Another Year In The Can..

2007 wasnt too bad. Good things happened, bad things happened...all in all a decent one. I would even go so far as to say above average.

I am looking forward to 2008 if only because I like to write 8's. Some may say this is a silly reason and to them I would say, stfu and leave me be.

****
He who shall be unnamed is going to the winter classic tomorrow. Lucky...

What a fun event I hope the sabers win for my friend but I must say that I may root for the penguins just because of their sweet jersey...



Yes, that's right I would like a jersey shipped to my house...how thoughtful of you.

****
I kind of hate new years because I feel that there is so much pressure to do something, be somewhere, and make out with someone at the stroke of midnight (no wiener jokes Q). It is almost as bad as Valentines Day but at least on new years eve you dont need to explain why you got so drunk and wet yourself.

****
Last October i bought a Balloon Fiesta calendar while in NM for said event. It was the only bright spot in an otherwise shitty vacation and I am excited that tomorrow I will actually start using it. And by using it I mean sitting around when I am supposed to be working and looking at the nifty balloons. See...




"Why do you like hot air balloons so much Bird?" you might ask yourself. I dont know my friend, I dont know.

****
Happy happy new year to you all and drive safe or call a cab.

peaches and tweets...B

Q & A with Munpe Q

Q and i just got back from the tattoo shop. Somebody got ink and it wasnt me. Neither of us feel like drinking or watching a movie so we came back to mess around with xmas gifts and watch some football. Go Giants!

You know what happens when birdy gets bored...

Random Blog!! Lucky Q...i decided to grill him and then post the answers.

(aside: has anyone else seen the pretentious hummer helps commercial? blech, i feel dirty just for watching it.)

Bird: What should be my first Question Munpe Q?
Munpe Q: That's an interesting thing you've asked. The first question in an interview style Q&A should be "what was your first reaction when the NHL came to you for a potential trade?"

B: Wouldnt i only ask that if you were an actual NHL player??
Q: Yes

B: Okay...Who do you like in the game tonight?
Q: I like the Pats. I think the combination route the Giants just tried to run provides an insight into their weaknesses.

B: Did you just make that up?
Q: Yeah why?

B: No reason...How was your xmas?
Q: It was in reverse, interestingly enough.

B: How's that?
Q: Instead of opening gifts traditionally, we actually had to wrap all our gifts, put them under the tree and then eventually return them to the store.

B: Are you saying you didnt like the shit I got you?
Q: The shit you got me, was indeed, shit.

B: I guess I kinda walked into that eh?
Q: Yes

B: What should I ask you?
Q: You already asked me that.

B: What do you think they are talking about in March on the NFL Network?
Q: I am going to sound like an idiot but I believe they are talking about math equations etc.

B: Like SAT/ACT prep?
Q: Sure.

B: Is it possible that this is the worst idea I have ever come up with for a blog?
Q: As, the subject matter, yes I believe you could have done better.

B: Sigh...this thing is done....

******
Fancy ink shots after the initial bleeding is done.




tweet
B

Good Tidings & Whatnot...

As promised here is my happy festive holiday posting...


WTF? is the deal with all this snow?

The forecast called for "flurries" not 7 inches and temps of 10 degrees.

Sadness...

Oscar Peterson Dies

A bummer indeed. I suppose I shall be supplanting White Christmas with Night Train this evening...

****
I promise to be back with a happy post sometime tomorrow...after gift opening but before getting sloshed on holiday spirits...

Um...Hello?

Um...Hi?

I dont want to freak you guys out but tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Yeah, that's right, only one more shopping day left and...i havent received cards or gifts from most of you.

I am a little disappointed. I mean, you guys know I dont expect much but come on....not even a crappy holiday "newsletter."

You better get your act together or Santa will break into your house and take a crap on your tree skirt.

from


Tweet tweet goes the xmas bird

InThis Season of Giving...

I am being a bitch.

Sorry...I promise to get my act together.


B

Lunchtime Musings

Some of the stuff I say is funny. Some of it. However, sometimes writing said things out makes me giggle...

Farty McNeesh


snicker....

L...O...N...G............S...C...R...E...E...N

I am at Munpe Q's office. It is new and nice and he has the longest computer screen I have ever seen. it is like...9miles long. Like, schlong long...

Let me give you a list of things I like about Q's new job
+ 25 cent sodas!

That's it because, really i dont work here so things he likes about it are probably totally different then things i like...

****
Saw I Am Legend last night. I dont know what to say about it really. I guess, after all the previews etc, I was so very excited for it. Which is why I kinda felt let down after it was over but i have to ask myself, "Self," cause that's what I call myself, "Was that really a bad movie?" The answer is...no not at all...which is why i cant figure out what to say about it.

I can tell you that i had a dream that I was riding around in a Border Patrol Truck with Master Chief and we had to roll the windows up because of a virus. But he would need to pull over and as crazy people different strange and vague questions. It was unsettling Needless to say, I didnt sleep well.

****
I have lots-o-shopping to do. Serious shopping is needed for my rich uncle skeleton, Hercules Rockefeller. If you happen to know him and maybe also know what he wants could you please help me out? Sweet thanks.



Alright kiddos. I plan on using the remainder of my time reading my newest Haruki Murakami book, which i have had to ignore because i actually have work to do.

tweet tweet
B

Tuba Sadness

Guess what I missed this year kiddies?



That's right, the strangest and most entertaining event of the holiday season...
Tuba Christmas.

Damn Texas and its warm weather! It lulled me into a state of unawares and I spaced it.

Oh how can I go on?!

Does anyone out there play the tuba and maybe is willing to come to my house and serenade me with xmas music? There's a cup of scalding hot cocco in it for ya...

Give Me A Break...

I read this article today on ESPN...

"Descendant of Davy Crockett Kills Bear" Turns out some 5 year old shot a 445lb Black Bear with his grandfather. Bet they don't make precious moments for that eh?


If the story had been about the boy killing the bear with his hands, or maybe stumbling upon a bear eating his grandfather and then shooting it with his youth rifle, then maybe I would have been impressed. But here's how it went down:

"Tre Merritt, a descendant of Davy Crockett, was hunting with his grandfather Mike Merritt when a black bear happened upon their stand...'He came in about 40 to 50 yards,' Mike Merritt said of the black bear, 'and when he got in the open, I whistled at him and he stopped and I said, 'Shoot Tre.'"

How can you call this a "sport" when you can sit in a tree all damn day and wait for a bear to happen upon you while you shoot it from above? (wow...Ka-Boom) Doesn't it make you wonder if you can call it a fair fight when a five year old with a youth rifle can take down a 445 pound bear? I mean, this doesn't happened very often- but is it because it is hard to take down a bear or just that most people don't take their five year-olds out bear hunting? I am 99% sure that if I was sitting in a tree waiting for something/someone to stumble in front of my line of fire that I would be able to take it out too. That goes for Non as well...though he's no spring chicken anymore right, i mean-he is almost in third grade.

Lame....

Who's Your Daddy

I have already selected my candidate in the Democratic primary. However, recently he has been a bad boy posing with the likes of...




Yikes!

I know, i know, the O is a huge celebrity and could boost his numbers dramatically but i just want you to know that I liked him first!

The idea that I would possibly pick a candidate for president solely because some self-righteous-know-it-all told me to is just maddening.

While I want my guy to win, i hope that Oprah's star power has nothing to do with it. Honestly, wouldnt it be a sad world if the only thing that sways you one way or the other is who he's friends with?

Can I be Frank?

I dont mind saying that now, back from Texas, I dont have any desire to actually deal with the data we gathered while down there. I am ready to shove it all in a folder and move on to something else....sadly, my boss has other ideas.

~~~~~
For those of you in love with the Texas Waffles you can buy your very own at www.texaswafflemaker.com. I am currently planning my own line of waffle makers tentatively named, "Waffles of the World." I swear to god if you steal my idea I will kill you and make waffles with your insides. Do Not fuck with me in this season of cheer and general merry-making.

~~~~~
I have to say, I am not tapping into the christmas feeling. I listened to some holiday music yesterday in an attempt to get into the spirit but only succeeded in getting Wonderful Christmastime stuck in my head. Oh McCartney, why do you curse me so?!

Mmmm...Tastes Like Texas

Yummers

"The more I am, the less I know, And what I do is all too much"

It's been a long time since I have last wrote. Like many vacations I feel like I have things to say but am so unmotivated to share. Let's see....

a minor thanksgiving miracle occurred when i realized that the sweet baby jesus is bringing back American Gladiators.

I am in Texas. There are bugs and mice and opossum's and texas shaped waffles (sorry Q but I had to mention it).

Also, god willing there will be Killer Bee Hockey as well...

*******
I suppose those are the highlights for now...


peas

B

Dumb

"...it looks like some sort of ocular device."

Really Nicolas Cage or should I say writers for Nicolas Cage

I dont know about you guys but I need to clean my ocular devices...

Olden Times

Here is why Olden Times is my favorite historical period...

"The Tactical and Strategical Value of Dirigible Balloons and Aerodynamical Flying Machines" written by,

Good Old Texas

Something I like about Texas; crazy names! There has to be a heavy German population based on some of the city names. My favorite so far is Pflugerville. Also, signs for the water park, Schlitterbahn. Come ride the Schlitterbahn...that's how you get someone into bed. (ba dum bum)

Of course there are the good old native american names too like, my favorite, Waxahachie. Q turned me onto it and guess what everyone, the Superconducting Super Collider was to be built near by! Who doesnt love a boondoggle?

Blarg....

I cant f-ing sleep.

I guess i dont have much else to say...

Austin is humid and tomorrow it is supposed to be 87 degrees! yikes.




I can see this huge ass building from the hotel.

Also, this building



......

lord, where is the sleep hiding at?

Wastin Time

I am going to Austin for work tomorrow and because of that I have some time to kill. You know what that means: Random Posts!!

********
I have been sitting up all day! For those of you not following my back pain story we are at day 12 of me barely being able to stand and sit. Hopefully it will continue to get better and better rather then get better and then worse when I decide to go jump around on a jumpy air castle thingy with a bunch of 7 year olds...

********
Check out the Hi-larious poll question over at 9news.com:

"During the Wyoming/Utah football game, Utah attempted an onside kick while leading 43-0, prompting the Wyoming coach to give Utah the finger. Which coach's actions do you think were more unsportsmanlike?"

That's good times...

********
Is this news? Yeah, I didnt think so.

********
Ouch.

The Verdict...

Q felt that I needed to say more. The lemon chess pie wasnt chunky but I felt that it needed more tartness. When I asked Q to give me a one word description he said, "reminiscent" which I suppose is good. Of course, i never asked what it was reminiscent of so maybe it isnt as good as I thought...

Why Is It Chunky?!

I am sure that Munpe Q will confirm that two of the previous three statements are true; however, I really wanted to try and make this Lemon Chess Pie that Q used to eat as a kid. I found a couple recipes online and it seemed simple enough. Even with my busted back it was do-able.

Things seemed to be going well but my first glitch came when I realised I needed three tablespoons of lemon zest. That is a hell of a lot. Then after beating and beating (no joke) it refused to get smooth. I even left out the cornmeal so there is really no excuse. It was insane. Liquid lemon batter shooting all over the kitchen. Eventually it got to a point where i said fuck it and dumped it into a pie dish.

It is baking as I write and i will post a photo showing Q's reaction to it when it's done.

***
Here's the real question though; why the hell can't I cook. I mean, it feels like I used to be able to and now I cant. Maybe I just thought I could cook and really never could...sadness. It is one thing if I choose not to cook and quite another if I am unable to

What Am I Missing...

Those Who Do Not Learn From the Past...

Two years ago I was sitting in my house waiting for my back to stop hurting so I could go back to work and to my life. Here I am again, laying on the couch and not in the "lazy sunday" kind of way. I have been down and out for a couple days and missed yet another entertaining function so i could instead, writhe on the couch and watch Constantine. I actually kind of liked it, the movie that is.

Needless to say, I am pretty tired of this. I went for a massage on friday and Ms. Paine (no lie) worked my glutes. Seems my lower back pain is centered in my ass.



Interesting. After the massage I noticed a difference but a couple of hours later and my ass had tightened up again and I was back to laying around writhing in pain.

Seriously tired of this shit.

As an aside, what the fuck is wrong with the Broncos?

B

Something I Saw That I Liked...

Stab-Lok Load Center

I think i peed a little...

What made me pee you ask?

"Do not open the cover. Do not eat the balls."

No, not pron at work. Geekologie of course.

Also, Texas is being a bitch this afternoon.

That feeling....

Has anyone ever watched Sports Night?

It's a really great show and there is one episode where the character is talking about the Three Dog Night song, Eli's Coming. If you've seen it you know.

It feels like Eli's Coming...

I hope I am wrong.

Happy New Week

B

St. Crispin's Day Speech

King Henry V:

What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmorland. No, my fair cousin:
If we are marked to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will, I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It ernes me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires:
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England:
God's peace, I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more, methinks, would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more.
Rather proclaim it presently through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart. His passport shall be made
And crowns for convoy put into his purse:
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is called the Feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a-tiptoe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall see this day and live t'old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say "To-morrow is Saint Crispian":
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars
And say "These wounds I had on Crispin's day."
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remembered.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he today that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now abed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day. (IV, iii)

They're Made of Meat

Good stuff...

AtomFilms.com: Funny Videos | Funny Cartoons | Comedy Central

My iPod Hero...

Oh swoon...

I thought I had broken yet another ipod (this time by no fault of my own) and then my hero, Munpe Q (cheers), fixed it for me.

If you see this,



let me know and I will lend him to you.


mini tanks to you Q

First Snow

I love the first snow of the year. Maybe it's the suddenness of change.



This time of year I am reminded of a book I read. Hardly remember anything about it except a passage about watching a lake freeze for the first time. Something about it sticks with me.

I love the fall and I love the winter but I hope that it isnt as wet as last year.



That was a bit much.

*******
The new job is very good so far. Lots of writing and research and so far I am happy. The folks are nice, if not a bit quiet. That's no worries though because I am loud mouth and tend to force people in that direction.

*******
The Jerk is on as I type, "I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now" "'Johnson, Navin R.' sounds like a typical bastard." Some days are like that i suppose...

Happy sunday to you folks.

B

Silly Things

"A roof to a building is in many ways like a hat to a person."  Thanks Oklahoma SHPO!

 

In case you were wondering; my house has a Salt Box Roof. 

 

~B

Socorro, New Mexico; Where Hope Goes To Die

I recently got back from vacation in New Mexico. All the usual suspects,




plus, finally, the Balloon Fiesta.



Check out the fireworks afterwards...



Looking at these you might be tempted to say, "Wow Bird, what a lovely vacation." Yes indeed, it was so close to being a lovely vacation but then I had the audacity to mock Socorro and, more specifically, The Hammel Museum.

I had a blog all started about the Museum with the above title. See, the Hammel Museum, "started as a beer garden and, in the intervening century, became successively a brewery, an ice plant, a soda bottling plant, and finally ended as an active industry still making ice." It was named after the Hammel's who's great grandfather was Jacob Hammel an immigrant from Munich, Bavaria. He arrived in 1848 with his friend Eberhard Anheuser who wanted Hammel to start a brewery with him in St. Louis. Hammel said no and started his own brewing company which he called the Illinois Brewery. Hammel was somewhat successful and in the late 1880's moved to Socorro and brought his business with him. His pal Eberhard did pretty well too; his brewery is still up and running. You may have heard of it...Anheuser-Busch.

So Hammel is pretty much a tool for not listening to his pal Eberhard and that was the point I was going to make. You know, stuff like, "Nice work Socorro. Way to honor the boneheaded decision of Hammel there." Before I got a chance though, the swift hand of fate made its own move. It didnt take the form of a burning bush, or a booming voice from the sky but rather as a 10 cent screw and a two bit fuse.

Needless to say, dont fuck with Socorro.

Who's Going Into Labor?

A big Congrats to my pal Corn and Beans and her Husband, "Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People."

They are the proud parents of a new baby boy, yesterday! I heard he came out kicking. Good work you two. I assume you are making me godfowl right? What?! Come on?!!


Best best wishes to you both!

You've Got To Be Kidding Me?! Or, How San Diego Ruined My Sunday Afternoon

Nice work Chargers, you buncha losers. I hope the Rockies beat the snot out of you to teach the city a lesson.

What's the lesson you ask? Stop losing to the Chiefs at home. I mean seriously. The Chiefs? I think i just puked a little. For those not able to hear my crys of sorrow yesterday afternoon, the Chargers lost and knocked me out of my Survival Pool. I knew i shoulda picked the Colts. Lame.

************
In other sports related news, I am in a bowling league and couldnt be more apathetic. It was kind of sprung upon me (as much as you can spring an 8 month bowling league on someone) and before I had a chance to back out, I was filling out my ABA Sanction card.

I am not a very good bowler but one would think that after 8 months of bowling every monday night from 6:30-9 that I would be like Pete F-ing Webber at the end...



...we can only hope.

***********
My friends are funny. Please Click Here and Participate in Goofy Goodness.

***********
Hockey starts for me on Wednesday Night as the Avs host the Stars for the home opener. Of course Q and non and I will be attending (look for us Way Up High). It should be interesting as the new Reebok Jerserys are literally falling apart at the seams.



Read all about it here

************
Lots of sports today so here's a link in the opposite direction

************
I am out of town starting on thursday and hopefully by wednesday of next week I will have exciting Balloon Fiesta pictures. Oh yes, it's my year baby!


Happy monday...

B

UPDATE
Lord, its only been 10min and i already have two things to update you on (As Q notes, "Nobody has as much time to screw around at work like you do." Honestly, it is more of a public service then anything else...so really I am like a hero)

First....Gross and Funny and Mean

and Second...I think my head just exploded while reading this headline, "Woman gives birth to own grandchildren"

Achoo!

Have you ever sneezed with your mouth open? Not recommended.

Yes kiddos, birdy has a summer cold. It hit at really a horrible time. I am trying to cram tons of work, a vacation, a show, and some hockey games into two weeks and really cant afford to slack off. Ah well, you take the good, you take the bad, you take em both and there you have the facts of life right? Right.

*****
The Weakerthans show was last night and I am happy Q gently pushed me to go despite my whinning. It was a good show and I got to see my new favorite person ever. He looked like Napoleon Dynamite but with a rat tail (also curly!) and a puffy metalic Unicorn t-shirt. I shit you not. He was one of those cats that always pumps his hand in the air even if it's a ballad. Good times.

I wish I could write more but my head is filled with what feels like Jam. It is hard for me to concentrate so I will wish you a happy weekend.

Tweet tweet went the bird

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

Certainly I have used that title before, right?

Anyway, in hopes of becoming a richer man or at least a more intellectually challenged man (too late!), I accepted a job with an environmental company working in the cultural resouces division. Archaeology is a harsh mistress.



I am excited about the new job because it looks to be the nice mix of some field work but more research, writing, doc production, GIS, etc. I am tired of slogging around the west not eating so i can save per diem. I had decided a long while ago that it was the only true archaeology job I would take and so, when they offered me a job about a week ago I figured it would be stupid to say no. I hope it proves to be as friendly as it sounds.

The Many Loves Of Birdy P

It is late and again I cant sleep. So many random thoughts running through my mind.

Remember The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis? God, I loved that show when I was a kid. Still do although, it most likely doesnt hold up...like voltron sadly.



I think that most likely this blog wont be as good if you cant listen to my ipod while reading it. Right now I am listening to the song "Kaze Wo Atsumete" from the Lost in Translation soundtrack. In case you were wondering, I have no idea what the song is about and I dont think i want to know.

Cherish by The Association. This song makes me think of that long long drive on The Loneliest Road in America. I had a severely sprained ankle and had left my cd's in San Francisco. 13 hours with only intermittent AM radio and my ipod. Luckily someone in bumfuck nevada was playing Cherish. They dont write songs like that anymore.

Wolf Parade, Grounds for Divorce....I like em even if the lead singer has a bad voice.

Late Night Musings
I love the smell of sunscreen on skin. Mine, or anyone elses. There is something so, summer-y or active or another adjective, that makes me happy inside.

I cant stop thinking about Yuma, Arizona and okra at the crazy texas restaurant while i decided if I should blow off Tucson and drive to LA.

I am thinking about Carter Lake and the rock and Alaska.

I am thinking about Q and how great it felt today when he placed his hand on my head. The sun was shining and there was a great breeze but it was so cool and his hand so warm.

About how much I still like the Spin Doctors. I cant help myself. There are a couple bands I listened to in High School and no matter how lame or strange or stupid they are I just cant resist them. Crash Test Dummies anyone? Whenever I hear SDrs I think of PE class with Sab.

About Fairfax, VA and how, sadly, I hope I dont get sent there...ever

My grandmother and mother who lost someone close to them and how much it sucks to loose people close to you.

I finished a wonderful book tonight that you should read. The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets. I love it and hate it when you are enjoying a book so much that you dont want it to end. Really, very good stuff. And again I am looking for something else to read. Anyone have something to recommend?

Sorrow by David Bowie. Lord that is a good song. The happiest sad song ever.

*************

I think it may be time to rest. Perhaps typing this all out will wring it from my mind. One can only hope.

Sweetest of dreams to you...

Birdy

Curl Up and Dye

Guess what everybody?!

*What Bird?!*

The 2009 U.S. Olympic curling trials will be held in Denver!

*Really? Lets all go!!*

I totally agree!
Guess who we beat out?

*Who?*

Bismarck, Fairbanks, Milwaukee and Rochester

*Shut Up!*

I know, pretty stiff competition eh?

*Should I give you money for tickets now?*

No, we have some time.

*How Much?*

Let's see....7000 seat available and today is September 19th, 2007....so we have...17 months.

*Good Christ!*

That's what I thought.

UPDATE
It's Talk Like a Pirate Day!
Aaaaaayyyyy Matey

Avast and so forth.

UPDATE 2
I hope it didnt sound like I dont like curling, cuz I do. How can you not. It is so different that I am fascinated everytime it is on. Dont believe me? Read Here

Passing Time

I am browsing through fark.com and thought I would post some story tags that I thought were particularly clever. With links.


"Controversy erupts at women's World Cup as the Chinese team is accused of spying on other teams. Chinese team coach Chen-Ming Belichick angrily denies the accusations"

"Attendance at Marlins/Nationals game barely surpasses number of Spartans at Thermopylae"

"The 10 worst team names in sports. Surprisingly, the Butte Pirates are only No. 2"

"Put out a APB for a white male riding a bike, carrying a giant white teddy bear... oh wait, there he is"

"The federal government estimates it will cost $100 billion to deport all illegal immigrants. A bunch of Mexicans at the 7-11 around the corner say they'll do it for $500 cash"

"Hey Texas. SURPRISE -- I'm a hurricane. Love, Humberto"

And this; the best photo ever...

Hockey

Training Camp for the Avalanche starts tomorrow. I am in that general area so I am hoping to bail on work in the next coming months and go to an avs practice. I have heard that they are fun to attend, though they certainly cant be any more boring then a Broncos practice...

Here's a link to a slideshow of the new Uniforms. They could have been worse but I think I am going to have to agree with the Uniwatch on this one.

No matter I am excited for hockey season!

Happy thursday

B

The Weakerthans

My most favorite band from Canada is coming to town on the 27th of September.

Here is a link to mp3's and videos of them. I highly recommend Plea From A Cat Named Virtue and the video of the Psalm for the Elks Lodge Last Call. They are playing at the Marquis Theater across from my favorite bar (and home of the lying insane bartender) Scruffy Murphys.

You know you want to buy a ticket and then have a beer...

Oh No You Din't

Ocho Cinco just left a message, insulting me and saying I didnt have a job.

 

I believe i have a new nemesis...

Things I Dont Understand

Whooo...hectic!

Happiest of birthdays to Munpe Q last weekend.

I know that He Who Shall Be Unnamed is having a birthday soon as well but I cant remember the specific date (it has been 5 years) and he hasnt told me yet so...there you go.

The AIDS Walk went off with very few hitches on my part and I will have a blog about it soon.

Now...for an installment of Things I Dont Understand

Number 1
People who are so uncomfortable in their own skin that they have to talk on the phone, actually jumping from conversation to conversation, rather then just sit and read or listen to music, or not think. Who the hell can you call at such an early hour I wonder?

Number 2
People who smoke dope at 7:30am. I mean, i cant even begin to understand that. Just the idea makes me cringe.


Alrighty..

Hope the week is going great for everyone!

B

We're* All Gonna Die!

*Redheads, Gingers, Carrot Tops, Fire Crotches, etc.

Someone mentioned that they read an article about redheads going extinct in 100 years. I found an interesting article about it here.

Hmm...a dying breed. You know that in 75 years someone will come up with the crazy idea to round up the remaining redheads and force them to have babies and grow their hair long for wigs. Man, am I glad I wont be alive in 75 years. Oh wait...no I'm not!

Whouda Thunk It

Friday...pay day...raise day...last day before a three day weekend...

Oh, there goes my birdmobile.

Have you seen that commercial where the couple makes the last payment on their car and then their rearview mirror falls off? That was me on Friday. It seemed to be a glorious day, what with it being all of those things you read above, but instead of my mirror falling off, it was my headgaskets about to blow. Oh what joy.

It lead to a really crappy friday afternoon and a bummer of a weekend. Today doesnt really seem to be looking too hot either.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a safe holiday weekend filled with no labor and no DUI's.

B

PS. 802.1q...I am sorry.

Leave Me Alone

Please god, just let me be. I dont have answers for you...and if I do, I dont care to share them.

Jesus, who the fuck do you think I am?

Random

Two things...

1. My underwear was made in Israel.

2. I just got an email from "my old high school friend" Juan McGee. Ahh, Juan McGee, the scottish mexican living in Colorado. I suppose it isnt any stranger then the Russian Hispanic Jewish guy that Q works for. Hello there Unique...

A Recommendation

Observatory Mansions

You most likely know that I am obsessed with lists. I have scores of lists in most of my journals; they cover pages of half-filled notebooks purchased just so i could jot down words. Just words.

I like Sports Center's Top Ten, McSweeney's Lists...I even watched one of those VH1's top 100 songs of the 80's lists on tv yesterday (in all fairness, I spent all day in the harsh glow of the idiot box so i cant really be held responsible for what I was exposed to.)

The point is, Observatory Mansions is right in my wheelhouse. It is very
quixotic and beautiful, strange and creepy. I am on my second pass and really had to recommend it.

Hope your monday is just swell...

B

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now give me a goddamn beer.

OMG

I just sent an email hoping to get a Zamboni Driver job.



yay!

I am a supreme long shot but I also love rejection so either way it is a win-win.

Why Archaeology Sucks

"Field conditions will be harsh due to the high daytime temperatures which will range from 100 to 110 degrees. The work schedule will be 8 ten-hour days of fieldwork with six days off within a two-week pay period."

Pay for this project? $10.00 to 14.00 Commensurate with Experience.

Um...can anyone say Norma Rae?




UPDATE
On the other hand, my two degrees did allow me to breeze through this Archaeology Quiz on msn.com

Michael Vick

This morning all the radio sports guys are talking about Michael Vick working a plea in the dogfighting fiasco. On our local station, 950 the Fan, someone asked why people were so upset about Vick when Leonard Little was still playing in the NFL. Little was blottoed and crashed into another car killing the driver. He served his time and six years later was pulled over again for a DUI. The Fan listener, while not condoning Vick's behavior, was muffed that people were more upset about a dog than a human.

Moser and Clough, the talking heads in the morning, were trying to urge the listener to take these as two separate incidents. However, i think the factor that makes these different is the intent. Since pleading quilty Michael Vick has said, through his attorneys, that he has made mistakes. That isnt really true. Leonard Little made a mistake. He was stupid and arrogant for driving drunk but he didnt intend to kill anyone. Michael Vick didnt make a mistake. He knew exactly what he was doing...training dogs to fight. He knew exactly what the outcome was for dogs that didnt do well...hanging, beating, electrocution--simply put, death.

The intent behind having a beer and thinking, "it wont happen to me" is worlds away from the intent behind Michael Vicks actions. I for one hope that Vick is done with the NFL forever. The guy is obviously a complete douche...that being said, he would fit right in at Oakland....Zing~




UPDATE:
This is the stupidest thing I have heard in awhile, "White also said he didn't understand the uproar over dogfighting, when hunting deer and other animals is perfectly acceptable." If you cant see the difference between the two then you need a solid swap upside the head. The Vick issue isnt about race. In fact, if he had been a white guy he would have been branded a backwoods redneck. Black or white, what Vick did was a wrong and cruel.

Sunday TV Wisdom

"Love is the secret map to your treasure called wisdom"

"Blood Diamonds"

Happy Birthday

The Compact Disc was first mass produced 25 years ago in Germany. Those crazy Germans, no one will ever replace all their cassette tapes!



I am sure that the first cd i ever purchased was from that BMG music club. I was so totally into that. Signing up under multiple names just to get the initial 12 discs for the price of one deal. I was buying classical cd's at the time because that is how lame of a teenager i was. I remember buying elvis costello and a grateful dead collection as well as a beatles best of. I kind of wish I was more forward thinking so that I would have maybe jotted it down in a diary or something. Sadly, most of my middle/highschool stuff was chucked when my pops up and moved the summer i was riding around on the bus. I am sure if I had noted my first ever cd purchase it would have been thrown away with the rest of my childhood memories. Ah well, that is a story for a different day.


Happy Friday everyone!

B

Sad

Max Roach is dead.

Bummer indeed.

Roach played with every solid jazz player out there.

Listen to Birth Of The Cool in memory.

The Madness

Sklimps turned me onto the insanity that is Jonathan Lee Riches, a South Carolina prisoner bringing various lawsuits agains Michael Vick among others (Three Mile Island, Tony Danza, Islamic Republic of Iran, University of Miami, GEICO Insurance, Jewish State of Israel, Soledad O'Brien, Tsunami victims, The American Red Cross, Jessica Alba, Charles Moose, al-Qaida Islamic Arm,Fruit of A-Loom [sic], Outback Steakhouse, Donald J. Trump, Chris Berman.)

There is another lawsuit, asking for $211,429,399,000,000.00 backed by gold and silver and delivered by UPS to the prison, that claims that Larry King, "is a voodoo witch doctor who stole my identity on Feb 25th 2003 and purchased lead paint, chip ahoy, Planters peanuts and zip lock bags under my identity. Distributed them to the CIA to microwave test my DNA"

Wow...

What can you say to that eh?

Why Are You So Fowl This Morning...

I am always fowl, thank you for asking. It is my very nature...

Seriously though, somebody has a case of the monday's. Does it mean something that I am grouchy and angry at the beginning of every single week? I believe it does.

I have to learn to get out of this funk. I had a nice weekend; I forced Q to watch Clue which I know he was grateful for. I had some beers so, you cant go wrong there. I tried to pester my brother which is always a good time. I had some free iced-tea and listened to some horrible music. I met a fellow shovel bum who found a way out and seemed interested in helping me out too...really what do I have to complain about?

I am being a whinny bitch and i really must get over it.

Blast From the Past

A big hello and how's your mother to my old college chum! I have yet to come up with a witty nickname for you so for now you shall be He Who Is Unnamed, yeah...all bold and stuff too.

Alumni

I am so proud to be an alumni of UNC.

And I hear it stills smells like cow shit and burning blood!

Yay Greeley!

Launch Day

The shuttle Endeavour launches today at 6:36 p.m. EDT.

If you are interested in watching the launch you can do so on "NASA TV"

I also suggest the Launch Blog. It provides all kinds of information about what is going on before the actual launch. For example, right now the STS-118 crew members are having the technicians help them climb into their orange launch-and-entry suits---So there you go.

Yay Space!


UPDATE:
1:02 NASA hauls the astronauts from the staging area to the launch pad in an Airstream trailer. Science!

1:24 The astronauts are getting strapped in. None of them look drunk to me.

1:37 Barbara Morgan is on this flight. She was the back up teacher slated for the Challenger flight. After NASA stopped the Teachers in Space program she went back to teaching. In 1998 she joined NASA and began training to be a bonafide astronuat.

1:47 So they just have to sit there inverted for the next ~3 hours. What do they do if they have to pee? Seriously, i wonder about that...

3:00 The door wont shut. Im no rocket scientist but I think that it doesnt work unless the door shuts.

3:30 Must have gotten some WD-40 out because the hatch is shut now...

4:12 Just in the middle of the T-9 minute hold which lasts for 45min. Can anyone explain that kind of logic to me? Check out this crazy shite though, "Today's launch window opens at 6:32:52 p.m. and closes at 6:43:46 p.m., and the preferred launch time comes in the middle of the window at 6:36:42 p.m." Can you believe how short that window is? Goddamn I say goddamn!

4:26 10min and counting.

4:33 The tower is pulling away from the shuttle...3min 30sec

4:35 The oxygen vent is pulling away...the little cap that I thought always held up the shuttle, to keep it from tipping over. Turns out I was wrong.

4:35 1min 30sec to go, my clock is off

4:36 holy crap!

4:37 One minute in and the shuttle is going 2000 miles an hour.

4:40 At 2.25 the shuttle is 40 miles high and traveling 3400 mph

4:41 The shuttles three main engines uses 1/2 ton of fuel per second. Lord...

4:41 They've hit the point of negative return where they are too high and too far to return to Kennedy. 60 miles high and traveling at 5000 mph

4:43 The shuttle flipped over...dont worry it was supposed to.

4:45 The shuttle is traveling 15,000 miles per hour with main engine cut off and external tank separation at 4:46

Stuff From the Book

I am reading Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence and came upon this line that I liked...

"I believe in having a good heart, a chirpy penis, a lively intelligence, and the courage to say 'shit!' in front of a lady"

A chirpy penis? I hope that doesnt indicate some kind of VD....

The Asterisk

How disgusting is Barry Bonds.

Saturday Night Bonds Tied Aaron's record with blast number 755. Sadly, no one listened to me when i suggested that every team just walk the mother fucker every time he is at bat. I am just sickened by Bonds, the stupid fans who support him and Selig for letting it get to this point. Now ESPN is reporting that Selig himself wont even make it to the next 3 giants games. You know that if it wasnt a juiced up player breaking the record Selig would be there. Of course he would. Selig didnt even celebrate when Bonds hit the tying homer.

It just makes me sick because the home run record should be unbeatable. 755 home runs is just tremendous and players should be fighting it out for second and be happy with that...(see Mark Messier who was thrilled with 1,855 points in 1,756 games second behind Gretzky's 2,856 points in 1,485 games.)

But no...instead we have to sit and watch an ungrateful, lying, cheating douchebag break the record and debate as to what the league should do about it. And for what? His legacy? Bonds has to know how people feel about him. How players feel. It is just gross to watch.

So, i guess I will say it again...walk the mother fucker.

If you would like to watch the game, see the horror live, you can catch the giants and the nationals tonight on espn2 at 10pm ET.

UPDATE
The Sports Guy agrees with me so I must be right, eh?

Q: If Bonds had hit No. 756 on the road, would the mood have been similar to when Chong Li killed that guy in the Kumite in "Bloodsport"?
--Matt G, Boston

SG: Right down to the swollen body and the oversized head. Look, I know it makes me a racist that I didn't want an ornery African-American baseball player who I believe cheated over the past nine years to break a record held by a dignified African-American baseball hero who didn't cheat, but still …. I thought it was appalling that (A) people weren't more appalled, and (B) a team going ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE like the Nationals didn't intentionally walk him every at-bat for three games just to make a point for the rest of the country. Nobody took a stand against Bonds this season -- not Bud Selig, not MLB, not the TV networks, not the opposing players or managers, nobody. Not one person stepped up. Everyone was secretly excited to see it happen. And by the way, I include myself because I probably watched 95 percent of Bonds' at-bats live the past three weeks. Now I feel dirty.

Good Music

I have been listening to the new Kings of Leon album, Because of the Times.

It is really quite good. So far my favorite song is Fans which you can listen to a snippet of here, and a YouTube live version here.

Hope you enjoy and have a super great friday.

Blech

I hate not being able to sleep...



Does anyone have some surefire ways to fall asleep? Dont give me the bottle of booze...I've done enough of that kind of sleeping. Also, i refuse to drink warm milk. Hell, these days I barely drink it at all.

Hmm...i sound like a picky patient eh?

Please help and i will mail you a special gift...

Bird P.I.

NOTE: As I am writing this the Magnum PI theme song is running through my head. No lie.

So, I wish that I could be some kind of detective so that someday I could break a case wide open at a dinner party and eventually shout, "The proof is in the pudding!" while I point at the pudding. And it turns out there is a bloody knife or something in the pudding which leads to one of the guests doing a spit take because they just ate a spoonful of the pudding. That last bit can only happen if it is a humorous detective show.

Oh. My. God.

I have been sitting on four stories that I wanted to talk about and i think today is the day I finally get to them, Lucky You.

#1 Critics say 'Oh no' to Halo
It seems that the Mount Prospect Public Library in IL hosted a Halo tournament for kids and some parents/patrons were upset because of Halo's mature rating. What i thought was interesting was that the library hosted it at all. Having worked in a public library within the last year, I am well aware of how many people come to the library to do everything BUT pick up some books. Having sex in the stacks (near the TCP/IP books actually), getting high in the bathroom, printing out photos of half naked women, all fine and good but reading? You are out of your mind! 95% of the kids are checking their myspace accounts, emailing their friends sitting right next to them or trying to download Halo and play. Librarians think, if we get the kids in the building then maybe they will read which is why DPL has the newest DVD's and tons of trashy magazines. I assume this is why the Mount Prospect library hosted the tournament in the first place...but I hate to break it to them, it doesnt work.

#2 Pope Benedict admits evidence for evolution
So, I totally support the Pope on this. Can you believe that me of all foul is saying that. But this is what I am talkin about people! Why cant we have it both ways? Why do people think that science is trying to kill god? Why cant the two go hand in hand. I disagree with the articles' author when he says, "His comments appear to be an endorsement of the doctrine of intelligent design." ID is a crock of shit and is just a clever way to say evolution doesnt exist. Dont be fooled by it folks. I feel like the pope was saying, maybe god put all this science into motion, the big bang, evolution etc. I have very intelligent, hard science pals who think this is what happened. I have no issues with people who feel that way...but to just ignore the obvious kills me.

#3 Cairo toe earliest fake body bit
Neato, a fake toe! It comes with a photo too!



The toe dates from between 1069 and 664BC. That is one old toe, eh? They are going to test the functionality of it by testing it on people now who have lost their right toe. Solid...

#4 In Pictures: The Strangest Sights in Google Earth
This article has been floating around a bit but I pulled it off of Fark.com How cool those google guys are right? If you havent played around with google earth you should. Q has a neato story about it...and perhaps he will share it with you. Anyway, just a neato set of photos that just goes to show ya, you never know who's watching.

Hope your monday is just peachy.

~B

Quote of the Day

"I'm Surrounded By Fucking Idiots"
~~~~As seen on a bumpersticker I use for a book mark
because I cant decide where to put it yet.

The Pit

Each year I volunteer at the Colorado Aids Walk as some sort of route monitor or crowd control. You know how rowdy those do-gooders can be.

This year, Q and I thought it would be fun to organize a team, and we did just that. We are hoping to get 25 plus people to join and walk and raise $1000 bucks.

I wanted to invite all you blog readers to join The Pit!



Here is the link to the team page where you can donate or sign up.

It would be wonderful to raise a boatload of money for a good cause. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have and pass this on to whomever would be interested.

Thanks so Much!!

~B

Ink

Solid

Moon Walk

So sad...not a post about Michael Jackson at all...




Rather...this moon walk




This is the 38th aniversary of Apollo 11's moon walk

Check out the story and video here

Slighted

Um, Are you serious? I was left off the "Geniuses Who Will Change Your Life" list on cnn.com

What the hell?

Still though, this is a great article that will make you feel dumb and mostly useless...

~B

IAT Tests

I am currently reading Blink by Malcolm Gladwell. I highly recommend it and am only 96 pages in.



In it, he talks about IAT, or Implicit Association Tests. Here is a link to Harvard IAT tests. I took the race, weight, and presidential tests. Turns out my subconscious doesnt hate the prez as much as it may appear. Also, i dont like fat people* or black people*.

Wow, your mind gets blown every day eh?

Astounding...
B

*This is completely untrue but you need to take the test and/or read Gladwell's book to find out why. Honestly, know that I have no ill will in writing that...

Reasons That I Hate

Some people wonder why I am so filled with hate. Sometimes i have a hard time coming up with a reason myself...

...And then I read that "the parents of a 16-year-old girl who recently married a 40-year-old former high school coach have filed a lawsuit against the Brunswick County Board of Education, saying school officials failed to protect their daughter."

I read this story when it first broke on CNN. Mostly thinking, "gross-I could never have married any of my high school teachers." At the time it was reported that the school district investigated and couldnt find any proof of a romantic relationship even though the girl and the teacher were calling each other etc. Now, I agree with the parents that maybe the school district didnt do quite enough (as for suing? I dont know...i think we sue enough if in this country) However...the interesting bit comes at the end of the article...

"The Hagers have said they reluctantly signed a consent form allowing their daughter to marry her coach."

Um....what? You are mad because the school district didnt do enough but you are okay with your daughter most likely marrying a child molester? You think that it is wrong for a girl to mess around with her coach-unless they are married? You think your 16 year old daughter is honestly mature enough to decide that she is in love with her fat balding middle aged track coach? (I dont know that he is fat and balding but most of my high school coaches were so I am just assuming...)

Fuck, I got married at 23 and wasnt mature enough...

Do you think they want the $20,000 they are seeking for their daughter or for really great NASCAR tickets?

Hey Dennis and Betty Hager of Oak Island, NC....you make me sick.

~Tweet tweet~
B


PS i updated my other stink blog fyi

One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other

Remember that game on Sesame Street where they would have 4 squares with objects or people and all but one would be related somehow? Good, lets play a round why dont we...














One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

***
If you guessed that guy dressed like a pirate you would be correct. The Colorado Ren Fest website states that it is like a "rollicking 16th Century festival day" so what the hell is a 18th century pirate from that goddamn movie doing here? Seriously you leather mugs; just because you like to dress up and now pirates are "cool" you think, I can wear this get-up anywhere! Well, you cant so knock it off because it is driving me crazy.



On another note~ here is a wonderful little item from McSweeneys

Feelings.
When women ask you to share your feelings, I found out that they really just want to hear about love. They don't give a damn if you're feeling "patriotic and hungry."
By Dan Liebert


Happy Monday
~B

'O America

Today is America's 231st birthday. You're over the hill America. Time to invest in some adult diapers perhaps.

Some people, joking and not, have suggested that I dont really like America but that is not true. Just to prove it here's a little blog about all the wonderful things America is and has to offer.

The Declaration of Independence

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness."

Have you ever read this thing? Simply amazing that people can think and write like that.

Grand Canyon and the like

America is huge and because of that we have 1.2 crap loads of beautiful places to visit.

Fireworks

Sure, no one in america invented them but seriously, do you know a country that feels it has the right to shoot off these things in the middle of a super dry summer, in violation of all kinds of laws? As if the second amendment has a fireworks provision as well. "Sir you can have this Roman Candle when you pry it from my cold dead hands!"




Voting

It is easy to Vote in this country. So easy i get annoyed at people who choose not to. It is one chance every couple of years to tell those in charge what you think. Even if you vote for a loser or a law that doesnt pass, you stood up for something and that is to be commended.


Etc Etc Etc

So here's to you America....thanks for the ability to go to school, the idea that we can grow up and be whomever we choose to be, and for this...



...yikes




~B

P.S. spangled

'O Canada

Happy Canada Day to our brethren up north.

To celebrate I thought it would be nice to discuss all things Canadian; excited? I thought you would be.

Lets start with the national anthem.

O Canada is one of the best national anthems ever. The link above will take you to an mp3 as well as the lyrics where you will find that the line is not, "We stand on god for thee" but in fact, the more sensible "We stand on guard for thee." Sensible Canadians. This could be unpatriotic but I like their theme song better then our theme song. It isnt that I hate America but we have too much going on in the Star Spangled Banner...and seriously, who uses the word spangled anymore? I promise to fit it in as many times as I can for the America Appreciation this coming Wednesday...

Now...because i am lazy, lets move right along to hockey, Canada's national pastime.

Free Agency opened yesterday and already there have been some big moves. Most notable, the Rangers are going to be good next year. They managed to lure Drury away from Buffalo and Gomez (who I find particularly vexing) from the Devils. The Red Wings lost Mathieu Schneider to the defending champ Ducks. It surprises me that Detroit didnt try and lock up a guy like that. He is getting older (17 or so years in the league) but his numbers still look good. Kariya proved that he doesnt really care about winning a cup by signing a deal with the St. Louis Blues. However, most importantly for Av fans is the signing of Ryan Smyth from the Islanders and Scott Hannan of the Sharks. Smyth is a gritty left winger who plays with some toughness in front of the net. He's a leader and since we signed him to a five year deal I would imagine that he will play that role when Joe Sakic retires after this coming season. Next June you will remember this blog... Hannan is a stay at home defensemen who doesnt score alot but plays tough. At 28, he is a young Adam Foote, someone we have sorely missed.

To follow the rest of the off-season moves check the ESPN Free Agent Tracker.

And now...because of the sandy vag here is a photo...





I'm Out