F*#^$(*&@# Snow

I like white xmas's but this is just stupid.

The last blizzard we had was kinda fun...this one stinks. I live in Centennial, what are the chances of them plowing any road near my house? If you guessed slim to none then you get to help me shovel the driveway! Congrats. Oh, and in case you were wondering, I officially detest the stupid juniper bushes near the front walk. Hate hate hate!

Sigh...i suppose it is a good thing I went to the grocery store before the snow really socked me in. Thanks for that idea Q.

I hope everyone is safe and warm.

B

Also...

Have i mentioned how cool this website is? What is that? Why yes, it is a place that I post my own stuff on. You know what is even cooler? You can post too. All ya gotta do is register and you shall be granted access...ahh...see, I knew you wanted to write stuff. I just felt like you all were thinking, "Bird, how how can i post neato little things that I want to say without having to create and maintain a super fantastical blog like yours?" Well, I am your Blog Jesus...

wait...

the point is...I like you. I like your crap and I want you to share your crap with me...

wait...

see, i just like to read your stuff. that is all I am tryin to say.

So post somethin because i asked you to and because you love me....you really really love me!

Catbird

****I have been trying to think of the other word that I had never heard but once i did, couldnt get away from...reconnoiter. Thank you 9/11 commission report!*****

Howdy Folks...

As you may have noticed I updated my photo. This one is more recent and I think that I look pretty good, but I am biased i suppose.

Stumbling across this picture made me think of the time I first heard the phrase "Catbird Seat." My friend said something like, "Oh you're in the catbird seat!" I honestly thought he was out of his mind. We had a nice long argument about whether it was a real phrase. Of course, as is usually the case, i was proven wrong and stubborn and as the heavens would have it, after the argument, i saw the phrase everywhere. Honestly, i must have read it 15 times in the next couple of weeks. What the hell is that about I wonder?

Anyway...what else can i share? Oh this...

I had an interview at this building today. Haha...good times. This video was taken last summer but sakes alive it is good stuff. Just so you dont think I am a complete jerk, no one was hurt...


Happy monday night/tuesday morning to you good people...

Blarg

This is easily the worst night I have had in 5 days at the help line. The night has moved so slow...like molasses on a cold day. I read a paragraph and notice that less than a minute has passed. Ugh. In addition, i was super sleepy today. Right at 3am i hit the wall. Just miserable.

But, all in all, it wasnt as bad as I was thinking it would be. Of course, i miss sleeping in the nice big bed with the mister, but at least I am alone here and can zoom through books and blog non-stop. Not that we are hoping this job lasts!

Speaking of books let me please recomend one I just finished tonight; Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman by Haruki Murakami I love all things Murakami but have never read his short stories. They are really very wonderful, especially "Firefly", "Chance Traveler", and "The Kidney-Shaped Stone".

The other fun bit of Bird-Fact is that I graduated from college 6 years ago today. Ahh, how bright-eyed and excited i was. Little did i know that in such a short period of time I would forsake my college career and focus on something much more important like finding that Sports Guy Article where he makes fun of Mike Shanahan.

Alright kiddos, have a wonderful weekend!

B

Stuff in the Drawer

Hey- so i switched to this new version of Blogger.com Please let me know how it is or if strange stuff comes up eh? Thanks...

*************************

I decided to spend some time looking through the desk I share here at the temp job. Looking through people's stuff is a good way to get to know someone, I figure. Sadly, my morning counterpart (Ping Wang) doesnt use the drawers so the items are from the guy who used to have my job. So...here is a list of the stuff in the drawer.

1 Butterfly ping pong paddle (in case)
1 orange Sportcraft ping pong ball
1 July 06 Xbox Magazine
1 1oz tube of Kroger Triple Antibiotic Ointment Plus Pain Relief
1 Pepsismash.com soda lid, Code: B4CXM JKMNC
1 pink nail file set, top missing and only 1 file remaining
1 Nintendo DS Metroid Prime Pinball Case with Mario Golf and New Super Mario Bros.
games inside.
1 bottle of Kroger E Blend Vitamin Dietary Suppliment, softgels stuck together into one huge lump
1 loose Nintendo DS Rumble Pak
1 loose Nintendo DS Nintendo Dogs
2 0.10oz Super Glue bottles
1 orange Hooters lanyard
1 business card for one Audrey V Cutting Specialist/Colorist/Eyebrows
1 half opened, half empty 2oz container of FX Special Effects Molding Wax
Pliable Hair Wax/Flexible hold.
1 Hoyle Playing Card, Joker
1 Conoco Gas Receipt, $21.44
1 7-11 receipt, Items Purchased: 2 20oz SoBe Green Tea @$3.58, 1 Hot Pocket Pepperoni Pizza Flavor @$3.19, 1 Stouffers Lasagna With Meat @$3.39
1 Social Secruity Card stub
1 letter from Pitney Bowes Credit Corporation

From these items i can only assume that the person before me was an unsufferable bore. He had spikey hair and bad breath. He annoyed people with video game talk, card tricks and stories about how the Lateral Crossover is the most difficult footwork technique to practice and incorporate into a ping pong game. He has most likely been a victim of "identity theft" in the last year. He has some kind of open sores and possibly a bad prostate. I would fathom that he is a guy that gets a lot of first dates and then never hears from the women again. One could go so far as to suggest that he has unopened action figures displayed on the shelves of his apartment.

I am sure he is a very nice guy though...


B

Type Type Type...Ring Ring Ring

My face is feeling better thanks. Today was almost the second worst day of my life but I was able to see the sun behind the clouds...in case you were wondering.


Today was my very last day at the library and my very first day in my new temp job. I work the 10pm-6am shift at a IT help line. Yikes....it is better then it sounds my pretties. I am all alone so that lets me think and plan and scheme and also read and blog and listen to music. Also, the work is crazy easy so that is kinda nice too. I am still hunting for other jobs of couse, one of my references says that she has received two inquiries. so that is good. Plus, who knows...i may just up and move.

While waiting for people to call i was assigned some data entry stuff. Ouch my hands hurt. Anyway, i was cutting and pasting some college information into this database and thought i would take note of strange schools. Here is a list. Enjoy!

Crum's Beauty College in Kansas
Xenon International School of Hair Design in Missouri, Kansas, and Colorado
Community College of Micronesia in/on Ponape Island
Central Minnesota Divers in Waite Park Minnesota
Acme Beauty College in Billings Montana
Franklin College of Switzerland in New York
The College of Insurance in New York
Enid School of Beauty in Enid Oklahoma (that is for my pal LLK)
Center for Degree Studies in Scranton PA
Yankton College in Yankton South Dakota
International Bus College in Lubbock Texas
Institute of Paper Chemistry in Appleton Wisconsin
Mount Scenario College in Ladysmith Wisconsin


I think my favorite is the International Bus College. Also The Center for Degree Studies, how vague eh?

Have a great weekend everyone!

B

Ouch...

It struck me today while sitting in the dentist chair;



this is easily the worst day of my life. From midnight to midnight, just miserable.

Going...going...gone

So, I walked out on my job last thursday. Yep...something i have never done before. I went into work in the morning and nearly had a panic attack. I was just so unhappy. I felt like there was no way out. Something had to be done...

So, i sat on it for a couple of hours and told my boss when i got back from lunch. I actually just quit and set it up so I can use my vacation and sick hours. My final day is December 8th. As of yet, i have no other job.

The real hunt begins tomorrow. What kills me is, i felt so strapped in. There didnt seem to be any way for me to get out of my job, until now. Now i see how i can get some part time jobs or seasonal and look for something else. Or maybe I will stumble upon something great right off the bat.

I guess the point is, i learned that things seem much worse when you are in the midst of it. And that everyone has a breaking point, when the little switch is flipped and we move into action mode.

I feel pretty happy about it all now. I feel like I can do anything I want to now. Not bound by hours and schedule and resumes.


I will write more now that I am at home and searching for a job. Shall keep you all updated on the hunt.

tweet tweet went the bird.

This evening...

...has been such a pain in the ass that I am slacking off for a few minutes so that I can blog.

Q and I went to our first city council meeting monday. I have plans for a run in 2008 but with my silly attitude during the whole thing ("Why does Goldie get all the weiners?" asks Q) i have a feeling that my initial bid is going to fail...

I am reading an excellent series called The Pirates! The book I am currently reading is called The Pirates! : In an Adventure With Scientists. Gideon Defoe is the author and I highly recommend it.

I think it is neat when someone says the absolute perfect thing even though they maybe werent trying to.


okay...enough slacking

Happy turkey day to you all...

B

Results...

So, i am kinda happy and more then a little disappointed in the state of Colorado.

I like Bill Ritter. He is a moderate Democrate who seems like a genuine person. Of course, what the hell do i know but I am encouraged by him being around.

However, the US House - District 6 race went to Tancredo who is just a nutjob. That's right Zimmerman, you heard me!

In addition, the ballot issue defining marriage passed. This one bothers me and I think it should bother everyone. I mean, whether or not you believe in gay marriage, why would you want to put a passage in the constitution that would actually limit someone's rights? It just seems wrong. Also, Ref. I that would recognize domestic partnerships didnt pass either. It just feels mean...wow, that is some sound analysis eh?

Both of the ridiculous immigration issues passed even though they are a complete waste of time since one is voluntary (Hey, raise your hand if you are employing illegal immigrants so we can fine you...chirp chirp...no one? Great! Thanks for your help) and the other is just a stupid referendum that both parties can point to and say, "Look, see...I am working to stop illegal immigration." Lame...

Minimum wage passed and that is a good thing and I am also glad that term limits for judges was shot down as well. The legalization of 1oz or less of pot lost but i dont think anyone really thought that was going to make it.

While Dems now control the US House and Senate, in colorado, marilyn musgrave is still around.

I dont know...like I said, i am happy and disappointed all in one.

At least I didnt have to wait in line for 7hours like some folks in near by douglas county.

sleepy...

B

Voting "... the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country." Ambrose Bierce

As promised...

6:45am So Sleepy...Q and I leave to go stand in line at the school...

6:56am Q mocks me...

7:01am Q and I arrive and get in line. I cant see the end which I can only assume is a bad thing. See, I am supposed to be at this fancy training class in one hour. After the class Q and I have a hockey game so...

7:05am Dumbass suit guy is trying to drop off his absentee ballot here. Q lectures me on being positive and nice. Q thinks what I am doing (taking notes) is illegal. "I think quoting me is illegal by the way..." Hmm...i suppose we shall see.

7:10am Q admits that he ditches most of the morning on election day. That's America Baby! "I never said I ditched, I simply recommended a solution to other slackers," he writes in very nice penmanship.

7:13 Oh man, i am in the short line!

7:16am...and I'm done. That is record time! I only got hung up on one question. Recall deadlines....

7:20am Waiting for Q. Nothing makes you feel more patriotic on voting day then listening to some womans cell phone blare "Under the Sea" from The Little Mermaid.

7:26am Q screams, precinct 311 in the Hiz-Ouse!

7:30am I am off to work...


******

Not to exciting but what can you say, voting in america is easy compared to other countries. Hope yours went well too...

Tomorrow, Election Results!!

B

Voting Day

Oh i love voting! I like going behind the curtain and pushing the buttons and getting my sticker and all things civic minded in general. Once my voting place was at a fire station. That was cool because the alarm went off when i was there waiting in line. Plus, the firefighter guys were kinda helping out and everyone knew what was going on. Other then that, i have voted only at old folks homes. No offense to the elderly but, come on people! If you cant remember if you turned off the stove or what your children's names are then should you be allowed to determine if this is, in fact, my polling place and what happens when the machine shuts off when i am voting? I mean, do i get a do over or what?

Anyway, i am voting at an elementary school tomorrow. A first for me. With such a huge ballot this time here in Colorado, it should make for an interesting voting experience. At least, that is what I am banking on because I plan to run through my voting experience diary like (mostly as a homage to Sarah Vowell whom i have been reading a mess load of lately.).

Let me know how your voting experience was! I want stories people!

peas...
B

Pseudoephedrine

Has anyone been to the drugstore lately? I have....there was the trip to pick up various cold prevention items for my man Q and when that didnt work there was a trip to pick up various coffee and medication items. Now, seeing as Q has a bit of sinus pressure it seemed wise to take the time to go to the pharmacy counter and pick up the heavy duty stuff with pseudoephedrine, yes my friends, I am that good.

Anyway, months upon months ago i had my first, "What, this medication is located where?" when i tried to buy meds after 7:30pm (gasp!). Anyway, i choose my poison and walk up to the window only to see the nice pharmacy guy pull out a huge binder from behind the counter. As an aside I want to point out that he wasnt wearing a white lab coat thingy. This is an important aside because I always thought it was bs for these guys to be wearing lab coats around like they are actually back there creating the drug instead of just counting the number of pills and sliding them into a plastic cup. But, i digress...

So in this binder is the pseudoephedrine log sheet. Yeah, that's right. A tally of all the folks who have walked in and needed to buy something for the sniffles. I have to produce a picture id even ("Colorado I hope..." he says to me). So he takes my DL number, my name, what kind and how much medication I am purchasing. To this guys credit, he is very nice and even puts up with my snide, ohh I am gonna make so much meth, comments. I have to print and sign the sheet as well as provide an address. Well, you know I am going to make it up just like Q always gives a fake phone number to the cashier at the mall when you buy shoes. Problem is, phone numbers are relatively easy to fake, all you really have to avoid is 867-5309; addresses however, that's a different story. And so to avoid writing 123 Pine Street, Your Town, CO 80210, I write the first one that comes into my head...1000 Chopper Cir. Denver, CO 80204. Oopsy.

Well, anyway, it worked out because i got a nice latte after ward which, even later i spilled on my shirt so now i smell like autumn in Connecticut. I think I had a point here...but maybe not.

Random Thoughts on this, most special, Halloweeny...

Nothing will spoil your halloween like having to work until 8pm. 

 

It smells like chicken in here.

 

 

 

 

****
~I know this is going to surprise you but...there isnt a whole lot going on at the library at 7:24pm on Halloween night.

~I just proposed making up a haunted library ghost story and one of my shelvers looks at me and says...."noooooo!!!" Like there is something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me?

~Headlines from the website...
"Twin Gorillas Celebrate Their Birthday in Atlanta"

"Truck spills 2 tons of pig heads on road"

~German jokes are long and funny and strange

~Momma's boys stink...that's right you heard me...

~i am eating the cutest piece of candy ever!!

~I am in some kind of rift where time is actually moving backward. If you can read this, you should come to the library and get me.

~lord, there isnt anything to even talk about, that is how little is going on.


okay fine. i will leave...i hope you and yours have a happy happy halloween!

peace...

B

FARC!

No no...not the Armed Forces of Colombia.

Thats a big farc for my job search. But lets not dwell on that eh? Instead lets dwell on stuff like...

how cool are humans man? I mean...someone figured out how to get a hunk a junk like that into fucking space! SPACE!!!

Also...

the beatles....music. I mean really, how genius were the beatles.

And...

Hockey! Thanks Canada!

Of Course...


Lets see...what else can make us forget about the soul sucking task of looking for a job...oh i know...



K is going to see ovenchicken tonight.
His nickname not mine but pretty clever really, so clever you would think that I had said it...













Others are going to see the Detroit Cobras



Others still will be looking for jobs and to you all i wish good good luck and can only suggest...




word...tweeted the bird

Balloon Fiesta

So, I missed the balloon fiesta again! Sadly, two weeks out of work prevented me from going. Bummer....someday I will get there.

Anyway, here are two photos from the Balloon Fiesta Website:








Sigh...next year


B

"I wish to Christ that all of a sudden winter would come" Bill Koontz

A random quote that I came upon today...how fitting.

So, work for me today was wonderful. I dont know if it was the first snow or the fact that i got a strange compliment or the coffee that I had this morning.

Even though work was good i am more excited about going home-watching some voltron and drinking some tea....however, getting home may be an adventure in itself.

Keep warm and drive safe

B

Testing Testing

I made some changes to the settings on the old blog-o-rama so I am just testing them out.

Briefly let me say a couple of things...

1. the city and county of denver was at one point planning an arts and cafts fair. It was my goal to lie to these people...telling them that I was part of the loverly Curios Candles folks. While yes, they are friends, i do nothing but buy from them (as an aside...buy from these ladies. They are the best candles ever because they actually make them by hand with care...making sure that they dont burn all stupid). Anyway, we go to this meeting and i swear i thought i would jab myself in the eyes half way through. Instead of just telling people how it was going to be the lady was like, "what do you think?" Which, honestly-dont ask people that because i am 99% sure what they think is stupid. And, true to form the quilters were like...can we set the date for August 2015 so I can make a bunch-a quilts? And the people who, I am sure, make those scary ass clown masks were like...can I get half a table and pay half-maybe get 1/3 of a table because you know-masks and stuff sell so well. It was horrible and lead to the people saying...ummm yeah we will get back to you about the craft fair. It will never happen and there is government for you. How can we run a goddamn city if we cant even run a craft fair?

2. After the last preseason game the local NBC station was asking Nick Ferguson if he was excited to get the season started. He said something to the equivalent of "It is time to put on the teflon jacket and get out there!" At the time I thought it was just him flubbing the word kevlar. I mean...teflon? that makes no sense; unless he was talking about nothing sticking to teflon so if you were making a tackle you would just slide right off. I told my Broncos loving brother about it and he pointed out the 50 Cent lyric..

"I'm on the teflon vest shit
that wild wild west shit
81 1 carat stones on my necklace."

So, maybe I am the jackass for not getting it straight....curiouser and curiouser

3. All my fantasy-sports dreams are coming true! No wait...i am sorry I have that wrong. In week four I was booted out of the Flatirons Survival League. My fantasy football team, the solid muldoons, started a quarterback with a bye this week, and hockey...well, it is too early to tell but I am nervous.

4. I should, at this point, either finish looking for jobs or go to bed!

best to you all

B

Go To College Young Man...

All your life you are taught that the goal is a four year degree at some sort of college or university. In school it is pushed into your brain...your grades your grades. You will never get into college with those grades. Then, your senior year you get together with all your other little college bound pals and start visiting campuses. You write letters and fill out forms and in some cases, audition, and finally you get a letter that says yes, yes we want you. So you go. You move. You spend at least one semester fucking off. Then it sinks in...oh lord the future. You will never get a good job without a good gpa!

I went to college. I have two degrees. I wrote an undergraduate thesis. I spent months away from friends working in the mountains so i could get a job in my field. I gave up vacations and sitting around on the front porch hanging out and drinking beer. I gave up cushy jobs at the music library, messing around with boys i had crushes on so I could tromp around the mountains looking for old shit.

I get a good gpa, i get good references, i get good scholarships while there. I make pals and have a good time.

I graduate and get a job in my field. I think I am lucky. I get greedy and want more. I want to be out in the mountains again. Looking for stuff not just mapping it in an office downtown. I leave and think, I am lucky again. I get what I want.

I spend months researching and writing about stuff I dont care about just so I can get to the good stuff. I travel to neighboring states, risking relationships and friends, do my work and finally get to the good stuff. Then, when I get there....it isnt so good. It is hard and it is miserable at times. I drink too much and risk more relationships. I look around and see that everyone who is here with me, they are all trapped and all feel the same way. These relationships we all form...they are all the same-all over the nation-a group of people trapped and unhappy and looked upon as modern day indiana jones'.

So i think, i need to get out. I knock my self down because all these skills get me no where. Like the last 10 years were a waste of my time. After a couple of months I feel lucky again. Thinking i found something i can do while i sort out the future. But that isnt the case at all. Three months I find out that this wont work either. That i am too bored. I am too skilled even though no other employer would think so. Am I better off then when I was drinking too much and unhappy? So i start again. Looking again.

A visitor gives me a momentary burst of energy, happiness. I think, yes yes I am lucky. The world is before me and i can choose from any of these things. But then, reality sets in and while i feel like I can choose these people, the people looking over my cv, see someone who is too qualified, who isnt qualified enough, who is asking too much money.

So here i sit...a decade after graduating thinking to myself...all those student loans, those nice memories...are they worth it? I am just as lost as that freshman in highschool, that sophmore in college who has to finally choose his major, that senior who just graduated and is thrust into the workforce.

The flowers and rainbows of "what do you want to do when you grow up? What is your dream job? Find what you like and go for it!" All that shit is gone.

I just want to work, be appreciated and treated with respect and not have to give up relationships, beers on fridays, vacations to geeky places that i like, and some fucking security.



go to college? maybe that's the key...grad school...


B

Nature Calls

So here i am, taking heavy meds-trying to get to sleep in relative comfort. Nothing is kicking in so I pick up the most recent book and start reading. Oh...inspiration. A passage so profound and beautiful that I have to get up and share. A bit long perhaps but worth it.

The Joy of Next

If you were asked to name the human brain's greatest achievement, you might think first of the impressive artifacts is has produced-the Great Pyramid of Giza, the International Space Station, or perhaps the Golden Gate Bridge. These are great achievements indeed, and our brains deserve their very ow ticker-tape parade for producing them. But they are not the greatest. A sophisticated machine could design and build any one of these things because designing and building require knowledge, logic and patience, of which sophisticated machines have plenty. In fact, there is really only one achievement so remarkable that even the most sophisticated machine cannot pretend to have accomplished it, and that achievement is conscious experience. Seeing the Great Pyramid or remembering the Golden Gate Bridge or imagining the Space Station are far more remarkable acts than is building any one of them. What's more, one of these remarkable acts is even more remarkable than the others. To see is to experience the world as it is, to remember is to experience the world as it was but to imagine-ah, to imagine is to experience the world as it isn't and has never been, but as it might be.

-----"Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert


I am only 55 pages in and i can already highly recommend.


Sweet dreams to you~ Bird

submitted from success has failed

Ouch!

I have been layed up for six days and counting. Ouch!!

This sucks...

but much thanks to Q and Beans for visiting and cheering me up.


soon i shall have blogs about stupid city and county of denver meetings with my pals slim and scooter (or did we change your nick-name to yo-i-fuck-you-up-you-and-your bas-ass etc etc); a special fantasy sports blog; and a "nick ferguson are you dumb or just refering to a 50 Cent lyric?"

Until then...here's to laying on your back and still not getting any!

Bird

Definition of Quick Wit...Conversation Style

Sunday Night...

Commercial Lady: "...um, I have genital herpes..."

Bird: "Man...how would you tell someone that."

Munpe Q: "Just like that I guess"

CL: doing yoga

Q: "Maybe if you kept your legs closed you wouldnt have herpes"

B: "Hey, you dont know how she got herpes, mister"

Q: "Really, you think she ran into a herpes patch with her pants off?"


Ah, my wonderful Q...

Aren't You Disgusted With the Youth of America?

Today, a new shelver at the library pointed out a copy of DNAngel.  What book is that?  Why, one of those Manga books of course.  You know...the ones where the cartoon girls take off their clothes to go bathe and then get in some kind of epic good vs evil battle.  The shelver had pointed out that many of the pages were cut out...so now I know that one of our customers is some perverted little anime jerk-offer who is too cheap to buy his own soft soft soft core smut.

 

Pass the hand sanitizer please...

Wow....

I love it when things that seem really hard end up being a little walk in the park.


Oh...more good news. I have a nifty little call sign from the FCC. It isnt as neat as I was hoping (in fact it can be made into a nasty little phrase that suggests I am stinky, as Q- my brother in HAM- has pointed out) but I love it none the less.


Seriously, these are the days that are so good that you know something is going to just come along and rock ya...(yes yes, like a hurricane--how apropos)

"Happy days to you and yours"
---tweeted the Bird

HAM it up

What is that? No, this isnt a blog about the wonderful magical animal called pig...this is a blog about my recent geekiness.

HAM radio!

See...since my job requires me to think less then i would like I thought it would be nice to strain my brain. "Hmm..." I thought to myself, "What kind of hobby requires studying and testing?" HAM radio of course!

So, i borrowed a book and set out to get a license. It really isnt that hard; all you need are a couple brain cells and 14 bucks. The test itself wasnt very difficult. The hardest part is waiting for my assigned call sign from the FCC.

My dream is to one day kick someone's ass and as I finish tell them, "That was licensed by the FCC." Does it seem like a bit too much to go through just for that? Perhaps...but like i said...my brain is dying here!

Step One

Breathe In.....


and out.



Breathe in.....


and out.



Now go to sleep.

Gato Update

So, my little meow always comes home. Once she was out for days...during a rainstorm, and she came home.

I dont think she is going to be coming back this time. I have checked all the animal shelters in the area; nothing. I have looked all around, nothing. She would never stay out this long...through all the rain and heat.

The gatito was the best. Did you know that she could sit and also lay down? Yes, that is right. She came to a whistle and had learned to wait until the sun came up before scratching on the window to let me know she wanted in.

She was alsmot ten years old and I will miss her.

My Gato

It has been 3.5 days since i last saw my little gatito.

 

Poor gatito why did you run away?

 

I hope someone picked you up, ignored your id tube and is petting you right now.

 

B

 

A Box for Jesus

Recently i attended a funeral. This one was a full catholic mass. As many of you know I am not a religious person, however, i have been to a mass or two. I think catholics get a bad rap sometimes. The whole Martin Luther thing...you know. Anyway, something I really dig about catholics is how they treat the Eucharist. For you lay people, that is the blood and body of christ.

See, catholics have a special little home for christ. In this particular church, Our Lady of Grace, it was a gold little building with the trademark red candle burning nearby letting you know that Christ is home and ready to party. I like the idea of christ having a nice little home. It may seem like too much glitz for some Lutherans but really, if communion is so important then why wouldnt you go all out for the bread and the wine?

I mean, as a kid I went to a baptist church, no-not southern baptist, and we treated the blood and body of christ like trash. I remember seeing the blood of christ in the fridge...just sitting there in the door all sticky and gross. There was extra bottles of christ's blood under the sink, right next to a stale-opened box of christ's body. Once, during a service i remember passing a little tin of jesus crackers to my friend who was sitting next to me. She went to grab it and hit the edge sending jesus flying. He was everywhere; although the experience did give me the opportunity to say, "Excuse me, you have a bit of jesus in your hair."

The point is, if you are going to call this stuff important, then at least treat it like that. Jeez christians...

hope you all are having a happy week

B

Blogaholics Anonymous

I think I need to open a Denver Chapter. As if I didnt slack off on this blog enough I now have a new one to rarely post to as well!

Solid...


Check it out at And this is the thing

Honestly, there isnt much there but just wait my pretties....just wait.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Okay, so my dream of opening a hockey bar is one step closer. I am now the proud owner of ThePokeCheck.com. Oh yes my friends. The dream is forming. If you are interested in investing in this million dollar idea drop me a line and I can tell you all about my plans. All i am going to say right now is....Bubble Hockey!

Q was making sure that the poke check hadnt been taken and he was given a mess of suggested domains just in case poke check wasnt available. They made me almost wet my pants so i thought i would list some here, for your amusement.

Enjoy...

THEJABCHECK.COM
THENUDGECHECK.COM
THEPOKEFRISK.COM
THEDIGCHECK.COM
THEPOKEEXAMINE.COM
ANUDGECHECK.COM
APOKEASCERTAIN.COM
AJABCHECK.COM

and my favorite
THENUDGEFRISK.COM


Tweet!
B

My Collection

Pt1
I am sure that if you are one of the tens of people who read this every month that you are a friend of mine. A shout out (why yes, I am a cracker!) to those people I dont know who are checking out the blog.

Anyway, if you are my friend then I am sure that I have either told you (or maybe you told me) about Found Magazine. Perhaps, if you are ultra-lucky I have dragged you to a found event. If you have missed out on my found lectures please check out the Found Website www.foundmagazine.com

Ah yes found. So, one of the best places to find stuff is at the library. What with kids everywhere and an abundnt supply of free golf pencils and scrap paper.




I was rewarded in the first couple of days at work. From the lost and found came a book that had been in there for months and was about to be chucked. A great scrap book with tons of drawings. There were some random phone numbers, an email address, and a post office box address. I am hoping to track down the owner.

Since then, i have found a number of notes, letters, and pictures. Soon they shall be sent in to found and perhaps you can check them out there. It has gotten to a point that one of my co-workers refers to it as my collection. "Oh, i saw this great note that would be perfect for your collection," she tells me.

Sadly, I havent found the best found item ever. Cold hard cash. oh yes my friends, you wouldnt believe the stuff people use as book marks.



Pt2
So as I am returning the delivery of books that appear at the library every morning (like magic!!) I notice a DVD. Praise Moves! Yes that's right. Yoga for Christians because, as my co-worker pointed out, "They will find a way to make anything fun a sin." See, Praise Moves isnt Christian Yoga it is the Christian Alternative to yoga. It seems that Praise Moves has decided that yoga is bad....bad! However, doing similar stretches while quoting scripture is okay! I wonder, if snorting coke off a hookers ass is bad, is snorting coke while reciting John 3:16 okay?

Pt3
I am going to Casa Bonita this weekend. I know I know...lucky.



I cant even begin to tell you how exciting it is to have a reason to go to the Bonita. My brother wanted to go a couple of years ago for his birthday and I said, bring it on baby! This sunday i shall be celebrating the independence of my bowels by eating myself some sugar beans. Mmmm mmm, i think i saw the cheese move!

So, hopefully someone in the party will get tanked and try to do the hi-dive. I shall have stories and until then...

happy humpday!

B

'Bout Time

What the fuck is wrong with me?? Not spending time with my blog? I am so sorry blog. You know I love you, it is just that I have been so busy. You know how much you mean to me blog. No, dont say that! You know I think you are beautiful. The other blog? Come on...that isnt fair. I am hardly ever posting over there. Plus, it is more of a community blog. No, it isnt that I like the group thing more then you...come on blog dont be like this. That's right blog...yes, of course. I love you too blog. Of course your mother can stay with us.......wait.


Okay~ So here is a photo of the library. Someone keeps putting peppermints in the bookdrop, as if to say, "Here librarians...enjoy this minty treat."



Of course, like my mom always said, dont take candy from strangers.
There are all kinds of crazy stories about what you may find in the book drop. I have heard about roaches, a birthday cake, and best of all, bombs! yay libraries!


There is this one kid who comes in, I have yet to see him, but he takes a mess of the Idiots' Guide to Blah books and stacks them randomly around the library. I took a photo of the second stack I found.



********


So, what else. Oh i quit the PC. That is a big thing. The chances of me getting punched in the face at a NAS show is much less likely now. Since i dont have a second job I am dreaming about opening the poke check, my very own hockey bar.

Speaking of opening things, my pals are about to open a shop...i cant tell details just yet, who knows if they me to blab about it all but I am very excited for them! I have always said I would work the register and i mean it! Ahh, I can hardly wait.

********

Quick shout out to my pals in Ely. I feel your pain. I wish you all the best and am very happy none of you have been run over by large trucks yet.

Alright, I have some wednesday afternoon slacking to do.

tweet tweet

Late Nite TV

Seriously...Benson? There is some kinda of Benson Marathon on tv. I loved Benson.

I did notice that the shot of the Gov. Mansion in Benson is the same as the house in the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Shocked shocked I was! I guess I expect too much from my sitcoms.

Really Now...

Am i really such a flake/crappy friend/douchebag? I had no idea that people thought so little of me/and or what is important to me. I guess I am just not communicating myself very well.

Bummer...

At least it is friday

B

Such Much

For Christs Sake...it has been so long that I dont even know where to start.

First off, I have a new insurance agent and i am thinking that she is the best thing since sliced bread. I am almost hoping that I have to file a claim just so that I can get some genuine help from her. Well, maybe not but I must say, if you are in the market for a new insurance agent let me know and I can pass her information along.

Second off....that isnt right huh? Anyway, we are hiring at my library and I am sitting in on the interviews. This means that I get to read through all the applications and man, some of them are doozies. Check out the objective that one prospect included, "I am seeknig a position that fulfills my need to work hard towards tangible objectives" Wow...that is all i can say you know?


Third of all (that really isnt right) I am a poet and i didnt even know it. You dont believe me? Perhaps the folks at poetry.com can set you straight. Yes, go there my friends and type in my godgiven name and you shall see the beauty that is...

Deep Ellum

Indebongu must fire solo
Alas, the kalers will not
Reoh just pulled down
and the com will clot
Sar Casm removes the pain
and the clue is found
Papa is looking for seams
And bravo against the clamp
chew with your skull cave
while remaining silent

Wow...that is just breathtaking right? According to the papers i got from the folks over at poetry.com, my poem was selected on the basis of "my unique talent and artistic vision." They feel that I have "a special talent" and they look forward to the publication of my poem in Immortal Verses. Oh snap, a published poet! Yes friends, birdy is really stepping up in the world.

The best part about all this is that I get to submit an artists profile to be published along side my poem. My profile can include my "motivations, the meaning poetry has in my life, the story behind my poem, or my personal philosophical point of view." Wanna help me? Post a comment and I shall send it in. Did i mention i could buy the book? Yes, yes of course I forgot that little bit.

The best part of the poetry thing is that while looking through the aforementioned job applications I came upon one that was, honestly, one of the worst i have ever seen (this is coming from the fowl who saw a vita that mentioned how the writers' parents read him archaeology books in utero, thus, he was an excellent archaeologist). Not only was it cheezy (Skills: Literature) the applicant mentioned a couple of places that he had been published, one being Sacred Words or Timeless Memories or some craptastic publication from the folks at poetry.com Ahh, nothing like feeling shame for some poor schmuck.

And with that, i must go.

Peas to you all

B

Goodnight Sweetheart Well It's Time to Go...ba dum ba dum...

I dont really have anything to say except that I cant sleep. I was so tired right after i got home but i watched a movie, did some other stuff, and tried to sleep but alas....nothing.

Sadly, for you readers out there, i have nothing to say either. Work, work is good. There is this crazy guy there who comes in almost every day. I call him Mr. Three Bags. He is on the computer the entire time, except for when he goes to the pay phone. He never puts money in, just pushes the buttons and proceeds to "leave messages" to guys like Ken Salazar. Talks about how, "you better listen to me" and "stop tampering with the internet." Something is about to break wide open it seems and this guy knows all about it. So, watch out everyone and dont say i didnt warn you.

Let see....

My father is coming into town. Lucky for me my brother and his wife and their kids as well as Sklimps and Q will be there to pry the butter knife out of my hand as I leap for his neck. I only have to get through one dinner with him and i plan to just drink a lot. So much that i am at that i love everyone stage. You know, the one right before you call all your ex's and leave drunk messages?

Hmmm....

Why cant i sleep?! Blarg....

How bout some pictures i like? okay...

This is a photo of Mike the Headless Chicken




This is a photo of the book i am reading and the CD in my car right now...





Um, here is the shirt i am wearing as we speak



This is what i am hoping to be doing very very soon...



no wait...i meant this...





Okay...i am off now. Good night to you all!

B

It Puts The Lotion In the Basket

Is that a bulge in your twine or are you just happy to see me?
What is the deal with the Avs? The second highest scoring team in the west is shut out for 6 1/2 periods only to give up three goals on stupid turnovers deep in their own zone?

I dont know, I guess I should be happy since i predicted them to fall apart against Dallas. How much is too much to expect from a team? That's the real question. Can you be happy that the Nuggets won their division, even though there were no other winning teams in the NW and even though they got spanked again in the first round? Can you be happy that the Broncos got to the AFC Championship game and then looked lost? Can you start celebrating since the Rockies are still 7 games above 500? If they still dont make the playoffs but dont come in dead last is that a good thing or just them finally doing what they should have been doing all along, fielding a competitive team?

Good questions that I am not nearly smart enough or stupid enough to answer...

Mano a mano
I was driving home from work this afternoon thinking about my hands. Someone once said to me, "your hands are so soft." I started feeling them up as i was in the car and i didnt think they felt especially soft. it got me to thinking, where are all these rough, cracked and dry handed women at? If my hands are something special because they are soft what the hell is wrong with the rest of the chicas out there. Are they not aware of this thing called lotion? May i recommend Kiss My Face or Burts Bees Milk and Honey Lotion, good stuff.

Sloppy kisses from the bird...

Security Rage

I am feeling better...better then cat puke that is for sure. The avs moved into the second round of the post season, despite my prediction. I am happy, still a little stunned, but very happy. In addition, the Red Wings lost to the Oilers, ending their post season in the first round, again. Now, I am not like most avs fans that hate the red wings just for the sake of hating them. I like Detroit because they are a good team and games against them are always good. That being said, it is always nice when an 8 seed upsets the Presidents Trophy Winners. Check out the Avalanche Forum for more fun hockey talk.


Two Minutes Hate

Q and i were sitting down to a nice late dinner at La Cocinita, my favorite mexican place for the moment. This isnt some chic downtown joint, this is a dodgy building near my house. The seating is strange, the cleanliness is questionable, and the food is very good.

Sparkling conversation is happening (as is always the case when I am around yuk yuk) when we notice three guys wearing bad sport coats standing near the door to the patio. They look completely out of place. I was thinking that at first they were bad politicians trying to eat at an authentic mexican place because of the rally that just happened. Then, Q notices that they are wearing ear pieces and seem to be talking into their sleeves. Security?! Awesome! That must mean someone "special" is near by!

They checked out the place, the bathroom, the kitchen...then went outside. Q saw some people head out that way but didnt see anyone he could put a name to. We ate our meals when they came, and continued to notice 6 different guys coming in and getting food to take outside. Obviously carying guns, looking like dweebs. How strange...at least 6 different security guys? Whoo hoo must be someone very special.

With six guys walking around you would think they would have noticed the kid wearing a SNIPER tshirt. SNIPER...DONT TRY TO RUN, YOU WILL JUST DIE TIRED. Nice shirt kid.

Q and i eat, pay our bill and head outside. I glance over on the patio and recognize no one. Hmm...strange. And out in the parking lot, just standing around chatting were our 6 security guys, plus 3 others. Adding those 9 to the three eating on the patio and you get...12

12 fucking guys with guns and ear pieces, one drinking a yoohoo and one talking on his cell phone! I tried to get Q to run them over just to see what would happen but he wasnt biting.

Seriously, you unnamed diner. Get a grip on yourself. Does the Prez even walk around with 12 gun-toting yoohoo drinkers?



happy wednesday

How are you feeling?

More then that though, i dont want to sound flippant.

While i feel horrible in my head and in my gut, i also feel like things can change.


Things = Bird


Happy Thursday to you

That Special Time of Year

Playoffs....

God I love hockey playoffs. There is nothing quite like it.

Even if you arent the least bit interested in sports or hockey specifically you should check out a couple playoff games. You hardly ever get a boring game, unlike the superbowl. I mean really, people plan big shindigs for the game and they get a contest like we had this year. Snoozefest.

Hockey though, nothing is as exciting as hockey.

If you watch, cheer on the avs, even though they wont move past those pesky stars (check out this link that Mr. Ohio put together...i think it says it all). Also, cheer on the oil, the senators (even though stinky hasek is their keeper), and the sabers (you gotta love buffalo right?).

Happy watching...

Bird

Dreaming These Dreams of You

First...a list of things I like about not working in Boulder, in Photo Form!!

#1

Instead of looking at this for an hour each morning:



I get to ride the bus, take the car, or ride my bike the 20 something blocks to my new job.

#2

While walking downtown for training I saw this:



A huge crane was moving this lightpost out of the ground. It was very neat and I stopped to watch.

#3

I saw this sign on a light post as I was headed to my library:



I wanted to take it for found but thought, what if the guy finds jordan?

#4

I saw this tucked under a bench by a homeless guy:



How strange.


#5

This is the view from the staff lounge where i am doing some training:



Not too shabby.


All these things, all so different then driving my sorry ass up to Boulder. It makes me happy I took this new job, even if it does mean some weekends and some evenings at work.



Dreams
A truck with topper pulled up to the gas station pumps. An older gentleman wearing a twisted, roughed up straw cowboy hat got out of the passenger side. Moving slowly like old cowboys do. He ambles to the back of the truck, opened the gate and let out a mess of dogs. Two by two they jumped out until there were nearly 15 butts being sniffed. The last dog out was as big as a cow...bigger even. He had a misshapen head, long black mane like a horse. This dog wasnt just big, he was long. Long long long! I sat there, staring at the animal, trying to figure out what looked familiar about it. "Oh, that's it," I thought, "he looks like a wiener dog." I spoke with the old cowboy, asked him what the animal was. "That's my dog, he is half wiener dog half horse." I ran up to the animal and asked him, "Does your back hurt?" He looked at me and rolled his dog/horse eyes, "Are you fucking serious?" He ran off to sniff butts and I paid for my gas and left.

Ohh....mmmm......

New job...new job new job. New job today.


What to wear...what to wear?


Hmm....new job....




brrrrrrrrmeow!


Tweet tweet

Funsies

Well, here is a link to my new most favoritest thing in the world....EVER.


How Much Is Inside?

You Luckies...

Insomnia and the curse of not sleeping in the bed I like the most has lead me to the blog. I promised some vacation photos and that is what you shall get.

Now...I have no digital camera (would love one however, and my birthday is coming up just so you know) so I have only uploaded phone photos for now. When my film photos arrive I shall scan and post them as well. For now, you shall have to make do.

First off...

My Feet!! How great are my feet eh? I love them the best. I painted them orange just for the trip.



Okay, Q and I spent some time in Albuquerque with his pal MD. MD and Q went to highschool together. Here they are in front of a pizza place, Q is on the right.



We also visited the Atomic Museum where i took this photo of a rocket. It was a nice little place, near the plaza and i suggest going.



Next~ the Very Large Array. I had been to the VLA about a year ago but had little time to stop and visit. I cant even tell you how amazing it is. The antennas are just ginormous. You can get up close to one and i spent about 20min just watching it move. This is gonna cast me as a complete geek but it was one of the coolest things I have seen. I think at one point i said I wanted to mount the antenna. I didnt, but only because I didnt want to get arrested. No camera photos of the VLA, but here is a snapshot i took in Feb. 2005.




Spent the night in Socorro, New Mexico. There, I hit Q in the face with a piece of meringue.


Actually, as we discussed, it is important that he gets the credit for this. I asked if I could throw it at him and he said yes. Can you believe that? However, Q's face is made of teflon and it bounced right off. My face is made of glue though because when he threw it back at me, it stuck...nice shot Q. We were soon asked to leave.

This brought us to Saturday, April 1st. The day when the Trinity Site is open to the public. One of only two days a year. Sadly, i left my phone in the car this day so i, as of yet, have no photos of the site. Bummer indeed. However, I can tell you of stories of crazy people who, despite many many warnings about picking stuff up off the ground, were seen walking around picking stuff up off the ground. I can tell you of people who, despite warnings about eating at the trinity site felt it necessary to stand as close as possible to Q while eating Round Puff Cheetos directly from the can. I can tell you of a crazy old man who told us that the radiation was mostly harmless and proceeded to lick what looked like a ball gag witb his liverspotty old tongue. Q has a photo of this and I can hardly wait to see it.

Sadly, until I get my film, this photo of a car shall have to do.



On to Alamogordo where I ate my first Blakes Lotaburger. Blakes has the best catch phrase ever...



Indeed. While in Alamogordo we stayed at the Satellite Inn. A nice place. Those rings light up different colors at night. It was very 60's.



Stopped at the Imax/Planetarium the first night to see a film, Magnificent Desolation: Walking On the Moon and check out a brief little star show. All in all, very nice. After the movie they were having a special talk and viewing of a movie called, Nukes In Space: The Rainbow Bombs. After being scolded for not having a ticket by some woman (B: but you have two tickets left, W: "yes, but you need a ticket" B: Okay, you have two tickets left right? W: "Yes but you need a ticket") we sat down, listened to the brief description of the story (nukes in space pretty much sums it up) and then got ready for the showing of the film. Things started out okay. Picture looked great...but then...what is that I hear? YES, only the background music can be heard. Have you ever watched a film with just the background music? I wouldnt recommened it. I spent a good deal of time making up dialogue in my head. "Oh, look at my rocket. Would you like to touch my rocket? See how long and straight my rocket is?" Needless to say, we left in the middle of the film.

The next morning we hit the Space History Museum where there were more rocket photos:





And a plaque of my favorite astronaut; Alan B Shepard Jr.



and favorite cosmonaut; Yuri Gagarin



Well...After Spending three days completely geeking out it was time for slacking. Off to Roswell. Home of, CORN DOG SEVEN!! Oh yumm...



These are some massive corn dogs. The biggest I have ever seen. They were very good...for corndogs that is. Those short squat thingys on the right are chunks of cheese dipped in corndog batter and fried. My heart exploded with one bite...(but it kinda looks like a colon explosion, if ya know what I mean)



Roswell is not just famous for their corndogs. Oh no...they are also known as the town that completely sold their soul for the almighty dollar!



Honestly, I have never seen a town go so overboard with a theme. I cant imagine how it must feel to be an old timer from Roswell, you know...pre-crazy alien stories.

****

There are many more exciting vacation stories, like the two birds I almost killed (on accident on accident!) and my continuing mispronunciation of Ruidoso. Alas, those shall have to wait for another day.

~Tweet Tweet~

Free Gift

I know you are all anxiously waiting for a blog about my recent vacation to the Trinity Site. I am sure you are all hoping that I have developed some kind of tumor or something so that later you can say, "Man, what were you thinkin?" But alas, it will have to wait until this weekend. I just uploaded my phone photos and was much too sick (cough cough) last night to blog. Perhaps I can entice you to come back with a teaser of all the things you shall see. Hmm...lets see; a rocket-and rockets are neato, some dirt-who doesnt like dirt?, a group of people standing in my way, a crazy old guy licking something that looks like a ball gag, my feet-very exciting, and much much more.

So, for now, please enjoy this not so amusing story about how I got a free gift from my bank.


I get home from the vacation and am perusing my mail (thanks Bone) when i see a WellsFargo letter with FREE GIFT! stamped on the front. I love this kinda crap because usually it is those stupid address tags with a huge B or some goofy design on them. Really, does anyone under the age of 50 use those? Anyway...I open it up and out falls a crisp one dollar bill. What the hey. Turns out WellsFargo wants me to fill out a survey and are bribing me with a dollar. Man, am I a sucker because you know I filled it out and popped it right back in the mailbox. I wondered how many people threw away their free gifts. Perhaps a reason to go into the garbage science eh?

I entered the bill at Where's George a very cool place where you can track your bills (both here and in Canada my Northern Brethren). We shall see where it takes us eh?

Also, a link to a site I pulled up randomly...I Hate Clowns. This is for my pal Cracker who is very very scared of clowns (something to do with a toy she got as a child). Alas, cracker is sans computer so she will never see this.

Enjoy


~Bird

You're Working Where?

I have a new job....as a librarian!

And, i get to go on vacation with the mister tomorrow.

And, i spent the last two days outside in the beautiful weather.

Could it get any better?


Love and Happiness,
Bird

Airport Fun

Where is my rage?

Happy Cesar Chavez day to all you folks in Texas, Arizona and Colorado (the only three states that really recognize it). Have yourself some grapes and speak some español why dont ya?

Some quick updates, i have dropped back to second in my hockey league but I must say, am still really happy. Only a couple more weeks until the final results. Cheer on Satan for me will you? Not that satan, this one.

Also, while finally cleaning out my car I found my license. What a pain in the ass...

~~~~
Sklimps returned from the airport yesterday and, like a good sister, i went to pick him up. Anyone who knows the Bird, knows that I love the airport-despite my unending hatred for the actual act of flying. If you need a ride to or from let me know and I will pick you up and all i will ask for is a lovely ~cheese~ gift from your destination. Anyway, when i pick someone up from the airport I like to park and go inside. It is easy enough to time it so that you only spend the $2 bucks for an hour of parking. Waiting for someone at the gate (or at DIA-that goofy piss inducing fountain) is the best.

The people watching at the aiport is the absolute cats meow (what the hey?). God, if I could I would just spend an afternoon watching people. Everyone is happy because they are on vacation, terribly sad because someone died, or annoyed because they are working and just trying to get to their job/return home. I spent most of my time watching two people while i was there yesterday. A man holding flowers waiting for someone. I was hoping to see them meet but I was distracted by a woman walking around the airport carrying 15 flower and heart shaped balloons (animal balloon style). She had a dog with her, i assume a seeing eye dog but she wasnt handicapped so I didnt get it. She was pacing back and forth, smacking people in the head with the balloons. It was good times.

Here is a photo I took while waiting.



And here at Baggage Claim #4
I have always wanted to ride one of these things...



My brother was telling me about his trip back. He said that they sent his carry-on through the x-ray machine three times at the SF airport. We couldnt figure out what the hell he had in there until he got home and pulled out this...



A frozen loaf of bread my sister told Sklimps to take with him. I am surprised that they didnt pull out the old rubber gloves if you know what I mean (and I think you do).

Alright...time to get out of here.

Have a great remaining monday and without knowing why wish me luck tomorrow.


~Tweet tweet

Hockey

I cant believe that I am first in my hockey league. I mean really, it makes me so happy after having languished in the last three spots in fantasy football.

Ahh...a nice ending to an almost perfect day.

They Say It's Your Birthday....

How strange is it that my mothers birthday is March 22nd and my fathers is the 23rd? They got married on the 22nd, most likely to make remembering the date easier. Just yesterday i blogged about my mothers birthday so I thought I would do the same for my father.

Now, many of you who have been reading my blog are somewhat familiar with my Father. If you havent read previous posts, do so here, here, and here.

Since you know him so well at this point I thought I would tell you a quick story about him. While my father and i have our issues, i must say that the old man has made my life more interesting.

My sister told me this story about pops. It is crazy similar to the time he tried to teach me to leap from a moving vehicle at the age of 7. SLD, who would have been 11 at the time, was riding in the front seat of the family car while three of my brothers and another sister were riding in the back. Dad told her that he felt like he was having a heart attack. Then, rather than pull over and stop the car, call for help, or head to the nearest hospital, he proceeds to tell her how to drive the manual vehicle if he should slump over at the wheel. "This is the clutch and this is the brake and this is the gas..." Needless to say SLD was more than a little frightened.

It turns out that my father was just fine. No heart attack, no slumping, just a flair for the dramatic. He is 71 today, and soon will be heading back to The Edge for the spring and summer.

You wont read this pops, but happy birthday.

~B

A photo of my dad and some of his pals when I was just a kid.

Emails

Something I found in my inbox this weekend. Highly amusing...

***
Jude morales

Morning noons painting


Butt crack panty nightmare

***

I love this stuff~

B

Lift A Glass to My Friends' Passing

I lost one of my most bestest friends today. I tried to save her, restore her life but that only seemed to make it worse. There were moments when it seemed as if there was a spark; a glimmer of something behind her cold eyes.

It was not to be however. Now, all i am left with is a shell. A shell and a 300 dollar paperweight.

I hate you Steve Jobs for taking my friend.

Such Much...

It has been so long, for a prolific blogger like me, and I have so much to share.

I had to get a new ID the other day. I sat at the DMV for 2.5 hours waiting for number 202. As I was reading my book, an older man sat down next to me. Graying hair and thin thin. I smile and next thing you know he is rocking and humming to himself. Well doesnt that just figure. I continue reading and notice he is reading over my shoulder. Man, one of these guys! Finally, they get to #199 so I close my book and await good old #202. The man next to me says, "You have a very pretty book there miss." "Why thank you, " I say, sounding confused. He runs his finger over the authors name, "Tolstoy..." and then bust out some kinda Russian Literature lecture on the difficulties of reading Tolstoy etc etc. Well slap my ass and call me Sally! It is kinda nice when looks can be deceiving.

After doing the whole photo, sign your name, you wanna be an organ donor thing I had to pee so bad that i risked a trip to the DMV toilet. It was scary and gross like i thought it would be, but the graffiti on the walls is what surprised me. I expected a lot of, "hell is like the dmv" kinda stuff. Instead as I hovered above the toilet i read a nice collection of political insights.

"I hate Bush. I dont hate him but he seems to be making mistakes. It doenst matter if you hate him or like him you have to vote to make a change. I think that the war in iraq is wrong. I think it is good."

And on and on and on. It was as good of a political discussion as I have heard in a while. There were some nuggets of truth and kindness in there, and not just the ones floating in the toilet.

All in all, not a bad trip to the DMV. At least it was interesting.

********

Happiest of all happy birthday wishes to my co-worker Thunderpussy. Toiling away in Farmington, she is braver then me. My reluctance to travel back to that town is, i believe, about to screw some of my satellite co-workers. I certainly didnt mean for that to happen. It is just a rumor right now but if it pans out, oh i do apologize. I owe you a beer when I see you next (oh Ely, I can hardly wait to hate you too).


Happy St. Patricks day to all. Read this article about the history of the holiday and amaze your friends while getting soused at your local bar.

Drive safe!


~Tweet tweet

Sha na na na, sha na na na na...

"Sha na na na, sha na na na na,
Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip
Mum mum mum mum mum mum
Get a job..."

****************************
I must say my pretties..i am rather down and out. I just lost my brand new spiffy ID. The one I took a day off of work to stand in a three hour line at the DMV for. The picture looked okay and sakes alive if I am not going to have to go get another. Serious bummer. I have never lost a wallet or id in my entire life. Blech. It just seems to cap off the perfect monday of nothing going right.


THIS PORTION OF THE BLOG WAS REMOVED BECAUSE IT WAS POINTED OUT TO BIRD THAT IT WAS PERHAPS AN UNWISE THING TO BLOG ABOUT AND BIRD WENT, "OH YES, OF COURSE..." AND PROMPTLY DELETED IT. WELL, ACTUALLY BIRD DIDNT BUT Q DID AND FOR THAT, SHE THANKS HIM.

TO MAKE UP FOR THE LOSS OF THE BLOG WHICH, I THOUGHT WAS PRETTY GOOD FOR ONCE, HERE IS A FILTHY STORY FROM MY PAST.

My parents are divorced, like so many of you out there I imagine. One day, I was supposed to call my mom to plan a weekend with her. I had been spending time with my pals which meant that I had been cursing like a mo-fo. My mom never really knew I had a mouth. She would have been so upset, I mean, this is a woman who thinks fart is a dirty word. I remember my brother sklimps and i taunting her by saying "fart fart fart" over and over again. Anyway, I headed on over to the nearest pay phone, dropped in my two dimes and got her machine. Obviously still in friend mode I busted out the following message, "Hey mom, just calling to tell you what the fuck was going on...oh shit! Jesus Christ!" and i hung up.

Ohh...man I knew i was in trouble. The next day she called me back and didnt say a word, just "I got your message." I could tell she was making the "Im so disappointed in you" face over the phone. How isnt parents know that is the best form of punishment. I felt like an ass. Today, even as a adult (no snickering) i still try and temper the mouth around her. Sometimes I slip and blurt out "shit" and she will look at me and say "watch your language!" Ahh, moms.



So, there you go...a new blog to go along with my new paper temporary ID. I shall enthrall you all with DMV stories later. Something to look forward to.


Peace
~Bird

Brush With Crazy

Everyday in my life is a brush with crazy...

but today, today was different.


Mario and I were walking back from the Chipotle after lunch, headed back to the big ol' pie wedge. As we were staggering back, I noticed a nice looking older woman in front of us. She was still ~200 feet away when she kind of stopped and moved to the edge of the sidewalk. She was wearing a coat/poncho a hat, gloves, and a scarf. She looked pleasent, clean, and sober.

As mario and i draw closer she leans into our path and looks at me. "Have fun spying on Americans," she says, "I was watching you do it earlier." And with that, she passes us and continues walking.

Sure, there are crazy people everywhere but this lady looked normal. She looked like my history advisor in college. Sweet and nice. I spent 15min trying to figure out what i had done wrong.

I guess crazy comes in all kinds of skin.

peace~
B

Back in Black

I have returned from Farmington and boy are my arms tired....ba dum dum-p-ching!


***chirp chirp***



See what New Mexico has done to me?


In addition to being very excited that I am at home, I filed my taxes and finally, after three years of taking it up the arse, i am getting something back.

Whew...


Hope your monday is treating you well too...

B

She'll Be Comin 'Round the Mountain When She Comes...

There is porn in my hotel room. Not just one channel, three channels. It wasnt there the night before last; three channels of porn isnt something you forget about.

I didnt watch much (really being alone and watching tons of porn in farmington is just sad) but i did see just enough to again wonder why all men in porns are ugly. Mullets and bad teeth. If they arent ugly they are all the same kind of "attractive." Men with no body hair, greased up, big chests and a short cropped hair cut. They make faces like WWF wrestlers while having sex. They are frat guys without their stripey button up shirts and they are the complete opposite of attractive to me. Where are the nerdy, somewhat geeky pornstars? Where is the Ed Norton of skin flicks?


The other exciting news is that Birdy is coming home to roost. Not really understanding the complete meaning of the phrase, I cant tell you if it is a good thing or a vaguely threatening thing. Either way it is happening...this friday and I must say, I can hardly wait.


tweet tweet

The Sights...

Just a quick look at life in Farmington:
Note-all these photos were taken with my phone...


After running out of oil and gas wells, they stuck me on tracing feature maps.






After eight hours of that i was ready for a rest. I headed to Shiprock.
Why you ask? To see the rock that looks like a ship of course.






From there I headed to the Four Corners. I had been before but it was still as thrilling as i remember. Can you feel the sarcasam? Seriously, this place was so dead.




Also, i like these mirrors in case you are thinking about buying me something.



Sunday, Thunderpussy and I headed over to Chaco Canyon for a hike. Chaco, as you may or may not know, is a true mystery of the archaeological world. I really cant do it justice here but check out the Chaco Culture National Historic Park website for more information.

TP, and Seamus (her lovely pup) and i had a great hike on the 5.4 mile Pueblo Alto loop (highly recomended as there was hardly anyone around).







The trail takes you on top of the mesa above the sites, like Pueblo Bonito and Chetro Ketl, pictured here.



On top of the mesa you get to see Chacoan roads, ladders, pecked basins etc. You also get to see Pueblo Alto and New Alto. New Alto was, as the name suggests, newer.







Chaco has a lot of pottery and lithics lying around still. Before you hike on any trail you have to fill out a permit that provides the NPS with all your personal information. This is to prevent collecting of these artifacts. It seems to work. I was very pleased to see how many people had found neato pottery sherds and had just placed them on the roomblocks for others to see rather then placing them in their pockets. Very nice...

I took a couple of photos of myself but this is how they turned out...




yikes...anyone else seen The Omen?



Whelp...there you go kiddos. My weekend in Farmington.

Back to work today where my hopes of going into the field were dashed and instead i resigned myself to filling out excel spreadsheets. I leave this friday.


Peace-
B