Still ratty and old and filled with holes but I love it.
The Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque- I lived in Albuquerque for a year. There were always hotair balloons in the sky. I loved it. Once a year there are hundreds upon hundreds. The Balloon Fiesta is great if only for this photo taken last year...
********
Hope you all are having a happy day!
Peace~
The Bird
*******
The Onion- It is never too early for jokes....good jokes that is.
The Uni Watch- Get your fix of minutia you didnt even realize you cared about.
The iPod- Portable music, 2785 songs at my fingertips. Any mood, anytime...amazing.
Queen of the Surface Streets by DeVotchKa- Honest, stiring, epic. This song makes me shine; right now especially with everything going on.
Websites- Sparky The Dog a place to buy great music, art, zines. Smart, funny, entertaining, kooky people doing wonderfulthings. Post Secret a collection of secrets sent in on handmade postcards. They are at once haunting, touching, silly, scary, and shocking. Glossary of Geologic Terms I never said I wasnt an uber-geek did I? The Handbook of Texas Online If you must learn about Texas, this is the place to do it. Sports Forums like Avalanchetalk.com and Nuggetstalk.com. Great places where you can talk about shit you are really interested in with people you like...and sometimes hate. My Traffic News If you dont live in the metro area you are missing out on this great resource. The traffic guys are funny, light and get you home as soon as possible. All Music They arent even joking when they say all music, even local bands! Search for bands by mood, feeling Hedonistic?
PBS- Yes, I know. How cheesy while at the same time trying to be so hip. Really though...PBS programing hits the spot sometimes. That feeling of an amateur production is perfect after the canned laughs and forced drama of regular programming. PBS is my childhood. Shows like Reading Rainbow, Sesame Street, Nova, The Joy of Painting, and Jack Horkimer.
Discovering "New" Old Books- Fahrenheit 451, I know...how did i not read this book sooner? That is the best thing about new old books. Count of Monte Cristo is another. I didnt read that til college. It should be read to children still in the womb.
Fed up journalists- Guys like Anderson Cooper and Tim Russert. Also, the Mayor of New Orleans for his candor. And these blogs, Wordicus, The Reasonable Rant, Dr. Suspicio, and The Uncensored Rant Zone.
As an aside I just want to mention that everyone keeps talking
about the "American Spirit" because of the outpouring of money
and donations and help after the devastation in the south.
It isnt American Spirit...it is Human Spirit. Everyone from
around the world is giving money, even Castro who has no love of
the US but does understand tragedy. Stop patting ourselves on the
back and acknowledge that as humans, we arent always so nasty.
My NRAO coffee mug
The Nalgene bottle with Sucka on the bottom (thanks again boston). My Big Blue Bookshelves. The "I Love You" Turtle Pillow my mom made me as a kid. My Hockey Stick My Rocket Lamp (thanks bone).
When I make someone laugh
My Mathias Shirt- Still ratty and old and filled with holes but I love it.
The Balloon Fiesta in Albuquerque- I lived in Albuquerque for a year. There were always hotair balloons in the sky. I loved it. Once a year there are hundreds upon hundreds. The Balloon Fiesta is great if only for this photo taken last year...
********
Hope you all are having a happy day!
Peace~
The Bird
06 September 2005
CD Baby
CD Baby is the place for independent music. Tons of local bands, small groups and neato shit. Not only that, buying a CD from them is the best comsumer experience you will ever have. Think I am lying? Try it for yourself...
My friend got this email from them (thanks Stretch) and i later got the same from the founder of CD Baby.
"Over 5000 amazing musicians have chosen to donate ALL money from the sale of their CD *directly* to the Red Cross disaster relief fund. You can hear and buy their CDs, here: http://cdbaby.com/group/redcross
>If you've been seeing the images of New Orleans after Hurricane
Katrina and have thought about donating to help those in need, please consider buying some albums from that page. You're free to listen to up to half of every album in instant-streaming MP3, so I hope you use this as an excuse to discover some great new music while knowing your money is going to a good cause.
>http://cdbaby.com/group/redcross
>Thank you.
>--Derek Sivers, CD Baby
http://cdbaby.com"
Wow...a wonderful reason to buy new music...
enjoy
B
My friend got this email from them (thanks Stretch) and i later got the same from the founder of CD Baby.
"Over 5000 amazing musicians have chosen to donate ALL money from the sale of their CD *directly* to the Red Cross disaster relief fund. You can hear and buy their CDs, here: http://cdbaby.com/group/redcross
>If you've been seeing the images of New Orleans after Hurricane
Katrina and have thought about donating to help those in need, please consider buying some albums from that page. You're free to listen to up to half of every album in instant-streaming MP3, so I hope you use this as an excuse to discover some great new music while knowing your money is going to a good cause.
>http://cdbaby.com/group/redcross
>Thank you.
>--Derek Sivers, CD Baby
http://cdbaby.com"
Wow...a wonderful reason to buy new music...
enjoy
B
Volunteer
Approx. 1000 refrugees from New Orleans are in Colorado today. 1000 people with no homes, no jobs...
I gave money but thought that I could do more. Volunteers are needed like crazy to help serve food, organize donations, answer phones etc. etc.
This weekend I am working a couple 4 hour shifts serving food for the salvation army. I called the Salvation Army at 303-866-9280 and also the Metro Volunteers at 303-282-1234. You have to attend an orientation meeting before you can volunteer with the Salvation Army. I am going this Friday, September 9th. There are multiple classes between 4-6pm that day.
Call if you are interested and living in Colorado. Invite your friends and family and make a little event of it.
If you are somewhere else, call your local red cross/charity of your choice and see what you can do to help out. Not everyone can afford to give money, so do what you can...but do something
~Bird
I gave money but thought that I could do more. Volunteers are needed like crazy to help serve food, organize donations, answer phones etc. etc.
This weekend I am working a couple 4 hour shifts serving food for the salvation army. I called the Salvation Army at 303-866-9280 and also the Metro Volunteers at 303-282-1234. You have to attend an orientation meeting before you can volunteer with the Salvation Army. I am going this Friday, September 9th. There are multiple classes between 4-6pm that day.
Call if you are interested and living in Colorado. Invite your friends and family and make a little event of it.
If you are somewhere else, call your local red cross/charity of your choice and see what you can do to help out. Not everyone can afford to give money, so do what you can...but do something
~Bird
04 September 2005
02 September 2005
Single Rage
Just like after 9-11, i am at a loss as to what is the appropriate ammount of anger, sadness, fear. Should I talk about it more or less? Should I read about it more or less? More CNN coverage? Less article reading? Can i afford to give more money to the red cross? Is my money even getting there? Would I be better off giving blood, food, clothes, diapers? Where is Andy?
I have decided that I can do whatever works for me and trust that people will understand that. Understand that even though I rage about small things, that I havent given up on the BIG ones.
One thing I think is very important...keep your government honest. Sure this is a tragedy but I dont think it means you cant talk about what was/wasnt done to help/prevent this. I know, natural disaster and all but really, New Orleans has a drink called the hurricane...this wasnt a surprise. NO is a poor city, mandatory evacuations, obviously, didnt help the people who couldnt afford to travel. Who had no car, no money for gas, no place to go. These are the people suffering now and these are the people that someone let down. Keep your govenment honest, whether they are democrats, republicans, reform...whatever. You pay their salary. Dont feel bad about asking for answers. We deserve them.
Two Minutes Hate
Anyone who has worked in an office setting, tell me; how many wedding showers, baby showers have you been to? How much money have you forked over for girlscout cookies and book drives? Have you ever had to work late or on a weekend because one of your co-workers had family commitments? Sometimes it seems like we single, childless people get the shit end of the stick (my least favorite).
Now please, dont get me wrong. I am not anti-family. I like families. I came from one! I have many friends with children and I love them and their little rugrats! I like and support the laws that allow for a man to take time off of work so that he can bond with his newborn child. I love that more companies are supplying childcare centers so that working mothers (a name i dont like...show me a mother that isnt already working even before she leaves the house!) can get back to their 8-5 jobs.
However, it cant be denied that single people are often discriminated against. I saw an episode of sex and the city about it once so it must be true!!
A perfect example of this discrimination just happend to a friend of mine. The Australian works with computers and every five weeks he has to spend one week on call. All night, waiting for pages from the computer.."I broke myself" and he must fix it. Stupid computers. There are 5 people on his "team." Recently, the powers that be decided that they needed to impliment night shifts. One person said they wanted to work the night shift. The other two pulled out the....well, I have kids so. Take a guess as to who has to work the dreaded 4pm-1am shift? Of course...the Australian...the single guy with no family.
I think decisions like this need to be based on a thousand other issues and none of them are whether or not the workers have children. Maybe the Australian has a sick mother to take care of...maybe he has a little brother he watches. Maybe he just doesnt want to give up his life. It isnt fair to punish people because they havent yet, or have chosen not to procreate.
Raises and promotions based on how big your family is. Someone has to work on Christmas day, make the single person do it. My kids soccer game is this weekend, I suppose the single person can come in then. God knows that without a husband/wife and a gaggle of kids they have nothing better to do!
So, good luck to you Aussie. You are much less angry about it then I would be...although, i suppose they could have you deported if you put up too much of a fight (wink wink).
The Bird
I have decided that I can do whatever works for me and trust that people will understand that. Understand that even though I rage about small things, that I havent given up on the BIG ones.
One thing I think is very important...keep your government honest. Sure this is a tragedy but I dont think it means you cant talk about what was/wasnt done to help/prevent this. I know, natural disaster and all but really, New Orleans has a drink called the hurricane...this wasnt a surprise. NO is a poor city, mandatory evacuations, obviously, didnt help the people who couldnt afford to travel. Who had no car, no money for gas, no place to go. These are the people suffering now and these are the people that someone let down. Keep your govenment honest, whether they are democrats, republicans, reform...whatever. You pay their salary. Dont feel bad about asking for answers. We deserve them.
Two Minutes Hate
Anyone who has worked in an office setting, tell me; how many wedding showers, baby showers have you been to? How much money have you forked over for girlscout cookies and book drives? Have you ever had to work late or on a weekend because one of your co-workers had family commitments? Sometimes it seems like we single, childless people get the shit end of the stick (my least favorite).
Now please, dont get me wrong. I am not anti-family. I like families. I came from one! I have many friends with children and I love them and their little rugrats! I like and support the laws that allow for a man to take time off of work so that he can bond with his newborn child. I love that more companies are supplying childcare centers so that working mothers (a name i dont like...show me a mother that isnt already working even before she leaves the house!) can get back to their 8-5 jobs.
However, it cant be denied that single people are often discriminated against. I saw an episode of sex and the city about it once so it must be true!!
A perfect example of this discrimination just happend to a friend of mine. The Australian works with computers and every five weeks he has to spend one week on call. All night, waiting for pages from the computer.."I broke myself" and he must fix it. Stupid computers. There are 5 people on his "team." Recently, the powers that be decided that they needed to impliment night shifts. One person said they wanted to work the night shift. The other two pulled out the....well, I have kids so. Take a guess as to who has to work the dreaded 4pm-1am shift? Of course...the Australian...the single guy with no family.
I think decisions like this need to be based on a thousand other issues and none of them are whether or not the workers have children. Maybe the Australian has a sick mother to take care of...maybe he has a little brother he watches. Maybe he just doesnt want to give up his life. It isnt fair to punish people because they havent yet, or have chosen not to procreate.
Raises and promotions based on how big your family is. Someone has to work on Christmas day, make the single person do it. My kids soccer game is this weekend, I suppose the single person can come in then. God knows that without a husband/wife and a gaggle of kids they have nothing better to do!
So, good luck to you Aussie. You are much less angry about it then I would be...although, i suppose they could have you deported if you put up too much of a fight (wink wink).
The Bird
01 September 2005
Can I Take Back What I Said?
I know i can be heartless but still, even i am astounded by the destruction of hurricane katrina. I am also a little disappointed in us as people. I cant even imagine what it is like in Louisiana...but what is the deal with people tipping over ambulances? Who are the people looting electronics during a situation like this? There is no power, no gas, no water, no toilets, no pick up of dead bodies and you are picking out your next television set? People are setting fires and roaming the streets with guns...honestly, arent we all supposed to be better then this? Isnt this when we are all supposed to come together and work hard and rah rah rah? When the police have to stop search and rescue operations to make sure that violent looters dont take over the town, isnt that a sign that something is wrong?
Would this happen everywhere? Is it human nature? Is it just American? What would the canadians do (as an aside, i am going to make myself a WWCD t-shirt...)?
What would you do if the government, local or otherwise, told you to leave your house. Go to Invesco Field, the Pepsi Center. Wait there until the storm is over. Would you go? Would you try to wait it out at home? What if there was no electricity....dead bodies floating in the water. Your food is gone. Your water is gone. You have no way to get in touch with your family or friends. You're sick, you need oxygen. You're hurt. You saw a friend/neighbor/stranger die. Would you push someone out of your way to get the last bottled water? Would you steal food from a store so your family could eat. At what point do you make the jump to taking a gun, for protection. Taking a generator, taking a life.
For donations:
American Red Cross
Looking for family or friends:
The Next of Kin Registry
I am hoping to hear from a highschool friend who, last time I spoke with him, was attending Tulane. I have a picture of us by Lake Pontchartrain..he once said to me, "If New Orleans ever gets hit by a big hurricane or the Mississippi really floods we are totally screwed. Surrounded on three sides by water. We sit below sea level. And there is only one little bridge to get us all out."
Good thoughts to you Andy...
Bird
Would this happen everywhere? Is it human nature? Is it just American? What would the canadians do (as an aside, i am going to make myself a WWCD t-shirt...)?
What would you do if the government, local or otherwise, told you to leave your house. Go to Invesco Field, the Pepsi Center. Wait there until the storm is over. Would you go? Would you try to wait it out at home? What if there was no electricity....dead bodies floating in the water. Your food is gone. Your water is gone. You have no way to get in touch with your family or friends. You're sick, you need oxygen. You're hurt. You saw a friend/neighbor/stranger die. Would you push someone out of your way to get the last bottled water? Would you steal food from a store so your family could eat. At what point do you make the jump to taking a gun, for protection. Taking a generator, taking a life.
For donations:
American Red Cross
Looking for family or friends:
The Next of Kin Registry
I am hoping to hear from a highschool friend who, last time I spoke with him, was attending Tulane. I have a picture of us by Lake Pontchartrain..he once said to me, "If New Orleans ever gets hit by a big hurricane or the Mississippi really floods we are totally screwed. Surrounded on three sides by water. We sit below sea level. And there is only one little bridge to get us all out."
Good thoughts to you Andy...
Bird
29 August 2005
The Stock Raising Homestead Act of December 1916 Rage
You know what's great? Getting drunk and saying stupid things.
You know what's even better? Apologizing on a blog.
Two Minutes Hate
I think it was Margaret Mitchell who once wrote, "Hell hath no fury like a woman forced to spend hours pouring over Land Entry files from the National Archives."
Honestly, if I have to read "Chief of Field Division-Department of Interior" or "Special Agent in Charge" again I will gouge out my eyes. I could honestly not care less about the "bona fides of the entry." Is that proper english, even for 1933? Bona fides?
My eyes hurt from staring at the screen and my head hurts from the smell of toner. Do you guys smell toner and does it make your teeth itch and your eyes tighten and squeeze? My brain hurts from trying to understand the legal mumbo jumbo not only of mind-numbing land entries but the specific mind numbing mumbo jumbo that is particular to the 1930's. My wrists hurt from non-stop typing. My soul hurts because it is a beautiful day just outside the windows. No clouds over the mountains, which likely means no showers this afternoon, which definitely means I could be hiking.
I hate you Thomas C. Vint, Chief Landscape Architect NPS.
I hate you Special Agent in Charge W.G. Brown.
I hate you J.M. Dillard, United State Commissioner.
But most of all I hate you Charlie Lee White. You sound like a serial rapist.
~B
You know what's even better? Apologizing on a blog.
Two Minutes Hate
I think it was Margaret Mitchell who once wrote, "Hell hath no fury like a woman forced to spend hours pouring over Land Entry files from the National Archives."
Honestly, if I have to read "Chief of Field Division-Department of Interior" or "Special Agent in Charge" again I will gouge out my eyes. I could honestly not care less about the "bona fides of the entry." Is that proper english, even for 1933? Bona fides?
My eyes hurt from staring at the screen and my head hurts from the smell of toner. Do you guys smell toner and does it make your teeth itch and your eyes tighten and squeeze? My brain hurts from trying to understand the legal mumbo jumbo not only of mind-numbing land entries but the specific mind numbing mumbo jumbo that is particular to the 1930's. My wrists hurt from non-stop typing. My soul hurts because it is a beautiful day just outside the windows. No clouds over the mountains, which likely means no showers this afternoon, which definitely means I could be hiking.
I hate you Thomas C. Vint, Chief Landscape Architect NPS.
I hate you Special Agent in Charge W.G. Brown.
I hate you J.M. Dillard, United State Commissioner.
But most of all I hate you Charlie Lee White. You sound like a serial rapist.
~B
26 August 2005
'Cane Rage
One thing that I love about sports are fantasy leagues. Putting together your team, crying because that one guy seems to draft first every year, complaining about Fred Taylor's groin...again.
Every year I am in a Football League, Sunday Bloody Sunday, with my brothers and friends. Every year i do a bit better and then get toasted in the playoffs. I feel like I am going to make a run for it this season.
I also decided to join a Hockey League. I was weary but the commish set it up so that there is one sub day a week rather then trying to check stats on every game each night. I am looking forward to it since I have always felt more comfortable with hockey then football. We are still adding teams and if you want to go head-to-head with the Bird and get your ass handed to you, please sign up and join us.
It is free so visit:
http://hockey.fantasysports.yahoo.com/hockey
The ID is: 18702
The Password is: fantasy
Two Minutes Hate
I love that hurricanes are given names. I wish all natural disasters lended themselves to this. There is nothing quite so dramatic and cheesy and wonderful as being outside your demolished house and raising your fist to the sky, "Damn you Hugo!!!"
So, I harbor a not so secret desire to have a hurricane named after me. That, in itself, isnt strange. However, I want my hurricane to leave a path of destruction never before seen in this country. I want to not only kill hundreds but ravage the land--wipe it clean and raw. I want a helpless orange farmer to look upon his orchard-upturned trees-the sickly sweet smell of crushed citrus in the air and scream, "Damn you Bird!"
I was talking about this over drinks with my friends Augustine of Hippo and peeps. We decided that Bird wont be used anytime soon, But there was still a chance for my given name to be slapped on a class 5 hurricane. Peeps sent over a link this morning that gave me a chill.
2009....oh yes, my very own hurricane! If you live on the east coast, consider yourself warned.
Peeps also sent over a link to retired hurricane names. According to the National Hurricane Center a name is retired "if a storm is so deadly or costly that the future use of its name on a different storm would be inappropriate for obvious reasons of sensitivity. If that occurs, then at an annual meeting by the committee (called primarily to discuss many other issues) the offending name is stricken from the list and another name is selected to replace it." I think what i like best is that they wanted you to know that the committee doesnt just meet to select names...they do other scientific stuff as well. Sound a bit touchy to me.
Perusing the list we see Hurricane Bob, retired in 1991. Bob seems like the kind of storm that would lumber in, sleep on the couch and get potato chips in his fat rolls. Just an annoying hurricane that wouldnt leave...and before he did go he would hit on your wife.
I hope you all find your name on the list of upcoming hurricanes. If not, pick your favorite and root it on when the time rolls around!
tweet~
B
Every year I am in a Football League, Sunday Bloody Sunday, with my brothers and friends. Every year i do a bit better and then get toasted in the playoffs. I feel like I am going to make a run for it this season.
I also decided to join a Hockey League. I was weary but the commish set it up so that there is one sub day a week rather then trying to check stats on every game each night. I am looking forward to it since I have always felt more comfortable with hockey then football. We are still adding teams and if you want to go head-to-head with the Bird and get your ass handed to you, please sign up and join us.
It is free so visit:
http://hockey.fantasysports.yahoo.com/hockey
The ID is: 18702
The Password is: fantasy
Two Minutes Hate
I love that hurricanes are given names. I wish all natural disasters lended themselves to this. There is nothing quite so dramatic and cheesy and wonderful as being outside your demolished house and raising your fist to the sky, "Damn you Hugo!!!"
So, I harbor a not so secret desire to have a hurricane named after me. That, in itself, isnt strange. However, I want my hurricane to leave a path of destruction never before seen in this country. I want to not only kill hundreds but ravage the land--wipe it clean and raw. I want a helpless orange farmer to look upon his orchard-upturned trees-the sickly sweet smell of crushed citrus in the air and scream, "Damn you Bird!"
I was talking about this over drinks with my friends Augustine of Hippo and peeps. We decided that Bird wont be used anytime soon, But there was still a chance for my given name to be slapped on a class 5 hurricane. Peeps sent over a link this morning that gave me a chill.
2009....oh yes, my very own hurricane! If you live on the east coast, consider yourself warned.
Peeps also sent over a link to retired hurricane names. According to the National Hurricane Center a name is retired "if a storm is so deadly or costly that the future use of its name on a different storm would be inappropriate for obvious reasons of sensitivity. If that occurs, then at an annual meeting by the committee (called primarily to discuss many other issues) the offending name is stricken from the list and another name is selected to replace it." I think what i like best is that they wanted you to know that the committee doesnt just meet to select names...they do other scientific stuff as well. Sound a bit touchy to me.
Perusing the list we see Hurricane Bob, retired in 1991. Bob seems like the kind of storm that would lumber in, sleep on the couch and get potato chips in his fat rolls. Just an annoying hurricane that wouldnt leave...and before he did go he would hit on your wife.
I hope you all find your name on the list of upcoming hurricanes. If not, pick your favorite and root it on when the time rolls around!
tweet~
B
23 August 2005
Double Standard Rage
I am going to the Flock of Seagulls, English Beat, Devo concert tonight because i have a free ticket and a good friend of mine is still in love with English Beat. I was up late making my devo hat out of red tupperware. I am sure I will have lots and lots to share with you all...
Two Minutes Hate
Every good blogger is talking about Pat Robertson's boneheaded call for the U.S. to assassinate Hugo Chavez, Venezuelan President and critic of prez bush. Yes, Robertson...the Christian thinks it would be best just to off him. This is upseting in itself. However, i expect this kind of crap from Robertson. He has been going off the deep end for several years. Dont forget that he agreed with what Falwell said on the 700 Club after September 11th; that "pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'" Dont forget that he called feminism a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." Look, I am not a bra burning feminist, often i think feminists ask for special not equal treatment, but really---witchcraft, killing of husbands and children? Honestly, while Pat Robertson pisses me off to no end, he helps the progressive agenda by being a complete whack-job. He is so off the charts that he makes christians say, 'no--look, we dont agree with him!'
What is more upsetting to me in general is the Robertson story in conjunction with a story out of Washington D.C. Michael Graham, an am talk show host on WMAL was fired for saying, 23 times, that "Islam is a terrorist organization." After, obviously justified, complaints Graham refused to withdraw his remarks saying, "I will not apologize for something that is true" and the station let him go.
I know that this Graham thing happened before Robertson opened his mouth and suggested that we kill the president of another country but things like this have been going on since 2001 and I think it has to stop. At what point are you self righteous right-wing ass-fucks (Lakoff would be so disappointed) going to understand that you cant call a religion a terrorist organization when "christians" in this country are blowing up abortion clinics and gay nightclubs in the name of god. Sure christian organizations are telling us that these men arent real christians. Not really. They are going against the bible and they are not representative of what most/all good christians believe.
And yet...Michael Graham can sit in judgement on Islam. He can say that "moderate Muslims are those who only want to kill Jews." He can say that and feel proud that his religion is nothing like that.
How can he not see the double standard? HOW?! When are we going to stop punishing all muslims for the few crazies that see violence as the only answer? When are we going to stop punishing all mormons for the few crazies that see polygamy as a right? When are we going to stop punishing the jews for the whole Jesus-killing thing? When are women going to stop punishing men for the one guy that cheated on them? When are men going to stop punishing women for all the things their mothers did to them?
Christ! Cant we all just get along? And if not, then can we all just shut the fuck up, Please?
starting with me...
B
Two Minutes Hate
Every good blogger is talking about Pat Robertson's boneheaded call for the U.S. to assassinate Hugo Chavez, Venezuelan President and critic of prez bush. Yes, Robertson...the Christian thinks it would be best just to off him. This is upseting in itself. However, i expect this kind of crap from Robertson. He has been going off the deep end for several years. Dont forget that he agreed with what Falwell said on the 700 Club after September 11th; that "pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'" Dont forget that he called feminism a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." Look, I am not a bra burning feminist, often i think feminists ask for special not equal treatment, but really---witchcraft, killing of husbands and children? Honestly, while Pat Robertson pisses me off to no end, he helps the progressive agenda by being a complete whack-job. He is so off the charts that he makes christians say, 'no--look, we dont agree with him!'
What is more upsetting to me in general is the Robertson story in conjunction with a story out of Washington D.C. Michael Graham, an am talk show host on WMAL was fired for saying, 23 times, that "Islam is a terrorist organization." After, obviously justified, complaints Graham refused to withdraw his remarks saying, "I will not apologize for something that is true" and the station let him go.
I know that this Graham thing happened before Robertson opened his mouth and suggested that we kill the president of another country but things like this have been going on since 2001 and I think it has to stop. At what point are you self righteous right-wing ass-fucks (Lakoff would be so disappointed) going to understand that you cant call a religion a terrorist organization when "christians" in this country are blowing up abortion clinics and gay nightclubs in the name of god. Sure christian organizations are telling us that these men arent real christians. Not really. They are going against the bible and they are not representative of what most/all good christians believe.
And yet...Michael Graham can sit in judgement on Islam. He can say that "moderate Muslims are those who only want to kill Jews." He can say that and feel proud that his religion is nothing like that.
How can he not see the double standard? HOW?! When are we going to stop punishing all muslims for the few crazies that see violence as the only answer? When are we going to stop punishing all mormons for the few crazies that see polygamy as a right? When are we going to stop punishing the jews for the whole Jesus-killing thing? When are women going to stop punishing men for the one guy that cheated on them? When are men going to stop punishing women for all the things their mothers did to them?
Christ! Cant we all just get along? And if not, then can we all just shut the fuck up, Please?
starting with me...
B
22 August 2005
West Memphis Three Rage
Had a nice weekend. Worked a show I enjoyed for once; The Blind Boys of Alabama. Even still I had to deal with all sorts of Dill Weeds. I was excited at first because I thought it was my last show out at the tent. Turns out I have one more..Damn you Tent Gods!! Got up at the crack of Bird's dawn (which is about 6am) to volunteer at the Aids Walk. Seemed like a great turnout (this was my first) and I had a nice time. For information on great HIV/Aids related charities check out Colorado Aids Project.
Two Minutes Hate
I am sure that many of you who attend live shows have seen the "Free the West Memphis Three" t-shirts. I had...i saw them everywhere but you know how these things are, you just kind of notice and then it slips from your memory. I didnt really think about it again until I noticed a co-worker wearing the WM3 black bracelet. Finally i dragged my ass over to the computer to investigate this whole thing. Holy shit, was I blown away.
All of the quotes I am using in the post are from the WM3 webpage.
"Shortly after three eight-year-old boys were found mutilated and murdered in West Memphis, Arkansas, local newspapers stated the killers had been caught. The police assured the public that the three teenagers in custody were definitely responsible for these horrible crimes. Evidence?
The same police officers coerced an error-filled “confession” from Jessie Misskelley Jr., who is mentally handicapped. They subjected him to 12 hours of questioning without counsel or parental consent, audio-taping only two fragments totaling 46 minutes. Jessie recanted it that evening, but it was too late— Misskelley, Jason Baldwin and Damien Echols were all arrested on June 3, 1993, and convicted of murder in early 1994.
Although there was no physical evidence, murder weapon, motive, or connection to the victims, the prosecution pathetically resorted to presenting black hair and clothing, heavy metal t-shirts, and Stephen King novels as proof that the boys were sacrificed in a satanic cult ritual. Unfathomably, Echols was sentenced to death, Baldwin received life without parole, and Misskelley got life plus 40.
For over 12 years, The West Memphis Three have been imprisoned for crimes they didn’t commit. Echols waits in solitary confinement for the lethal injection our tax dollars will pay for. They were all condemned by their poverty, incompetent defense, satanic panic and a rush to judgment."
This was the most jaw dropping story i have read in a long time. Check out the site and read the case information. I could try and tell you all the ways this is fucked up but honestly, there is too much to tell. This story will scare the bejeezus out of you. It scared me. As americans we are brought up to believe in a fair trial. A jury of our peers who will make a decision based on evidence presented before them. Now, I am not so naive. I know that often times the innocent person is arrested, imprisioned, put to death. I know that jurys often make decisions based not on the evidence but rather fame, race, fear, etc. However, reading the story of these boys scared me.
It scared me because I am often called strange. I am often called weird. I am often called a freak. I am different. I like these things about me. I think most people do as well. These boys were targeted because they are just like me. They were a little different. Just a little weird, just a little strange. I think some people dont understand how small towns work. In a small town, you have a label. That label sticks with you for the rest of your life. If you cried during class you will forever be the guy who cried during class even if you are all-state quarterback. If you slept with your boyfriend and he told his pals, you were forever the whore. If you read stephen king and had dyed hair, you were capable of killing.
The story of the WM3 should scare anyone who considers themselves educated, independent, strange, unique, goofy, EMO, goth, and on and on. It should scare you enough to get involved. Do something, even if it is as simple as buying the ultra-hip tshirts and wearing it to the next show you go to. Also, spread the word.
Big thanks to K for educatin' me.
peace~
the bird
Two Minutes Hate
I am sure that many of you who attend live shows have seen the "Free the West Memphis Three" t-shirts. I had...i saw them everywhere but you know how these things are, you just kind of notice and then it slips from your memory. I didnt really think about it again until I noticed a co-worker wearing the WM3 black bracelet. Finally i dragged my ass over to the computer to investigate this whole thing. Holy shit, was I blown away.
All of the quotes I am using in the post are from the WM3 webpage.
"Shortly after three eight-year-old boys were found mutilated and murdered in West Memphis, Arkansas, local newspapers stated the killers had been caught. The police assured the public that the three teenagers in custody were definitely responsible for these horrible crimes. Evidence?
The same police officers coerced an error-filled “confession” from Jessie Misskelley Jr., who is mentally handicapped. They subjected him to 12 hours of questioning without counsel or parental consent, audio-taping only two fragments totaling 46 minutes. Jessie recanted it that evening, but it was too late— Misskelley, Jason Baldwin and Damien Echols were all arrested on June 3, 1993, and convicted of murder in early 1994.
Although there was no physical evidence, murder weapon, motive, or connection to the victims, the prosecution pathetically resorted to presenting black hair and clothing, heavy metal t-shirts, and Stephen King novels as proof that the boys were sacrificed in a satanic cult ritual. Unfathomably, Echols was sentenced to death, Baldwin received life without parole, and Misskelley got life plus 40.
For over 12 years, The West Memphis Three have been imprisoned for crimes they didn’t commit. Echols waits in solitary confinement for the lethal injection our tax dollars will pay for. They were all condemned by their poverty, incompetent defense, satanic panic and a rush to judgment."
This was the most jaw dropping story i have read in a long time. Check out the site and read the case information. I could try and tell you all the ways this is fucked up but honestly, there is too much to tell. This story will scare the bejeezus out of you. It scared me. As americans we are brought up to believe in a fair trial. A jury of our peers who will make a decision based on evidence presented before them. Now, I am not so naive. I know that often times the innocent person is arrested, imprisioned, put to death. I know that jurys often make decisions based not on the evidence but rather fame, race, fear, etc. However, reading the story of these boys scared me.
It scared me because I am often called strange. I am often called weird. I am often called a freak. I am different. I like these things about me. I think most people do as well. These boys were targeted because they are just like me. They were a little different. Just a little weird, just a little strange. I think some people dont understand how small towns work. In a small town, you have a label. That label sticks with you for the rest of your life. If you cried during class you will forever be the guy who cried during class even if you are all-state quarterback. If you slept with your boyfriend and he told his pals, you were forever the whore. If you read stephen king and had dyed hair, you were capable of killing.
The story of the WM3 should scare anyone who considers themselves educated, independent, strange, unique, goofy, EMO, goth, and on and on. It should scare you enough to get involved. Do something, even if it is as simple as buying the ultra-hip tshirts and wearing it to the next show you go to. Also, spread the word.
Big thanks to K for educatin' me.
peace~
the bird
18 August 2005
Random Rage
I have the blogging bug. I want to vomit all over the page but, surprisingly, nothing is really causing rage. Several things over the past couple of days have made me scratch my head though so I thought I would share.
Two Minutes Random Blabber
So just today at dinner with my brother sklimps the waiter comes over and asks if I would like ketchup. Oh god no! Just mustard. He nicely brings the mustard over and I notice that it is French's Pourable Mustard. I tell my brother, "oh no, i wanted the non-pourable mustard!" Honestly, isnt this a stupid name for the condiment? I mean, would oscar meyer (i had to sing the song to spell it right) label their bologna(that one too) "edible." Sure it is hard to eat, just like the mustard is hard to pour, but isnt it implied? Am i thinking about this too much.
My neighbor is moving. Actually, being evicted. She told me just the other day. I am going to stay here until they take me to court. There ya go...that'll teach 'em! Every time she returns from god only knows where, she has armloads of bags. She runs her airconditioner every night even though it is a cool 60 something degrees out. Her one-armed son has a warrent out for beating her up and threatening the neighbors. If anyone needs a nice small place to live let me know! No loudass mother fuckers please.
I had to put in earplugs for the first time at my second job tuesday. Jesse McCartney, who somehow is compared to The Beatles, Hall and Oats, and Michael Jackson. (thanks for the profile tip K). The music was kind of loud but what made it unbearable was the screaming 13 year olds. Good lord those kids have some lungs! It was beyond funny watching these girls get so excited. He asked for a girl to come up on stage so he could sing to her (her name was britany....what are the fucking chances right?). All the little girls near me were breathless..."oh she's so lucky!" As K pointed out at the end of the night, in a couple of years they wont be envying the girl but instead calling her a bitch and making fun of her hair. All in all...better then RBF.
sleepy time for Bird...
Two Minutes Random Blabber
So just today at dinner with my brother sklimps the waiter comes over and asks if I would like ketchup. Oh god no! Just mustard. He nicely brings the mustard over and I notice that it is French's Pourable Mustard. I tell my brother, "oh no, i wanted the non-pourable mustard!" Honestly, isnt this a stupid name for the condiment? I mean, would oscar meyer (i had to sing the song to spell it right) label their bologna(that one too) "edible." Sure it is hard to eat, just like the mustard is hard to pour, but isnt it implied? Am i thinking about this too much.
My neighbor is moving. Actually, being evicted. She told me just the other day. I am going to stay here until they take me to court. There ya go...that'll teach 'em! Every time she returns from god only knows where, she has armloads of bags. She runs her airconditioner every night even though it is a cool 60 something degrees out. Her one-armed son has a warrent out for beating her up and threatening the neighbors. If anyone needs a nice small place to live let me know! No loudass mother fuckers please.
I had to put in earplugs for the first time at my second job tuesday. Jesse McCartney, who somehow is compared to The Beatles, Hall and Oats, and Michael Jackson. (thanks for the profile tip K). The music was kind of loud but what made it unbearable was the screaming 13 year olds. Good lord those kids have some lungs! It was beyond funny watching these girls get so excited. He asked for a girl to come up on stage so he could sing to her (her name was britany....what are the fucking chances right?). All the little girls near me were breathless..."oh she's so lucky!" As K pointed out at the end of the night, in a couple of years they wont be envying the girl but instead calling her a bitch and making fun of her hair. All in all...better then RBF.
sleepy time for Bird...
15 August 2005
Design Rage
Just got back from the wedding of a good pal...Lammy-cakes and Ham. Honestly, it was one of the most amazing things I have seen in a long time. Oh yes, the flowers and the beer and the pies were all great but the actual ceremony was just so unique and really very touching. Anyone who knows me should be really impressed because they know I am dead inside...and if this touched me then regular folks would have died! Lammy-cakes and Ham, you two are very special people (not just in the short bus way either) and I love you both. Please...let me know what you want me to call you...I can see Lammy-cakes turning red every time I type her name!
Two Minutes Hate
So, just when I thought Denver maybe wasnt the complete middle of red-state/redneck Colorado (our mayor is very progressive...and there are so many nice smart people who live here) I see this article on the local news station webpage. Yes, horse meat. Really, is this something we need to be discussing? Most importantly, have I been eating horse meat and not knowing it? Should we discuss why we dont eat baby meat too or is that just being ridiculous?
I was sitting here...freshly washed and no longer smelling like sheep shit (it was a crazy wedding!)...laughing at the insanity that is modern politics when my stomach leapt into my throat. There, just below the horse meat story was Bird's worst nightmare. No silly, not pumpkin head's wedding anouncement...even worse!
"Colorado evolution curriculum could be evolving."
Yes, Intelligent Design in Colorado Schools. I forgot all about horse meat and weddings and a lingering hangover and angry bosses and the 90 Shilling I just opened.
Rep. Debbie Stafford of Aurora, an ordained minister says that "there is nothing 'about God,' nothing 'about religion' described in the theory of intelligent design." Oh yes well, you are right there Deb. There is nothing specifically mentioned about god. However, i think that when you say "Intelligent Design is simply the science of design detection -- how to recognize patterns arranged by an intelligent cause for a purpose" even dunderheaded high school students are going to ask two questions. One-who designed it? Two- for what purpose? If you ID folks can answer those questions without mentioning religion or god...be my guest.
This whole thing scares the bejesus out of me. At what point is this religion shit going to end? When are we going to stop with the "this country was built on on christianity" and remember that we left England so that we could have freedom of religion. That the founding fathers set up the separation of church and state to prevent these kinds of things. To prevent prayer in schools. To prevent the teaching of genesis in the classroom. If you feel strongly about evolution, be a parent and talk to your kids at home about what you believe in. No one, not even me, is trying to prevent you from believing in your god, whomever that may be.
I am at a loss now as to what to do. Obviously I need to get involved...how is something I havent figured out yet...it is coming though...
B
Two Minutes Hate
So, just when I thought Denver maybe wasnt the complete middle of red-state/redneck Colorado (our mayor is very progressive...and there are so many nice smart people who live here) I see this article on the local news station webpage. Yes, horse meat. Really, is this something we need to be discussing? Most importantly, have I been eating horse meat and not knowing it? Should we discuss why we dont eat baby meat too or is that just being ridiculous?
I was sitting here...freshly washed and no longer smelling like sheep shit (it was a crazy wedding!)...laughing at the insanity that is modern politics when my stomach leapt into my throat. There, just below the horse meat story was Bird's worst nightmare. No silly, not pumpkin head's wedding anouncement...even worse!
"Colorado evolution curriculum could be evolving."
Yes, Intelligent Design in Colorado Schools. I forgot all about horse meat and weddings and a lingering hangover and angry bosses and the 90 Shilling I just opened.
Rep. Debbie Stafford of Aurora, an ordained minister says that "there is nothing 'about God,' nothing 'about religion' described in the theory of intelligent design." Oh yes well, you are right there Deb. There is nothing specifically mentioned about god. However, i think that when you say "Intelligent Design is simply the science of design detection -- how to recognize patterns arranged by an intelligent cause for a purpose" even dunderheaded high school students are going to ask two questions. One-who designed it? Two- for what purpose? If you ID folks can answer those questions without mentioning religion or god...be my guest.
This whole thing scares the bejesus out of me. At what point is this religion shit going to end? When are we going to stop with the "this country was built on on christianity" and remember that we left England so that we could have freedom of religion. That the founding fathers set up the separation of church and state to prevent these kinds of things. To prevent prayer in schools. To prevent the teaching of genesis in the classroom. If you feel strongly about evolution, be a parent and talk to your kids at home about what you believe in. No one, not even me, is trying to prevent you from believing in your god, whomever that may be.
I am at a loss now as to what to do. Obviously I need to get involved...how is something I havent figured out yet...it is coming though...
B
07 August 2005
Reel Rage
I have decided, and K has agreed, that there will be no more ULP for me! First, a punch to the head, then an all day metal music fest and finally...Reel Big Fish. (If you like RBF I apologize for what I am about to say. Well, i guess I am not sorry for saying it but sorry that you have such bad taste in music.)
What follows is a list of:
15 Things I Hate About Reel Big Fish,
1 Thing K Hates About RBF and
3 Things That I Like About RBF
in that order.
--Radio Disney-esque Lyrics: could they possibly come up with something more vapid?
--"Snoop Doggie Dog": Has anyone heard this song? Could it possibly be the worst song that has ever been written? I think it could be...
--Pun signs: puns are never cool
--"Throw your hands in the A-er and wave em like you just dont K-er": It should be illegal to say this
--"Right now we are gonna play a reggae song": No, no you arent
--It made Buddy dance
--The guy breaks a guitar string and doesnt have back up just in case: Are you serious? And you call yourself a professional musician you fucking hack
--2nd Trumpet/Backup Vocals Guy: You are the most annoying person I have ever been forced to listen to..and remember that I just worked a super-Jesus event
--I could be drinking but no...
--Every song they sing sounds the same, even though they have a song where they say they are trying something new
--Stop saying "Awesome" and "Cool": The more you say it, the less it is
--Stop singing songs about how no one "gets" you: They get you just fine, they just dont fucking care
--Stop saying words like "lesbians" and "balls" for the supposed shock value
--Cottonball band: It sounds like middle school garage rock, it is empty like a bag of cotton balls, it sounds like someone trying to throw water
--Extended wait time for the encore: Who the hell do you think you are you arrogant bastards?
--K says "Every song is about a song": excellent point K.
Now for the three things i really really like about Reel Big Fish
--They are easy to make fun of: see above
--They allow for hundreds of skank jokes: Excuse me, your skank is out of control, That's a nice skank you have there, I need you to keep your skank in the GA area, Hey, dont skank yourself out...
--Crazy leggs: Man, this guy was great. He had the fanciest skank I have ever seen. Not only that, he was rolling his hat up his back onto his head and then from his head down to his arm. It was beyond funny.
I dont consider myself a music snob. What do i care if you like shitty music?
But...what really bothers me is that these guys put on this whole image of "we are alternative, we are rebels (thanks newbie), we are different, we are punk." To not be honest with yourselves about who you are...to lie to the people (usually people too young to know any better) about what you represent is worse then making shitty music. Everyone lies about how much they weigh or how old they are...but to lie about who you are inside makes me sick to my stomach...
Tweet tweet went the Bird
What follows is a list of:
15 Things I Hate About Reel Big Fish,
1 Thing K Hates About RBF and
3 Things That I Like About RBF
in that order.
--Radio Disney-esque Lyrics: could they possibly come up with something more vapid?
--"Snoop Doggie Dog": Has anyone heard this song? Could it possibly be the worst song that has ever been written? I think it could be...
--Pun signs: puns are never cool
--"Throw your hands in the A-er and wave em like you just dont K-er": It should be illegal to say this
--"Right now we are gonna play a reggae song": No, no you arent
--It made Buddy dance
--The guy breaks a guitar string and doesnt have back up just in case: Are you serious? And you call yourself a professional musician you fucking hack
--2nd Trumpet/Backup Vocals Guy: You are the most annoying person I have ever been forced to listen to..and remember that I just worked a super-Jesus event
--I could be drinking but no...
--Every song they sing sounds the same, even though they have a song where they say they are trying something new
--Stop saying "Awesome" and "Cool": The more you say it, the less it is
--Stop singing songs about how no one "gets" you: They get you just fine, they just dont fucking care
--Stop saying words like "lesbians" and "balls" for the supposed shock value
--Cottonball band: It sounds like middle school garage rock, it is empty like a bag of cotton balls, it sounds like someone trying to throw water
--Extended wait time for the encore: Who the hell do you think you are you arrogant bastards?
--K says "Every song is about a song": excellent point K.
Now for the three things i really really like about Reel Big Fish
--They are easy to make fun of: see above
--They allow for hundreds of skank jokes: Excuse me, your skank is out of control, That's a nice skank you have there, I need you to keep your skank in the GA area, Hey, dont skank yourself out...
--Crazy leggs: Man, this guy was great. He had the fanciest skank I have ever seen. Not only that, he was rolling his hat up his back onto his head and then from his head down to his arm. It was beyond funny.
I dont consider myself a music snob. What do i care if you like shitty music?
But...what really bothers me is that these guys put on this whole image of "we are alternative, we are rebels (thanks newbie), we are different, we are punk." To not be honest with yourselves about who you are...to lie to the people (usually people too young to know any better) about what you represent is worse then making shitty music. Everyone lies about how much they weigh or how old they are...but to lie about who you are inside makes me sick to my stomach...
Tweet tweet went the Bird
05 August 2005
October Waiting
After a couple of days letting things sink in I am feeling better about all things hockey. As a fan, your initial reaction is to say "No, not Peter! We love Peter!! Foote? Hey, he is great--come on...there has to be someone else you can loose right?!"
However, like any good fan who hasnt beaten their loved one to death with a claw hammer, I have calmed down. Gotten over the initial sadness and am feeling much better, thanks for asking.
The Avalanche still have a competitive team. They still have a core of guys that play well together. Many other teams would love to have a Hejduk (sign those papers boy!), Tanguay, Sakic and Blake. With Forsberg gone, both of the wingers will get more time and that will help them develop as players. Also, perhaps Quenneville can coax something out of Pierre Turgeon. He has to pick a new jersey number so maybe that will help.
It is a new team, a new NHL, and a new season. I can hardly wait.
******
Oh yes, almost forgot
However, like any good fan who hasnt beaten their loved one to death with a claw hammer, I have calmed down. Gotten over the initial sadness and am feeling much better, thanks for asking.
The Avalanche still have a competitive team. They still have a core of guys that play well together. Many other teams would love to have a Hejduk (sign those papers boy!), Tanguay, Sakic and Blake. With Forsberg gone, both of the wingers will get more time and that will help them develop as players. Also, perhaps Quenneville can coax something out of Pierre Turgeon. He has to pick a new jersey number so maybe that will help.
It is a new team, a new NHL, and a new season. I can hardly wait.
******
Oh yes, almost forgot
03 August 2005
02 August 2005
Oh Sweet Baby Jesus
This is a good read.
Could this be why Philly was once the fattest city in America? Me thinks yes....
"Coooookiessssss", Bird said in her best Cookie Monster impression.
Could this be why Philly was once the fattest city in America? Me thinks yes....
"Coooookiessssss", Bird said in her best Cookie Monster impression.
01 August 2005
Bolton Rage
All day metal music fests, no matter how hi-larious GWAR is, are not the way god intended us to spend a lovely sunday. But since I am not a believer...it is the way I spent my sunday. Not as a fan mind you, but as a worker. I avoided getting punched in the head and being soaked with a dyed liquid shot from a cock shaped cannon. All in all, a successful day.
Two Minutes Hate
Although the story is getting buried by Palmeiro's suspension, (honestly, is this even news? We all know they have been juiced for years) Bush appointed John Bolton as U.N. Ambassador over the weekend.
The prez says that it was too important to leave vacant any longer. Yes, so maybe instead of sidesteping almost half of the senate and waiting until they are on recess to appoint your ambassador (the political equivalent of cutting the cats hair while your mommy is out and then, when she returns saying, oh i thought it was okay!) you should have sent up a person with decent credentials.
The president acts as if the criticism against Bolton was unwarranted. Honestly, this is a guy who is supposed to represent the United States at the UN and no one understands why some senators are worried that in 1994 Bolton said "there is no such thing as the United Nations." It does bother people that our new ambassador said "If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldnt make a bit of difference." This is a guy who has gained a repuataion in law school and throughout his legal and political career, as being abrasive, astute, humorless, and relentless in the pursuit of his political agenda.
Here is a snippet of an article in the New Republic (via my pal newbie) that isnt just a scary "What'd Bush just do" kind of moment but a "Oh god it is a wonder all of us arent dead" kind of moment:
"Indeed, even the administration's one rogue-state proliferation success shows how its fixation on regime change impedes our foreign policy. On December 19, 2003, the Libyan government announced that it would give up its unconventional weapons programs and submit to international inspections. In return, the United States and Britain lifted sanctions that had been in place since Libyan operatives assisted in the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland.
The success was the product of years of talks, whose turning point was the German and Italian seizure of a ship, the BBC China, carrying nuclear centrifuges to Libya from the network run by Pakistani nuclear scientist A.Q. Khan. (Although Bush officials long credited PSI for the seizure, State Department and foreign officials now admit the operation had nothing to do with the initiative.)
The deal almost fell through, however, because John Bolton, then Bush's top arms control official, reportedly insisted in talks that Washington's ultimate goal was regime change in Libya. Fortunately, according to Newsweek, high-level British officials intervened, asking the State Department to pull Bolton from the U.S. delegation and reassuring Muammar Qaddafi that policy change, not regime change, was the goal. Left unchecked, the administration's ideological impulses would have scuttled the negotiations. Libya is, in other words, the exception that proves the rule: Conservatism is constitutionally incapable of effectively fighting nuclear terrorism."
So, congrats Bolton...i am sure you meant it when you said you were "profoundly honored, indeed humbled..."
At least it cant last forever right?
~tweet tweet
Two Minutes Hate
Although the story is getting buried by Palmeiro's suspension, (honestly, is this even news? We all know they have been juiced for years) Bush appointed John Bolton as U.N. Ambassador over the weekend.
The prez says that it was too important to leave vacant any longer. Yes, so maybe instead of sidesteping almost half of the senate and waiting until they are on recess to appoint your ambassador (the political equivalent of cutting the cats hair while your mommy is out and then, when she returns saying, oh i thought it was okay!) you should have sent up a person with decent credentials.
The president acts as if the criticism against Bolton was unwarranted. Honestly, this is a guy who is supposed to represent the United States at the UN and no one understands why some senators are worried that in 1994 Bolton said "there is no such thing as the United Nations." It does bother people that our new ambassador said "If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldnt make a bit of difference." This is a guy who has gained a repuataion in law school and throughout his legal and political career, as being abrasive, astute, humorless, and relentless in the pursuit of his political agenda.
Here is a snippet of an article in the New Republic (via my pal newbie) that isnt just a scary "What'd Bush just do" kind of moment but a "Oh god it is a wonder all of us arent dead" kind of moment:
"Indeed, even the administration's one rogue-state proliferation success shows how its fixation on regime change impedes our foreign policy. On December 19, 2003, the Libyan government announced that it would give up its unconventional weapons programs and submit to international inspections. In return, the United States and Britain lifted sanctions that had been in place since Libyan operatives assisted in the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland.
The success was the product of years of talks, whose turning point was the German and Italian seizure of a ship, the BBC China, carrying nuclear centrifuges to Libya from the network run by Pakistani nuclear scientist A.Q. Khan. (Although Bush officials long credited PSI for the seizure, State Department and foreign officials now admit the operation had nothing to do with the initiative.)
The deal almost fell through, however, because John Bolton, then Bush's top arms control official, reportedly insisted in talks that Washington's ultimate goal was regime change in Libya. Fortunately, according to Newsweek, high-level British officials intervened, asking the State Department to pull Bolton from the U.S. delegation and reassuring Muammar Qaddafi that policy change, not regime change, was the goal. Left unchecked, the administration's ideological impulses would have scuttled the negotiations. Libya is, in other words, the exception that proves the rule: Conservatism is constitutionally incapable of effectively fighting nuclear terrorism."
So, congrats Bolton...i am sure you meant it when you said you were "profoundly honored, indeed humbled..."
At least it cant last forever right?
~tweet tweet
29 July 2005
Scout Rage
Ahh...the wonders of being able to blog from home. Now there will be non-stop blogging. Sounds kind of dirty eh? Trust me...there will be no sex.
Two Minutes Hate
Yes, I know what you are thinking. Isnt it kinda mean to rage about the boy scouts when they are going through such a hard time? Perhaps if I had a soul or cared for children it would seem inappropriate. However, the Bird is not burdened by these things and that is one reason you love me...my little ball of hate.
In case you haven't been checking out the news (Bone I am looking right at you), the scouts have been getting into some real pickles! First there was the Norovirus-like illness at Camp Yawgoog (did somebody step on a duck?). Then four scout leaders were killed when the poles to a dining tent they were seting up touched electrical lines above. Then, while waiting for President Bush to arrive to open the big Jamboree, hundreds fell ill of heat strokes. (Nevermind the fact that Bush didnt even make it...talk about a cold hearted bastard). Finally, just today in California a group of scouts were hit by lightning while taking shelter from a storm. The scout leader was killed and another child was in critical condition.
These events, which span less then two weeks, leads me to wonder. What the fuck have the boy scouts done to piss off god? And perhaps more importantly...what happened to the cardinal rule of the boy scouts...say it with me..
Be Prepared
Yes, this is the Boy Scout Fucking Motto
The ironing is delicious.
Come on kidos....buck up and screw that head on tight! There are a lot of Boy Scout Adventures coming up and we have already lost half a dozen people!
B
Two Minutes Hate
Yes, I know what you are thinking. Isnt it kinda mean to rage about the boy scouts when they are going through such a hard time? Perhaps if I had a soul or cared for children it would seem inappropriate. However, the Bird is not burdened by these things and that is one reason you love me...my little ball of hate.
In case you haven't been checking out the news (Bone I am looking right at you), the scouts have been getting into some real pickles! First there was the Norovirus-like illness at Camp Yawgoog (did somebody step on a duck?). Then four scout leaders were killed when the poles to a dining tent they were seting up touched electrical lines above. Then, while waiting for President Bush to arrive to open the big Jamboree, hundreds fell ill of heat strokes. (Nevermind the fact that Bush didnt even make it...talk about a cold hearted bastard). Finally, just today in California a group of scouts were hit by lightning while taking shelter from a storm. The scout leader was killed and another child was in critical condition.
These events, which span less then two weeks, leads me to wonder. What the fuck have the boy scouts done to piss off god? And perhaps more importantly...what happened to the cardinal rule of the boy scouts...say it with me..
Be Prepared
Yes, this is the Boy Scout Fucking Motto
The ironing is delicious.
Come on kidos....buck up and screw that head on tight! There are a lot of Boy Scout Adventures coming up and we have already lost half a dozen people!
B
28 July 2005
Wasting Away
Here is a nice little link that sklimps sent me. A good way to waste some time.
Did I mention I want to sleep with this man?
tweet tweet~
B
Did I mention I want to sleep with this man?
tweet tweet~
B
27 July 2005
The One That Got Away Rage
Later today I will be eating cheese curds. Ahh, the wonders of squeaky cheese! If you have never had these little wonders I do suggest you find some as soon as possible. They are things of beauty.
Two Minute Hate
An open letter to the asshole I took a punch for last night...
Hey Asshole! Where the fuck did you go? One minute I saw you picking up your baseball cap and the next minute you were gone. Didnt you hear me yelling at you to stay right fucking there? I know that Nas was really loud and all so maybe you just didnt hear. Remember before that how i was holding on to you and talking about how things were cool and yes, sure that guy hit you first? I am sorry i wasnt able to hold on to you after i took that punch for you. My ears were ringing like a motherfucker and...no, sorry. I hate to complain. It is not like that guy tried to hit me right? Sure...so after you dropped him and he fell and everyone thought he was dead, I was hoping you would stick around. Just to talk. We were all so busy trying to pull the unconscious guy's sister off of him and making sure he wasnt dead so I suppose it is our own fault. Man, i guess you cant expect much from people huh? If i see you in a bar buddy, you owe me a fucking beer.
~Bird
Two Minute Hate
An open letter to the asshole I took a punch for last night...
Hey Asshole! Where the fuck did you go? One minute I saw you picking up your baseball cap and the next minute you were gone. Didnt you hear me yelling at you to stay right fucking there? I know that Nas was really loud and all so maybe you just didnt hear. Remember before that how i was holding on to you and talking about how things were cool and yes, sure that guy hit you first? I am sorry i wasnt able to hold on to you after i took that punch for you. My ears were ringing like a motherfucker and...no, sorry. I hate to complain. It is not like that guy tried to hit me right? Sure...so after you dropped him and he fell and everyone thought he was dead, I was hoping you would stick around. Just to talk. We were all so busy trying to pull the unconscious guy's sister off of him and making sure he wasnt dead so I suppose it is our own fault. Man, i guess you cant expect much from people huh? If i see you in a bar buddy, you owe me a fucking beer.
~Bird
26 July 2005
Verbal(Kint) Comity
The Electric Emphysema White Bread Cheese and Keystone tour has moved up north. Look for dates in your area!
Things are moving swiftly in the NHL now that the lockout is over. So far the most interesting item is that Darren McCarty was put on waivers. McCarty is a huge fan favorite, mostly for doing things like this, this, and this. He is a real glue guy that you know Detroit will hate to loose but I expect events like this will get more and more common with the new cap structure.
Two Minutes Fancy
Any reader of this little blog can tell that the Bird likes to curse. Any of you lovely folks who know the Bird in person knows just how much! I am pretty liberal with my mouth but am trying to clean it up a bit. If only so I dont say motherfucker in front of my mom again.
Today at work while I was calling someone a douchebag I thought to myself, "Wow...that really is a nasty insult."
Then it struck me how interesting it is that douchebag is allowed on television but shit isnt? You can't even say goddamn but you can say jesus was a douchebag. Well, maybe not.
I think the Daily Show was the first to really test the douchebag waters when they called Robert Novak a "Douchebag of Liberty". Now though, everyone is getting into the act. Just last week I saw the beloved Conan O'Brien calling someone a douche...i think it was himself.
While bitch and damn have entered the television lexicon, I think it will be quite a while before you hear clusterfuck on the tube.
Off to wash my mouth out...
Bird
Things are moving swiftly in the NHL now that the lockout is over. So far the most interesting item is that Darren McCarty was put on waivers. McCarty is a huge fan favorite, mostly for doing things like this, this, and this. He is a real glue guy that you know Detroit will hate to loose but I expect events like this will get more and more common with the new cap structure.
Two Minutes Fancy
Any reader of this little blog can tell that the Bird likes to curse. Any of you lovely folks who know the Bird in person knows just how much! I am pretty liberal with my mouth but am trying to clean it up a bit. If only so I dont say motherfucker in front of my mom again.
Today at work while I was calling someone a douchebag I thought to myself, "Wow...that really is a nasty insult."
Then it struck me how interesting it is that douchebag is allowed on television but shit isnt? You can't even say goddamn but you can say jesus was a douchebag. Well, maybe not.
I think the Daily Show was the first to really test the douchebag waters when they called Robert Novak a "Douchebag of Liberty". Now though, everyone is getting into the act. Just last week I saw the beloved Conan O'Brien calling someone a douche...i think it was himself.
While bitch and damn have entered the television lexicon, I think it will be quite a while before you hear clusterfuck on the tube.
Off to wash my mouth out...
Bird
25 July 2005
22 July 2005
21 July 2005
Old Man Rage
The NHLPA voted to approve the new CBA today in Toronto. The owners will approve it tomorrow and then the lockout will be officially over. Some numnuts of a sports writer yesterday said that he thought it would be a close vote with perhaps 400 of the 700 players voting against the deal. Honestly, who are these people and how can I get their jobs? No way in hell the players are going to vote against the CBA. They already got hosed holding out until now. Do any of them really think that if they put off another season that a better deal would come around? I will say it again, hockey players are not a bunch of punch drunk goons. They know when to fold. They sorely underestimated the solidarity of the owners and they paid for it. To not sign this CBA would be beyond moronic.
Also in the news....This Guy! John Roberts is so clean he squeaks. This guy is an eagle scout for christs sake. The SC people are total crapshoots as to how they will really perform when on the bench. It will be interesting to see how this all pans out. The abortion issue is, of course, going to be a talking point during the confirmation hearings but really I can find very little other information about the guy. What does worry me to no end is that there is a Western Peanut and Panhandle Peanut Growers Association. Good lord...if there is ever some kind of Peanut Supreme Court case, Roberts will be walkin tall!
Two Minutes Hate
Oh yes folks, the first leg of the Electric Emphysema White Bread Cheese and Keystone tour is rolling into town this Saturday at 3pm. Wow I am so excited. Except that the old man wants to sleep at my place. I am going to a show that night. A show I have been looking forward to for a while. If my wackadoo (23 skidoo) father thinks that I am going to miss Slim Cessna and West Memphis Three Awareness Day he is out of his mind. I dont have television, I dont have crappy country music, and I am not cooking his sorry old ass breakfast.
The Bird
Also in the news....This Guy! John Roberts is so clean he squeaks. This guy is an eagle scout for christs sake. The SC people are total crapshoots as to how they will really perform when on the bench. It will be interesting to see how this all pans out. The abortion issue is, of course, going to be a talking point during the confirmation hearings but really I can find very little other information about the guy. What does worry me to no end is that there is a Western Peanut and Panhandle Peanut Growers Association. Good lord...if there is ever some kind of Peanut Supreme Court case, Roberts will be walkin tall!
Two Minutes Hate
Oh yes folks, the first leg of the Electric Emphysema White Bread Cheese and Keystone tour is rolling into town this Saturday at 3pm. Wow I am so excited. Except that the old man wants to sleep at my place. I am going to a show that night. A show I have been looking forward to for a while. If my wackadoo (23 skidoo) father thinks that I am going to miss Slim Cessna and West Memphis Three Awareness Day he is out of his mind. I dont have television, I dont have crappy country music, and I am not cooking his sorry old ass breakfast.
The Bird
18 July 2005
Tank Rage
I am in a sour mood today. I worked this horrible show last night, so that didnt help. I suppose I am just feeling down....ohhh...pity party for Bird! I had strange dreams about the washington post, my father, and newbie.
Oh, how about a pops update before we get to the Two Minutes Hate. My sister was in the edge this weekend, going through his old shit to make sure that he didnt throw away all the sentimental items. I heard he was chucking out a pair of bronzed baby shoes when his soon to be ex stopped him. Man, he can be such a douche sometimes. So, sometime this week he is headed over the hills to visit me and my brother kilroy. I can tell you what...as much as I (often reluctantly) love the old fart, there is no way in hell he is parking his trailer near my house. He is going to stay for a day I think and then head to my sisters place in Potato, I mean idaho. Christ only knows what I am going to do with him. Say good bye in case he dies before I see him again i suppose.
Two Minutes Hate
So...here is a story from the NBC news station here in the good ol Mile High City. Tom Tancredo, the nutbag Colorado Republican Representative said that if "terrorists" attacked us with nuclear weapons that maybe in response we could knock out their holy sites. Honestly Tank, what are you doing even answering a question like this? And when are we going to stop calling them terrorists. As co-worker Smidge pointed out, "How can we call people terrorists when we are in their country attacking them." Yes, good point. Shouldnt we call them enemies at this point? Sure, some are from Pakistan or other countries but really, when we are in Iraq killing hundreds of people a day, arent some of them just fighting for what they believe in (even if we dont agree with them)? Are they really terrorists when they travel to this country and attack us back? But I digress...
Tom Tancredo is running for president. Are you excited? I know I am. He isnt running because he thinks he has a snowballs chance in hell of winning...he is running because then he can peddle his message to more people. Make some kind of name for himself. This is a guy who, during an interview with John Hawkins of the Right Wing News, said
"People ask me, "Well of the Islamic Community, how many would you say are really terrorists?" I say, "There are relatively few, less than 10% of the Muslim population that you could categorize as (supporters of) terrorists." Now how many people in their heart of hearts in that community want to see the demise of this country? How many would cheer, not out loud maybe, but in their heart when things like 9/11 occur and I'll tell you; it's a majority among them."
Tank, really...you have outdone yourself this time. I am sure the whitebread-redneck-bigots of District 6 (which sadly I am now part of since I moved) will really appreciate how you are "Working for Colorado."
peace and tweets~
The Bird
Oh, how about a pops update before we get to the Two Minutes Hate. My sister was in the edge this weekend, going through his old shit to make sure that he didnt throw away all the sentimental items. I heard he was chucking out a pair of bronzed baby shoes when his soon to be ex stopped him. Man, he can be such a douche sometimes. So, sometime this week he is headed over the hills to visit me and my brother kilroy. I can tell you what...as much as I (often reluctantly) love the old fart, there is no way in hell he is parking his trailer near my house. He is going to stay for a day I think and then head to my sisters place in Potato, I mean idaho. Christ only knows what I am going to do with him. Say good bye in case he dies before I see him again i suppose.
Two Minutes Hate
So...here is a story from the NBC news station here in the good ol Mile High City. Tom Tancredo, the nutbag Colorado Republican Representative said that if "terrorists" attacked us with nuclear weapons that maybe in response we could knock out their holy sites. Honestly Tank, what are you doing even answering a question like this? And when are we going to stop calling them terrorists. As co-worker Smidge pointed out, "How can we call people terrorists when we are in their country attacking them." Yes, good point. Shouldnt we call them enemies at this point? Sure, some are from Pakistan or other countries but really, when we are in Iraq killing hundreds of people a day, arent some of them just fighting for what they believe in (even if we dont agree with them)? Are they really terrorists when they travel to this country and attack us back? But I digress...
Tom Tancredo is running for president. Are you excited? I know I am. He isnt running because he thinks he has a snowballs chance in hell of winning...he is running because then he can peddle his message to more people. Make some kind of name for himself. This is a guy who, during an interview with John Hawkins of the Right Wing News, said
"People ask me, "Well of the Islamic Community, how many would you say are really terrorists?" I say, "There are relatively few, less than 10% of the Muslim population that you could categorize as (supporters of) terrorists." Now how many people in their heart of hearts in that community want to see the demise of this country? How many would cheer, not out loud maybe, but in their heart when things like 9/11 occur and I'll tell you; it's a majority among them."
Tank, really...you have outdone yourself this time. I am sure the whitebread-redneck-bigots of District 6 (which sadly I am now part of since I moved) will really appreciate how you are "Working for Colorado."
peace and tweets~
The Bird
15 July 2005
Love For the Bone
Oh...you perverts.
I need to do a little thanking of a specific person. A good pal of mine has saved my ass not just once...but TWICE this week.
First...he helps me at the grocery store. Then, last night...I call him at 1am just before he goes to bed. Yes, boys and girls, birdy locked herself out of the car. So, Bone got up, put on clothes and drove his ass to the Tom's Dinner to give me an extra set of keys.
Oh Bone, how I love you....let me count the ways: 1, you saved my ass the the Queen Sooper 2. you saved me $150 in slim jim work. Guess that is it...but still 2 ways isnt bad at all!
Solid
Bird The Bone Lover (in more ways then one!)
I need to do a little thanking of a specific person. A good pal of mine has saved my ass not just once...but TWICE this week.
First...he helps me at the grocery store. Then, last night...I call him at 1am just before he goes to bed. Yes, boys and girls, birdy locked herself out of the car. So, Bone got up, put on clothes and drove his ass to the Tom's Dinner to give me an extra set of keys.
Oh Bone, how I love you....let me count the ways: 1, you saved my ass the the Queen Sooper 2. you saved me $150 in slim jim work. Guess that is it...but still 2 ways isnt bad at all!
Solid
Bird The Bone Lover (in more ways then one!)
14 July 2005
Road Rage
Two Minutes Hate
Dont you hate it when you have to call someone a ginormous prick before your first cup of coffee?
Some grey-haired, pipe smoking dickless wonder driving a zippy "Gee doesnt this make me look young and alive" car almost ran me off the road this morning. Usually I keep one eye on the road and the other on rejects who try to merge at the last possible second. If I see them creeping up on my right i just slowly, not aggressively, cut them off. Just to let them know that this kind of behavior isnt accepted. Today, I am bouncing around to the Beatles, 'Baby You're A Rich Man' to be specific, and didnt notice the geezer creeping. He cuts me off as I wail on my horn. Usually, that is the end of my confrontation with people. I dont ride their ass or cut them off, I just honk and am done with it. But man, today...I pulled up along side of him and rolled down my window...good thing traffic was moving slowly...and i yelled, "You're a ginormous prick you know that?!" He looked at me, kind of taken aback.
Birdy learned a little lesson about yelling at people in rush hour traffic...you cant really speed away after you insult them or their mother. Nope. You end up just sitting there, glancing over at them, trying not to talk out loud and look totally crazy. Meanwhile, 'It's All Too Much' pops up on the ipod and you think things begin to look up.
Dont you hate it when you have to call someone a ginormous prick before your first cup of coffee?
Some grey-haired, pipe smoking dickless wonder driving a zippy "Gee doesnt this make me look young and alive" car almost ran me off the road this morning. Usually I keep one eye on the road and the other on rejects who try to merge at the last possible second. If I see them creeping up on my right i just slowly, not aggressively, cut them off. Just to let them know that this kind of behavior isnt accepted. Today, I am bouncing around to the Beatles, 'Baby You're A Rich Man' to be specific, and didnt notice the geezer creeping. He cuts me off as I wail on my horn. Usually, that is the end of my confrontation with people. I dont ride their ass or cut them off, I just honk and am done with it. But man, today...I pulled up along side of him and rolled down my window...good thing traffic was moving slowly...and i yelled, "You're a ginormous prick you know that?!" He looked at me, kind of taken aback.
Birdy learned a little lesson about yelling at people in rush hour traffic...you cant really speed away after you insult them or their mother. Nope. You end up just sitting there, glancing over at them, trying not to talk out loud and look totally crazy. Meanwhile, 'It's All Too Much' pops up on the ipod and you think things begin to look up.
12 July 2005
McClellan Rage
Two posts in one week. Anger must be bubbling inside of me...just beneath the surface like magma.
Two Minutes Hate
I have posted about Karl Rove in the past. Maybe you think he is a brilliant strategist, I would probably agree. Hitler was too but that doesnt mean they both wernt righteous pricks (nah...just jerkin yer chain Rove...Hitler was a much bigger prick then you). Whether you love or hate the Bush Administration, you have to realize and respect the role that Rove plays. Anyone who can make a dunderhead like Bush seem like presidential material has to have a brain in there somewhere. The problem as I see it is that Karl's brain is used for evil! You know what our big-blue friend would say..."Villains, I say to you now, Knock off all that Evil!"
And really, joking aside...leaking the name of a CIA operative is in such bad form that the President himself said that if someone from the White House was involved that they would be fired. Alas, what do you do when the leak turns out to be your right hand man Mr. Rove? Well, like any good leader you send out your press sec. McClellan to look like a jackass. You can read the transcript of the press briefing here. If you really want to have a good time check out the C-SPAN video of the briefing here.
Talk about embarrassing. I would almost feel bad for McClellan if he wasnt so weaselly looking.
People...really think about this Rove thing. He is Bush's right hand man (or vice versa, perhaps) on everything the administration does. He was never elected, never subjected to any questioning by Congress like other members of the Bush Administration. He is completely outside the check and balance system...who is this guy? Do you really know?
Happy Tuesdays to you all
Bird
Two Minutes Hate
I have posted about Karl Rove in the past. Maybe you think he is a brilliant strategist, I would probably agree. Hitler was too but that doesnt mean they both wernt righteous pricks (nah...just jerkin yer chain Rove...Hitler was a much bigger prick then you). Whether you love or hate the Bush Administration, you have to realize and respect the role that Rove plays. Anyone who can make a dunderhead like Bush seem like presidential material has to have a brain in there somewhere. The problem as I see it is that Karl's brain is used for evil! You know what our big-blue friend would say..."Villains, I say to you now, Knock off all that Evil!"
And really, joking aside...leaking the name of a CIA operative is in such bad form that the President himself said that if someone from the White House was involved that they would be fired. Alas, what do you do when the leak turns out to be your right hand man Mr. Rove? Well, like any good leader you send out your press sec. McClellan to look like a jackass. You can read the transcript of the press briefing here. If you really want to have a good time check out the C-SPAN video of the briefing here.
Talk about embarrassing. I would almost feel bad for McClellan if he wasnt so weaselly looking.
People...really think about this Rove thing. He is Bush's right hand man (or vice versa, perhaps) on everything the administration does. He was never elected, never subjected to any questioning by Congress like other members of the Bush Administration. He is completely outside the check and balance system...who is this guy? Do you really know?
Happy Tuesdays to you all
Bird
11 July 2005
List Rage
In place of the Two Minutes Hate I will list the things that are pissing me off on this Monday Afternoon.
--Tons-of-Fun is still here.
--I have a headache.
--The IT guy doesn't know my name, which doesnt bother me, but the fact that he tries to guess at it does.
--I have some happy corn stuck in my teeth
--My foot has been asleep for the better part of an hour. What the Fuck Foot?! Wake Up!
--I had to dress nice for the man from the Defense Department and the only nice shirt I have requires that I also wear nice shoes which means I have to wear socks.
--Nugget and I are not speaking....much to my chagrin
--I have conflicting emotions about two people in general (pumpkin head..you know who you are. And newbie....)
--I need an oil change
--The price of gas is so crazy-high it makes me cry
--I am a poet and i didnt even know it
--My father sets out for his trip next monday and now I have to find a place to stay when I am in the edge for a wedding this August...
Speaking of my father...I need help coming up with a name for his trip. You know...like Trip of the Damned--only funny. Let me give you some info about it all so you can help out.
My Father is:
Old, Dying, Selfish, Racist(I just found out), Red haired, Redneck, Poor, Uneducated and he almost married a Swiss Barmaid.
His Trip is:
Crazy, Exciting, Death-enducing, Scary, Sketchy, I assume it will also be a little Illegal
Get to work minions!
The Bird
--Tons-of-Fun is still here.
--I have a headache.
--The IT guy doesn't know my name, which doesnt bother me, but the fact that he tries to guess at it does.
--I have some happy corn stuck in my teeth
--My foot has been asleep for the better part of an hour. What the Fuck Foot?! Wake Up!
--I had to dress nice for the man from the Defense Department and the only nice shirt I have requires that I also wear nice shoes which means I have to wear socks.
--Nugget and I are not speaking....much to my chagrin
--I have conflicting emotions about two people in general (pumpkin head..you know who you are. And newbie....)
--I need an oil change
--The price of gas is so crazy-high it makes me cry
--I am a poet and i didnt even know it
--My father sets out for his trip next monday and now I have to find a place to stay when I am in the edge for a wedding this August...
Speaking of my father...I need help coming up with a name for his trip. You know...like Trip of the Damned--only funny. Let me give you some info about it all so you can help out.
My Father is:
Old, Dying, Selfish, Racist(I just found out), Red haired, Redneck, Poor, Uneducated and he almost married a Swiss Barmaid.
His Trip is:
Crazy, Exciting, Death-enducing, Scary, Sketchy, I assume it will also be a little Illegal
Get to work minions!
The Bird
07 July 2005
Rat Bastard Rage
Good wishes to folks in London after blasts there early this morning. If you have friends or family in the area and cant get a hold of them, check out the British Red Cross web page for information on how to track them down. My friend at work jokes about getting a gun "...you know, for the revolution." Maybe she knows something I dont. These kind of terrorist acts are going to get more and more common in areas that have forever been "safe", part of living in a modern world I suppose.
What really gets me is that you know Bush and Blair are going to use this as an "I told you so!" You know that Bush is going to pull the pig-dog American routine and say that this is why we are in Iraq and cant leave. You know this will be a way for them to push the Downing St. Memos under the rug. You know that he will insult every Londoner by making that smug little fucking face and lecturing to them about how America understands and how we are in Iraq to protect them. "See, UK? We are so helpful! Please dont pull out your troops like Poland...our second bigest ally!!"
2MH
Pops is out of his everloving gourd. He is taking 900 bucks a month, a dog, a beat up old truck and trailer and leaving the town he was born in to drive around the county til he dies. He is sick, not should-be-in-the-hospital-but-broke-out-to-spend-his-remaining-days-living kind of sick, just old man sick. He is supposed to be on oxygen but I am sure he isnt using it. God only knows what pills he should be taking. If he stayed where he was he would have maybe 5 years left but with this new plan I think it will be more like 2-3.
Sure...the idea is romantic. I can understand his motives. I would much rather live out my few remaining years traveling, albeit living in a dumpy trailer on forest service land. It is probably better for him to do this then to remain at home, never leaving his garage, smoking butt after butt and insulting minorities (you racist shit). Good for him...let him die feeling free and unhindered.
This is where I was going to begin my hate...talk about how my father can be the most self absorbed jerkoff. Discuss how my whole life was shaped by his surpreme acts of laziness. Just cant bring myself to bitch about it anymore. He tires you out...must be what my mother felt after a while. Just tired.
Well Fuck...that sounds depressing. How bout this to cheer us all up eh?
B
What really gets me is that you know Bush and Blair are going to use this as an "I told you so!" You know that Bush is going to pull the pig-dog American routine and say that this is why we are in Iraq and cant leave. You know this will be a way for them to push the Downing St. Memos under the rug. You know that he will insult every Londoner by making that smug little fucking face and lecturing to them about how America understands and how we are in Iraq to protect them. "See, UK? We are so helpful! Please dont pull out your troops like Poland...our second bigest ally!!"
2MH
Pops is out of his everloving gourd. He is taking 900 bucks a month, a dog, a beat up old truck and trailer and leaving the town he was born in to drive around the county til he dies. He is sick, not should-be-in-the-hospital-but-broke-out-to-spend-his-remaining-days-living kind of sick, just old man sick. He is supposed to be on oxygen but I am sure he isnt using it. God only knows what pills he should be taking. If he stayed where he was he would have maybe 5 years left but with this new plan I think it will be more like 2-3.
Sure...the idea is romantic. I can understand his motives. I would much rather live out my few remaining years traveling, albeit living in a dumpy trailer on forest service land. It is probably better for him to do this then to remain at home, never leaving his garage, smoking butt after butt and insulting minorities (you racist shit). Good for him...let him die feeling free and unhindered.
This is where I was going to begin my hate...talk about how my father can be the most self absorbed jerkoff. Discuss how my whole life was shaped by his surpreme acts of laziness. Just cant bring myself to bitch about it anymore. He tires you out...must be what my mother felt after a while. Just tired.
Well Fuck...that sounds depressing. How bout this to cheer us all up eh?
B
30 June 2005
Tons-of-Fun Rage
I am jumping straight into this one....
2MH
Why do I hate her? Oh, many reasons, but one jumps into my head right away.
When she reads something funny she laughs loud and waits for you to ask what is so funny. If you dont ask she laughs even louder and sometimes says "That is so funny." She waits again for you to ask. If, like me you have chosen to make this as fucking difficult as possible, she will say something like "I hope I am not bothering you...this just made me laugh. Wow...what a good laugh. Man, fuuuunnnnny" and so forth. I refuse to respond to this shit. Grow a sack and fucking tell me what is funny. Or dont, I dont really give a shit.
Tons-of-Fun does the same thing when she doesnt like a cd that my co-worker has picked.
Tons-of-Fun: What is this we are listening too??
Co-Worker: Tom Waits
ToF: Is this song playing at half speed or something?
Co-Worker: It's Tom Waits...it sounds fine
ToF: Are those words coming from his mouth? I mean like actual words?
Bird From Next Room: Are you trying to say you dont like it and would like to put in something else? Cuz if that is what you want to do then you should say that instead of making these vague comments.
ToF: No, it is fine I dont want to be a pain in the ass
Co-Worker: Too late
Why do people do that? Why do they want you to ask, "what is funny?" "what did johnny do?" "What happened at the old quarry?" Why cant people just say...oh once at the quarry... Is it insecurity or just a really fucking annoying conversation style? I refuse to play along with this shit anylonger! Refuse! You hear that? I got something else for you tons-of-fun.....Swingin' (points at crotch)
Tons-of-Fun: It feels kinda hot in here
Bird and Co-Worker: .........................
ToF: Are you guys hot?
Bird: .......
Co-Worker: No
ToF: Really, I am really hot. Man, it is kinda stuffy too. I am stuffy.
Bird and Co-Worker: ...........
ToF: Do you guys think it is stuffy?
Bird: Are you asking if you can turn on the air conditioning because you should just ask that.
ToF: Um.......
Fuck you Tons-of-Fun. You are going on my shit list. The list of people that I will shit on when given the opportunity. If I was a chimp I would throw my shit at you ToF. Then I would laugh and do that bouncy point crazy laugh thing that they do. You've seen that before right?
I am past the point of being polite. You werent supposed to stay long and yet...you have returned. We were so happy, I drank to your last day and now...here you are Tons-of-Fun. Here you are.
Fuck you.
2MH
Why do I hate her? Oh, many reasons, but one jumps into my head right away.
When she reads something funny she laughs loud and waits for you to ask what is so funny. If you dont ask she laughs even louder and sometimes says "That is so funny." She waits again for you to ask. If, like me you have chosen to make this as fucking difficult as possible, she will say something like "I hope I am not bothering you...this just made me laugh. Wow...what a good laugh. Man, fuuuunnnnny" and so forth. I refuse to respond to this shit. Grow a sack and fucking tell me what is funny. Or dont, I dont really give a shit.
Tons-of-Fun does the same thing when she doesnt like a cd that my co-worker has picked.
Tons-of-Fun: What is this we are listening too??
Co-Worker: Tom Waits
ToF: Is this song playing at half speed or something?
Co-Worker: It's Tom Waits...it sounds fine
ToF: Are those words coming from his mouth? I mean like actual words?
Bird From Next Room: Are you trying to say you dont like it and would like to put in something else? Cuz if that is what you want to do then you should say that instead of making these vague comments.
ToF: No, it is fine I dont want to be a pain in the ass
Co-Worker: Too late
Why do people do that? Why do they want you to ask, "what is funny?" "what did johnny do?" "What happened at the old quarry?" Why cant people just say...oh once at the quarry... Is it insecurity or just a really fucking annoying conversation style? I refuse to play along with this shit anylonger! Refuse! You hear that? I got something else for you tons-of-fun.....Swingin' (points at crotch)
Tons-of-Fun: It feels kinda hot in here
Bird and Co-Worker: .........................
ToF: Are you guys hot?
Bird: .......
Co-Worker: No
ToF: Really, I am really hot. Man, it is kinda stuffy too. I am stuffy.
Bird and Co-Worker: ...........
ToF: Do you guys think it is stuffy?
Bird: Are you asking if you can turn on the air conditioning because you should just ask that.
ToF: Um.......
Fuck you Tons-of-Fun. You are going on my shit list. The list of people that I will shit on when given the opportunity. If I was a chimp I would throw my shit at you ToF. Then I would laugh and do that bouncy point crazy laugh thing that they do. You've seen that before right?
I am past the point of being polite. You werent supposed to stay long and yet...you have returned. We were so happy, I drank to your last day and now...here you are Tons-of-Fun. Here you are.
Fuck you.
27 June 2005
Malt Rage
I hate Karl Rove. I am so tired of these 3rd-grade I'm-rubber-you're-glue shouting matches between the democrats and republicans (couldnt resist newbie!). I am so tired of his comments about how liberals are a bunch of lily-livered pansies. Yes Karl, I know. And you are all a bunch of gun-toting racists; Can we all move on to something more important? How can he, at the begining of his speech to the New York Conservative Party attack liberals for playing partisan politics (which sounds like an oxymoron to me) and then conclude his speech with this...
"Has there been a more revealing moment this year than when Democratic Senator Richard Durbin, speaking on the Senate floor, compared what Americans had done to prisoners in our control at Guantanamo Bay with what was done by Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot - three of the most brutal and malevolent figures in the 20th century?
Let me put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts to the region the words of Senator Durbin, certainly putting America's men and women in uniform in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals."
Are you suggesting that liberals want to harm men and women in uniform? What kind of game are you playing Karl?
God how I hate him.
Two Minutes Hate
So yes, I could go on for hours about my hatred of Mr. Rove but I thought it would be better for my mental health to bring up a subject that I was ranting about earlier with two friends. Yes, that is right...the soaring costs of beer. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent today to said friends...
Honestly...what does a chick have to do to get an affordable pint around here? You would think that there is a beer shortage. That the price per keg has jumped to $60, much like the recent oil prices. Perhaps the U.S., as we speak, is invading Germany and Ireland and Belgium to "liberate" their people and free up some much needed reserve supplies of the sweet sweet beer. If we aren't, perhaps we should be. Storming the breweries all across Europe carrying dollies for the kegs and steins to quench our unending hunger for the malty beverage. I would gladly sign up for the Beer Wars. Operation Hop, Operation Enduring Drunkards. We would need a better name. Additionally, we live in Denver-a place sometimes touted as having the most micro-breweries this side of the Atlantic, our mayor is a Brewery Magnate. The attack should begin at home ladies. Yes, I am talking about a revolution.
So...yes. That is what I wrote this morning while lamenting a great new pub in denver that has inexpensive food and a great vibe but pricey pints. Sure, I know that $60 for a keg isnt a bad price but you get the idea.
On my recent trip to Kansas I was most astounded not by the wonderful music, the friendly people, the green rolling hills, or the fact that you can buy beer on sunday. No, what knocked my socks off was walking into the Freestate Brewery, hot and dripping after a long trip, ambling up to the bar and asking for a pint of the Ad Astra Ale (Bronze Medal Winner 1991 Great American Beer Festival - Dusseldorf Style Alts) and forking over $2.75. Yes my beer chugging friends you heard me right.
This has got to be like living in Hawaii and paying 25 bucks for a pineapple, like living in Philly and forking over 40 smackers for a cheese steak, like living in d.c and having to screw yourself with your pants on instead of waiting for a politician to do it.
As someone once said "I hurl these haters, cruel, sinful, and mean people of the world, into the wombs of demons again and again." Obviously they paid too much for a 90 Shilling.
Bottoms Up~
Bird
"Has there been a more revealing moment this year than when Democratic Senator Richard Durbin, speaking on the Senate floor, compared what Americans had done to prisoners in our control at Guantanamo Bay with what was done by Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot - three of the most brutal and malevolent figures in the 20th century?
Let me put this in fairly simple terms: Al Jazeera now broadcasts to the region the words of Senator Durbin, certainly putting America's men and women in uniform in greater danger. No more needs to be said about the motives of liberals."
Are you suggesting that liberals want to harm men and women in uniform? What kind of game are you playing Karl?
God how I hate him.
Two Minutes Hate
So yes, I could go on for hours about my hatred of Mr. Rove but I thought it would be better for my mental health to bring up a subject that I was ranting about earlier with two friends. Yes, that is right...the soaring costs of beer. Here is an excerpt from an email I sent today to said friends...
Honestly...what does a chick have to do to get an affordable pint around here? You would think that there is a beer shortage. That the price per keg has jumped to $60, much like the recent oil prices. Perhaps the U.S., as we speak, is invading Germany and Ireland and Belgium to "liberate" their people and free up some much needed reserve supplies of the sweet sweet beer. If we aren't, perhaps we should be. Storming the breweries all across Europe carrying dollies for the kegs and steins to quench our unending hunger for the malty beverage. I would gladly sign up for the Beer Wars. Operation Hop, Operation Enduring Drunkards. We would need a better name. Additionally, we live in Denver-a place sometimes touted as having the most micro-breweries this side of the Atlantic, our mayor is a Brewery Magnate. The attack should begin at home ladies. Yes, I am talking about a revolution.
So...yes. That is what I wrote this morning while lamenting a great new pub in denver that has inexpensive food and a great vibe but pricey pints. Sure, I know that $60 for a keg isnt a bad price but you get the idea.
On my recent trip to Kansas I was most astounded not by the wonderful music, the friendly people, the green rolling hills, or the fact that you can buy beer on sunday. No, what knocked my socks off was walking into the Freestate Brewery, hot and dripping after a long trip, ambling up to the bar and asking for a pint of the Ad Astra Ale (Bronze Medal Winner 1991 Great American Beer Festival - Dusseldorf Style Alts) and forking over $2.75. Yes my beer chugging friends you heard me right.
This has got to be like living in Hawaii and paying 25 bucks for a pineapple, like living in Philly and forking over 40 smackers for a cheese steak, like living in d.c and having to screw yourself with your pants on instead of waiting for a politician to do it.
As someone once said "I hurl these haters, cruel, sinful, and mean people of the world, into the wombs of demons again and again." Obviously they paid too much for a 90 Shilling.
Bottoms Up~
Bird
21 June 2005
Tweedy Rage
Vacations are nice but they always lead to the inevitable, "I need a vacation from my vacation!" comment. And boy-howdy if it isnt true (I promise to never say that again). Coming back to a clusterfuck of work is no fun at all.
Even so, getting out of town for even a couple of days is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you are reading this...stop. Pack a quick bag, jump in a car-train-plane-boat etc. and go! You will not regret it, I can promise you that. This trip was very relaxing. Great destination, great music, great traveling buddies. That last bit is often overlooked. If you are trapped in a car for 8 hours in the heat and humidity it is very important to not be riding around with a bunch of uptight, rigid, demanding assholes. A similar mindset can really make or break a roadtrip. I was lucky enough to be blessed with great traveling pals, Scoot and Slim. Ahh, what a great time and the memories, the memories. That crappy restaurant, that time we almost died in the tower, that one guy who stepped in human shit...memories that will last a lifetime, or at least until the next trip.
Two Minutes Hate
Before we headed out for Wakarusa I was talking with a friend, Crash, about the new Wilco album. We both felt that Wilco could shit on a disc and have it declared genius. Their newest album, A Ghost Is Born, never really did it for me. I was excited about seeing them this last saturday even though I knew there would be a lot of new tunes. You know they wont play casino queen because tweedy is a dick but there will be a little something for everyone in the show. Still, even though I knew it would be fun and entertaining-I had no idea how...I just cant even begin to explain how amazing it was. Could it have been the drugs? I am sure they helped but...there is something about that fucking band!
Jeff Tweedy is an ass. Everyone knows that, but sweet baby jesus can that guy work a crowd. I had the biggest smile on my face the entire show. I wish I could express it better. This is the point in the blog where I curse the fact that I am not a writer (shakes fist in air*).
So the rage is this....Bird, you are such a jackass. Wilco is genuis! Tweedy should be your god you worthless bag of shit! Go out and buy A Ghost is Born right now.
Solid
Bird
*like I just dont care
Even so, getting out of town for even a couple of days is the best thing you can do for yourself. If you are reading this...stop. Pack a quick bag, jump in a car-train-plane-boat etc. and go! You will not regret it, I can promise you that. This trip was very relaxing. Great destination, great music, great traveling buddies. That last bit is often overlooked. If you are trapped in a car for 8 hours in the heat and humidity it is very important to not be riding around with a bunch of uptight, rigid, demanding assholes. A similar mindset can really make or break a roadtrip. I was lucky enough to be blessed with great traveling pals, Scoot and Slim. Ahh, what a great time and the memories, the memories. That crappy restaurant, that time we almost died in the tower, that one guy who stepped in human shit...memories that will last a lifetime, or at least until the next trip.
Two Minutes Hate
Before we headed out for Wakarusa I was talking with a friend, Crash, about the new Wilco album. We both felt that Wilco could shit on a disc and have it declared genius. Their newest album, A Ghost Is Born, never really did it for me. I was excited about seeing them this last saturday even though I knew there would be a lot of new tunes. You know they wont play casino queen because tweedy is a dick but there will be a little something for everyone in the show. Still, even though I knew it would be fun and entertaining-I had no idea how...I just cant even begin to explain how amazing it was. Could it have been the drugs? I am sure they helped but...there is something about that fucking band!
Jeff Tweedy is an ass. Everyone knows that, but sweet baby jesus can that guy work a crowd. I had the biggest smile on my face the entire show. I wish I could express it better. This is the point in the blog where I curse the fact that I am not a writer (shakes fist in air*).
So the rage is this....Bird, you are such a jackass. Wilco is genuis! Tweedy should be your god you worthless bag of shit! Go out and buy A Ghost is Born right now.
Solid
Bird
*like I just dont care
07 June 2005
Poke Check Rage
The best thing about moving is that feeling when you dont need to hunt through a box for something. The only things left to unpack are useless items that make you think to yourself...why did I even have this? What do I do with the IKEA magazine rack now that I have no room for it in my bathroom? Rest my pretties...i will find room for you somewhere.
As a prelude to my 2mh I want to direct all you folks to the newest Buccigross article about the beloved Sea Bass. Yes, that's right...Cam Neely was indeed Sea Bass in Dumb and Dumber. He has also appeared in There's Something About Mary and Me, Myself and Irene. The Farrelly Brothers have asked lots and lots of sports people to make appearances in their movies. But I digress...
Two Minutes Hate
Poke Check is what I would name my hockey themed bar. I like it because it kind of sounds dirty. For all of you who are not familiar with the sport a poke check is a technique in ice hockey in which a defender uses the blade of the stick to push the puck off the stick of an opponent. A hockey-themed bar is really just something I would use to write off massive purchases of memorabilbia and bubble hockey tables.
My rage today is near and dear to my heart...assholes who are not fans of the sport but feel knowledgeable enough to tell me what is wrong with it. Yes, I know I live in Colorado where professional hockey is young. However, we have a history of hockey here. Good high school and college teams. A new and excellent CHL team. A good professional team as well as lots of beer leagues. All are well-supported. I am new to the sport-5 years give or take-and I dont believe that you have to have grown up with it to enjoy and understand it. Is it a part of my childhood and my roots? No but I dont think that matters. It doesnt take away from my enjoyment or my passion for it. Additionally, all you cocks who constantly remind me that it is not very popular...wow...who fucking cares? The fact that you dont appreciate it doesnt mean that I shouldnt either. It is okay for you not to like it. I myself dont care for baseball. That doesnt mean you are some kind of loser for being a fan; all it means is that I dont like it. Again with the digression...
What gets me are people like bubblebutt (name changed to protect identity). BB doesnt like hockey. She thinks it is violent and goonish. She once told me that she doesnt watch hockey because of the fighting. BB wouldnt watch hockey if there was fighting, if it was banned, or even if the players were skating around in their jockstraps a la Slapshot. She wouldnt watch it and that is okay, but leave it at that man. Yes, they have missing teeth-not so much because they are fist swinging goons but more so because they are whacking frozen vulcanized rubber around at 90+ miles an hour. Gone are the days of the Broad Street Bullies. Are there still goons around? Sure. However, no more goons exist in hockey then in football (B. Romanowski, R. Lewis), basketball (J. Williams, A. Iverson) or baseball (J. Rocker et al).
I know very little about baseball and dont even begin to comment about what should be done to make it better. How would I know? I dont watch it. Yet, when Bertuzzi hit Steve Moore I had to endure hundreds of "lemme tell ya how it is Bird". When the lockout began i listened to a thousand "you know what's wrong with your sport there..." Oh my god people-you dont know which is the blue or red line! You scream shoot everytime someone gets the puck! You ask me, why do they keep leaving the ice after only half a minute? You need me to explain icing and you are going to "tell me how it is"?
Yikes!
Dont get me wrong. I like introducing people to my adopted sport. I do believe that once you see a live hockey game, you will never be the same again. However, i could do without the armchair quarterbacking from people who dont even like the game. Lay off will ya?!!
Word...
B
As a prelude to my 2mh I want to direct all you folks to the newest Buccigross article about the beloved Sea Bass. Yes, that's right...Cam Neely was indeed Sea Bass in Dumb and Dumber. He has also appeared in There's Something About Mary and Me, Myself and Irene. The Farrelly Brothers have asked lots and lots of sports people to make appearances in their movies. But I digress...
Two Minutes Hate
Poke Check is what I would name my hockey themed bar. I like it because it kind of sounds dirty. For all of you who are not familiar with the sport a poke check is a technique in ice hockey in which a defender uses the blade of the stick to push the puck off the stick of an opponent. A hockey-themed bar is really just something I would use to write off massive purchases of memorabilbia and bubble hockey tables.
My rage today is near and dear to my heart...assholes who are not fans of the sport but feel knowledgeable enough to tell me what is wrong with it. Yes, I know I live in Colorado where professional hockey is young. However, we have a history of hockey here. Good high school and college teams. A new and excellent CHL team. A good professional team as well as lots of beer leagues. All are well-supported. I am new to the sport-5 years give or take-and I dont believe that you have to have grown up with it to enjoy and understand it. Is it a part of my childhood and my roots? No but I dont think that matters. It doesnt take away from my enjoyment or my passion for it. Additionally, all you cocks who constantly remind me that it is not very popular...wow...who fucking cares? The fact that you dont appreciate it doesnt mean that I shouldnt either. It is okay for you not to like it. I myself dont care for baseball. That doesnt mean you are some kind of loser for being a fan; all it means is that I dont like it. Again with the digression...
What gets me are people like bubblebutt (name changed to protect identity). BB doesnt like hockey. She thinks it is violent and goonish. She once told me that she doesnt watch hockey because of the fighting. BB wouldnt watch hockey if there was fighting, if it was banned, or even if the players were skating around in their jockstraps a la Slapshot. She wouldnt watch it and that is okay, but leave it at that man. Yes, they have missing teeth-not so much because they are fist swinging goons but more so because they are whacking frozen vulcanized rubber around at 90+ miles an hour. Gone are the days of the Broad Street Bullies. Are there still goons around? Sure. However, no more goons exist in hockey then in football (B. Romanowski, R. Lewis), basketball (J. Williams, A. Iverson) or baseball (J. Rocker et al).
I know very little about baseball and dont even begin to comment about what should be done to make it better. How would I know? I dont watch it. Yet, when Bertuzzi hit Steve Moore I had to endure hundreds of "lemme tell ya how it is Bird". When the lockout began i listened to a thousand "you know what's wrong with your sport there..." Oh my god people-you dont know which is the blue or red line! You scream shoot everytime someone gets the puck! You ask me, why do they keep leaving the ice after only half a minute? You need me to explain icing and you are going to "tell me how it is"?
Yikes!
Dont get me wrong. I like introducing people to my adopted sport. I do believe that once you see a live hockey game, you will never be the same again. However, i could do without the armchair quarterbacking from people who dont even like the game. Lay off will ya?!!
Word...
B
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